How Do We Have Security While Living Together?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "How Do We Have Security While Living Together?"

Episode Overview In the February 13, 2025 episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network delves into the complexities of providing security and protection within committed relationships without the formal institution of marriage. Hosted by experts Rachel Cruze, Chris, and John, the episode addresses a heartfelt question from Jessica in Nevada, exploring legal, emotional, and psychological facets of cohabitation and parenthood.

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Listener’s Dilemma: Cohabitation Without Marriage

Timestamp: [00:10]

Jessica, a listener from Nevada, presents her situation: She and her partner have been together for four years, both having endured traumatic divorces. They currently live together, share part-time custody of their children from previous marriages, and are expecting a baby together. Despite their deep commitment, they are hesitant to marry. Jessica seeks advice on how to ensure security and protection for themselves and their future child should unforeseen circumstances arise.

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Legal Protections: The Case for Marriage

Timestamp: [00:51] – Rachel Cruze

Rachel Cruze emphasizes the importance of marriage as a legal foundation:

"Married and give your kid a legal foundation for which good gosh, what a mess." [00:51]

Rachel advises that marriage provides comprehensive legal protections that cohabitation alone cannot offer. She suggests consulting a wills and estates attorney to explore other legal avenues but underscores marriage as the most robust option for safeguarding the family’s future.

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Emotional and Psychological Implications of Avoiding Marriage

Timestamp: [02:01] – Chris

Chris explores the emotional underpinnings of avoiding marriage:

"Some people... avoid marriage because it hurt last time. So we're gonna just not deal with it and do it our own way." [01:50]

He points out that bypassing marriage might stem from past traumas associated with divorce, leading couples to neglect essential legal protections. Chris highlights that this avoidance not only misses out on legal safeguards but also essential opportunities to heal and build a solid foundation for their new relationship.

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Commitment Levels and Relationship Stability

Timestamp: [03:53] – John

John draws parallels between legal protections and safety measures, illustrating the potential risks of not formalizing the relationship:

"It's like actually a better analogy is we're, we were driving in a car and we got in a wreck and we got hurt by our seat belt. And so we're going to drive again, but we're never wearing a seat belt again... it's going to be way bigger mess and the likelihood you're going to get hurt is way worse than what it was." [02:25]

He argues that just as wearing a seatbelt is a preventive measure for physical safety, marriage serves as a protective measure for legal and financial security. Without it, any future disputes or unforeseen events could result in significantly greater challenges.

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Government Involvement and Legal Responsibilities

Timestamp: [03:04] – John

John addresses concerns about government involvement in personal relationships:

"If you have a kid, the government's involved because they have. You made it one of their citizens. You've done that already, right?" [03:22]

He explains that certain legal bindings are inevitable once children are involved, such as citizenship and property ownership. Therefore, formalizing the relationship through marriage aligns with these existing legal frameworks, providing clarity and protection for all parties involved.

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The Importance of Being "All In"

Timestamp: [03:56] – John

John underscores the necessity of full commitment in marriage:

"You have to be all in. I wish there's another way to say it, but if you're not all in, then when things get rocky, which they will, you so much easier to leave." [03:56]

He suggests that marriage signifies total commitment, making it more challenging to dissolve the relationship during tough times. This commitment fosters stability and mutual support, which is especially vital when raising a child together.

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Potential Consequences of Remaining Unmarried

Timestamp: [04:10] – John

Highlighting the practical implications, John warns:

"If his name is on this house and you don't have a job and you become just baby mama or living girlfriend and y'all break up, you're in a mess." [04:11]

Without marriage, complications can arise in property ownership, custody arrangements, and financial responsibilities. Being unmarried can leave one partner vulnerable, particularly if there is a disparity in income or job security.

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Final Advice: Embrace Legal Protections Through Marriage

Timestamp: [04:47] – Rachel Cruze and [04:50] – John

Both Rachel and John express frustration over the chosen path of avoiding marriage:

Rachel: "But yeah, man, I, I hate this." [04:47]
John: "Y'all are trying to go swimming without getting wet and you're already in the pool, man." [04:55]

Their combined advice is clear: formalizing the relationship through marriage is the most effective way to ensure legal protection, emotional stability, and financial security for the family. They advocate for proactive measures, such as meeting with an estate attorney, to establish clear agreements and safeguards.

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Conclusion

The episode underscores the multifaceted importance of marriage in providing security and protection for couples and their children. While personal experiences and fears may lead some to avoid marriage, the consensus among the Ramsey Network experts is that marriage offers unparalleled legal and emotional benefits that cohabitation alone cannot match. By embracing the institution of marriage, couples can ensure a stable and protected environment for their growing families.

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Notable Quotes:

• Rachel Cruze at [00:51]: "Married and give your kid a legal foundation for which good gosh, what a mess."
• John at [02:25]: "It's like actually a better analogy is we're... never wearing a seat belt again. It's going to be way bigger mess."
• John at [03:56]: "You have to be all in... when things get rocky, it's so much easier to leave."
• John at [04:11]: "If his name is on this house and you don't have a job... you're in a mess."
• John at [04:55]: "You're trying to go swimming without getting wet and you're already in the pool, man."

