How Do I Tell My Girlfriend I Lied About How Much Money I Make?

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Title: How Do I Tell My Girlfriend I Lied About How Much Money I Make?
Date: November 17, 2025
Hosts: Rachel Cruze & Jada Cruze
Caller: Trey

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around Trey, a caller seeking advice on how to come clean to his girlfriend, Shayla, about being less than honest regarding his credit card debt. As he and Shayla contemplate marriage, Trey is grappling with embarrassment and worry over the financial transparency required in their relationship. Rachel and Jada Cruze guide Trey through the emotional and practical elements of this dilemma, focusing on honesty, healthy financial habits, and the foundation of trust in a relationship.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Trey’s Financial Situation

• Trey’s Debt: About $4,000 in credit card debt, up from the $2,000 he previously disclosed to his girlfriend.
• Timeframe: He mentioned the $2k a few weeks ago, but since then added another $2k mostly on apartment-related purchases (00:06–01:41).
• Reason for Debt Increase: Needed to buy new furniture and household items for his apartment after returning borrowed items to his sister and felt pressured by time constraints (01:35–03:47).

2. The Disclosure Dilemma

• Admission: Trey admits he’s feeling guilty for not being fully transparent. His girlfriend is listening to the show as he calls in, increasing the emotional stakes (02:18–02:45).
• Honesty Timeline: Jada clarifies that the deception was recent rather than a long-term lie, but emphasizes the need to address it quickly (01:15–01:25, 05:21–05:40).

3. Emotional Motivations & Communication Patterns

• Reasons for Concealment: Trey points to embarrassment and fear of disappointing Shayla, especially as they discuss marriage and saving for a future together (05:40–06:13).
• Positive Steps: Rachel and Jada stress that coming on the show is already a step toward vulnerability and honest communication, which are essential to building trust (06:14–07:16).

4. Advice for Handling Debt & Relationship Transparency

• Learning to Pause: Rachel and Jada encourage Trey to avoid feeling rushed into debt and to consider alternatives like borrowing furniture or buying less expensive options (04:10–04:56).
• Building Trust: Both hosts urge Trey to be transparent in relationships and start marital life on a foundation of open communication, even about minor things like pots and pans (06:34–07:32).
• Establishing Healthy Patterns: The principle matters more than the amount—secrets erode trust, so honest communication is vital, regardless of how “small” the secret may seem (07:32–07:39).

5. Practical Financial Steps Forward

• Cut Up Credit Cards: Jada and Rachel advise Trey to cut up his credit cards immediately and start cash-flowing expenses for the future, including the upcoming engagement and wedding costs (07:39–08:21).
• Unified Financial Planning: They celebrate Shayla’s involvement and level-headedness and suggest that she and Trey continue their joint focus on responsible financial habits (07:48–08:35).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Facing the Music:
  “This is like Maury, why did you make it like this, Trey?”
  — Rachel Cruze (02:34)

• On Relationship Foundations:
  “Starting off marriage with hiding the pots and pans… Trey, we don’t wanna do that. Secrets start to—that erodes trust so fast.”
  — Jada Cruze (06:34)

• On Alternatives to Going into Debt:
  “Could I go on Craigslist? Or an air mattress?”
  — Rachel Cruze (04:39)
  “Or an air mattress. A hundred dollar air mattress. I slept on an air mattress for a long time.”
  — Jada Cruze (04:54)

• On Small Lies and Trust:
  “Let me just say to lighten the load a little bit that it’s $2,000. Okay. Some people… it could be much worse. But regardless of the amount, it’s the principle behind it.”
  — Jada Cruze (07:16)

• On Making Changes Together:
  “Once you start doing stuff that we talk about—so cut up the credit cards, you guys. Cash flow… She sounds amazing, I know she’s listening. Girl, we are for you. We are on her team and your team.”
  — Jada Cruze (07:48)

• On Relationship Status:
  “Right now, I’ve been with her off and on for about a year now, but I have been secured with her… going on three months now.”
  — Trey (08:24)

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Important Timestamps

• Trey describes his debt and the minor lie: 00:06–01:13
• Discussion of why Trey hid the truth: 01:13–02:20
• Shayla, the girlfriend, is listening: 02:20–02:45
• Breakdown of purchases and debt cause: 01:35–03:47
• Hosts discuss urgency and avoiding debt traps: 04:10–04:56
• Advice on open communication and building trust: 06:14–07:32
• Call to cut up credit cards & plan financially as a couple: 07:39–08:35

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Tone & Closing Thoughts

The hosts handle Trey’s dilemma with a mix of empathy and straight talk, maintaining their trademark blend of warmth, humor, and tough love. Their core message is clear: building a future together starts with honesty and good financial habits—no matter how minor the issue may seem. They remind listeners (and Trey) that small secrets can grow into big problems, and that open dialogue is both freeing and foundational for long-term relationship health.

