Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights Episode: How Do I Control My Husband’s Spending (We Have Separate Finances)
Release Date: July 25, 2025

Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Michelle reaches out seeking advice on managing her husband's excessive spending habits despite having separate finances. As part of the Ramsey Network, hosts Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw delve into the complexities of their situation, offering insights and recommendations to navigate financial and marital challenges.

Caller’s Situation: Michelle’s Financial Struggles

Michelle explains that she and her husband are in a second marriage and have maintained separate finances from the outset, formalized by a prenuptial agreement. Despite this separation, Michelle has found herself financially entangled due to her husband's irresponsible spending and significant loans taken from her personal funds.

Michelle ([00:06]): "My husband is kind of... he's like a crazy spender, and I think I'm being lied to. I know we're behind on a mortgage, and it's just been tough."

Key Points:

• Separate Finances: The couple has operated independently financially for nearly 18-20 years.
• Significant Debt: Michelle has lent her husband $200,000 personally, affecting her financial stability.
• Mortgage Concerns: The mortgage is solely in her husband's name, and payments have been missed for several months, risking foreclosure in July.

Hosts’ Analysis: The Depth of Financial Separation

Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw analyze the depth of Michelle's and her husband's financial separation, highlighting potential dysfunction due to prolonged independence in a marital relationship.

Jade Warshaw ([03:23]): "There's such a level of dysfunction here that it's hard for Ken and I to just kind of pick up in the middle and say, do xyz."

Key Points:

• Prolonged Independence: The couple has lived separate lives financially for nearly two decades, complicating joint financial responsibilities.
• Large Loans: Lending $200,000 is beyond typical daily borrowing and signifies deeper financial dependencies.
• Emotional Disconnect: Michelle expresses caring for her husband but also frustration with his financial decisions.

Financial Implications: Potential Foreclosure and Asset Ownership

Michelle reveals that while they have significant equity in their home, the primary mortgage is in her husband's name, isolating her from direct financial repercussions should foreclosure occur.

Dave Ramsey ([04:19]): "If he loses the house, that doesn't affect you financially."

Key Points:

• Asset Protection: Michelle's separate finances mean she is not directly liable for the mortgage, safeguarding her assets.
• Risk of Foreclosure: With payments missing, the family home, valued over $2 million, is at risk, though selling the house is challenging due to her husband's beliefs in future profits from development projects.

Emotional and Relational Dynamics

The discussion shifts to the emotional ties keeping Michelle in the marriage, primarily the presence of their children.

Jade Warshaw ([04:53]): "If it weren't for the kids, like, if the kids were out of the house, would you still be married to this guy?"

Michelle ([05:00]): "Yeah, that's a good question. Fair question. I... I don't know."

Key Points:

• Conditional Commitment: Michelle acknowledges that the children are the main reason she remains in the marriage.
• Fear of Abandonment: Michelle indicates no fear of her husband leaving, suggesting her primary concern is financial rather than relational.
• Desire for Financial Independence: Michelle expresses a need to salvage her financial stability, hinting at potential separation if financial issues are not resolved.

Advice from Hosts: Counseling and Financial Boundaries

Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw recommend counseling as a pathway to address underlying issues in the marriage and to establish clear financial boundaries.

Dave Ramsey ([07:00]): "This is so separate. You guys are so separate. You're calling us going, what do we do together. And it's like you're not even together."

Jade Warshaw ([08:13]): "I think the best thing for you, Michelle, is to sit out and be 100% brutally honest with what you want out of this."

Key Points:

• Marriage Counseling: Recommended to address the disconnection and financial mismanagement.
• Financial Honesty: Michelle is encouraged to evaluate her desires, emphasizing her need to reclaim her financial independence.
• Ultimatums for Change: Hosts suggest that Michelle may need to set clear terms for the continuation of the marriage based on financial responsibility and mutual commitment.

Conclusion and Recommendations

The episode concludes with the hosts emphasizing the importance of honest communication, setting financial boundaries, and seeking professional counseling to navigate the intertwined challenges of marriage and separate finances. Michelle is encouraged to prioritize her financial well-being, potentially considering separation if the situation does not improve.

Dave Ramsey ([09:03]): "We're not saying give up and walk away. We're saying put an ultimatum down. If you want to be married to me, we are going to therapy and we're going to try to work through this."

Notable Quotes

• Michelle ([00:06]): "I know we're behind on a mortgage, and it's just been tough."
• Jade Warshaw ([03:23]): "There's such a level of dysfunction here that it's hard for Ken and I to just kind of pick up in the middle and say, do xyz."
• Dave Ramsey ([04:19]): "If he loses the house, that doesn't affect you financially."
• Jade Warshaw ([04:53]): "If it weren't for the kids, like, if the kids were out of the house, would you still be married to this guy?"
• Dave Ramsey ([07:00]): "This is so separate. You guys are so separate. You're calling us going, what do we do together."
• Jade Warshaw ([08:13]): "I think the best thing for you, Michelle, is to sit out and be 100% brutally honest with what you want out of this."
• Dave Ramsey ([09:03]): "We're not saying give up and walk away. We're saying put an ultimatum down."

Final Thoughts

Michelle's situation underscores the complexities that can arise in marriages with separate finances, especially when one partner struggles with financial responsibility. Through compassionate dialogue and practical advice, Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw highlight the necessity of open communication, financial honesty, and professional counseling in resolving such intricate issues.