How Do We Kick Out My 52-Year-Old Daughter? (I'm 75)

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: “How Do We Kick Out My 52-Year-Old Daughter? (I'm 75)”

Date: February 12, 2026
Host(s): Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze
Guest Caller: Carol

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Carol, a 75-year-old retiree, and her husband seek advice from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze about how to ask their 52-year-old daughter—who has lived with them most of her life—to move out, so they can finally enjoy their retirement years in peace. The discussion covers enabling adult children, setting boundaries, navigating the potential fallout (including legal and emotional aspects), and how to do all of this with both compassion and firmness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Background: The Enabling Dynamic

• Carol explains (00:06–00:44) that their daughter has always been underemployed, never fully independent, and has mostly lived at home, except for short stints with boyfriends or another sibling.
• The couple can afford to let her stay, but Carol says, “she is annoying. We would like to be alone in our old age.” (00:25).

2. The Root Problem: Enabling & Lack of Boundaries

• Rachel Cruze immediately identifies enabling as the central issue:
  “The way you learn to not enable her is to stop the behavior today.” (01:27)
• Dave Ramsey is adamant:
  “You need to go kicking her out… she knows you guys will be a doormat and just keep going and let her come back and keep covering the bills whenever she's short.” (00:32 & 01:31)
• There is consensus that, because Carol and her husband never required their daughter to be independent, the responsibility now is to correct this pattern.

3. Setting Clear, Firm Boundaries

• The recommended approach is a firm deadline and unwavering follow-through:
  • “Hey, you need to leave by the end of this month.” (01:41)
  • “She’s basically squatters rights at this point…you might need to give a written notice…” (02:09)
• Legal considerations are raised, with Dave advising to check state tenant laws and to be prepared for official eviction processes if necessary.

4. How to Have the Conversation

• Rachel gives Carol a script for directness and clarity:
  “You’re going to sit down and you're going to say, daughter, this has gone on long enough. We have decided that you are moving out…at the end of the month and you’re going to move into your own place.” (03:14)
• Emphasis on support with limits:
  “…make sure that she at least ends up in a place…maybe it’s first and last month’s rent is paid so she can get into the place, but it’s up to her to keep…living expenses going and you let her know that.” (04:07)
• Rachel’s firm advice:
  “We’re not worried about you becoming homeless…We have the full confidence that you can do this. So please do not come and ask for any money because we will not be giving it to you. I love you, but this has to stop. For your good and for ours.” (04:30)

5. Emotional Fallout & Parental Guilt

• Dave acknowledges the emotional difficulty:
  “This is probably going to be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, Carol…But this is the best thing you can do for her because her growth has been stunted for far too long.” (05:21)
• Carol expresses deep parental concern:
  “We’re going to die.” (05:49)
• Dave comforts with realism:
  “It’s coming for all of us. No one escapes it. And so you need to have a real serious calm conversation telling her, here’s what’s going to happen.” (05:56)

6. Safety, Mental Health, and Additional Complexities

• Carol mentions possible threats of suicide from her daughter, confirmed by past attempts (06:22–06:34).
• Rachel’s advice: “I think your role is to get her set up with counseling.” (06:37)
• Dave adds practical support: “We’re going to cover six counseling sessions for you and cover first and last month. But you have three days to vacate…otherwise we're going to have to file an eviction…” (06:58)
• Importance of safety: “Have the non-emergency police line ready…” (07:16)

7. Staying Strong, Preparing Mentally

• Rachel prepares Carol for the backlash:
  “Something’s going to happen, she’s going to lash out, you know, and you’re going to want to do that old familiar song and dance.” (08:26)
• Carol says her husband is even more resolved. Rachel agrees both must present a united front.

8. The Right Way to Deliver the News

• Dave: “Warn her, say, hey, we’re going to have a hard conversation tonight. I want to let you know it’s going to be uncomfortable, but we need to have it.” (08:57)
• Rachel: “Don’t do this out of anger…You have to do this when you’re in your most cold state...your Zen.” (09:10)

9. Acceptance of What You Can’t Control

• Dave concludes with empathy and realism:
  “You can control what you do now, but you can’t control how they react and what they do next. And that’s the hard part.” (09:27)
• Rachel closes by recommending her book’s chapter on guilt and shame, for extra emotional support (09:49).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Carol (00:25): “She is annoying. We would like to be alone in our old age.”
• Dave Ramsey (01:31): “She knows you guys will be a doormat and just keep going and let her come back and keep covering the bills whenever she's short.”
• Rachel Cruze (01:27): “The way you learn to not enable her is to stop the behavior today.”
• Rachel Cruze (03:14): “We have decided that you are moving out…at the end of the month and you're going to move into your own place.”
• Dave Ramsey (05:21): "This is going to be probably the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life, Carol…But this is the best thing you can do for her because her growth has been stunted for far too long."
• Rachel Cruze (04:30): “We have the full confidence that you can do this. So please do not come and ask for any money because we will not be giving it to you. I love you, but this has to stop.”
• Carol (05:49): “We’re going to die.”
• Rachel Cruze (06:37): “I think your role is to get her set up with counseling.”
• Dave Ramsey (08:57): “Warn her, say, hey, we’re going to have a hard conversation tonight.”
• Rachel Cruze (09:10): "Don’t do this out of anger…You have to do this when you’re in your most cold state...your Zen."

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06–00:44: Carol describes her situation and asks for advice.
• 01:07–01:27: Dave and Rachel pinpoint the enabling dynamic and introduce tough love.
• 02:09–02:22: Discussion of legal aspects and “squatters’ rights.”
• 03:14–04:30: Rachel outlines the script and practical steps for the difficult conversation.
• 05:21–05:56: Dave and Rachel reflect on the emotional challenge for Carol.
• 06:22–06:37: Addressing daughter’s suicidal threats; recommendation for therapy.
• 07:15–07:32: Safety measures and preparing for unpredictable fallout.
• 08:26–09:10: Preparing mentally and emotionally for the confrontation.
• 09:27–09:49: Final reflections on letting go of guilt and focusing on what’s controllable.

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Summary Conclusion

Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze counsel Carol with a blend of empathy and tough love: Stop enabling your adult daughter by setting and enforcing clear, non-negotiable boundaries. Prepare for emotional and legal blowback, support her initial transition—but don’t waver or allow guilt and fear to dictate your actions. The episode offers practical advice and encouragement for any parent in a similar position, facing the painful, necessary task of helping an adult child finally “grow up,” even into their 50s.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Carol]

My husband and I are old and retired. I'm 75, he is 80. We have a 52 year old daughter who still lives with us.

[Rachel Cruze]

Oh.

[Carol]

She is single and she has always been underemployed and we can afford to have her here, but she is annoying. We would like to be alone in our old age.

[Rachel Cruze]

I bet.

[Carol]

Is there a way to get her out?

[Rachel Cruze]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

You need to go kicking her out.

[Rachel Cruze]

Closing the door, changing the locks. I'm being dramatic, but how long has.

[Dave Ramsey]

She lived with you?

[Carol]

Well, she has. Over her lifetime for 52 years. She has lived with us almost all the time. Had two boyfriends that she lived with for a while. One of our sons took her in for a year. That helps us out a lot. But then he says she cannot be here anymore and none of our other kids will take her in.

[Rachel Cruze]

Why does anybody need to take her in? Is she. Does she have any disabilities? Does she have anything that precludes her from living in life, from working?

[Carol]

Yeah, she doesn't want. She doesn't want to work. She doesn't have to work.

[Rachel Cruze]

But she hasn't had to.

[Carol]

She's right. And we have enabled this and we need to.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay, good. You know that.

[Carol]

Learn how to not enable her.

[Rachel Cruze]

The way you learn to not enable her is to stop the behavior today.

[Dave Ramsey]

Cuz she knows you guys will be a doormat and just keep going and let her come back and keep covering the bills whenever she's short. And so instead you go, hey, you need to leave by the end of this month.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, by the end of this month, this year.

[Dave Ramsey]

And then you have to evict her. Cuz likely there might be actually be some laws around this because she's lived there for a while, receives mail there. This is like a tenant. And so I would actually look into your state laws and you might need to contact an attorney to do this. Right. I don't know how, how wild she is. She comes after you guys to sue. But you want to make sure you do this right.

[Carol]

Okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Carol]

Realize there'd be some legalities with this.

[Rachel Cruze]

I mean she could.

[Dave Ramsey]

She's lived there for 30 years. She's basically squatters rights at this point. So you might need to give a written notice and say hey, you need to leave by this time and the decision's final. You cannot let her back in. She needs to figure it out. She needs to spread her wings and fly.

[Carol]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And there's gonna be backlash, isn't it? What is, what is she gonna do when you tell her this?

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[Dave Ramsey]

What is, what is she going to do when you tell her this?

[Carol]

Well, she will probably yell or she will probably cry, or she may just stomp out the door and say, you'll never see me again.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, well, that's her choice though.

[Rachel Cruze]

52 years old, if she does that, then she, you're just going to have to let her do that because that's the behavior of not a 52 year old. I, practically speaking, Carol, here's exactly what I would do. You and your husband, I would sit down tonight, maybe when you get off this call, you and him huddle up and say, here's what I heard on the call. Here's what we're going to do. You're going to sit down and you're going to say, daughter, this has been, this has gone on long enough. We have decided that you are moving out. Not that we want you to move out, not that we need you to move out. Say it clear. We've decided that you are moving out and you're going to move out at the end of the month and you're going to move into your own place. It's up to you what you choose now, Carol. I don't know. I'm not saying you have to put her on the street. Do you know if she has any money? Because if you, if you know that, you know that she has $0. What you and your husband could decide to do is make sure that she at least ends up in a place, right? You can make sure she's. There's a place for her to go to and you have it set up that she can go there, meaning maybe it's first and last month's rent is paid so she can get into the place, but it's up to her to keep, keep the living expenses going and you let her know that. Say we have, you know, and I'm just making this up. We know that you don't have any money. So we're willing to pay first and last month's rent, which is X amount of dollars. No more. No, you know, no more than that. And up from there on, it is up to you. And, and we have also decided that we're prepared to see this through to the worst extent. We are not it. We're not worried about you becoming homeless. We're not worried about you not having a place. We're not concerned about that. We have the full confidence that you can do this. So please do not come and ask for any money because we will not be giving it to you and make it so, so crystal clear. I love you, but this has to stop. For your good and for ours. And that's the conversation. And she's gonna yell and kick and scream and you're gonna go to bed and you're gonna drink a warm glass of milk and you're gonna sleep the best sleep of your 75 years.

[Dave Ramsey]

This is gonna be probably the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, Carol. Cause deep down you love this woman. You want what's best for her. And you feel guilty, you feel shame for enabling this behavior and allowing it to happen. You don't wanna see her on the streets and have her life take an even worse turn. But this is the best thing you can do for her because her growth has been stunted for far too long. And if she lives another 30 years, she needs to live it freely, with independence, not codependent on mom and dad in their old age.

[Carol]

It's for sure we can. Well, we're going to die.

[Dave Ramsey]

We all are, Carol. That's. That's good advice.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's coming for all of us. No one escapes it. And so you need to have a real serious calm conversation telling her, here's what's going to happen.

[Rachel Cruze]

Does your daughter have any addictions or anything that you think could rear the. Rear its ugly head?

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Carol]

No. Has she ever been violent when she was a teenager? She violent.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, I'm just. I'm wondering just for your safety.

[Carol]

Teenager could do. I don't think she would.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Carol]

However she. She could be suicidal. She may say, okay, there's no point of living. I'll just go end it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Is that her doing that just for attention or does she really mean that?

[Carol]

She's tried it two or three times.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay.

[Carol]

Wow.

[Rachel Cruze]

So then making sure you know. Making sure you know. And I'm sure you've had some sort of counseling on this, what to do in those situations and what your role is. In those situations, I don't think your role is to let her move in again. I think your role is to get her set up with counseling. Right? Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that's the way to do it, with kindness. Hey, we're going to cover six counseling sessions for you and cover first and last month. But you have three days to vacate the premises. Otherwise we're going to have to file an eviction and it's going to get ugly. We don't want to do that. But that would be the next step.

[Carol]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

And have the non emergency police line ready to go in case things take a turn. I don't know. And so that, that's the scary part, the unknown. And it's probably why you've put this off for so long, because you don't know what's on the other side of this. No, it could get worse before it gets better.

[Carol]

Die. We don't want to get, you know, killed in the streets that we also would like to be. Have a quiet, peaceful home.

[Rachel Cruze]

And that's fine. Carol, you.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's about time.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's totally fine. You're not asking for something crazy. You're not shooting for the stars here. I just, I think that for you, your piece in this is just understanding that your daughter's totally grown and she's going to make decisions that you cannot control. And she could make many decisions that you do not like that you don't. That you can't control or that you know are bad for her that you can't control. And so for you, going into this conversation as much as you can, start to just really make some peace with that and almost prep yourself for that feeling, because something's going to happen that she's going to lash out, you know, and you're going to want to do that old familiar song and dance.

[Carol]

Yeah, right. And she will expect it and so will you.

[Rachel Cruze]

And it's. It's going to come knocking at the door. And so you're going to have to be prepared mentally and physically. And same thing with your husband, because if he folds, it's a problem. Right. So you guys have to be.

[Carol]

He's. He is more on this than I am.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay, good. So you'll have to do your due diligence to make sure you're loaded for bear when this comes because it's not going to be easy. And you know that.

[Dave Ramsey]

And I would warn her, say, hey, we're going to have a hard conversation tonight. I want to let you know it's going to be uncomfortable, but we need to have it.

[Carol]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

That we're not coming in cold, busting in her room, going, you need to get out yesterday.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, don't do this. That's so good, George. Don't do this out of anger. Like, if something happens and she comes home tonight and there's an argument, postpone the conversation. Because you can't do this. Like, with a hot head. You have to do this when you're in your most cold state. Like, there's. There's. Yeah, you're Zen.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, good luck. This is not. Not. I don't envy you in having this conversation, but it's so hard because you can't control the past. You regret it. You can control what you do now, but then you can't control how they react and what they do next. And that's the hard part. You're like, I want them just to go get a job, start paying rent, and have a great life.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

But that part is not up to you.

[Rachel Cruze]

You know what, Christian? Send her a copy of my book. What? No one tells you about money. It's not a money conversation, but you will. Love Carol. The chapter on guilt and shame. Especially when it's about something that someone thinks you did not do, even though you know you're doing the right part.

[Dave Ramsey]

It'll help you create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.