Her Fiancé Still Has His Ex's Name On His Lease

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: Her Fiancé Still Has His Ex's Name On His Lease
Air Date: December 31, 2025

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Overview

In this episode, a caller seeks advice from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze about a unique and uncomfortable rental situation. As she and her fiancé prepare to get married and move in together, she discovers his ex’s name is still on the apartment lease—a lingering problem due to custody issues, a difficult ex, and an unresponsive property management company. The hosts offer practical and candid guidance on resolving the legal, financial, and emotional dimensions of the issue.

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Main Discussion & Key Points

1. The Caller’s Dilemma (00:06–02:06)

• Scenario: The caller is a realtor and engaged to a man who lives in an apartment with his ex’s name still on the lease, despite court orders and multiple attempts to have her removed.
• Complications: The ex refuses to cooperate, there’s shared custody of a child, and the property manager is unresponsive.
• Options:
  1. Hope the management company voluntarily updates the lease (unlikely).
  2. Get the ex to sign paperwork (unsuccessful so far).
  3. Terminate the lease, lose the deposit, and start fresh—a financial hit in a high-cost market like San Francisco.
• Emotional Impact: The caller feels “gross” about starting her marriage this way and is seeking practical advice and validation for her discomfort.

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2. Dave Ramsey Breaks Down the Legal and Practical Facts (01:37–03:05)

• Lease Status: It’s now month-to-month. They could simply give 30 days’ notice and move out (01:54).
• Legal Position:
  • The ex has liability on the lease but no rights to possession (02:06).
  • "Her name being on the lease is making her obligated for the payment on the lease. It doesn't give her any rights to possession..." — Dave Ramsey (02:04)
  • The property management can update the lease without needing the ex’s permission—this is an administrative, not legal, barrier.
• Call to Action: The fiancé should call the management company and present a clear choice: update the lease to include the new spouse or lose both tenants (03:05).
• Quote:
  • “I don't know why your fiancé's not handled this. This is really bizarre to me. This is on him, okay?...This is gross. And it should have been dealt with a long time ago for you.” — Dave Ramsey (03:36)

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3. Emotional & Relational Undercurrents (03:36–06:20)

• Rachel Cruze questions: Why stay in this apartment at all, especially with the drama?
  • “What's the upside of continuing for him to live there and you to move in there? Why not just get a different place?” — Rachel Cruze (05:18)
• Caller responds: The San Francisco rental is exceptionally affordable, with rent “thousands of dollars less than anywhere else” due to a kind landlord (05:25).
• Dave’s Rebuttal:
  • "I don't care if it's thousands of dollars less or not. I don't want to live there unless her name is off this lease and yours is on it." — Dave Ramsey (05:53)
  • Emphasizes the need for emotional well-being over saving money.
  • Criticizes the fiancé for failing to establish boundaries with his ex: "Grow a backbone. You should have already done this eight months ago...Now fix this, buddy. That's my direction to him." — Dave Ramsey (06:00)

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4. Root Issue: Boundaries, Power Plays, and Relationship Health (06:20–07:57)

• Dave’s Diagnosis: The core issue isn’t just the lease, but the ex’s ongoing attempts at “flexing” and the fiancé’s pattern of passivity in standing up to her.
  • "But he's also gets pushed around by her pretty regularly. And that's what's really bothering you at the core of this." — Dave Ramsey (06:20)
• Rachel Cruze adds: This pattern may continue even if the lease issue is resolved (06:32).
• Financial vs. Emotional Trade-Off:
  • “Don't sell your soul for a couple thousand bucks savings... Don’t sign up for lack of freedom and drama and call that a good deal. That’s not a good deal.” — Dave Ramsey (07:58)
• Key insight: Sometimes the peace and boundaries in a marriage are worth more than financial savings.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On legal rights:
  • “Her name being on the lease is making her obligated for the payment on the lease. It doesn't give her any rights to possession.” — Dave Ramsey (02:04)
• On setting boundaries:
  • “Grow a backbone...and fix this, buddy.” — Dave Ramsey (06:00)
• On the financial trade-off:
  • “Don’t sell your soul for a couple thousand bucks savings on something... Don't sign up for lack of freedom and drama and call that a good deal. That’s not a good deal.” — Dave Ramsey (07:58)
• On relationship dynamics:
  • “This chick has got issues and she's throwing anything she can around to try to take power plays, any kind of a flex that's possible.” — Dave Ramsey (04:53)

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Key Takeaways

• Don’t Start a Marriage in a Tangled Situation: Begin married life with clear boundaries and a fresh slate, even if it costs a bit more.
• Legal Clarity: A co-tenant’s name on a lease is a liability, not a right to possession; property managers can and should update leases as situations change.
• Set Boundaries Early: Address unresolved ties to former partners, especially when children and custody are involved.
• Financial vs. Emotional Health: Saving money isn’t worth enduring unnecessary emotional stress and ongoing drama.

