"Grandma Needs To Be Smacked"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "Grandma Needs To Be Smacked"

Release Date: May 12, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Duration: Approximately 8 minutes

In the compelling episode titled "Grandma Needs To Be Smacked," The Ramsey Show Highlights delves into the intricate dynamics of family financial obligations and cultural expectations. The discussion primarily revolves around Andrea, a listener facing a challenging situation where her family is requesting financial support despite her ongoing efforts to achieve financial stability.

1. Andrea’s Financial Predicament

Andrea shares her current struggle with balancing her commitment to baby step number two with her husband while dealing with unexpected financial requests from her family. Specifically, her brother has approached both her and her mother for a loan of $3,000 to support his struggling business.

• Andrea: "I just received a call today in the morning actually my brother and my mom asking me to borrow my brother three that will lend my brother $3,000... because he needs to pay stuff for his business." [00:06]

This request places Andrea in a difficult position, as lending money would hinder her progress toward financial independence.

2. Cultural Expectations and Financial Boundaries

The conversation shifts to the cultural differences influencing Andrea's family's financial expectations. Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, especially when cultural norms may clash with personal financial goals.

• Dave Ramsey: "In your culture, it is more normal for you to share with extended family than it is in an Anglo family... But in your culture, this is not quite as weird. Am I correct in saying that?" [04:00]

Andrea confirms that such financial interdependencies are more accepted in her cultural background, where it's customary to support extended family members even at personal financial costs.

3. Establishing Financial Independence and Boundaries

Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw advocate for Andrea to maintain her financial boundaries, stressing the significance of protecting her children's savings and overall financial well-being. They discuss the potential consequences of yielding to familial pressure, including strained relationships and compromised financial security.

• Dave Ramsey: "I think the answer is a hard no... But I still think the answer is a hard no." [04:29]

• Jade Warshaw: "I do too. Because I think all of us get to choose the things culturally that we continue on with or the things that we go... I think you can do that in a way that's not disrespectful, but it's just change." [04:32]

4. Managing Family Relationships Post-Decision

The episode explores the anticipated fallout from Andrea's decision to decline her family's financial requests. Andrea expresses concern over potential resentment from her brother and the possibility of her mother reacting negatively.

• Andrea: "He will try to talk to me like a way into it." [07:25]

• Jade Warshaw: "There’s not really a... There’s no consequence here other than adults choosing how they're going to behave next... And you get to keep your peace." [08:21]

Dave Ramsey reinforces the notion that setting firm boundaries is essential, even if it leads to temporary discomfort or strained relations.

• Dave Ramsey: "The answer is still, mom, I love you. I love him. That’s not in question. But this is my, this money set aside for my children. And the answer is going to be no no matter how long we talk." [07:53]

5. Conclusion and Final Advice

The show concludes with a reaffirmation of the importance of financial autonomy and the courage to uphold personal financial strategies despite familial and cultural pressures. Ramsey urges listeners to prioritize their financial health and the future of their children over external demands.

• Dave Ramsey: "Create your free EveryDollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life." [08:24]

Key Takeaways:

• Financial Boundaries: Establish and maintain clear financial boundaries to protect personal and familial financial goals.

• Cultural Sensitivity: Recognize and navigate cultural expectations that may conflict with personal financial plans.

• Communication: Approach difficult conversations with empathy but firmness to uphold financial commitments.

• Long-Term Planning: Prioritize long-term financial stability over short-term familial obligations.

This episode serves as a valuable resource for individuals grappling with similar familial financial pressures, offering practical advice on maintaining financial discipline and fostering healthy family relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Andrea: "I am in a really tricky situation... he needs to pay stuff for his business." [00:06]

• Dave Ramsey: "In your culture, it is more normal for you to share with extended family... But the answer is a hard no." [04:00]

• Jade Warshaw: "You get to keep your peace." [08:21]

• Andrea: "My brother, he's more like resentful... he's not going to talk to me." [06:34]

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This summary encapsulates the essence of the episode, highlighting the central conflict, cultural considerations, and the guidance provided by the hosts to navigate complex family financial dynamics.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Andrea]

I am in a really tricky situation. I am baby step number two with my husband and I just received a call today in the morning actually my brother and my mom asking me to borrow my brother three that will lend my brother $3,000. But my mom know about this noble and for what? For what? For his business. Because he needs to pay stuff for his business.

[Jade]

Why doesn't she lend him the $3,000?

[Andrea]

Because she doesn't have the money.

[Dave Ramsey]

Neither do you. You're broken in debt.

[Jade]

I was going to say it's the.

[Andrea]

Same answer exactly, but this is the catch. I talk to my mom sometimes, you know, telling her like we save money for the kids, right? So the kids have money. So her idea was to take the money from the kids savings account to give my brother.

[Jade]

Well, she has a lot of ideas about what you should do with your money. Why do you, do you feel, do you feel like you're in. In some way? You have to listen to what she's asking you to do.

[Andrea]

I mean my brother helped me when my. Me and my husband were like in really tough situation at the beginning of our marriage.

[Jade]

How do you help? How do you help you?

