How Do I Buy Out My Ex "Manchild" Husband Out Of My Home?

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: How Do I Buy Out My Ex "Manchild" Husband Out Of My Home?
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: February 27, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode centers on a caller, Janelle, seeking advice on how to buy her ex-husband out of their shared home as they go through a divorce. The conversation candidly explores the emotional and financial complexities of the situation, including financial planning, homeownership feasibility, and advice for moving forward post-divorce.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Background and Situation (00:06–02:51)

• Janelle's Circumstances:

  • Janelle shares her frustration over her ex-husband’s lack of financial contribution, labeling him a “man child” whose energy was spent on “sports betting, marijuana, video games” rather than work.
  • She provided for the family financially, even as he became a stay-at-home dad and later refused to seek employment.
  • Janelle explains she felt guilted into putting her husband’s name on the house she paid for, though he contributed no money toward it.

• Emotional Support from Hosts:

  • The hosts reassure her that his choices are not her fault and validate her feelings of frustration.
    • Notable Quote:
      • “Let me free you from this. You didn’t cause that in him. That’s a man, that’s a father of three kids choosing to not get up and co-support his family.” (C, 01:15)
  • Janelle’s ex’s lack of responsibility is underlined, as well as the challenging dynamics with his family’s involvement and upcoming custody battles.

2. Financial Snapshot and Buyout Details (02:51–07:21)

• Home Value & Buyout Calculation:

  • House appraised at $255,000, with a remaining mortgage of about $138,000–$139,000.
  • Divorce settlement requires Janelle to pay her ex-husband approximately $48,800 for his share of the house.

• Asset and Debt Management:

  • Janelle has worked hard to prepare:
    • Paid off a $16,000 personal loan (marital debt).
    • Paid her lawyer over $10,000.
    • Saved $18,000 in cash.
    • Owes alimony of about $1,000/month for 15½ months after he moves out.

• Income Details:

  • Main job: Nurse practitioner, brings home $6,000+ per month.
  • Side hustle in medical aesthetics netting an additional $2,000/month average, sometimes much more.

• Mortgage Considerations:

  • Current payment is $1,360/month.
  • Buyout may increase the mortgage, but hosts stress the new payment should not exceed 25% of Janelle’s take-home pay.
    • Notable Quote:
      • “I don’t want your mortgage payment to be more than 25% of your take-home pay. Because at that point, Janelle, you probably can’t afford the house.” (D, 06:26)
  • Hosts encourage using the Ramsey mortgage calculator to refine the numbers.

• How to Handle Cash Reserves:

  • Janelle asks whether to reserve her cash for alimony/expenses or to use it toward the house.
  • Advice: Not to use HELOC or personal loans to fund the payout if it can be avoided; keeping borrowing minimal is best, but the size of the buyout relative to the house makes including it in a refinance potentially reasonable.
    • Notable Quote:
      • “Normally we would say don’t borrow to buy your partner out, but when it comes to homeownership, $48,000 is a small number.” (C, 07:23)

• Daycare Cost Concern:

  • Childcare will be another significant ongoing cost Janelle will need to figure in.

3. Should She Keep the House? (07:21–09:53)

• Emotional & Practical Factors:

  • Hosts urge Janelle to evaluate whether keeping the house—financially and emotionally—remains the best move.

  • They caution against overextending to maintain old normalcy for the kids at the expense of her financial peace.

    • Notable Quote:
      • “One of the hardest things we have to tell folks in your situation…is I want you to put on the table as hard as this would be: What if I sold this house?” (C, 08:21)
    • “The life you had is over—what do I want this new one to look like? Would I go buy this house with these memories and share that bed? At this price, probably not.” (C, 09:00)

  • Janelle says she does plan to sell eventually but is considering whether to do so now or wait.

• Renting Alternative:

  • Renting would be expensive (min. $2,400/month in her area), but sometimes a fresh start is more important than clinging to the past.

• Mental Health and Forward Outlook:

  • Hosts stress that, ultimately, Janelle should prioritize her peace and new beginning over holding on to difficult recent history.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Shots fired.” (C, 00:15) – Light-hearted recognition of Janelle’s candid feelings.
• “You’re not married to a man. Like an actual child.” (C, 02:20) – Emphasizes the immaturity and lack of responsibility displayed by her ex.
• “Normally we would say don’t borrow to buy your partner out, but…$48,000 is a small number.” (C, 07:23) – Concedes that a refinance may work in Janelle’s case.
• “The life you had is over—what do I want this new one to look like? Would I go buy this house with these memories and share that bed? At this price, probably not.” (C, 09:00) – Encourages Janelle to look beyond the home for her future happiness.

