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Dave Ramsey
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Connie
I'Ve been with my boyfriend. I've been with a man for four years now. He's 17 years older than I am. And it's been quite emotionally abusive. And I'm trying to leave, but I have $23,000 in debt. I only really count $6,000 of debt because 17 of it is car, which I'm. I feel like y'all are going to tell me to get rid of it, but I don't want to. I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate, like paying off this $6,000 because it's affecting me of getting. It's affecting me from getting a place of my own right now. And I have a bonus from work coming up and I'm just like, I don't know how to navigate.
Dave Ramsey
How old are you?
Connie
I'm 27.
Dave Ramsey
And how much money do you make, Connie?
Connie
I make 2,400amonth.
Dave Ramsey
Doing what?
Connie
I work for a very, very large health insurance company as a customer advocate.
Dave Ramsey
And so you work 40 hours?
Connie
Yes.
Ken Coleman
Do you have any kind of education or training?
Connie
No.
Dave Ramsey
Okay, well, you're a high school graduate?
Connie
Yes.
Dave Ramsey
No. College?
Connie
No.
Dave Ramsey
Okay.
Ken Coleman
All right, I'm going to jump in quick because there's some money stuff that Dave's going to get to. But I want to tell you, one of the strategies here you've got to be thinking about quickly is raising your income.
Dave Ramsey
Yeah.
Ken Coleman
How do you take the skill set that you have? You're at a big time health care company, so you're in the building. How can you move up within the building? What skill sets can you add without going to college? What other types of work can you do to where we can get that income up by a minimum of, I want to say 25 to 50% is your goal. You need more income. You just don't have much to work with.
Dave Ramsey
You're making $15 an hour.
Ken Coleman
It's not good.
Dave Ramsey
And you know the going rates 20 at Target.
Connie
Well, I technically make like 1975 before taxes.
Dave Ramsey
Okay, so the 2400 take home?
Connie
Yeah, yeah. I live like two hours from Dallas, so it's like pretty good for here.
Dave Ramsey
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Connie
My dad lives in a motel about an hour away and my mom lives in Missouri and she lives off the government, so she's not very.
Dave Ramsey
Okay. Are you plugged into a church there in your community?
Connie
Yes.
Dave Ramsey
Okay. All right. I want you to go sit down with a pastor in the next three days and ask them for some help to get you out of there.
Connie
Okay?
Dave Ramsey
And that's not to pay off your debt. I think we need to do two things. We need to. You may need to move to a more metro area where you can get a better job. And. But. But you can't stay there. You can't stay there another another two weeks. I want you out of that house.
Connie
Okay.
Dave Ramsey
Okay. Did not you. Stop. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't hear me? You did. You just. You just drove right past that. And I saw you. I saw your brake lights as you went around the corner. Okay? I'm telling you, you've been putting this off. And you know, the situation that you're in is evil and wrong, and you need to leave. Do you hear me, daughter?
Connie
Yes.
Dave Ramsey
Get out of there now and don't talk to me about. I'm going to trade my safety and my mental health for a freaking car. Get in the car and drive to Dallas and get a job. Get in the car and talk to your pastor this week and get some help to get out of this situation because he has stolen your confidence.
Connie
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
Dave Ramsey
Almost like I've done this before, haven't I?
Connie
Yeah.
Dave Ramsey
Okay. Your dad's in a hotel. Your mom's on government. So you got nobody in your corner that's telling you you're a champion. And I'm telling you you're a champion and you deserve better than you're getting.
Connie
Okay?
Dave Ramsey
Okay. You've never seen anybody in your family win, and you're going to be the first one that goes and wins. You're going to go do something. Okay? I want to hear. I want to hear a hero story about you from you six months from today that you're making 25, $30 an hour. You're standing alone with your shoulders square and your chest stuck out with pride, and the debt is gone. You're getting control of your life. Okay?
Connie
Okay.
Dave Ramsey
You can't sit in this cesspool anymore. You're sitting in sewage. Do you smell it? Yeah, I smell it from over here.
Connie
Yeah.
Ken Coleman
You don't need this guy to win. You don't need him. And he's become this weird support system for you that he's abused and manipulated. So you got to make a clean break. I'm with Dave. Clean break.
