How Do I Prepare For Divorce As A Stay-At-Home Mom?

Summary

Summary of "How Do I Prepare For Divorce As A Stay-At-Home Mom?"

Episode: How Do I Prepare For Divorce As A Stay-At-Home Mom?
Release Date: June 14, 2025
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Christy shares her distressing situation as a stay-at-home mom facing impending divorce after nearly two decades of marriage and raising six children. With expert insights from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze, the discussion delves into the financial and emotional challenges Christy is encountering, offering listeners practical advice on navigating such a tumultuous period.

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Christy's Predicament

Christy begins by outlining her current turmoil:

Christy (00:06): "My husband, we have six children together. We've been married for almost 20 years and he wants to file for a divorce this summer. I've been a stay at home mom for 14 years... Just trying to figure out how to financially prepare myself for everything coming ahead."

Christy's narrative reveals a steady decline in her financial stability and marital relationship:

• Financial Struggles:

  • In 2010, Christy and her husband successfully managed their finances, teaching Financial Peace University (FPU) and eliminating debt.
  • By 2020, her husband began accruing significant credit card debt, misleading Christy about their financial status.
  • Despite taking out additional mortgages to cover the debts, the situation worsened, leading to a total of almost $60,000 in credit card debt by earlier this year.

• Marital Breakdown:

  • The financial strain has been accompanied by deteriorating marital relations.
  • Christy describes her husband withdrawing emotionally and physically, ceasing communication, and creating a chaotic household environment.

Christy (01:39): "When you say he's... based on our kids..."

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Expert Responses and Guidance

Rachel Cruze and Dave Ramsey respond to Christy's story, providing emotional support and practical advice.

Emotional Response and Validation

Rachel Cruze empathizes with Christy's emotional state, acknowledging the unpredictability and suddenness of her husband's decision to divorce:

Rachel Cruze (02:03): "So yeah, you don't get to make that. Like that's like pulling a pin on a grenade and rolling it in the living room and saying that's going to blow up sometime."

Legal and Financial Advice

Dave Ramsey emphasizes the importance of understanding legal rights and financial entitlements in divorce, especially given Christy's long-term role as a stay-at-home mom:

Dave Ramsey (03:09): "In Most states with six children in a 20 year marriage... It's almost all going to go to you and the kids."

Key Points:

• Income Allocation: With a household income of approximately $117,000, much of it will likely be allocated towards alimony and child support, substantially benefiting Christy and their children.

• Legal Representation: Dave advises Christy to consult with an attorney to understand her rights and to ensure that her husband's financial obligations, such as life insurance, are addressed.

Dave Ramsey (03:14): "And by the way, you can. He can go ahead and start paying that now when he moves out next week after you meet with Your lawyer."

Rachel Cruze adds further legal considerations, stressing that who files for divorce typically does not influence the outcome regarding child support and alimony:

Rachel Cruze (05:06): "I'm wondering here if he's trying to force you into filing because he thinks somehow that's going to help him financially on the back end..."

Rachel Cruze (05:49): "Doesn't matter."

Managing Expectations

The experts caution against underestimating the complexities involved in divorce, especially when children are involved:

Rachel Cruze (07:03): "It's so important. People think when they're in a tough spot in their marriage... they're exhausted... they want to get a divorce... it's important to note that's just not how divorce works."

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Practical Steps for Preparation

Christy is advised to take proactive measures to secure her financial future:

1. Consultation with an Attorney: Scheduled for Monday, this meeting will help Christy understand her legal standing and ensure her husband's financial obligations are enforced.

2. Budgeting: Utilizing tools like the EveryDollar app can assist in creating a sustainable budget to manage post-divorce finances.

3. Life Insurance: Christy needs to obtain a new life insurance policy, as her current one has lapsed.

4. Financial Independence: Starting a part-time job as a preschool teacher allows Christy to earn income while being present for her young child.

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Conclusion

The episode provides a compassionate yet practical roadmap for stay-at-home parents like Christy who face the daunting prospect of divorce. By highlighting the importance of legal counsel, financial planning, and emotional resilience, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze offer valuable insights to help listeners navigate similar challenges. The discussion underscores that, while divorce is inherently difficult, understanding one's rights and taking deliberate steps can foster stability and security for both parents and children.

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Notable Quotes:

• Christy (00:29): "Holy moly."

• Rachel Cruze (02:03): "So yeah, you don't get to make that. Like that's like pulling a pin on a grenade and rolling it in the living room and saying that's going to blow up sometime."

• Dave Ramsey (03:14): "And by the way, you can. He can go ahead and start paying that now when he moves out next week after you meet with Your lawyer."

• Rachel Cruze (05:49): "Doesn't matter."

• Rachel Cruze (07:03): "It's so important. People think when they're in a tough spot in their marriage... they're exhausted... they want to get a divorce... it's important to note that's just not how divorce works."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and advice provided in the episode, offering valuable guidance to listeners facing similar situations.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Christy]

My husband, we have six children together. We've been married for almost 20 years and he wants to file for a divorce this summer. I've been a stay at home mom for 14 years. I've had a little bit of part time income, what works with our kids schedule but essentially everything's valued under him, so to speak. Just trying to figure out how to financially prepare myself for everything coming ahead.

[Dave Ramsey]

Holy moly.

[Rachel Cruze]

What happened, Christy?

