How Do I Financially Prepare for Divorce in My 60s?

Summary

Summary of "How Do I Financially Prepare for Divorce in My 60s?" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: January 17, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Duration: Under 10 minutes

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1. Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network delves into the sensitive and complex topic of preparing financially for divorce later in life. The discussion is anchored on a caller's real-life scenario, providing listeners with practical advice and expert insights on navigating the financial and emotional challenges that accompany divorce in one's 60s.

2. Caller’s Situation

Caller B outlines her personal circumstances:

• Age and Marital Status: She is 65 years old, married to a 67-year-old husband of 41 years.
• Living Arrangements: Currently living separately in their own home for the past six months.
• Family Dynamics: Frequently travels two to three weeks each month to assist her daughter, who resides in a different state with her children. The couple has another grandchild on the way.
• Community Involvement: Active in a church where she is building new friendships.

Caller B mentions that her daughter and son-in-law encourage her to spend more time in their home. However, they prefer she limits her husband's presence due to his behavioral and emotional immaturity, particularly concerning interactions with the grandchildren.

3. Marital Issues Leading to Divorce Consideration

The conversation reveals underlying marital tensions:

• Emotional and Behavioral Immaturity: Caller B describes her husband's inability to manage discussions, especially his fixation on trivial matters like politics. He often fails to respect boundaries, refusing to drop topics when requested.
• Attempts at Reconciliation: Efforts to involve the church and pastor to mediate have been unsuccessful. Despite promises to seek counseling, her husband has not followed through.
• Impact on Relationship: These ongoing issues have led to a gradual deterioration of their marriage, prompting thoughts of divorce as a means of resolving their differences.

4. Financial Considerations in Divorce

The discussion shifts to the financial aspects of preparing for divorce:

• Primary Concerns: Caller B is focused on whether they can afford to own two homes and the fate of their investment accounts.
• Investment Portfolio: She currently holds a $1.3 million investment account, predominantly in stocks (90%) and bonds (10%). She has considered transferring to another brokerage to manage individual stocks but is uncertain about the best approach.
• Financial Planning: The host emphasizes the importance of evaluating all assets and liabilities comprehensively. He advises against making hasty decisions regarding investment allocations until a clear path—either reconciliation or separation—is determined.

5. Host’s Advice and Insights

The host provides structured guidance to navigate both the emotional and financial complexities:

• Decision-Making: The foremost step is to decide whether to continue the marriage or proceed with a divorce. This decision will significantly influence subsequent financial strategies.
• Financial Assessment: Compile a complete balance sheet listing all assets and debts to understand what will be divided.
• Legal Consultation: Engage a diverse attorney to discuss equitable distribution, typically a 50/50 split in most states.
• Investment Strategy: Transition to mutual funds for simplicity and stability, recommending a 100% allocation to mutual funds over a mix of stocks and bonds. The host advocates for SmartVestor Pro as a tool for managing investments effectively.
• Emotional Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries and focusing on marriage counseling can either mend the relationship or facilitate a smoother separation.

6. Notable Quotes

• Caller B on Husband's Behavior:
  "[He] has asked for forgiveness every time these things happen."
  [01:39]

• Host on Marital Decision:
  "You need to decide if you're going to be married, and then you need to decide that, and then you'll decide whether you're going to do stuff."
  [04:12]

• Host on Investment Strategy:
  "I wouldn't be in stocks, I wouldn't be in bonds... I would be 100% of mutual funds. That's what I'm in."
  [05:15]

7. Conclusion

The episode underscores the intricate balance between emotional well-being and financial stability during a divorce in later life. By sharing a heartfelt caller story, The Ramsey Show Highlights offers actionable steps and expert advice to ensure that individuals can navigate the end of a long-term marriage with clarity and preparedness. Listeners are encouraged to assess their personal situations comprehensively, seek professional guidance, and make informed decisions that safeguard both their emotional and financial futures.

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For more insights and daily advice on life and money, tune into The Ramsey Show Highlights, brought to you by the Ramsey Network.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I think I have two main questions. Can we afford to own two homes? And the second was, if we divorce, what considerations are there for our investment account? So just a tiny bit of background. We're living separately at home. I'm 65, my husband's 67. I travel two to three weeks out of every month to go and help our daughter who lives in a different state with her tiny little ones, with another one on the way. I've gotten involved in a church up there and starting to develop some friendships up there. My daughter and son in law, they want me to come as much as I want and to be there with them, but they don't really want to spend time with my husband.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Behavioral and emotional immaturity. I think I would say focus.

