"Dude, You're Irresponsible"

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Dude, You're Irresponsible" (The Ramsey Show Highlights, September 1, 2025)

Episode Overview

This episode tackles a call-in from a concerned wife whose husband left his job to attend college for software engineering, leaving their family of five financially strained and reliant on food stamps. The hosts, featuring Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delony, dive deep into the realities of education, responsibility, the myth of college as a guaranteed path to success, and offer strong advice on balancing work, family, and aspirations.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Is College Necessary for Software Engineering?

• Dave Ramsey questions the necessity of a four-year degree:
  • "Why would he be in college for that? Last place I would go to learn software engineering." (00:22)
  • Ramsey and Delony share that at Ramsey Solutions, out of 300 software engineers, almost none have a four-year degree. Most went to code school.
• Alternative pathways:
  • "A few people that do cybersecurity...go get a four year degree...But to be a software engineer, you don’t need a four-year degree." (00:41)

2. Facing Financial Instability

• The wife (caller) expresses fear and vulnerability:
  • "I'm just like super scared out of my mind." (01:11)
  • She feels unqualified for better-paying work.
• Delony directly refutes her belief:
  • "Disagree with you wholeheartedly on that assessment." (01:26)

3. Challenging Common Narratives About Education

• Ramsey addresses the misconception that education is a golden ticket:
  • "The idea that a degree is a ticket into a club called success...that’s the old thing from the 50s and 60s...not true." (01:30)
• The hosts emphasize that tools, skills, and hard work matter more than degrees.

4. Responsibility and Providing for Family

• The husband is attending university full-time and unemployed; the family relies on a 529 account for education and food stamps for living expenses.
• Delony pushes hard on responsibility:
  • "You don't get to put your kids, the three kids, on food stamps so you can go get a degree. Wrong answer." (03:27)
  • "You are right to be terrified because your husband's cashed out on your family right now..." (03:50)
• Both hosts share personal stories of working multiple jobs and studying late into the night to provide for their families and build futures.

5. The Hosts’ Prescriptive Advice:

• Work and Study:
  • "He can go to code school while he works a full time job or 2 full time jobs or 3." (03:42)
• Sacrifice and Work Ethic:
  • "You go get a job and you feed your freaking kids first before we talk about your dreams, okay?" (04:16, Ramsey)
  • Writing books/dissertations from 10 PM to 2 AM while maintaining jobs is offered as an example of necessary sacrifice.
• Plan Quality:
  • "There's so much wrong with your plan that it's unbelievable." (05:06, Ramsey)
  • "I think the problem is it's not her plan." (05:29, Delony)

6. Alternative Educational Resources

• Bethel Tech and Other Code Schools:
  • Mentioned as practical, cost-effective avenues: "Bethel Tech's got programs." (05:52)
  • "You can go out and get a [coding] certificate and make a whole lot more than you would as a customer service rep." (06:02, Ramsey)

7. Career and Earning Potential Without a Degree

• "Just because you don't have a degree doesn't mean you have to make minimum wage. That’s absolute bullcrap." (07:11, Delony)
• "Target, if you just show up and breathe and bathe, will pay you $20 [an hour]." (07:27, Ramsey)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Responsibility:

  • "You don't get to put your kids on food stamps so you can go get a degree. Wrong answer." (03:27, Ramsey)
  • "Dude, you're irresponsible. There you go, I just said it." (04:06, Ramsey)

• On Work Ethic:

  • "I worked a full time job as a dean of students…I was a full time doctoral student." (03:08, Delony)
  • "You go get a job and you feed your freaking kids first before we talk about your dreams, okay?" (04:16, Ramsey)

• On College and Earning Power:

  • "Just because you don’t have a degree doesn’t mean you have to make minimum wage. That's absolute bullcrap." (07:11, Delony)
  • "I mean, software—go to code school and write enough code to make a whole lot more than you would as a customer service rep." (06:06, Ramsey)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:22 – Questioning the need for a degree in software engineering
• 01:11–01:26 – Caller’s fears and hosts’ challenge to minimum wage assumptions
• 01:30–02:05 – Deconstructing the college = success myth
• 03:08–03:27 – Delony’s personal account of juggling work, study, and family
• 04:06 – "Dude, you're irresponsible" direct message
• 04:16–05:06 – The primacy of providing for family over personal dreams; stories of sacrifice
• 05:52 – Alternative pathways: Code schools and Bethel Tech
• 06:06 – Realistic earning potential and promotion through coding
• 07:11–07:27 – The truth about minimum wage vs. actual wages at large retailers

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Tone and Approach

The hosts employ a direct, occasionally blunt tone—emphasizing tough love, personal accountability, and realism about the relationship between education, dreams, and the responsibility to family. They share personal sacrifices and reject the notion of guaranteed success via a degree.

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For listeners seeking clear, actionable advice on balancing education, career changes, and family responsibilities—especially in the tech field—this episode provides tough, practical guidance, challenging common assumptions and highlighting the value of both hard work and alternative career pathways.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

So I'm wondering how we can apply the baby steps and get my husband through college.

[A]

What's he taking?

[B]

So he's going into software engineering.

[A]

Okay. And why would he be in college for that? Last place I would go to learn software engineering.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah really. I got a whole bunch of them, like 300 of them that work here. I have 300 of them that work here. They went to code school.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

They didn't go get a four year degree. The number of them that have four year information systems degrees, almost zero. Now a few people that do cyber security stuff at a real high level go get a four year degree. But to be a software engineer you don't need a four year degree. Matter of fact it's a lot of it that what you take is a waste. So why is he doing that?

