I Can Barely Keep My Head Above Water

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: I Can Barely Keep My Head Above Water
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: December 6, 2025
Main Theme:
This episode centers on a deeply personal and challenging financial situation faced by "Hannah" (caller), a newly divorced mother of two struggling with overwhelming debt left by her ex-husband. Hosts Jade Warshaw and Rachel Cruze offer practical advice, emotional support, and strategies for tackling debts, focusing on prioritizing survival, legal advocacy, and regaining financial control.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Background & Financial Crisis (00:06–01:51)

• Hannah’s Situation:

  • Recently divorced, two small children, sole caregiver.
  • Ex-husband (his fourth marriage) left her with significant debt after a history of doing the same to previous partners.
  • Current debts:
    • $40,000 business loans (from ex-husband’s failed business)
    • $40,000 student loans (her own)
    • $60,000 car loan (lavish lifestyle encouraged by ex)
    • Credit card debt ($7,000)
    • IRS tax debt ($4,000)
  • Working two full-time nursing jobs, single income. Living in a one-bedroom apartment with her children.
  • Tried and failed to qualify for Chapter 7 bankruptcy; only qualified for Chapter 13 with a high payment plan.
  • Overwhelmed and unsure if she should just “quit and give everything back.”

  Notable Quote:

  "I can barely keep my head above water ... I have probably $200,000 in debt and I don't know if I need to just quit my job and give everything back or what I do." — Hannah (01:51)

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2. Divorce Decree & Debt Responsibility (02:00–04:51)

• Legal Complications:

  • Business loan—though awarded to the ex-husband in court, remains in her name as he refuses to pay or refinance.
  • For the car loan: if sold, would bring in $33,000 against a $60,000 debt.
  • Student loans are entirely her own, post-divorce.
  • Legal recourse to enforce payment on ex-husband involves additional legal fees ($10,000+), which is prohibitive.
  • Frustration with current legal representation’s effectiveness and cost.

  Notable Exchange:

  "The court can force it, though, is what Jade’s saying." — Rachel Cruze (03:45)
  "I guess I haven't done that. This is so new. I've been in a panic." — Hannah (03:49)

• Legal Advice:

  • Seek a new, proactive attorney focused on enforcing the court decree.
  • Focus short-term energy on debts she truly owns (student loans, car, credit card)—the business loan situation may take longer to resolve legally.

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3. Budgeting & Survival Priorities (05:01–06:42)

• Hosts’ Immediate Steps:
  • Recognize that Hannah’s credit is already damaged.
    "Find a little bit of freedom in that, honestly, that it can't get ... worse." — Jade Warshaw (05:36)
  • Reorganize budgeting using the “Four Walls” principle:
    • Rent/housing
    • Transportation
    • Utilities
    • Food
    • (Fifth wall: childcare, necessary for a working mom)
  • Once essentials are covered, any surplus can be directed at debts, starting with IRS/tax obligations (urgent).

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4. Car Loan Dilemma & Solutions (06:50–08:38)

• Car Payment Issue:

  • $1,300/month for a rapidly depreciating vehicle (Jeep Wagoneer).
  • Options discussed:
    • Ideally, sell/trade car to reduce the debt and monthly payment.
    • Problem: current loan balance far exceeds car’s value.
    • With ruined credit, refinancing is challenging.
    • Explore local credit unions who may be willing to work with her if she brings documentation and explains the situation.
    • Sister has offered to co-sign or put a car in her name (limit: $30,000).

  Notable Exchange:

  "Can I do that, or am I going to ... pay for that in the future?" — Hannah, considering giving car back to bank (07:41)
  "No, because ... they're going to auction it, and whatever the difference is ... you're still going to have to pay." — Jade Warshaw (08:03)

• Hosts’ Advice:

  • Exhaust all options to minimize the remaining debt on the car, even if it means owing less than the original $60,000.
  • Selling for $33,000 and finding a cheap car (with the help of her sister/co-signer) is better than being stuck with all $60,000 in debt.

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5. Emotional Support & Next Steps (08:38–09:32)

• Personal Encouragement:

  • Recognize and praise Hannah’s resilience and work ethic.
  • Offer practical support: connect her with a Ramsey-certified financial counselor for ongoing, personalized guidance at no cost.