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Important Segment Timestamps

• 00:06–02:51: Janelle’s marriage and financial backstory; emotional support from hosts.
• 02:55–07:21: Homeownership logistics, details of buyout sum, income overview, and mortgage advice.
• 07:21–09:53: Should Janelle keep or sell the home? Emotional/financial pros and cons, mental health, and what’s best for moving forward.

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Summary

This episode offers a compassionate yet practical look at the financial fallout of divorce. The hosts provide Janelle with validation, detailed financial advice, and a framework for deciding whether keeping the marital home is worth the stress and cost. The tone is supportive, empathetic, and practical—emphasizing informed choice and peace of mind over obligation or the status quo.

Listeners walk away with clear actionable steps:

• Compute the new mortgage with the buyout added, making sure payments don’t exceed 25% of take-home pay.
• Seriously consider the mental and emotional toll of staying in the home.
• Use tools like Ramsey’s mortgage calculator to support decision-making.
• Don’t be afraid to start fresh if that brings greater peace and stability in the long run.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

What would be the best way to buy my ex man child spouse out of my home?

[C]

Shots fired.

[D]

Just a burn.

[A]

Oh my gosh. You talk about sports betting.

[D]

Oh, is that, is he one of

[A]

those typical sports betting, marijuana, video games.

[D]

Stop it.

[C]

How long have you been married?

[D]

What a man child.

[A]

We were married for six years when I met him. He was working full time. I started going to nursing school and I kind of continued. I went for my bachelor's and then along the course of, I think our third kid, like when our third kid came, I figured it would be easier for me to pick up an extra shift or two as a nurse than have work. So I regretted, I'm regretting having him become a stay at home dad because that was like the end of it. And every time I asked him to start working again afterwards there was an excuse. And now we at this point and he kind of hit the jackpot.

[C]

Let me free you from this. You didn't cause that in him. Okay, don't hold that. That's a man, that's a father of three kids choosing to not get up and co support his family.

[A]

Yeah, I was actually. Well, he's. Not that you need to know this, but he actually adopted my oldest son. And so I know in the beginning everything seems good and I was getting out of a very abusive relationship who I had a child with and it just kind of ended up, you know,

[C]

well, we'll walk you through what to do with your money. But yeah, I want to set you free from that today.

[A]

Thank you. I really, I needed to hear that.

[C]

Every husband, every father needs to go get a job.

[A]

Yeah. Unless I, I kept saying I was married to three people. My him and my in laws because anytime there was an argument, his mom would say what's going on? She would come to the house. It was just like it was the worst.

[C]

And it's you. You're not married to a man. Like an actual child.

[A]

I can't even make it up. Yeah. And yeah, and they're paying for his lawyer and we're going to be going through custody battles and he thinks he needs 50, 50 custody, but he doesn't really support them. He works as a part time janitor. As of the week he filed for divorce, he finally went back and got a. A job for four hours a day.

[C]

Well, all the text messages you've sent him over the years saying please get a job, all that will come out in discovery.

[A]

So yeah, I hope so.

[C]

Just work out on that process here. Let's get, let's get you to the house. Tell us your house situation.

[D]

Y.

[A]

Okay, so I have to buy him out because I was kind of guilted into putting his name on the house that I paid for. He did not put a dollar towards. But yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Which marital debt.

[D]

Yep. Totally. Well, and I'll give you that freedom too that we would tell people when they're. When you're married. Right. Even if one spouse stays home. You both.

[A]

Right.

[D]

So you. That was not. That was not wrong of you. Okay. I hear the frustration because you put it is frustrating.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But that was not in the heat. Wrong move. Yes. Okay.

[A]

Okay. Yeah.

[D]

But. But to your point, he has that he has 50% of that asset too.

[B]

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[D]

He has 50% of that asset too.

[A]

Yeah. So I, we, we just went to the. This divorce hearing and I, and I owe him about 48,800 and some dollars.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

The house is worth 255 out of as of the last appraisal and I owe 139 on it or 138.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

So I have. So since this whole thing started, I've been like stacking up. I've been. I was hustling to like pay off a. One of our personal loans because I knew that was going to come up and that would look good for me when this happened. So I paid off a $16,000 personal loan we had as marital debt. I paid my lawyer over 10,000 dol and set aside about 18,000. So I have cash and I don't know if it's better. Oh, also I have to pay him alimony. So I have 15 and a half months of alimony which is probably going to be about $1,000 a month when he moves out, which he hasn't yet. So should I save this cash as like just those are my alimony payments or so I don't have to worry about that when the time comes.

