Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: How Do I Trust My Boyfriend Will Stay Out Of Debt?

Date: November 1, 2025
Host: Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze
Guest Caller: Brittany

Overview

This episode centers around Brittany, a listener concerned about trusting her boyfriend with financial responsibility due to past relationship trauma. She seeks guidance on how to move forward without letting previous negative experiences dictate her current relationship. Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze discuss issues of trust, integrity, financial behavior, and practical steps couples can take to build transparency and security in their finances and relationship.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Brittany’s Background and Concern

• Brittany shares that she’s been with her boyfriend for a year and a half and they discuss finances regularly (00:06).
• She has past experience where her spouse misrepresented their financial habits, leading to trust issues and eventually divorce (00:27).
• Brittany’s main question: “How do I trust my boyfriend will stay out of debt, or that what we’ve discussed about money will still be true after marriage?” (00:47).

Addressing Wounds from Past Relationships

• Dave Ramsey: Points out that previous betrayal was a matter of integrity, not just spending:

  “So you married a man without integrity. And it probably that lack of integrity bled into other areas, which is actually why you got the divorce, right?” (00:34)

• Dave stresses the importance of discerning a partner’s character and not projecting old wounds on a new relationship, but balancing this with wisdom (01:26–02:14).
• Suggests additional support: “Sit down and talk to your counselor, your pastor about your wounds, which are valid wounds... I don’t want to superimpose the other jerk on the new guy.” (01:59–02:19)

Integrity Over Perfection

• Dave underscores choosing a partner “of integrity”—someone reliably themselves—rather than someone “perfect.” (01:27)
• “You need to date long enough that you are sure of his character.” (01:59)

Open Communication

• Brittany mentions: “We talk about [money] every day.”
• Dave jokes: “He’s probably sick of it.” (02:32)

The Boyfriend’s Financial Status

• Rachel Cruze asks directly: “So is he in debt now?” (03:06; repeated at 02:35)
• Brittany reveals her boyfriend “is not a lot—he’s got probably $20,000 to $30,000 in debt. I have none...”—but that he is not aggressively paying it off, although he has paid down a significant amount before (03:08–03:23).
• Rachel clarifies: “So you think in another year he could be completely debt free?” Brittany replies: “Yes... he could be debt free in the next six months if he wanted to.” (03:31–03:36)
• Dave's assessment: “He seems to be trending in a debt free direction. His behavior is there. It’s not just giving it mouth service. He’s actually doing it.” (03:38–03:53)

Should Engagement Wait Until Debt-Free?

• Brittany asks if it’s unwise to wait for engagement until he's debt-free (03:53).
• Dave:

  “No, I would not base my engagement on debt free. I would base my engagement on his pattern of behavior.” (04:06)

• Further emphasizes: “If you have to put out an ultimatum, I don’t know, in order to earn my hand, you will have ... that’s a little much.” (04:12–04:15)

Patterns vs. Perfection

• Dave and Rachel caution against making debt status the sole metric for relationship progress, emphasizing adult behavior and responsible decision-making (04:40–04:54):

  “We do tell them to wait on those things based on how they’re treating their debt. Are you being a freaking adult and addressing the issue, or are you still being a baby child?” —Dave Ramsey (04:42)

Navigating Trust After Financial Betrayal

• Dave shares a personal story about rebuilding trust with his wife after his bankruptcy:

  “I still, as a loving husband to this day, need to be aware that there is a wound when it comes to security around the issue of money with Sharon Ramsey.” (05:36)

• He calls for ongoing sensitivity:

  “You just need to be aware of each other’s wounded spots and go, why would we go there?” (06:55)

Transparency and Safeguards

• Rachel advises proactive transparency for couples:

  “There’s tactical things you can do once you’re married, like combining your bank account...doing that budget together, freezing your credit so that no one can go just take out a loan...If he goes and takes out debt behind your back, well, clearly there’s a very clear violation of trust here.” (07:48)

• Dave adds weight: “In this case, were he to do that, knowing that she has this sensitive spot, this is more than just a violation of trust.” (08:09)
• Rachel sums up: “That’s game over.” (08:21)

The Universal Nature of Money Baggage

• Dave notes this is a common issue for second marriages or anyone burned previously by money problems:

  “Money problems, money fights, number one cause of divorce in North America.” (08:56)

• Rachel: “A lot of people have that baggage from previous relationships, whether it’s family or a loved one, a marriage. And it takes a long time to heal from that and to trust again.” (09:07)

Building Trust—Concrete Steps

• Both hosts reinforce the importance of joint budgeting and financial transparency:

  “When there’s no money being spent that you’re not aware of and have agreed to, that makes trust really easy. And that’s called a budget...” —Dave Ramsey (09:33)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey (on character vs. guarantees):

  “You can’t be sure of that, except as sure as you are of the man’s character.” (01:27)

• Rachel Cruze (on trust):

  “It takes a long time to build the trust and you can destroy it in a second.” (07:14)

• Dave Ramsey (on sensitive spots):

  “It’s not unfair to ask me to be aware that she has that sensitive spot. Right. As a matter of fact, that’s just how you live together if you’re married.” (07:21)

• Rachel Cruze:

  “And if he goes and takes out debt behind your back, well, clearly there’s a very clear violation of trust here... that’s game over.” (07:48, 08:21)

• Dave Ramsey (relating Brittany’s experience to a broader audience):

  “I wanted to spend a minute on her question, because it’s not just for her. It’s for, you know, out of the 40 million people out there listening, it’s probably a couple more just like her.” (09:01)

Important Timestamps

• 00:06–01:06: Brittany sets the stage with her question about trust and money in relationships.
• 01:26–02:19: Discussion on integrity and balancing wisdom from past wounds.
• 03:06–03:36: Deep dive into the boyfriend’s debt status and progress.
• 04:06–04:40: Should marriage/waiting hinge on being debt-free?
• 05:36–06:55: Dave’s personal story of rebuilding financial trust in marriage.
• 07:48–08:21: Rachel and Dave outline practical trust/building steps and boundaries.
• 08:56–09:33: Discussion about money baggage and universal lessons for listeners.

Advice and Takeaways

• Choose a partner with integrity.
• Base relationship decisions on patterns of behavior, not financial perfection.
• Communicate honestly about past wounds and current fears.
• Work together towards financial transparency: combine bank accounts, budget together, protect credit.
• Healing takes time—trust is earned gradually and needs care, especially after past betrayal.
• Money issues are a common source of relationship stress, so be proactive, not reactive.