How Do I Convince My Husband It's Time To Move Out Of My Parents' House?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: How Do I Convince My Husband It's Time To Move Out Of My Parents' House?
Date: September 29, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network Experts
Guests/Callers: Anonymous caller (“B”)

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Main Theme

This episode tackles the question: How can a wife convince her husband that they're financially ready to move out of her parents' house, despite still carrying debt? The hosts dissect the couple’s unique, prolonged co-living situation with the caller’s parents, exploring deeper relationship dynamics, fear, avoidance, and personal responsibility in marital and financial growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Backstory (00:09 – 01:08)

• The Caller’s Situation:

  • Married since 2017; living with her parents for 4 years.
  • Moved in primarily for childcare support after a geographic move and financial struggles.
  • Their financial position has improved: they now earn $9,000/month, triple their prior income up north.

• Quote (01:19, Host A):
  “For crying out loud. I mean, what is really going on here? What is his deal going on?”
  Expresses incredulity at the hesitation given the healthy income.

2. Husband’s Reluctance & Avoidance (01:28 – 03:35)

• Emotional Barriers:

  • Husband is fearful due to past paycheck-to-paycheck living.
  • He refuses to engage in joint budgeting or financial discussions, delegating all money management to his wife.

• Quote (03:23, Host C):
  “He’s the one that says, ‘We can’t make it financially.’ You go, ‘Let me show you how we can.’ He goes, ‘No, thanks.’ ”

• Host Advice:

  • Suggests the wife take decisive action:
    (03:35, Host A): “Go put a deposit down on an apartment today.”

3. Underlying Money Dynamics (03:42 – 05:34)

• Debt Pattern:

  • The couple is in “Baby Step Two” (paying off debt), with $46,000 owed.
  • When they moved in, they had only $10,000 in debt—so the original plan to save and pay off debt by living with family has failed.

• Quote (05:00, Host C):
  “So you were 10 grand in debt when you moved in. Now you’re 43 grand in debt years later. So this whole plan that we’re going to move in with my parents to pay off debt has backfired spectacularly.”

• Spending Habits:

  • Much new debt tied to husband’s hobbies (“guns and bows”).
  • Both spouses admit complicity in this cycle.

4. Relationship Patterns & Challenges (05:48 – 08:30)

• Stagnation:

  • Hosts describe the couple’s approach as “lackadaisical” regarding progress.
  • Result has been stunted financial and relational growth.

• Communication Breakdown:

  • Whenever the caller tries to discuss change, her husband deflects responsibility and frames it as her problem.

• Quote (06:31, Host A):
  “So instead of... When a guy is this stubborn, he has his head up his... you know what. [...] He has literally checked out of the situation. He’s not an adult when it comes to the money.”

• Relationship Status:

  • Caller rates their marriage a 5.5/10; thinks husband would give a 7/10.
  • Openness and caring affirmed, but with glaring blind spots around money and independence.

• Marriage Counseling:

  • Hosts strongly recommend professional help:
    (07:14, Host C): “Yeah, you guys are… you’re gonna need some counseling, some marriage counseling.”

5. The “Leave and Cleave” Principle (06:05 – 09:10)

• Life Milestones Missed:

  • Hosts highlight that living in the parental home is preventing the couple from fully “leaving and cleaving” (becoming their own independent family unit).

• Quote (09:10, Host A):
  “If you watched a movie about a 33-year-old couple who’ve been living with the wife’s parents for four years, it'd be a comedy.”

• Memorable Moment:
  (09:17, Host C):
  “Jesus saved the world by the time he was 33. You guys can go rent an apartment.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Host A (exasperated at the couple’s indecision):
  (01:19) “For crying out loud. I mean, what is really going on here? What is his deal going on?”

• Host C (on failed debt payoff):
  (05:00) “Now you’re 43 grand in debt years later. So this whole plan that we’re going to move in with my parents to pay off debt has backfired spectacularly.”

• Host A (calling out immaturity):
  (03:35) “He has literally checked out of the situation. He’s not an adult when it comes to the money.”

• Host C (on life milestones):
  (09:17) “Jesus saved the world by the time he was 33. You guys can go rent an apartment.”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:09 – 01:08: Background—how and why the couple moved in with parents
• 01:09 – 03:35: Details of financial life, husband’s resistance and avoidance
• 03:36 – 05:34: Growth in debt and spending choices, accountability
• 05:48 – 08:30: Relationship impact, lack of shared responsibility, call for counseling
• 08:51 – 09:20: Final thoughts on moving out, social expectations for adulthood

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Tone & Language

The hosts maintain a candid, humorous, but direct tone—often using sarcasm and tough love to challenge the caller’s assumptions and push for accountability. They incorporate empathy, but show little patience for avoidance or enabling behavior.