[D]

Now, how much are you. How much are you making a month?

[A]

$6,000 plus. So I'm a nurse practitioner. I make, I bring home 6,000amonth. And I do have a side. Dave would call it a hobby where I do like medical esthetics, Botox and fillers. And I. That can bring. Bring home, depending on how much I do it, like one to six thousand dollars a month. And I'm just doing it really part time because I was a kid.

[D]

Oh, good. Could you. Would you say like 2000 would probably be average just for calculation purposes?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It. I've started doing it about two years ago.

[D]

Good for you. Yeah, there's some cash in that. That's great. Good for you, Janelle. Okay, so how much will the mortgage be that you're. If you keep the house, how much will the mortgage be without the, without his 48,000. But just in general, how much is the payment?

[A]

Well, it depends. I mean right now it's 1360. Okay, four a month.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if you add.

[A]

Well, I don't. Should I go ahead?

[D]

Well, I was gonna say if you add in his. That 48,000, if you buy him out and just tack that onto your mortgage, as long as that payment doesn't get up to 2,000, which I don't think

[A]

it,

[D]

I don't think it will. I don't. I'm not able to do the calculations right here, but calculate it out to say, okay, if I add that 48,000 to the 138, calculate out what that mortgage payment would be. Because I don't want your mortgage payment to be more than 25% of your take home pay. Because at that point, Janelle, you probably can't afford the house. But honestly, yeah, I think you might be okay. And especially if you kind of commit for a period of time to doing the side hustle stuff that you can. Because if that can bring in six grand a month extra, I'm like, holy.

[A]

That was probably my best month. And it's well even five grand, four grand.

[D]

I mean, you know what I mean? The two grand that I just calculated as like a rough. That that's more on the conservative side. But even.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

How much did you say you have in cash right now?

[A]

I have about 18,000 just set aside. But that's the thing. Should I. Is it better to refinance the house or take out Hela? I know you're not going to say hela.

[D]

No, I wouldn't do that.

[A]

A personal loan for that.

[C]

Normally we would say, we would say don't borrow to buy your partner out. But when it comes to homeownership, 48 grand is a small number.

[D]

Yeah. And if that payment is still low enough, I would be comfortable with that. Because. Majority. Because I'll be honest, Janelle, I'd say 90% of the calls we get in this situation and the wife, the mom wants to keep the home, she can't afford it, you know. And so I would, Most of the time we tell them that they have to end up selling it. But honestly, with the numbers you're giving me, I might. But I want you to recalculate it. If you just go to ramseysolutions.com, we have a mortgage calculator. You can kind of plug some of this stuff in. But I get. I don't want your payment more than 25% of your take home pay. Cause you're going to have that, then you're going to have alimony for 15 months and some stuff is gonna start stacking up. And I don't want this house.

[A]

I'm gonna have to pay for childcare too, because.

[D]

Yes. So I don't want this. Yeah. I don't want this house to be a burden. Right. Like it's not worth it. It's worth having all the chaos you guys are going through to have peace. And I don't want financial stress on you. Okay.

[C]

One of the hardest things we have to tell folks in your situation on a regular basis is I want you to put on the table as hard as this would be. What if I sold this house?

[A]

Right. And that I do in the future plan on doing that. But I just.

[C]

If you plan on doing that, I would really think twice about doing it now. And because, because listen, what you're trying to do for you and the kids is to minimize the. How different your life is now. And I would go ahead and just metabolize. It's a hundred percent different. The life you had is over.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And if you think from that, it sounds stark. Right. But if you sit, if you think, okay, the life I had is over, what do I want this new one to look like? Would I go buy this house with these memories and share that bed? At this price, probably not.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Or would you go rent for a year? It's going to be inconvenient. You're gonna have to call somebody to help you move. It's a huge pain in the butt. But I'm gonna start and then the

[A]

rent is going to be $2400 minimum.

[C]

Yeah, it'll be expensive. There's no question. Yeah.

[A]

There's no question where I thought about that, too. Yeah.

[D]

So I think it's kind of making that call, Janelle, for you. From that, from that perspective, from a mental perspective, do you want to be walking back in those, that front door every day? Right. Like, is that. How is that for you? And then do this calculation. So those are the two big questions that, that I want you to kind of discover on your own. And you can, but you're smart. And gosh, I'm. I'm so sorry of what you're going through.

[A]

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