[A]

Is that her dad?

[B]

It doesn't seem to.

[A]

No, I said, is that her father?

[B]

Oh, is that her father? I'm sorry. Yes.

[A]

Okay. So she, she doesn't want a relationship with her father.

[B]

She wants it no more than a couple days at a time because she's concerned about him being around the young kids.

[A]

What's wrong with him?

[B]

Well, I have involved our church and attempted to talk to him, but I'd say it's emotional immaturity, spiritual immaturity, relational immaturity. Focus on politics and things that just don't matter. He has asked for forgiveness every time these things happen.

[A]

What are these things? I mean, he yells at people or what?

[B]

Trying to think of a real quick example. He doesn't know when to quit. When people say, I don't want to talk about that, he, he won't quit. And I've talked to my pastor about it and he's tried to set up times to talk with him, but he'll. He just says that he will go to counseling, but then it never happens. So we've been living separately in our own home here for about six months.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I do not like that your daughter and your grandkids are driving this. You owe your marriage more than that. How long you been married?

[B]

We've been married for 41 years.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And maybe you, you need to go.

[A]

You. Without your daughter's input. I'm tired of her input already. You need to go sit down with a counselor and start talking to the counselor about how to talk to your husband of 40 years. That you're going to require him to sit down in counseling with you. And you need to be able to give some words to that for him for you to stay in the marriage.

[B]

Okay, well, then I put boundaries around things, and I may have. I think maybe I jumped ahead. This has just been getting progressively worse.

[A]

Yeah, because you ran off to the. You ran off to another city for three weeks at a time and griped with your daughter about how bad a man this is that you've been married to for 40 years. Of course it's not getting better.

[B]

Well, and I hate to correct you there, I really do, but that is not how it's panned out. It's what you told me. Well, yeah, I'm trying to be careful here because this has been ongoing for years and years, and my going there so much has just recently started to pick up because of the need there. I am not running away from my home here and my responsibilities here. And I'm confident of that, and my master is confident of that.

[A]

All right, then you guys have to decide if you're going to be married, and then you need to decide that, and then you'll decide whether you're going to do stuff. No, I would not try to live in two different cities and act like we're not married when we're still married. That would. That would be suicidal. Relationally, emotionally, financially.

[B]

Yes. So I'm, you know, deciding our home here is paid off.

[A]

When you, when you divorce, you turn your. Your balance sheet into a business, and you're just going to look at what we own and what we owe, and that's going to be split. And so you guys start thinking about that.

[B]

Yes. And I have. And I, I contacted, I have my investment account, the 1.3 million with 1 of the brands, and I went to another one of the brands to have, because I'm right now 90, 10 in stocks and then bonds.

[A]

Well, you don't need to move anything until you decide if it's what's going to be split.

[B]

Exactly, exactly.

[A]

So right now you need to decide. First thing we got to do is just add it all up and start talking to a diverse attorney. And how much of that's going to be yours? How much of it's going to be his? Because in most states, it's down the middle.

[B]

Right. It's 50, 50 here. And he says, my husband says he understands that. I mean, I've managed all that. I've built it. We've done it together. But he said, you deserve more than that. But I said, well, beyond that, we just need to figure out what we're going to do. And they worked out this plan for me with a 50, 50 split. But with it changing from 9010 stocks and bonds to 7030 stocks and bonds. So I had a question for you about that. I was thinking about going with a second company, but they do individual stocks. And I know that generally you just. You do not do that.

[A]

No, I wouldn't do any of that. I think you got a whole lot bigger plant problem than whether you're in stocks or bonds. Honey, in a marriage of 41 years, you need to think about. You all need to concentrate on that. And you need to put a bow on that one way or another. Either we're in a healing mode or we're in an ending mode. When it ends, you take your poker chips off the table. Then you sit down and you know how you can go to a Ramsey Solutions and click on SmartVestor Pro. They'll sit down, put you in some mutual funds is what I would do. It's pretty simple. I wouldn't be in stocks, I wouldn't be in bonds. I wouldn't be in 70, 30. I wouldn't be in 90 10, be 100% of mutual funds. That's what I'm in. And you've been listening to me. You already knew that. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.