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Takeaways

• Action over Excuses: If someone refuses honest discussion, decisive action may be needed.
• Shared Responsibility: Both spouses must be involved in financial planning and decision-making.
• Moving Out Is About Growing Up: Prolonged living with parents as adults can hinder growth in marriage and finances.
• Professional Help Matters: When communication breaks down, counseling should be considered.

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Transcript

[A]

If your private student loans are in default, you're not out of options. Go to yrefi.com ramsey so I'm just.

[B]

Wondering how I can convince my husband that we're financially stable enough to move out of our parents house even though we're still on baby step two and don't have enough saved for a house down payment.

[A]

How long have we been staying with his parents or. No, no, your parents. How long have you guys been living.

[B]

Yes, it's been four years.

[C]

Since you've been married, you've been living with your parents?

[B]

No, we've been married since 2017.

[C]

So what happened that caused you guys to go, hey, we can't rent anymore. We gotta move in with mom and dad?

[B]

So what happened was we lived in northern Michigan and our, you know, our rent was super cheap. Everything was great. And then my parents, they were the people who watched my kids and they moved downstate and there was no way that we could financially make it living up there without their help with the.

[C]

Children because you couldn't afford childcare. So you went, well, we'll just move in with them and they can just watch them all day while you two go off to work.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Okay. What do you guys make?

[B]

So our financial situation has changed now since. Since then. So we're bringing home about $9,000 a.

[A]

Month, for crying out loud. I mean, what is really going on here? What is his deal going on?

[B]

Is. I. I don't know. He's. He's scared. And I totally understand why. Because when we lived up north, we were living paycheck to paycheck and we were, you know, getting help from my parents. And now that we've lived down here, we're making at least triple what we were making up north.

[A]

Yeah. And by the way, we're not gonna play armchair quarterback. But you guys could have made it work before. And so this pattern is repeating itself. It does us no good to go back and run the numbers from when you lived up there. But I can tell you there's. There was, but you're right. He's. He's not only scared. I think. I think this guy has gotten real comfortable. And what strikes me is it sounds to me like you're on your last nerve and they're your parents.

[B]

I am on my last nerve. And I just, I. And I don't want to, you know, because we do help with my, you know, the expenses of living in the house. It's not like we live here right rent free. I give my parents money every month. We Help with. We help with everything. And that's worked into our budget. You know, what we contribute to my parents. And really, living on our own would only be probably $800 more a month.

[A]

Have you sat down with him and showed him an actual budget to say, hey, here's what rent would be. I've got three different apartment complexes or whatever you're thinking, here's place A, place B, place C. And with all of those numbers together, we're only talking about an increase of $800 a month for us to live on our own. Have you laid that out for him?

[B]

The thing is, is he doesn't. I'm the one that manages all our finances. I manage it. I manage all the credit card payments, all the car payments, the contribution, any trips that we take. Like, I manage it all. And he doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know what's.

[C]

So show him.

[A]

So wait a second. Do you remember the question I just asked you?

[B]

Have I sat down with him?

[A]

What's the answer to my question?

[B]

The answer is I've tried, and he's not interested.

[A]

What do you mean he's not interested?

[C]

He's the one that says, we can't make it financial. You go, let me show you how we can. He goes, no, thanks.

[A]

He literally goes, no, I don't want to look at it.

[B]

He says, no, I don't want to look at it. You. You know, you handle the finances, right?

[A]

Okay, okay, listen. All right, so. So instead of. When a guy is this stubborn, he has his head up. Is his. You know what? All right? That's all this boils down to. So if he says to you, I don't want to look at it, you handle it. Then. Guess what? Go. Go put a deposit down on an apartment today.

[C]

So I got a solis.

[A]

Hey, babe.

[C]

1500 bucks a month.

[A]

Great news. Got us an apartment. It's only. And by the way, he doesn't know the numbers. So go. So just say, and by the way, this is not me telling you to be dishonest with him. Cover anything up. I'm not suggesting that at all, but this is a guy who you have attempted to show him, and he's. He has literally checked out of the situation. He's not an adult when it comes to the money. And so I don't know why you got to convince a guy nor. I don't know how you convince a guy who refuses to have a conversation about it. I don't have a tip for that.

[C]

Well, he doesn't Care about the money.