Dave Ramsey
Yeah. Go. Go see a pastor in the neighborhood right now. And a loving pastor at a good church in your neighborhood will take care of you, honey. And they'll get you set up and get you put. Get you out of there, and then help you get the next steps into a better position. Making more money work. I want you working more than 40 hours, and I want you making $25, $30 an hour. And you can clean up this mess, and you can create a sustainable life. Stand alone on your own. You are a warrior princess, and it's time you act like it. It's time you go be the champion God designed you to be right now. And this has got to change, kid. And it's not going to change until you change it. It's not going to change until you believe what I'm telling you is to be true, that you are worth being treated well. You're worth it. And so you need to go get yourself in a position where everyone that looks at you says, this woman demands that I treat her well. She's a warrior princess, and she won't tolerate anything else. And that's who you're becoming as I speak right now. That's who you're becoming, and you've got to go do that, and you got to go do it now. You hang on. Christian will pick up, and we'll find out the little town that you're in and see if we've got some connections there with some local pastors, and we'll help you get connected with one of them and get some people in your corner that aren't the kind that you currently have in your corner. You need a different. You need a different crew, kiddo. Wow. What a mess. Open phones here at Triple 882-5-5225. Ken, it is Hokey as it can be, but this idea of what you believe matters more than the actual reality.
Ken Coleman
Yeah.
Dave Ramsey
Because you end up creating your reality is what you believe.
Ken Coleman
Yeah.
Dave Ramsey
And if you believe that you're not worthy, then all of a sudden, you're not worthy. Yeah. When you start to believe you're worthy, then you become worthy.
Ken Coleman
Yeah. You know, thoughts are very powerful, and our brain goes and finds evidence to give truth to these thoughts. So changing your mind is a huge part of changing your life. You hate to see this out of destruction. Her parents and that poor girl. You just got to believe that she's worth it.
Dave Ramsey
Yeah. Amen. The best ID theft protection is from Xander. They not only monitor, they help you get your life back. Go to Xander.com to learn more.
Podcast Summary: "Get Out Of There Now! Do You Hear Me?"
Episode Details:
Overview: In this emotionally charged episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, host Dave Ramsey and co-host Ken Coleman provide urgent and heartfelt advice to Connie, a 27-year-old woman trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship. The discussion delves deep into the challenges Connie faces, both financially and personally, and offers actionable steps to help her regain control of her life.
Personal Struggles: Connie reaches out to the show detailing her four-year relationship with a man 17 years her senior, which has become emotionally abusive. She expresses her desire to leave the relationship but feels constrained by financial burdens.
Financial Situation:
Connie's Concern: Connie is struggling to manage her debt, especially the $6,000 that she acknowledges as impactful on her plans to secure independent housing. She mentions an upcoming work bonus but is uncertain how to utilize it effectively.
Dave Ramsey's Inquiries: Dave Ramsey probes into Connie's financial and educational background to better understand her situation.
Ken Coleman's Intervention: Ken Coleman emphasizes the necessity of increasing Connie's income as a primary strategy to alleviate her financial strain.
Key Quote:
Ken Coleman [01:21]: "You need more income. You just don't have much to work with."
Raising Income: Ken Coleman suggests exploring avenues within her current employment to ascend the career ladder without pursuing additional education. This includes:
Living Expenses: Connie mentions that living two hours from Dallas offers her a relatively good standard of living, albeit still constrained by her financial obligations.
Dave Ramsey's Emotional Appeal: Dave Ramsey admonishes Connie to take immediate action to leave her abusive environment, prioritizing her mental and physical well-being over financial assets like her car.
Notable Quotes:
Dave Ramsey [03:24]: "Get out of there now and don't talk to me about trading your safety and your mental health for a freaking car."
Dave Ramsey [04:06]: "You are a warrior princess, and it's time you act like it."
Role of Community Support: Dave urges Connie to connect with a local pastor to seek support and guidance, highlighting the importance of a strong, nurturing support system.
Building Self-Worth: Both Ramsey and Coleman focus on reinforcing Connie's self-worth, encouraging her to believe in her ability to overcome her current circumstances.
Ken Coleman's Insight:
Ken Coleman [07:44]: "What you believe matters more than the actual reality."
Visualizing Success: Dave Ramsey inspires Connie to envision a future where she has eliminated her debt, secured a better-paying job, and stands proudly as an independent individual.
Key Motivations:
Immediate Actions:
Community and Network Support: Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman commit to helping Connie connect with local pastors and supportive individuals who can aid in her transition to a safer and more stable life.
Final Motivational Push: Dave Ramsey wraps up the discussion with a powerful affirmation of Connie's potential to transform her life, urging her to take decisive action and embrace her role as a "warrior princess."
Closing Quote:
Dave Ramsey [07:58]: "If you believe that you're not worthy, then all of a sudden, you're not worthy. Yeah. When you start to believe you're worthy, then you become worthy."
Conclusion: This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights serves as a poignant reminder of the intersection between financial stability and personal well-being. Through Connie's story, Dave Ramsey and Ken Coleman illustrate the critical importance of addressing both economic and emotional challenges simultaneously. The advice given is not only practical but also deeply compassionate, emphasizing the need for immediate action, community support, and a steadfast belief in one's own worthiness and potential for success.
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