[Andrea]

I mean sometimes like buying more kids stuff if they needed without asking. And he was like okay, you know, I can do it. Or.

[Dave Ramsey]

That was not $3,000. No $3,000, that was a hundred dollars.

[Andrea]

I'm kind of like that.

[Dave Ramsey]

What, what is your, what' background? What's this accent?

[Andrea]

Well, I'm from Ecuador.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, and your mom, is your mom and brother in Ecuador?

[Andrea]

No, they're, they're living here, but yeah, they're Ecuadorian so of course. And they live here right now. We're all. Most of my family live in the United States right now.

[Jade]

Your brother, is he single or does he have family and kids and he.

[Andrea]

Is single and he does have a kid back in Ecuador.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Andrea]

He has a business and he did not open like this is.

[Jade]

How can you tell me more about. Can you tell me more about. Did your brother come to you and you said sorry, I can't help you. Then he went to your mom and then your mom. Tell me how that happened.

[Andrea]

I received a call today in the morning that my brother asked my mom and then the call came from my mom.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Andrea]

So he was listening because she knew about my kids savings account. So her idea was.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so listen, listen. There's two possible answers. Okay.

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[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. In your culture, it is more normal for you to share with extended family than it is in an Anglo family. Okay. In my culture, the answer is a hard no instantaneously. And you're weird for even asking. Okay.

[Andrea]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

But in your culture, this is not quite as weird. Am I correct in saying that?

[Andrea]

Correct. Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Okay. Because I got to tell you, in my world, when grandma asks for the kids money for the brother, that means grandma needs to be smacked. In my world. Okay, no, you're not getting my dad gum kids money for the brother's business because he's run a business poorly. No, thank you. That's the world I'm in. But that's a little different world than you're in. And so we have to answer the question thoughtfully because there is a cultural difference. Is that fair?

[Andrea]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. But I still think the answer is a hard no.

[Jade]

I do too. Because I think all of us get to choose the things culturally that we continue on with or the things that we go. I know everybody did it that way. That's just not for me. Or that's. I'm not gonna go with that moving forward. I think you can do that in a way that's not disrespectful, but it's just change.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. One of the reasons I worked my butt off is so I would never be a burden to my kids. But in some cultures, it's normal for you to be a burden to your kids when you get old. It's expected. And you're paying honor when grandpa moves in. Cause grandpa has no money because grandpa didn't take care of himself. That's a normal thing in some areas. It is not normal in an Anglo Saxon, African American, United States culture. Okay. And even, you know, but you know, again, a Hispanic culture, that's gonna have a tendency to go that way. I learned some of these things the hard way as we've tried to help folks in different communities. And I stepped in it because I didn't know there was a cultural difference. So I'm trying to acknowledge that but still tell you the answer is no. No, Mom, I do not. I am not comfortable with my children's money going to my brother. That makes me uncomfortable and it really kind of makes me uncomfortable that you would even ask.

[Jade]

What's the implication of you saying that, Andrea, to your mom and to your brother, what'll happen next?

[Andrea]

Well, they are, they actually live together, so they're really close. And I know my brother doesn't know about my savings. Should have been my mom's idea because that's not something that I just.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I think you're, I think this is all on your mom. But I'm saying I think your mom has a lesson to learn here, that your household is separate.

[Jade]

Uh huh. And when you tell them no, are you feeling like, hey, they're never going to talk to me again or I'm not going to be invited to, you know, dinner on family dinner. Like is there, is there a consequence to you saying no that you can foresee?

[Andrea]

Yes.

[Jade]

And what is that?

[Andrea]

My brother, he's more like resentful. He's that type of person that if he just, you tell him something he doesn't like, that his wife hasn't even approached about his business and the poorly way that you guys said that he is managing it, it's because then he's not going to talk to me. So I'd rather just be, you know, on the side and I don't.

[Dave Ramsey]

If you don't want to interfere in him doing his business poorly, that's fine. But when you tell your mom no, Jade's asking mom, no, I think we're going to keep our kids money with our kids. What does she do? Hello? Did you drop your phone?

[Andrea]

Hello?

[Jade]

Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Hello?

[Andrea]

Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

Did you hear me?

[Andrea]

Hello?

[Dave Ramsey]

Did you hear me?

[Andrea]

Yes, I, Yes, I heard your question.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's the answer?

[Andrea]

The answer is like, yeah, but the. He can pay you interest. No, no.

[Jade]

What is he going to do to you?

[Dave Ramsey]

The answer is no to your mother. Then what is she going to do? This is. No is a complete sentence.

[Andrea]

Yes, he will try to talk to me like a way into it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And so the answer is still, mom, I love you. I love him. That's not in question. But this is my, this money set aside for my children. And the answer is going to be no no matter how long we talk. So let's not talk long because it's going to aggravate you, Mom.

[Jade]

And what I'm trying to show to you, Andrea, is there's not really a. There's no consequence here other than adults choosing how they're going to behave next. And if your brother chooses to give you the cold shoulder, that's not something you can control. All you can control is your response in this. And you can stand by it, and your mom can have an attitude for a while, but that's about it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jade]

And you get to keep your peace.

[Dave Ramsey]

Exactly. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.