[B]

He's just so. No, he's just so stuck on. We're still in debt and we, you know, I want to go straight from my parents house into. Are you a house? Are we what?

[A]

Are you still big time in debt?

[B]

I mean, we have like $46,000 in debt.

[C]

Can I, Can I hear the numbers?

[A]

Yeah. Let's get Georgia.

[C]

What did you start with? What was your total debt balance when you guys moved in?

[B]

Probably 10 grand.

[C]

So you were 10 grand in debt when you moved in. Now you're 43 grand in debt years later. So this whole plan that we're going to move in with my parents to pay off debt has backfired spectacularly.

[A]

And has he been a part. Has he been a part of acquiring the additional 36 grand in debt?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, he was on board for that.

[C]

What did he go into debt for?

[B]

So he's hobbyist when it comes to. Yeah, yeah. When it comes to his guns and his bows and you know, we needed to get him.

[C]

He's gonna lose his toys if you guys go rent somewhere. He's going to lose the lifestyle he's created for himself.

[A]

He's. That's it. He's afraid of that. That's what's going on. He's a child.

[C]

But honestly, you've been an accomplice to these crimes.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

So you've allowed it to happen. This is not like. Well, it's all on him. You both have been very lackadaisical in this process. Making zero progress. And here's the thing. It has stunted Yalls growth financially and relationally.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And so moving out is not to punish him. It's to go. I married you to leave and cleave. Not to move back in with my parents while we continually go into debt. While you're telling me this is better for us financially. So you need to have a serious conversation sharing your feelings because sharing the numbers ain't working. And use eyes to. You do this and you just say here's how I'm feeling based on everything.

[A]

That was that reaction when George said what you need to do. By the way, George is right. You kind of did the. It was a little exhale giggle. It was an exhale giggle combo. What was making you. What's going on there?

[B]

Because there it is.

[A]

Now we went from.

[B]

We have that conversation. It gets turned around on me and it's. And it's, you know, rather than take us collectively taking the blame for this. Because it's not just me.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Now. And it's not just him, it's both of us. Yeah, he deflects it gets deflected back on me, and it's my problem and it's my job to fix it.

[A]

And wish we could get him on the phone right now.

[C]

Yeah, you guys are. You're gonna need some, some counseling, some marriage counseling.

[A]

I really, I actually think that's the case. And I think. How would you, how would you rate your marriage right now on a scale of 1 to 10? 1 being sucked, 10 being amazing.

[B]

Probably like a 5.5.

[A]

What would he, what would he rate? It.

[B]

Depends on the day. Probably a little bit higher. Maybe like a seven.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So we're both in denial. Okay, that's good. We're on the same page on one thing at least.

[A]

Yeah, I, I think if he. Do you think he cares about your marriage?

[B]

No. Absolutely. Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

No, absolutely.

[A]

What? Yeah, that threw me because, boy, you.

[B]

Said yes, he cares.

[C]

Okay. In what way does he care? Yeah, like, like as far as actions go.

[B]

As far as actions. I mean, we have a very like, open and honest relationship in terms of like, you know, obviously we love each other and we love our kids and, well, we're on the same page in terms of we're willing to do whatever it make, whatever it takes to make.

[C]

It work except rent and look at a budget and stop buying toys and going to the.

[A]

See how absurd.

[C]

Other than that, crushing it.

[A]

So the reason that we're poking around on this issue is because is he going to respond when you say, hey, this is not good. We've got to go see a therapist and we've got to get on the same page with this. We can't be on the same page about everything else and not on the same page about money. I'm dying here. I don't want to live with my parents. And every time I bring it up.

[B]

To you, and it's not just like, I don't want to live with, it's. It's more like my parents deserve to not have us be here.

[A]

You deserve not to be with your parents.

[C]

You're putting on your parents.

[A]

You're still clouded a little.

[C]

You know what I say, hey, I got a place to rent. You're welcome to join me. You're ready to be an adult.

[A]

How old are you two?

[B]

33.

[A]

If you watched a movie about a 33 year old couple who've been living with the wife's parents for four years, it'd be a comedy.

[C]

Jesus saved the world by the time he was 33. You guys can go rent an apartment.

[A]

You'Ll be OK. You can't drop the deity card on her. Who can live up to call the.

[C]

Jesus juke And it works every time.

[A]

Wow, that that heated up quickly. Who going to have to get Georgia Alka Seltzer? Why Refi Refinances Defaulted private student loans for struggling borrowers. Learn more at Y r e f y.com Ramsey.