How Do I Get My Share Of The House I Own With My Mom?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "How Do I Get My Share Of The House I Own With My Mom?"

Episode Overview In the August 10, 2025 episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, Dave Ramsey addresses a caller's dilemma regarding co-ownership of a family home. The caller seeks guidance on extricating himself from a shared mortgage arrangement with his mother and grandfather amidst rising living costs and personal financial ambitions.

Caller’s Situation and Background At the outset (00:06), the caller, a 50-year-old individual, explains that seven years prior, he co-signed a mortgage for his grandparents' house. The grandparents provided the down payment, making the caller and his mother co-owners on the mortgage and deed. The grandfather, in his upper 80s, morally holds a one-third stake due to his financial contribution.

Financial Breakdown Dave Ramsey delves into the financial specifics (01:10), revealing that the house is valued at approximately $575,000, with an outstanding mortgage of around $250,000. Consequently, the caller’s equity share stands at roughly $100,000. The caller confirms these figures, seeking validation (01:16, 01:27).

Challenges in Exiting the Co-Ownership The primary issue arises from the grandfather's advanced age and the mother's limited financial resources. The caller expresses a desire to relocate to a more affordable area to enhance his wealth-building opportunities (00:39, 03:46), but faces obstacles:

1. Grandfather’s Involvement: The grandfather is unlikely to agree to sell the property, given his age and emotional ties.
2. Mother’s Financial Constraints: With an income of $70,000 to $75,000 and no substantial retirement savings (02:27), the mother cannot afford to buy out the caller’s share.

Dave Ramsey’s Strategic Advice Dave Ramsey emphasizes the necessity of selling the property to liberate the caller from the mortgage liability (02:16, 05:12). He outlines potential solutions:

1. Post-Grandfather Sale: Ramsey suggests waiting until the grandfather passes away, facilitating the sale and equitable distribution of proceeds (06:00, 05:58).

   “When Pop dies, we're selling the house.” (06:00)

2. Blunt Communication: He advises the caller to have a straightforward conversation with his mother to communicate his intentions clearly, ensuring there is no ambiguity (06:10).

   “You need to have that, like, a very kind and low key but very blunt conversation.” (06:10)

3. Email Follow-Up: Ramsey recommends following up the discussion with an email to document the agreement and reaffirm the decision (06:45).

Emotional and Logistical Considerations The episode underscores the emotional complexities involved in disentangling family financial agreements. Ramsey acknowledges the caller's frustration with the arrangement, labeling it as a “convoluted, horrible idea” (05:12) and stresses that such agreements often inadvertently trap younger family members rather than serving as blessings.

“You're not blessing them, you're trapping them.” (07:12)

He also points out the impracticality of expecting financially strained family members to facilitate the caller’s exit by selling the property or providing him with the necessary funds.

Conclusion and Final Insights Dave Ramsey concludes by reinforcing the importance of removing oneself from unmanageable financial obligations to prevent foreclosure and preserve personal financial health. He emphasizes that while the caller has the intent to leave the shared mortgage, the feasibility hinges on the willingness of other co-owners to cooperate. Ramsey urges proactive communication and strategic planning to navigate out of the financially detrimental situation.

Notable Quotes

• On Realizing the Flawed Arrangement:

  “Yeah, took a little while to realize how dumb it was, huh?” (02:10)

• On the Necessity of Selling:

  “We would sell the house and everybody would get their money out and everybody be going on their merry way.” (05:12)

• On Financial Responsibility Across Generations:

  “Moms and dads and grandparents don't do this to your kids. You're not blessing them, you're trapping them.” (07:12)

Key Takeaways

• Equity Evaluation: Understanding the financial stake in shared property is crucial for informed decision-making.
• Communication is Vital: Clear and direct conversations with co-owners can pave the way for equitable solutions.
• Plan for the Future: Anticipating and strategizing for life changes can prevent prolonged financial entanglements.
• Personal Financial Health: Prioritizing one’s own financial stability is essential, even when familial obligations complicate matters.

This episode serves as a practical guide for individuals grappling with shared property ownership, highlighting the importance of financial literacy, strategic planning, and open communication in resolving complex family financial issues.

---

Timestamp Reference Key:

• [00:02] – Introduction/Ad
• [00:06] – Caller’s initial inquiry
• [00:39] – Age and ownership details
• [01:10] – Financial breakdown
• [02:16] – Caller’s situation realization
• [05:12] – Solution proposition
• [06:10] – Communication advice
• [07:12] – Final insights on family financial dynamics

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Caller]

So seven years ago I was asked to co sign a house for my grandparents. They put down the down payments and then I became co owner with my mother. Now I'm at a point where I need to get out. I feel like I'm at a different point in my life where the cost of living in Connecticut is sky high and I have the ability to be mobile with my job and work in a different place where I can build wealth. I was wondering if you had any advice on how to. To get out of this.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow. So you and your mom are 50. 50.

[Caller]

Morally, a third piece with. Between my grandfather, my mother and myself, yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, okay. And you're co signed with your grandfather and your mother?

