← The Ramsey Show Highlights
Loading summary
Transcript25 lines
- [00:03]
A
Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.
- [00:07]
B
I've been struggling for a while now in my current relationship with my girlfriend. I'm just trying to figure out whether I should stay with her or not. And a lot, most of it has to do with our differences financially.
- [00:26]
A
How old are you guys?
- [00:28]
B
So I'm 48 and she's 44. We've been dating for about five years and it's kind of at the point to where this is either going to be it or it isn't, you know?
- [00:41]
A
Yeah, that's a long time to paint or get off the ladder. Right? Huh.
- [00:46]
C
So what's the difference in financial values here?
- [00:50]
B
Well, I'm a small business owner and I think I do pretty well. And she's, I don't know, I'm more goal oriented, money driven, success driven than she is. And she really doesn't have a whole lot financially or like possession wise and things like that. And sometimes I just feel like I would rather date someone that has a solid career path, you know, makes a good, good salary, someone that's more focused on their career and money. But on the other hand, we get along. I mean, she is just, she's an amazing woman. She's the best girl that I've ever dated in my life.
- [01:37]
C
So are you wanting someone who has the same level of drive you do?
- [01:43]
B
Well, maybe not drive, but just someone that's, that's closer to me financially, you know.
- [01:50]
C
So you think there's a disparity between what the. How hard you've worked to build your wealth and success and how little she cares to do that for herself?
- [01:59]
B
Yeah, something like that. And I guess it's also, you know, it's, I'm afraid, not afraid, but just being the breadwinner and I don't know, it's. It's a little difficult to explain, but I just, I wish that she had more money and she had a better job, you know, that's, that's pretty much.
- [02:16]
C
What is she making?
- [02:18]
B
She makes about 60 a year.
- [02:21]
C
That's a solid income.
- [02:23]
B
And I'm. Well, see, that's the thing because if we combined our finances, I think we would do okay. I make between 80 and 90 a year and she makes about 60. So we would bring in around 140 combined, you know, and we've been talking about moving in together and things like that. But you know, the money thing just kind of is what's been holding me back.
- [02:47]
C
I don't see any crazy red flags so far. Is she in crippling debt that she refuses to get out of. She has spending problems.
- [02:53]
B
No, she. No, she's very frugal. She's a single mom. She raised her son pretty much on her own with help of from her family. But she's a single mom, she's very frugal, she's independent, she has no debt. I mean, she might have like a one or $2,000 credit card. She rents her house and her car's paid for.
- [03:15]
C
I mean, you guys are going to build wealth together and you'll accumulate more assets and you'll have a paid for house together. And so I wouldn't judge this just based off of, well, she's not coming to the table with enough assets for me to move forward. You know, I would need a little more ammo than that to end this relationship. And it's not like you make 400,000 and she makes 30. And so the disparity is not as big as I think you think it is. It feels more emotional that you're worried you'll resent her and not respect her going down the line.
- [03:46]
B
Yeah, something like that. And also I struggle a little bit because I grew up in poverty, you know, so I've had this inborn fear of poverty my entire life and that's why I saved so much. And I guess sometimes I think, what if the bottom fell out of my business and I didn't? I lost my money. Could I count on her to support us? I know that doesn't really make sense, but sometimes that's how I think, you know.
- [04:24]
A
Well, I'm not hearing any huge fireworks going off in terms of something, some kind of bad warning here. This sounds like a lady who's rolled up her sleeves, raised a kid by herself and has pulled off life pretty well. You know, maybe she's not quite kept up with you, but it's not like you make a million dollars a year and she makes 10,000 or something. I mean, this is not some huge disparity. It's fairly minor, I guess her older. But here's the big question is not how much money she has or how much money she makes. That part that shouldn't even really be in the discussion. What should be in the discussion is do you respect her character, her work ethic, do you respect her intellect and what she can add to the equation. And if you don't respect someone, then it's very difficult to love them and they go together. And so long term, real lengthy 25, 35 year marriage, 50 year marriage, love type stuff. Okay. If you think she's deficit the whole time, that's probably not going to end up being there. And so. But it's not based on her income and it's not based on that. Actually, the things her story that you described to me, I think she's pretty incredible. So. But you know, you got to think that it's not me, I'm not marrying her. So I got pretty incredible already. I've already got that covered about 44 years ago. So. But yeah, that's what I'd be looking at. It sounds, you know, probably a good opportunity for some good pre marriage counseling to sit down with a good marriage counselor and get this stuff out on the table and those fears out there kind of comb through it a little bit, that kind of thing. And you know, the other thing that might help too, you kind of, you kind of brought up your poverty past. Let me send you a copy of Rachel Cruz's book, Know yourself, Know your Money. It talks about your family of origin and how it affects your view on money. Her family of origin, how it affects her view on money, even her story. And it affects her view on money and how she gets got to where she is and you guys get, you know, give you some jumping off points to understand each other a little bit better before you make the final decision on marriage or on breakup, either one. And you know, that's, that's definitely where I would go with that. So. Hey, thanks for the call. We appreciate you joining us. Open phones here at Triple 882-5-5225. So, George, one of the biggest, big things we get, and I think that Know Yourself, Know youw Money book is helpful for that is with couples that are dating trying to figure out if they're a match. And money is a good thing for that. Not because money's important, but because money reveals a lot about your character. It reveals a lot about your dreams, it reveals a lot about your fears. It reveals a lot. Jesus said your treasure is where your heart is. And so how you handle money, the way you look at money, what you're trying to get from money, all say a lot about you. And so it's a great way to get to know someone in a relationship like that is to, you know, to study their money habits. Because as Dr. John DeLoney says, behavior is a language.
- [07:35]
B
Yeah.
- [07:36]
C
And if the values are there, then you can survive it. You'll have a nerd and a free spirit, a spender and a saver. But if the values are there at the, at a foothold and foundation, you can survive the relationship. And so that's an important thing to look into is, hey, do I value living a debt free life? If not, you're probably going to be broke for a long time.
- [07:54]
A
You know, that's a good point. I looking back on it, we didn't mean to do this. We weren't sophisticated enough to do it when we were dating and getting married. But Sharon and I accidentally got married with having two extremely different families. But both families put a heavy emphasis on hard work and work ethic, work ethic, common sense. And so neither Sharon nor I have much use for somebody that won't know. Consequently, we team up on that a lot. Like Sheeny says, you need to go.
- [08:25]
C
To work and Dave does it.
- [08:27]
A
Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.