  Memorable Quote:

  "You're doing incredible. You're an incredible mom. You're an incredible fighter ... and we're here for you, Hannah." — Rachel Cruze (09:28)

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Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• Hannah:

  "I can barely keep my head above water." (01:25)
  "He has wrapped us into an insane amount of debt. ... I knew divorcing him that he would leave me with everything and not help with the children. That's exactly what he did." (00:16–00:43)

• Jade Warshaw:

  "Find a little bit of freedom in that, honestly, that it can't get ... worse." (05:36)
  "Let's reorganize your budget and make it to where we're accounting for four walls first..." (05:49)

• Rachel Cruze:

  "The court can force it, though..." (03:45)
  "You're doing incredible. You're an incredible mom. You're an incredible fighter ... and we're here for you, Hannah." (09:28)

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamps (MM:SS) | |-------------------------------------------|-----------------------------| | Hannah’s background & crisis | 00:06–01:51 | | Breakdown of debts & legal issues | 02:00–04:51 | | Budgeting strategy & priorities | 05:01–06:42 | | Detailed car loan discussion & solutions | 06:50–08:38 | | Emotional encouragement & final advice | 08:38–09:32 |

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Summary & Takeaways

This episode offers an unvarnished look at the perilous aftermath of financial entanglement in a toxic relationship, especially when legal, emotional, and financial responsibilities collide. Hannah’s story spotlights the overwhelming duress of single motherhood post-divorce, compounded by unmanageable debt. The Ramsey Show co-hosts respond with empathy, strategic guidance, and concrete first steps—centered on courtroom advocacy, ruthless budgeting, and realistic financial triage. The episode ends with a strong note of encouragement and a real offer for hands-on assistance, emphasizing that even in dire circumstances, taking small, focused actions can illuminate a path forward.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app.

[B]

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[C]

So I am recently divorced with two small children.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[C]

I was married to a guy that's been married three times before. I was stupid, I was young.

Clearly paying for it now. He has wrapped us into an insane amount of debt.

And I can barely keep my head above water. And I knew divorcing him that he would leave me with everything and not help with the children. That's exactly what he did. Sorry. It's taken me a while to try to figure out what to do now. I am a nurse. I have worked. I have a pretty good job now. And.

I'm gonna lose everything.

Because he's not paying for everything or helping me.

So sorry. And he's doing it on purpose. I have $40,000 in business loans from his failed business because he talked me into the world and he did this to multiple women before. I have $40,000 in student loans. I have a $60,000 car. I'm left with from him because he had this lavish lifestyle and I just couldn't say no because we gave him what he wanted until he was happy. He has stopped paying for everything. I landed a pretty, pretty high paying nursing job. And it's pre. Right now I'm working two full time jobs to try to get this stuff paid off while paid for childcare by myself. I live in a small one bedroom with two small children. Just trying to get everything taken care of. And I don't qualify for Chapter 13 bankruptcy or 7. I qualified for 13, but at the highest payment plan, which is what I'm doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I have probably $200,000 in debt and I don't know if I need to just quit my job and give everything back or what I do.

[A]

No. So this, this was at this hundred thousand dollars. The 40,000 loan. The 40,000 of student loans. 60,000 car. That was after it was split amongst you.

[C]

That, that it was. And he, he was court ordered to pay these and he has not. And he's.

[A]

And they're still in your name. And they're still in your name. Okay. So the car. Who has possession of the car?

[C]

I have. The car was awarded to me.

[A]

Okay. And you said it. It. You have to pay 60,000 on it. If you sold it today, what would you get for it?

[C]

33,000.

[A]

Okay. And then the student loans, are those his student loans or they're yours?

[C]

Those are mine.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

40,000 and nothing. Super. You know.

[A]

Okay. And the business loan, if you were to, if you were to force a refinance on that to get him off of it. Like, is he supposed to be paying that loan, but he's not? Or was that awarded to you the 40,000 business loan?

[C]

He was. He was. Okay, I can go pay $10,000 to file contempt and then get money out of a guy that he quit his job and he's on military disability.

[A]

Well, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying. I'm not. I'm not saying you do that, but I'm saying if he. If the court said that he's supposed to pay the $40,000 loan, but he's not paying it, and your name is on it, you should be able to force him to refinance to get your name off of it because. So that you can be free and clear. And what happens when you bring that before the judge? What happens?

[C]

I. I have to pay another $10,000 to. To go forward with it. He just will not do it. He won't do anything.

[B]

Yeah, no, but the court can force it, though, is what Jade saying.

[C]

I guess I haven't done that. I. This is so new. I've been in a panic.

[B]

Yeah. When did all that. When did all this. When did all this happen?

[C]

March of this year.

[B]

Okay, so. Yeah. So it's fresh new. Yep.

[C]

Yeah, I can't modify anything for at least a year, so I'm just. He just dumped everything on me in June, including the children.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Well. Well, whatever the divorce decree says of what debts are his and what debts are yours. And this 40,000 they said is his. Correct. Even though your name's on it, but they. Through your divorce, that's his. Right. So. Yeah, so, yeah, I would. I would contact your. Do you have a lawyer still?