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Transcript

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

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[Trey]

I'm about $4,000 in credit card debt right now. I don't have any other loans nor any other. Anything else. And basically, me and my girlfriend have been talking about getting married, and I've been thinking about just engaging to her soon and stuff, and she. We've been talking about homes and everything like that, and we've been. I've been talking to her about the show, but I just want to know, how can I tell my girlfriend that I kind of lied about my financial situation?

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, no.

[Jada Cruze]

You lied. What happened?

[Trey]

So basically, I only told her, like, $2,000.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why did you lie, Trey? Why?

[Trey]

So at first, that's where I was at, and then I started just. It started racking up over time. But I did get my first. Well, my third apartment, and then I just. Now it is.

[Rachel Cruze]

So let me make this. Let me understand. When you told her you had 2k, did you have 2k and then you accumulated another two without telling her that you accumulated while you were accumulating the other two?

[Trey]

Yes.

[Jada Cruze]

Okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. That makes me feel a little bit.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. So you didn't lie to her, like, upfront, but you've not been honest with her since. When was that conversation that you told her 2k and now it's 5k was a year ago or like, two weeks ago?

[Trey]

It was a couple. It was a couple weeks ago.

[Jada Cruze]

Couple weeks ago.

[Rachel Cruze]

So you accumulated the 2K in two weeks?

[Trey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, okay.

[Jada Cruze]

Doing what again? Did you say your third apartment? What. What was the 2k for?

[Trey]

2K was used mainly for. Basically, like, a lot of the, like, stuff that I have, like, currently, I got a lot of new stuff that I really haven't kind of told her about either. Like, I got a lot of new stuff.

[Rachel Cruze]

Name it.

[Trey]

I got a new bed.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay.

[Trey]

I got a new bed. I got some other, like. Like, pots, pan stuff like that.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Because you just moved.

[Jada Cruze]

Okay. So you're buying stuff for the apartment.

[Trey]

I moved. Not too. So basically, I moved not too long ago, but I've been at her apartment a lot of my time.

[Rachel Cruze]

Understood.

[Trey]

So a lot of the stuff has been at. I've been at her apartment, and I've been long ago, and I'm like, I should move in.

[Rachel Cruze]

What do you think will happen if you say, hey, just so you know.

[Trey]

She'S listening now, so she's probably hearing me.

[Rachel Cruze]

Is she there with you, or is she, like, at work listening and you're gonna come home to Fury.

[Trey]

She's, like, listening on the. Yes, I'm gonna.

[Jada Cruze]

All right, well, hi, Trey's girlfriend. I hope you're doing well.

[Rachel Cruze]

This is like, Maury, why did you make it like this, Trey? Okay, so what's your girlfriend's name? Can you say it since she's listening?

[Trey]

Oh, Shayla.

[Rachel Cruze]

Shayla.

[Jada Cruze]

Shayla.

[Trey]

I can say it.

[Rachel Cruze]

All right, Shayla. Now you know. And we're trying to tell him he needs to come home tonight and tell you what happened, but he's telling you now. So the key here is you need to start paying this off. What are you making? What do you earn, Trey?

[Trey]

So I originally earned about 48, but now I make around 50 because I got a 4% pay increase.

[Rachel Cruze]

Good.

[Trey]

So I'm like, around 50 a year at this point. I've been talking. Me and her have been talking about this. Like, we've been talking about your show. We've been talking about the baby steps. I sent it to her today and stuff. So we've been really talking and honing in, and we've been talking about all this stuff about getting out of debt. She kind of told me where she's in debt on her end.

[Rachel Cruze]

How much does she have?

[Trey]

But I kind of just like around 8 or 9,000, and it's in student loans.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Now, can I ask you, Trey, if you've been listening to this show, what caused you to go. I mean, you have a fine income, 50,000. What caused you to go into debt to buy pots and pans and a bed? Why didn't you just cash flow? That what was going through your mind?

[Trey]

So at first the problem was, was that I had to get the stuff that's currently in my apartment. The, like, couch and bed stuff is not mine. It was my sister, so I had to give that back to her.

[Rachel Cruze]

Got you. So you felt like you were in a time crunch?

[Trey]

Yes, I was in a time crunch situation where it was like I have to, you know, kind of spend it. Just kind of do it. Either do it now.

[Rachel Cruze]

So I just want to encourage you going forward. I love that you and your and Shayla are listening to the show. I love that you guys are starting to hone in on this. I just want to encourage you and also just admonish you going forward. There's always going to be times where you feel like there's a time crunch. There's going to be times where you feel like you have to move fast.