[B]

The best thing I've heard in a long time.

[C]

What she said. She's, she's crying.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

It's good. Why are you crying, hun?

[B]

Oh, I'm just like super scared out of my mind.

[C]

What are you scared about?

[B]

My husband is trying very hard to support our family. We have three kids and I have no education to warrant more than minimum wage.

[C]

Disagree with you wholeheartedly on that assessment.

[A]

Education does not give you anything to warrant anything. All it does is give you tools to do a job. But this idea that you've got, the idea that a degree is a ticket into a club that you're not worthy to belong to called success and that's not true. There's very little correlation to that. That's the old thing from the 50s and 60s where they sold everybody to go into college loan debt because if you don't get a degree you're never going to be anything. And not true. So what is he doing now?

[B]

He's attending university. That's it.

[A]

So he's in school full time?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And doesn't work?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

How are y' all eating?

[B]

We have access to a 529 account that has $30,000 in it for us to use towards education.

[A]

Yeah. And that's how he's paying for his tuition. How are you buying food?

[B]

A food stamps?

[C]

Yeah. You're not scared about. Yeah, geez man. You're scared because your husband's not working for.

[A]

He quit his job.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

What was he doing before he quit?

[B]

He was working at a customer service representative.

[C]

All right, let me just. I'm gonna, I'm gonna be as bold and as I can. I worked a full time job as a dean of students. I also was an adjunct professor at two different universities.

[B]

And.

[C]

And I ran around with police officers. Police officers in the middle of the night. And I was a full time doctoral student.

[A]

Why?

[C]

Because I had a family to provide for and I had dreams of things being different in the future. And that meant I couldn't just cash out on my responsibility to take care of my family. He can't either.

[A]

You don't get to put your kids, the three kids on food stamps so you can go get a degree. Wrong answer.

[C]

No, he needs to go to work and he needs to stay up all night doing. Doing his assignments at his coding school that have. You have 30,000 bucks that will cover the cost.

[A]

You can go. He can go to code school while he works a full time job or 2 full time jobs or 3.

[C]

You are right to be terrified because your husband's cashed out on your family right now. You and the three little kids. And I would tell him that if he was sitting right in front of me, okay?

[A]

Extremely irresponsible.

[B]

Tell him that when play this clip.

[C]

Back to him, have him call us.

[A]

Dude, you're irresponsible. There you go. I just said it.

[C]

Here's how it has to start, honey. You have to see. You have to sit down and say, I'm scared to death.

[A]

It's not. But listen, it's not a dream he's living. It's a nightmare. Okay? Your primary focus on this planet is not to self actualize and feel good. And I want to live my dream. I will live my passion. So cry me a wambulance. Wah. Seriously, you go get a job and you feed your freaking kids first before we talk about your dreams, okay? And then you work 16 hours a day and make sure everybody's taken care of. And then in the middle of the night, I wrote the book financial peace. From 10pm to 2am is when that book was written.

[C]

And that's when I wrote my dissertation for. At 10pm till 2am till your face falls asleep on the keyboard.

[A]

Yeah. You get up and I little babies upstairs asleep and a wife upstairs asleep. And I would get three or four hours of sleep and I would get up the next morning and go to oh work while I was building my dream of financial peace. So no, this is, this is a bad plan, darling. A bad plan. There's so much wrong with your plan that it's unbelievable.

[C]

I think the problem is it's not her plan.

[A]

I know. I said I'm his plan. I'm sorry. His plan. So. Okay, look, number one, let's just start with the fact you don't need a four year degree to be a software engineer. Right there. Okay, that. That's just shortcut. Hey, that gets. It's a shortened the. The on ramp and you've got a.

[C]

529 with 30 grand. Grand in it. You paid for it. There you go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Bethel. Is that the people?

[C]

Bethel Tech's got programs.

[A]

Bethel Tech has programs for the. I don't know if they're still an advertiser. They advertise with us for a while, but they're good people with them. Yeah, they do a good job teaching coding. We've sent people from Ramsey there to be taught coding. And so you can become a software engineer. You start out dev1. You work. Keep doing, Keep working your search and you get to dev 2, dev 3. Dev threes will make a couple hundred grand right now. Okay, maybe a little more, but. And if you want to move all the way into cybersecurity, you probably get up to a half million. But. But you got. That's. That's a different level. But you can go out and get a software degree. That's much more than better. I mean, software. Go to code school and write enough code to make a whole lot more than you would as a customer service rep.

[C]

But you don't cash out on your family to do it. To do it. You do that. And that's just part of being a.

[A]

I just want to do my dream. You don't want to smack your dream. You turn into a nightmare for everybody else. Oh, God.

[C]

And then your crying wife has to call us and say, help, please.

[A]

Yeah, that's how you tell him. You play this back. It won't be pleasant for him. It's okay. We're in the business of telling people the truth because we love them and we want you to win. We want him to succeed. We want you to succeed.

[C]

Let's lean on this, too. Just because you don't have a degree.

[A]

Doesn'T mean you don't have to make minimum wage. That's absolute bullcrap.

[C]

Make minimum wage. It's not true.

[A]

Well, crap.

[C]

And it may be that you got to get a minimum wage job to get money in the door right this second. But you're looking all the time after that job. And you're going to find yourself.

[A]

Minimum wage is seven and a quarter target. If you just show up and breathe and bathe will pay you $20. Okay, that's how. That's the qualifications to work at Target. I don't think that's Bathe and breathe. That's it. You make 20 bucks an hour and minimum wage is seven and a quarter. So no, you're not minimum wage. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.