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This episode serves as a comprehensive guide for couples navigating the complexities of cohabitation without marriage, emphasizing the critical role of legal and emotional safeguards in building a secure family foundation.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[John]

Today's question comes from Jessica in Nevada. Jessica writes, my partner and I have been together for four years. Both of us went through horrific divorces. We live together and have part time custody of our young children from those marriages. We are about to have a baby together but do not want to get married. Even though we are in a committed, loving relationship. How can we provide security and protection for each other and our baby in case something happens to one or both of us? My partner has a very well paying job. I'm a teacher. Once we have a baby, I'll probably work part time or stay at home for a while. So how can we provide security and protection for each other and our baby in case something happens to one or both of us? You're not like my answer, but get.

[Rachel]

Married and give your kid a legal foundation for which good gosh, what a mess.

[John]

I mean that's, I mean that's what.

[Rachel]

You need to do. I mean are you gonna sit down with the wills and estates attorney? I don't know the state of Nevada. They may have some specific, some different legal things. But the greatest gift you could give your kid is to process and heal.

[John]

From the horrific divorces.

[Rachel]

And both of y'all go to the therapy that you need and get the care that you all need and then don't throw the baby out with the bath water. And so y'all had a, like you.

[John]

Went through a really tough car wreck.

[Rachel]

That doesn't mean we never drive again, but that means we do need to get over the anxiety of getting in a car again. We got to practice driving. We get, got to get a new car. But we're going to have to get back out on the road sometime. And so the safest thing you can do is give your is get married and then if one of you dies then this, there's legal protections across the board there. But I'd go talk to an estate attorney. If you aren't going to do that. I don't really have an answer for you other than that.

[Chris]

Yeah. Because I do feel like some people, it's like this avoidance of like I don't want marriage because it hurt last time. So we're gonna just not deal with it and do it our own way.

[Rachel]

Exactly.

[Chris]

And because of that, what you miss so many opportunities to probably heal from those traumatic divorces of what you're saying and it actually causes you to face this fear of. Yeah. Of like I don't wanna do this again. I'm so scared. But yet we basically are married from like an emotion, right? We're living together. Like there's a level. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John]

But we think we've avoided a potential hurt because we don't have this, this legal standing. Right?

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

And what it's like, it's like actually a better analogy is we're, we were driving in a car and we got in a wreck and we got hurt by our seat belt. And so we're going to drive again, but we're never wearing a seat belt again. And what that means is if you get in another wreck, it's going to be way bigger mess and the likelihood you're going to get hurt is way.

[Rachel]

Worse than what it was.

[John]

And so you chose to get back into a romantic relationship. You chose to both share a house together, have a baby together. Both chose to make a human together. So the only thing you're not doing is protecting yourself with the, with the legal protection of a licensed marriage.

[Chris]

Yeah.

[John]

And dude, I've been getting this, I've been getting this question more and more and more like I don't want to get the government involved. If you have a kid, the government's involved because they have. You made it one of their citizens. You've done that already, right? If you buy a property with somebody, you've got the government involved. So it's cool to be like, I don't want to move on. They're involved, so move on.

[Chris]

Is there a site? What's the psychological like play here? When you're not married and doing all of this? Right. Living together, having a baby together. And then from, not just from a legal standpoint, but what does that do emotionally, psychologically? To say like, oh, well, we've entered a marriage is to something shift in that it can.

[John]

And if it's, you've got, you know, if, if, if they did go through horrific divorces, which I believe then yeah, if you have trauma surrounding a old behavior and you re engage in that new behavior, you're going to have to deal with it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris]

But is there a level of commitment? Like, is there something about the seriousness?

[John]

There's something about that. It does, yes. You, you have to be all in. I wish there's another way to say it, but if you're not all in, then when things get rocky, which they will, you so much easier to leave. Yeah, you hop out.

[Chris]

So much easier to leave.

[John]

And so what you're, what you're almost guaranteeing is any bumps in the road in the future, it's just going to be messier. Except quite honestly, Jessica and she's in a worse. I'm going to over gender this, but this, you're in the bad spot here because if his name is on this house and you don't have a job and you become just baby mama or living girlfriend and y'all break up, you're in a mess. Right. Having to re enter the workforce. So in a weird way, a marriage may protect you more right now. And so again, meet with a an estate attorney in Nevada and work that stuff out individually.

[Rachel]

But yeah, man, I, I hate this.

[John]

For you because y'all are. Y'all are in a mess. You're trying to.

[Rachel]

You're.

[Chris]

You're avoid a re.

[John]

You're trying to go swimming without getting wet and you're already in the pool, man.

[Rachel]

You're already in the pool.

[Dave Ramsey]

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