[Jada Cruze]

Urgency is where the debt. The debt industry loves you when you're urgent, whether you're on a car lot, and you're like, I got to get a new car.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yes.

[Jada Cruze]

I moved to. Oh, God.

[Rachel Cruze]

They find you in crisis.

[Jada Cruze]

That's right. 100%. 100%.

[Rachel Cruze]

But if you can start now to exercise the muscle of just even taking a moment, taking a breather and going, okay, what can I do instead? Can I. Can I sleep on a friend's couch for a week while I save up some money? Yes. Could I go on Craigslist? Or an air mattress?

[Jada Cruze]

Or an air mattress. A hundred dollar air mattress.

[Rachel Cruze]

I slept on an air mattress for a long time.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah. So just always know, Trey, that there is always another option. Okay? So in a situation, whether it's furniture or a car, there are options out there. So slowing down is. Is a really big part of making wise financial decisions. Not feeling you're backed into a corner that. And then. And I would want to get to. And again, it's only been two weeks. So it's not like you've lived with this for months and, like, lied to her.

[Rachel Cruze]

Right.

[Jada Cruze]

You know, I mean, like. But I would want to know from you what's caused you to not tell her. Is it because she'll get mad? Is it that you're embarrassed? Is it that you wish you had done better and now you can have some guilt and shame around the choices that you've made? What was the main motivation? Do you know?

[Trey]

I would say, honestly, for me, the main thing was just like, you know, me and her have been talking about marriage and, like, we've been talking about how much we want to spend. She's been talking about being. Getting eloped. It says, so we can save a lot of that money. We don't just go in and just have this big wedding ceremony.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah.

[Trey]

And she's not looking for that. I think we've been. It was a situation where it was like, a little bit of embarrassment. Like, dang, like, you know, I didn't really want to tell her that I just did this because she's going to. She's going to tell me, hey, why did you do that? You didn't need to do that. We figured something out.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Even. Even this. Even this, Trey, is an example of just learning that communication pattern. You had a feeling about not telling her, you didn't tell her, but then even still, you came on the show as a strange way of telling her. I would just want to encourage you in the future just, if this is a person you love, you trust, go to them and tell them the truth.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah. And starting off marriage with hiding the pots and pans. Trey, we don't wanna do that. We don't wanna do that. We don't wanna get. We don't wanna get in that habit. Cause genuinely, I mean, secrets start to. That erodes trust so fast. And as honest as you can be. Trey, with her about this and going forward, I mean. Yeah, Jada, we've been married over a decade, both of us and to men.

[Rachel Cruze]

Our own husbands.

[Jada Cruze]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, that's right. Sorry.

[Jada Cruze]

Not to each other, to our own.

[Rachel Cruze]

We. One thing, I think we both could.

[Jada Cruze]

Say that, you know, there are things that are going to come up in life that you're embarrassed about and you're, you know, you don't like things.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's true. You know what I mean?

[Jada Cruze]

Like that is going to happen. And the moment you start hiding those things is where that trust erodes. So the more vulnerable and honest you can be trained. This is a great first step. And let me just say to lighten the. Lighten the load a little bit that it's $2,000. Okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

It's not.

[Jada Cruze]

Some people, you know, sometimes it could be much worse. It can be much worse. But. But that doesn't matter. Regardless of the amount, it's the principle behind it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Right.

[Jada Cruze]

That I want you to get in a healthy pattern of you guys communicating and being on and, And I want you to cut up the credit. Was it credit cards that you. That you charged it on? You said?

[Trey]

Yes, it was credit card.

[Jada Cruze]

Cut it up today. You guys have been talking and listening to the show. You've been talking about the show. Listen, the show. Once you start doing stuff that we talk about. So cut up the credit cards, you guys. Cash flow. She sounds amazing. I know she's listening. Girl. We are for you. We are on her team and your team. But she sounds so level headed and be wise about this, you know, if you don't have the money, don't buy it and let that start to be a pattern in your life and that. And that includes the engagement ring. That includes the wedding and the honeymoon and all the things. But yeah, I think. I think it's going to be awesome. Do you know when you're going to. Well, no, I don't ask.

[Rachel Cruze]

Well, how long have you been together.

[Trey]

Right now? I've been with her off and on. We were off and on for about a year now, but I have been secured with her for about. Through going on three months now.

[Jada Cruze]

Secured with her. That's a good.

[Rachel Cruze]

I don't know.

[Trey]

Really, really. Like that's a phase.

[Rachel Cruze]

I didn't know about.

[Trey]

Yeah. Secured like it before we stopped talking for a little bit, and then we got back together.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. Okay.

[Jada Cruze]

I like it. I like it, Trey. I'm excited for y'.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

All.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh, man. Love it.

[Jada Cruze]

And all the. All the security coming forward. It's great.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

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