[C]

I do, but she just wants money. She's not helpful at all.

[B]

Okay, well, maybe let's find someone helpful.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, because like, $5,000 to take it to. To go forward with this, and I could just pay 5,000 to something and pay it off. So I'm really struggling with. With that.

[A]

Well, if she's not. If she's not a good attorney, find a new one. And that's okay for you to do. Yeah. And.

Yeah, what Rachel said is absolutely the case. You've got to go with what the courts have said. And if he's not uploading, you know, upholding his side, you've got to. You've got to force that into action. So it sounds like the only ones that truly are your Burden is the 100,000. Right. The student loan in the Car is that if we're really talking about who owns what.

[C]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Okay. So let's focus on that for now, because today, in this moment, you can't change the situation of the business loan. That will come. But for now. And my guess. My guess is that your credit is decimated anyway. Am I wrong?

[C]

Oh, it's just. Okay, destroyed.

[A]

So then it doesn't. Right now, literally, it doesn't matter. Right. The damage is done. And find. Find a little bit of freedom in that, honestly, that it can't get. That it can't get worse.

[C]

Y.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So I love that you're making a lot of money. You're doing so well on that side. You're able to, you know, pay for daycare. So let's reorganize your budget and make it to where we're accounting for four walls first, which is you're making your rent, you're making sure there's transportation, you're making sure there's utilities, you're making sure that you're eating right. That's number one. And then right after that, number five is daycare. Right. Because the kids have to go to daycare. So you can work. Then after that, if there's still money now, we can start going down priority after priority hand and making sure that everything is accounted for. And if there's money now, we can start the debt snowball.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So are these the only two debts you have in the whole world?

[C]

I have a credit card with like 7,000 on it, and I owe 4,000 left to the IRS for back taxes, and I'm making thousand dollars payments on those each month. Just.

[A]

Okay, so. So let's focus on the IRS first. How about that? Like, make it real small.

[B]

How much are you bringing home a month, Hannah?

[C]

About 11,000.

[B]

11,000. Okay, that's great. You do have a great job. You know, one of the biggest burdens is this car, the $60,000 car. And it's. It's teetering right there at. It's unmanageable because how much is the payment a month?

[C]

1300.

[B]

Okay. So, yes, honestly. And I know your credit's horrific because the. The. The easiest way to do it would to go get a, you know, go get a $38,000 loan, pay off the car, and then take 6,000 and go get a crappy car just to get you back and forth to work into daycare. Right. I mean, like, that would be the ideal. With the credit being shot, that's going to be really difficult. So I'm wondering if There's a credit union or someone in your town that you can sit down and explain the situation. Bring records.

[C]

My sister is willing to co sign or put a car in her name under $30,000 if I just give this Jeep back, this Wagoneer. Can I do that, or am I going to. Is it going to be a problem if I just hand the keys to the bank and walk away? My sister will get a car for me and I'll make those payments. I don't know if that was an option or if I'm going to pay for that in the future.

[A]

No, because you're still going to be. If you surrender this car, they're going to take it and they're going to auction it, and whatever the difference is on the 60,000 loan, you're still going to have to pay.

[B]

Well, how did. Where did you get the $33,000 number? Because Wagoneers are not.

[A]

Yeah, but their. Their value is horrible.

[B]

Is it horrible? Is that Kelly Blue Book during bankruptcy?

[C]

Kelly Blue Book? Yeah.

[B]

Okay, shoot. Oh, man. I didn't know that. When I see him, I'm always like.

[A]

I know they look nice, but they drop like a rock. They're terrible. Yeah.

[C]

When you. When you turn them in, you are absolutely hosed with them. You'll get 20,000 for them.

[A]

So one of my biggest goals for you would be.

Twofold. The first one, and I think that this car is huge because it's $1,300 a month. I would exhaust everything. Because anything is better than you have you owing 38 is better than you owing 60. Basically, at just about any term, 100%, you know. So see, scour and find. Yes.

[B]

To see if you can get any kind of loan to be able to pay off the difference and then get you a crappy car with it. But, hey, Hannah, hold on the line. Christian's going to pick up, and we're going to get you with one of our certified financial counselors to walk with you. Because as a single mom juggling all of this, to have someone sit down and actually run the numbers longer than just eight minutes of what Jade and I can do, we want to give that to you as a gift, Hannah. And you're doing incredible. You're an incredible mom. You're an incredible fighter.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we're here for you, Hannah.

[C]

Create your free every dollar budget today.

[A]

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