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Important Timestamps

• Caller describes dilemma: 00:06–02:06
• Dave explains lease legalities: 02:04–02:55
• Dave’s blunt advice to fiancé: 03:36–04:21 & 06:00–06:20
• Rachel and Dave discuss emotional health vs. saving money: 05:18–07:58

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The episode delivers tough but caring advice to prioritize emotional wellbeing and marital foundations over temporary savings, while offering a clear, actionable path to resolve the lease situation before walking down the aisle.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller (Fiancee)]

Hey. So I just have a question, a rental question. My fiance and I have been together for almost three years and we're getting married at the end of December. We're very excited, and after the wedding, we're planning on moving in together. Obviously, the home that he's living in is a home that he actually lived in with his ex. So his name, his ex's name, I just found out recently, is still on the lease. Again, it is a rental. He's tried multiple times to get her to take her name off. He even had a court order via some of their custody hearings that the judge said she had to take her name off. She still refuses to do so. His property management company isn't being responsive. I'm a realtor and I spoke with our property management division and they said that basically we have three options. One, the property management company can just, out of the goodness of their heart, take her name off and redo the lease with just his and my name to get her to sign the paperwork, which he's been trying to do unsuccessfully. Or three, terminate the lease, likely forfeit the deposit because her name would be on the check, and then move out and move back in. The dilemma that I have right now is that I'm not. It feels really, really gross to me to move and start a marriage and move into a home with this ex's name on it. Mind you, they also have a child together. There's a lot of really gross custody situation going on. So it's not just an ex that we never hear from or speak to. It's, you know, an ongoing problem in our life. And I just. I don't know if it's worth. Am I being dramatic in like, the potential issues financially and like losing deposit?

[Dave Ramsey]

When is, when is the lease up?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Well, it was up and he's. He's continued to live in the home, so they broke up.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, I mean, when is the current. When does the current lease expire?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

It. It's a month to month now.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, okay. So you can give 30 days notice and move out.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

We could.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

And then that's all. I would have to find a new place.

[Dave Ramsey]

Then you just find a new place. That's easy. Okay, now the. However, let's. Let's back up a second. She does not have a say in this. Okay. Her name being on the lease is making her obligated for the payment on the lease. It doesn't give her any rights to possession. Okay. It's just like if someone co signs a lease for you to move in, like your dad signed for you to move in or something, it doesn't give him rights to live there. It just says that he's also liable. And so the property management company can simply redraft the lease and take her name off of it. They don't have to have her permission to do that. They can just take her off.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And put you on. And so, you know what I would do is just call the property management company and I don't know why your fiance's not handled this. This is really bizarre to me.

[Rachel Cruze]

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[Dave Ramsey]

I don't know why your fiance's not handled this. This is really bizarre to me. This is on him, okay? And you're right, this is gross. And it should have been dealt with a long time for you. Three weeks before you get married. Geez, call me up a week before we're going down the aisle next week and I'm not gonna, you know. Well, yeah, so. But anyway, so if it's me, I'm calling the property management company. I'm your fiance. And I'm saying, look, I want my wife to be on our lease, not my ex. And so we are going to give you two options. One is you redraft the lease with me and the new wife on it without the ex on it. Or we're going to give you 30 days notice of move. Which one do you want us to do?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I'll get you responsive. I'll just move.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Sure.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Right. Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

But you don't need her permission or a court order regarding her. The landlord simply just needs to agree to release her from liability.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

She gets no rights. There's no rights here at all.

[Rachel Cruze]

And she hasn't lived there in a long time. And so I don't know why. Why it would even be an issue.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Right?

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

I don't know. That's just the.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, apparently this chick has got issues and she's throwing anything she can around to try to take Power plays, any kind of a flex that's possible. And you're just worried about that. Right?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Right. And yeah. And I. Right. And again, it just feels gross moving in with.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you don't want to show up in a house that I live in. It's not gonna be good for your health. Don't do that.

[Rachel Cruze]

What's the upside of continuing for him to live there and you to move in there? Why not just get a different place?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Well, as you know, San Francisco is a very expensive market. He has rent of very, very, very little. The property magic of the landlord was very gracious. He has not. They have not raised the rent in like the four or five years he's lived here. It's very thousands of dollars less than anywhere else.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, I don't want to live there.

[Rachel Cruze]

I just wonder even.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I don't care if it's thousands of dollars less or not. I don't want to live there unless her name is off this lease and yours is on it.

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Right?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I want to move. So either fix it or I'm moving. And that's my direction to your fiance. Grow a backbone. You should have already done this eight months ago for your girlfriend, your soon to be wife, and you've sat on your thumbs. Now fix this, buddy. That's my direction to him. Okay?

[Caller (Fiancee)]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

He shouldn't, you shouldn't have to be calling me about this. He should have already taken care of this. This bull crap. Okay. But he's also gets pushed around by her pretty regularly. And that's what's really bothering you at the core of this.

[Rachel Cruze]

And I'm not sure that's going to stop even with this lease situation fixed.

[Dave Ramsey]

Nope. Not till we run down to Walmart on aisle three and pick up about a backbone. That's what that's going to happen. So. All right. Open phones at Triple 882-55-5225. So a lease is an obligation. It is not a blessing. Being released from the obligation would be a blessing.

[Rachel Cruze]

That the opposite of a lease is.

[Dave Ramsey]

A released from the lease. Yes, but I mean, so I mean think about. It's like a loan, okay? If you go through a divorce and you have a mortgage loan, your spouse is on. Is liable on the mortgage loan. The mortgage company doesn't. Won't let her go. Won't let him go. Right. Unless you refinance and take them off. They won't just release you from that.

[Rachel Cruze]

Because prove that you're responsible enough to handle.

[Dave Ramsey]

But you don't have any rights because you're on the mortgage. You have lost rights because you're on the mortgage. Same thing with a lease. Yeah. So there's not a. There's no benefit to.

[Rachel Cruze]

It's just risk and liability other than, I guess, control. To stay intermingled in his life.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Just to be constantly flexing.

[Rachel Cruze]

Only reason I can think of why you'd want to stay on that.

[Dave Ramsey]

All the more reason to put up.

[Rachel Cruze]

Because he could stop paying and it's on her.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, exactly.

[Rachel Cruze]

There's one move.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, well, it's just. I'm moving. I'm moving.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. Not worth the drama, that's for sure.

[Dave Ramsey]

Nothing. Nothing is worth the drama.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, goodness.

[Dave Ramsey]

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