[Christy]

Honestly, I really don't know. Back in 2010 when we had our third child, we actually used to teach FPU and paid off all our debt. Things were going really well, had three more kids. And then in 2020 my husband, when we refinanced Amster House, confessed to me that he had been using credit cards and drove up some debt. So we took out a little extra money on our home loan to pay off those. He promised me he was going to cancel all those and they going to be done. And then earlier this year I found out again he had driven up almost $60,000 in credit card debt. So we took out a second mortgage against the house to pay for all that because as you can imagine all the credit card fees was hundreds and hundreds to thousand dollars a month, not to mention balances. And then he kind of. Things went downhill really quickly after that. So yeah, it's been a very difficult year. Our oldest started college this year. We've got kids from 18 all the way down to 4 years old. The 4 year old is in my preschool class. Currently I'm a preschool teacher to try to make money because I can have my son with me. So yeah, life's a little chaos. I just want to try to be prepared. I just found out that he hasn't been paying my life insurance so I'm going to need to get a new life insurance policy as well. Just kind of everything's up on end. When you say he's appreciate your advice.

[Rachel Cruze]

I appreciate that. When you say he's filing for divorce this summer. Summer. Is he still living with y' all?

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

So yeah, you don't get to make that. Like that's like pulling a pin on a grenade and rolling it in the living room and saying that's going to blow up sometime. Like you don't get to do that. Like because you're, you're, you're deadman walking. There's going to be a cancer in your house.

[Dave Ramsey]

So he's not saying you don't get to do it. He's saying your husband.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, he didn't get to do that. If you're divorcing me, then you're out.

[Christy]

Because here's the thing, marriage back in the fall and stuff and I wasn't allowed to talk to him anymore and he quit sleeping in our room and started hiding in other parts of the house and I'm not allowed to know where he's at and we don't communicate about the kids. It's got.

[Dave Ramsey]

He's not allowed to live there anymore.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, he's out because now he's. Now he's a man who has said I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore spiritually, romantically or legally.

[Dave Ramsey]

And if your spirit leaves you should take your body with you.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. Now he's a man that is causing havoc in the lives of your kids and with you. You can't have your cake and eat it too on this one.

[Christy]

Yeah. I don't know what to do about it though.

[Dave Ramsey]

So have you contacted an attorney yet?

[Christy]

I'm meeting with one on Monday to figure out what some of my legal rights are good for you.

[Dave Ramsey]

And what does your husband, what does your husband make a year?

[Christy]

He makes. I think it was 117 on our last tax return.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So your, your legal rights in Most states with six children in a 20 year marriage are. He's not going to have much of that 117 left. By the time he finishes with alimony and child support. It's almost all going to go to you and the kids.

[Christy]

What if he pushes. Iowa's a 50?

[Dave Ramsey]

No, that's the law, honey. It's not. He didn't get to push his opinion. Doesn't matter.

[Rachel Cruze]

Dave, tell me if I'm wrong. I think 5050 is about assets.

[Dave Ramsey]

50, 50's assets. But it's not. I'm not talking about his in, I'm talking about his income. The amount that a judge in most states will give you on a 20 year marriage, on alimony plus six children worth of child support percentage wise is going to take those two things together are going to take up a lot of that 117. And it's going to go to you to take care of the kids. So you're not going to have to take care of the kids and feed them and pay the house payment on a part time daycare salary and you can get your, and you can get your life insurance. And by the way, you can. He can go ahead and start paying that now when he moves out next week after you meet with Your lawyer. Your lawyer can explain to him that that's what his stuff is going to be, and so he can start paying that. Now, in most states, the judge will. Judge will require that. I'm not an attorney, and I have no idea how you do things in South Dakota, but in most states, that's a general law, the way things flow. Okay. And so I'm always amazed that guys think they're going to just walk away and take all of their income and they have six kids left back there.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, they imagine.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's like. Like I'm gonna. I'll be sure and send you $5.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, Christy, I want you to ask your attorney this one important, multiple questions, whatever you have, but make sure you ask this question. I'm hearing this happen more and more and more where somebody says, I want to divorce you, but depending on what state you're in, whoever files, quote, unquote, looks like the bad guy. So I. I'm wondering here if he's trying to force you into filing because he thinks somehow that's going to help him financially on the back end, or he can go to a judge and be like, I don't know, man, she just. She just filed on me, and here just poor old me. So ask your attorney. If it matters, who files the paperwork.

[Dave Ramsey]

In most states regarding child support and alimony.

[Rachel Cruze]

Doesn't matter.

[Dave Ramsey]

Won't matter.

[Rachel Cruze]

Good.

[Dave Ramsey]

It won't matter. Now, on some other things that we're arguing about, maybe, okay, a judge might step in and have some leeway, but it's a matter of law. It's not a matter of the judge's whimsical decision.

[Rachel Cruze]

But, Dave, I cannot tell you how often I'm hearing this now where somebody doesn't want to. They want out of the marriage, and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Most of the time, they don't want to be the bad guy spiritually, before God. I'm not the one that filed. Although I caused the thing.

[Rachel Cruze]

I caused the thing. I left you. I just. I caused chaos in your house and finances.

[Dave Ramsey]

But you with six children.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

What, after running up credit cards three different times. Deceptively. This guy's a real treat.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, and you did. You just said it. It's so important. People think when they, like, they're in a tough spot in their marriage. Everybody gets in those moments. Or there's a bunch of kids running around. You're exhausted. Work's crazy. The. The government's. All this stuff. And you think, if I could just extract myself from this situation and plant myself somewhere else, ah, all this would go away. I want to get a divorce. And Dave, you called it out. It's important to note that's just not how divorce works. When you extract yourself and you just plant yourself somebody somewhere else, man, it comes with so many other strings and payments and connections and there's juggling kids.

[Dave Ramsey]

Schedules, so many things the law is going to dictate to. Even without Christie wanting it.

[Christy]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

The law is still going to make him do certain things in most states. Again, not an expert. I'm not an attorney and I don't practice law in South Dakota. You need to talk to somebody that does on Monday. And then you need to start taking a position of strength on this. This guy is playing. Weird stuff going on here. Yeah, that's sad. I'm so sorry you're facing Christie. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget.