How Do We Know This Isn't Catfishing?

Summary

Episode Overview

Episode Title: How Do We Know This Isn’t Catfishing?
Date: October 5, 2025
Hosts: Dave Ramsey & Jade Warshaw
Guest Caller: Nikki

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosts Dave Ramsey and Jade Warshaw take a call from Nikki, a widowed senior citizen, about a potential relationship with an older widower she met online. The conversation quickly turns to issues of trust, financial safety, and the risks of online relationships, with a strong emphasis on guarding both emotional and financial wellbeing—especially in later life.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Nikki’s Situation

• Background: Nikki, 68, is widowed and has been communicating with an 81-year-old widower, primarily via Facebook for over three years.
• She knows his financial situation (including $125,000 in savings and a $100,000 pension) but he doesn't know hers.
• The man was previously in a financially entangled relationship with another woman—his money was at risk until Nikki warned him.

Concerns and Red Flags

• Financial Mismatch: Nikki is concerned the man might spend recklessly or require expensive care, ultimately depleting their combined resources if they married.
• Relationship Authenticity: The relationship is strictly online—they have never met in person, though a meeting is scheduled in a week and a half.
• The man has already broached the topic of marriage, despite no in-person interaction.

Hosts’ Guidance

• Fast-Paced Romance: Both Dave and Jade express concern that the relationship is progressing too quickly given the circumstances.
• Online Dangers:
  • Dave raises the possibility of "catfishing" and warns that online personas can be fabricated, urging Nikki to verify the man’s identity in person before any further commitment.
  • “How do we know this isn’t catfishing? Do you even know what that means?” – Dave Ramsey (05:00)
• Guard Your Heart & Finances:
  • Both hosts assert that Nikki needs to protect herself. Serious conversations—including finances—should only happen if real, proven, in-person trust exists.
  • “You are putting your financial and your emotional situation in massive risk.” – Dave Ramsey (08:23)
• Scam Patterns:
  • Several aspects fit classic online scam behavior (immediate talk of marriage, talk of finances before ever meeting).
  • Dave and Jade emphasize: no legitimate relationship should move forward without in-person courtship and alignment of values.

Relationship Reflection

• Personal Advice:
  • "Nikki, this guy needs to court you ... he's got to earn the right to marry you." – Dave Ramsey (03:12)
  • “Why would you even be talking about finances to this level with somebody that you’ve never even seen in person?” – Jade Warshaw (05:45)
• Parental Perspective:
  • Dave flips the scenario, asking Nikki to imagine her daughter in the same position—how would she feel?

Honesty & Tough Love

• Nikki tries to rationalize her trust, but Dave and Jade continuously urge caution, at times with blunt honesty.
• “Only a desperate, stupid woman would go forward with this. And you are neither of those things.” – Jade Warshaw (08:54)
• “If this guy’s real, if he wants to pursue you like you were when you were 22, then we have a conversation ... but this is insanity.” – Dave Ramsey (08:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lighthearted banter about “sugar mama” status and social media friendships (00:45–03:05).
• Critical turning point:
  • Dave: “Hold up. How do we know this isn’t catfishing? Do you even know what that means?” (04:58)
  • Jade: “This all sounds like a scam.” (06:02)
• Cautious guidance:
  • Dave: “You do not have any more communication with this guy until this 81-year-old wrinkled dude shows up his Bermuda shorts and is the real deal.” (05:13)
• Emphatic warning:
  • Dave: “... I’m gonna tell you the truth because I feel like I have to tell you the truth ... this is absolute foolishness.” (07:39)
• Concluding advice:
  • Jade: “Only a desperate, stupid woman would go forward with this. And you are neither of those things. So don’t do it.” (08:54)
• Dave’s signature candor:
  • “Go hang out with some fried green tomatoes and have some strong margaritas and cry yourself to sleep tonight about how lonely you are. Because that’s what’s going on. You’re lonely.” (09:13)

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Timeline of Important Segments

• [00:06–01:16] Nikki introduces her situation and financial concerns about the relationship.
• [01:50–02:19] Nikki voices worries about future care expenses and the pace of the romance.
• [02:53–03:12] Hosts question the foundation of the relationship, highlighting it’s purely online.
• [04:58–05:13] Dave questions if Nikki is being catfished; warns to stop all communication until meeting in person.
• [06:02–06:50] Consequences of scam relationships discussed; hosts urge Nikki to demand in-person meeting before proceeding.
• [07:39–08:54] Strong warnings and tough love; Dave bluntly tells Nikki the situation is “foolishness.”
• [08:54–09:13] Jade echoes Dave’s advice, underscoring that Nikki deserves better and must protect herself.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Vetting relationships, especially online, is critical—never discuss or merge finances before in-person trust is established.
• Caution against rushing serious commitments—true relationships take time and real-life interaction to develop.
• Be your own fiercest protector, emotionally and financially, at any age.

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This episode is a stark reminder: If something feels off, press pause—until the person and their intentions are real, visible, and proven.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Nikki]

I'm a senior citizen, widowed. And there is another senior citizen much older than me, a widower who is interested in a relationship with me and with the goal of getting married because he wants to get married.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right, all right, Nikki, you're putting out the vibe, huh?

[Nikki]

I know. Well, there's more behind it though.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh.

[Nikki]

Yes. He does not know my financial situation, but I know his completely.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

I like how you roll, Nikki. I like it.

[Jade]

So. So you've got money and he doesn't.

[Nikki]

Exactly.

[Dave Ramsey]

So he doesn't know you could be a sugar mama.

[Nikki]

He just got out of a sugar mama relationship. In fact, I'm the one that pointed it out and said, look, let me lay this out for you. And she's going to take all your money. He had every bit of his money in a joint account with her name on it.

[Dave Ramsey]

And did she take it? Did she take it?

[Nikki]

No, I.

[Dave Ramsey]

But he doesn't have a whole lot anyway.

[Nikki]

No. 125,000.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right, so what is your. Keep going. So what's your concern or what's your question for us?

[Nikki]

All right, my concern is he told me that that 125 is burning a hole in his pocket. And it's like, you know, his pension alone is about 100,000 a year.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Nikki]

And so, you know, he makes good money, but where is it? Is he that bad with money?

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, apparently he was spending it on this last lady. Now he wants to spend it on you.

[Jade]

Yeah, I mean, what's his.

[Dave Ramsey]

So is this leading to. Should. I mean, I feel like you're leading to another question here. I don't want to ask it for you. I want you to ask it. What's your question? I'm ready.

[Nikki]

That I'm worried that he's going to end up needing a very expensive nursing home care or something and he's going to blow through his money instantly and then I have to dip into mine if we're married.

[Jade]

How old?

[Nikki]

He's 81.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old are you?

[Nikki]

68.

[Dave Ramsey]

See, I don't know.

[Jade]

Interesting.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't know. Well, first of all, we jumped ahead to all this. The way this call started is this met this guy, he just got out of this other relationship.

[Jade]

Seems very fast.

[Dave Ramsey]

This all seems fast. I mean, do you even like this guy?

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[Dave Ramsey]

Do you even like this guy?

[Nikki]

Well, we've been Facebook friends for over three years.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, that doesn't mean anything. I'm not going to marry my Facebook. First of all, I'm married. But if I was in your situation, I wouldn't. I wouldn't consider marrying a Facebook friend.

[Jade]

There's got to be more criteria.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, well, we've liked each other's pictures for three years. We thought maybe we would tie the knot.

[Jade]

What else is there?

[Dave Ramsey]

Nikki, no, this guy needs to court you. Can I.

[Nikki]

Can I act like I know? I. I'm not. I'm not saying that he's not going to, but he.

[Jade]

Has he started yet? Is the question. Or are we jumping ahead, but we're.

[Dave Ramsey]

Talking about something we shouldn't talk about is what I'm getting at. Nikki, this guy's got to earn your love. He's got to earn the right to. To marry you. At which point you discuss all these things in this process. And if. If you guys aren't in line, if you are not aligned with your money at this late stage of life, you shouldn't do it. Yeah, because, I mean, God bless him, 81.

[Nikki]

That's my question. Is it? Or because he has such a good income, Do I not worry about it so much? Am I overthinking this?

[Jade]

I think. Well, we're trying to get a bead on what the relationship actually is.

[Dave Ramsey]

It ain't.

[Jade]

Are you dating?

[Dave Ramsey]

It's Facebook.

[Nikki]

No, it isn't. Yet I have been putting him off. He asked me out two years ago, and I said, oh, I'm in the middle of a house repair.

[Jade]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

You were washing your hair. That. She went to that one. That's great.

[Jade]

But wait a minute, Wait a minute.

[Dave Ramsey]

Nikki, let me ask a question.

[Jade]

I don't think you really like this guy. I feel like it's a line in the water, and you're like, well, I'm not doing anything else.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think you're 68 and you're a widow and this guy's interested in you, and that's kind of nice. But you don't. You haven't said anything that makes Me think there's something there.

[Jade]

No, you said he would like to get married.

[Nikki]

There isn't yet. Well, he asked me already to marry him. I wanna. Basically we said, you know, would you consider getting married? And it's like, well, I don't know. I don't even. Haven't met you yet.

[Jade]

Do you live in the same space to actually meet each other in person?

[Nikki]

We're going to. In a week and a half. He's coming here. He's six hours away.

[Jade]

So you really legitimately have never met him.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hold up. How do we know this isn't catfishing? Do you even know what that means?

[Nikki]

Yeah, but I really don't think it is. He is too open and honest.

[Dave Ramsey]

You are. You have a hook in both sides of your mouth right now and this needs to stop.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

You do not have any more communication with this guy until this 81 year old wrinkled dude shows up his Bermuda shorts and is the real deal. Yeah, this is, this is a. I'm not kidding you.

[Jade]

Yeah, neither am I. I. I wish.

[Dave Ramsey]

I wish Dave were here today. And I don't want to get mean like Dave, but I'm telling you, everything you're saying sounds like you are being completely punked and you are falling for it.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Your first reply to me was, oh, no, no. But he's so open and honest and that's how they get you.

[Jade]

And why would you even be talking about finances to this level with somebody that you've never even seen in person?

[Nikki]

Oh, that was because of the scammer he was with last. And he just about when.

[Jade]

Right, but even that part.

[Dave Ramsey]

You met this guy, you don't even know if he's real.

[Jade]

Yeah. That this all sounds like a scam.

[Dave Ramsey]

Tell him to come meet you.

[Nikki]

Yes. He's going to do that for two months.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, let's wait and see if he shows up.

[Jade]

Yeah, let's see if my money's on.

[Dave Ramsey]

This guy never shows up because he gets a mysterious case of overnight gout.

[Jade]

Yeah. Do you know anybody else that knows him?

[Nikki]

Okay. We get on Facebook, widowed video chats. And so, you know, you kind of get to know the people in the group. And he was in that group for a long time.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, he was. Because that's where I would fish if I was a scammer.

[Jade]

But you've seen his face go where the fish are biting as a, as a zoom call.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's what you're saying by it. What's his name?

[Nikki]

Yeah. Charlie. Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's not real.

[Nikki]

It actually is.

[Jade]

Here's the thing. You need to wait to see him in person.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm getting angry.

[Jade]

If you see him in person, you've had zoom calls with him, seen his face. If you see him now, if he's doing the. The. The Wilson from Home Improvement where you never see the. Oh, no, it's always like this. And you never see the whole face.

[Dave Ramsey]

Nikki, if your daughter called us, if you had a daughter. If you have a daughter or not. Doesn't matter. But if you had a daughter or if you do have a daughter and she called us and you were listening to this call, what in the world would you say to her?

[Nikki]

Oh, I know it, but she's much younger than me.

[Dave Ramsey]

It doesn't matter. You're not a desperate lost case. You. You've got to be careful.

[Nikki]

I honestly think he want. He. I told him where I lived last year.

[Dave Ramsey]

Gee, that's smart. That's smart.

[Nikki]

I know it. I know it.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, I'm done. I'm not gonna be as mean. But I'm tell you something, Nikki. I'm gonna tell you the truth because I feel like I have to tell you the truth. And then Jade can clean it up. I'll give you my 30 seconds and then hit it. Nikki, this is absolute foolishness. Whether it's a scam or not, this is foolishness, and I'm being very, very.

[Nikki]

Serious, and I'm going to tell you why.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't care. I'm not listening about it. No, I don't want to. I don't want to hear it. Let me tell you why. You need to protect your heart. No, you need to protect your heart. Whether it's a scam or not, you are talking about finances and combining your life with a guy that you've never been on a date with that is significantly older than you, that based on what he's told you so far, the. He's reckless with money and all these other things. There's nothing stable about entire phone call. Nothing stable. The only thing that's stable is your financial situation. But you are putting your financial and your emotional situation in massive risk. And I'm telling you the absolute truth. You need to run from this. If this guy's real, if he wants to pursue you like you were when you were 22, then we have a conversation, and I'm not that I need this, but everybody in the audience out there is shaking their head, and this is insanity that you're considering this.

[Jade]

And so, Jay, only a desperate person would go forward with this. Only a desperate, stupid woman and you are neither of those things. So don't do it.

[Nikki]

I might be a little stupid because the only thing that makes me think, well, maybe no, would be he said his pet, his full pension goes to his wife when he dies.

[Dave Ramsey]

If he's married, you don't need his pension. No, you don't need no. Well, then why are we still having this conversation? Go hang out with some fried green tomatoes and have some strong margaritas and cry yourself to sleep tonight about how lonely you are. Because that's what's going on. You're lonely. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.