[Caller]

My grandfather put the down payment. My mother and I legally own it on paper.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, okay. So the two of you are on the mortgage and on the deed, but morally he owns one third because of the down payment.

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

I see. Okay. And what is the house worth?

[Caller]

Online it says 575.

[Dave Ramsey]

And what's the current mortgage? Yeah.

[Caller]

240, 250.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so there's 300,000. So your share is worth a hundred grand, give or take.

[Caller]

Does that sound right about right?

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. All right. I don't think you're gonna get your money out, kid, unless they're all willing to sell.

[Caller]

I don't know. Probably not my grandfather, so he's 80 something, upper 80s. So that was.

[Dave Ramsey]

Does he live there? Who lives in there?

[Caller]

We all live in the house together.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, joyful. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah. So 25 when this deal went down. Now I might my, you know, lower 30s, and I'm like, wait a minute.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Took a little while to realize how dumb it was, huh?

[Caller]

Okay, it didn't sound great at the time, but I wasn't too concerned. That's where my brain was.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, gotcha. So what's your mother's financial situation?

[Caller]

Not the greatest. I don't think she has much retirement.

[Dave Ramsey]

And is she retired?

[Caller]

No, she's probably working for the next 15 years.

[Dave Ramsey]

What does she make.

[Caller]

70? 75.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, I don't hear your 80 something year old grandfather buying you out, and I don't hear your broke mother buying you out. So there's only one way out because I mean, if your mother made $200,000 a year and she could go get a mortgage, a new mortgage, and borrow enough extra to give you 50 or 60 grand and you could go away, I would suggest you take a deep discount and take that and Leave. Okay. And that would also get you off the mortgage, which I'm actually more concerned about you getting off of the mortgage liability than I am you getting your money out of this because you didn't put any money into it. But if you go live somewhere else and then she doesn't pay the bill because you're not there to help support this house anymore, you're going to get foreclosed on, and we can't do that. That doesn't make sense. So.

[Co-host]

I have a quick question. You said you're mobile and what you can do and it feels, like, remotely.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Co-host]

So seems like you probably want to spread your wings and go somewhere else. Is that true?

[Caller]

Yeah. The cost of living here is actually ridiculous.

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you make?

[Caller]

100,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Co-host]

If you were to go somewhere else.

[Dave Ramsey]

You pay one third of the payment.

[Co-host]

Yeah, that's what I was wondering.

[Caller]

Yeah. So my. Yes. So I'd probably do a third of the mortgage, which is like 700 bucks. Interest rate on the mortgage is 4.25. And then there's the living expenses. Probably brings me up to like 1500.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And just regular bills.

[Dave Ramsey]

See, the problem is, is the answer to your question is how do you get out? Is the property gets sold. But I don't know where your grandfather and your mother live.

[Caller]

Then that. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

I mean, I don't know how.

[Caller]

I don't know how I can move off and be successful while they also continue to be successful.

[Co-host]

If you live somewhere else, I'm guessing you've thought about this before you called us. If you live somewhere else, have you run some numbers on how much you could reduce your current cost of living?

[Caller]

I just. See. I don't know if I have the numbers exactly, but I see there are, like, other places, let's say Delaware, for instance, where, you know, the house for the amount of houses you get, for the amount of money is, you know, I can cut it in half.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So if we could find a place to park your grandpa and your mom, we would sell the house and everybody would get their money out and everybody be going on their merry way. Okay. He'd have 100 grand, your mom would have 100 grand, you'd have 100 grand, and we'd be out of this convoluted, horrible idea that you guys have engaged in. But if they don't have a place to live with $100,000, that's not going to work. Nobody's going to sign up for that. Okay. So I think I'm going to begin a lot. If you could figure that out. That's the way to do it. If you can't figure that out. And I don't know what to tell you on that right now, so I can't figure it out yet.

[Caller]

Yeah, it's just.

[Dave Ramsey]

I would tell your mom, when Pop dies, we're selling the house.

[Caller]

We have had that conversation. And we're also the family gathering house. So I'm slowly trying to.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't. That's irrelevant. They all. They can just go rent an apartment. I mean, they go rent a music hall, dance hall or whatever. I don't care. I don't have to be the dadgum event center. That's ridiculous. So, no, Mom, mom, mom, mom. When Pop dies, we're selling the house. We have to, because I have to get off this mortgage. And I'm not gonna put. I'm not gonna demand that we do this now and put everybody in the street. But you need to know I'm going to Delaware. I'm gonna keep paying my share until he dies. And when he dies, we're selling the house. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you need to have that, like, a very kind and low key but very blunt conversation. I don't want any nuance around this. And follow it up with an email. Mom, this is what we talked about. This is an uncomfortable conversation, but I'm letting you know I cannot stay in this until you die. But I will stay in it until Pop dies. Okay.

[Caller]

Right. And I had that understanding at 25 that it was until my grandparents. You know what I mean?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I know. But everybody has short memories because these ideas of those kind of crap you all have signed up for is what you're. It's just a horrible deal. Who would. So moms and dads and grandparents don't do this to your kids. You're not blessing them, you're trapping them. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.