I Can Only Ask My Husband About The Budget 2 Times Per Week

Summary

Episode Overview

Episode Title: I Can Only Ask My Husband About The Budget 2 Times Per Week
Date: November 2, 2025
Hosts: Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze
Caller: Jamie
Theme: The episode centers on Jamie, a listener facing profound marital and financial stress in a blended family with $95,000 in consumer debt. Jamie describes struggles in getting her husband on board with budgeting, citing his inconsistent income and ongoing financial commitments to children from a previous marriage. The discussion highlights the challenges of aligning priorities, communication breakdowns, and the critical need for real marriage counseling.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Caller’s Situation and Emotional State

• Jamie details her situation: She and her husband, both with children from previous relationships, have significant consumer debt and struggle to budget together. Jamie is the primary breadwinner due to her husband’s inconsistent income in the roofing business.

• Frustration over lack of partnership: Jamie expresses resentment, feeling alone in her intensity toward debt reduction and unsupported by her husband.

• Marriage counseling intervention: Their counselor has restricted budget conversations to only two hours a week, hoping to relieve tension.

  Jamie (00:06): "I have had gazelle intensity by myself... The problem is that I am wanting so badly to get out of debt, but I am the primary breadwinner... and it's causing a lot of resentment, like, on my part and probably toward him."

2. Husband’s Financial Priorities and Their Impact

• Husband’s ongoing commitments: Jamie’s husband sends around $4,000 out each month for his children, including college tuition, car payments, insurance, and child support, leaving him unable to contribute to shared household expenses.

• Impact on marriage: Jamie had to cover all bills in September, making her feel unsupported and overwhelmed.

  Jamie (02:43): "I paid everything last month. I paid. He's got about $4,000 that go out to his kids and their college and car payments and insurance and child support and all of that and isn't able to contribute to our house."

3. Critique of Current Marriage Counseling and Root Issues

• Dave Ramsey critiques counselor’s approach:

  • The strategy of limiting budget talk is only addressing a symptom, not the root problem.
  • Fundamental issues are related to priorities, respect, and family planning rather than budgeting itself.

  Dave Ramsey (03:35): "I think you need a new marriage counselor because the marriage counselor said that you can only talk about a budget two hours a week, and a budget isn't even the problem."

  Dave Ramsey (04:01): "That's a problem of respect... He just declared, you get nothing, and you have to feed me this month. That's not a budget problem... That's a problem of respect and who's... you guys... did no planning about it."

• Jamie and Dave agree: Jamie acknowledges they failed to set expectations before marriage.

  Jamie (05:03): "That is correct."

4. The Need for Urgent and Effective Counseling

• Dave emphasizes the severity of the situation, suggesting Jamie's marriage is unraveling even before their first anniversary.

• He offers free tickets to a Ramsey Money and Marriage event but stresses the need for deeper, crisis-level marriage counseling.

  Dave Ramsey (05:13): "You need more than a marriage and money weekend... You need in-depth crisis marriage counseling... You have not even been married a year, and this thing is unraveling rapidly... It's really scaring me for you guys."

5. Validation and Encouragement from Rachel Cruze

• Rachel reassures Jamie: Rachel strongly validates Jamie’s feelings, emphasizing that her concerns are reasonable.

• Lack of shared agreement: Points out that the current financial arrangements were not mutually decided and are fundamentally unfair to Jamie.

  Rachel Cruze (05:49): "Jamie, you're not being unreasonable... You're not crazy. The fact that you're like, this feels off. This doesn't feel right. I don't feel supported... I feel like I can't believe he's paying all of this money... where he can't even contribute to our own household."

6. Husband’s Inconsistent Income and Reluctance to Change

• Work situation detailed: The husband, aged 54, is reluctant to do door-to-door sales and relies on unpredictable referrals in his roofing business.

• Jamie’s ultimatum: She recently asked him to contribute more at home if he can’t bring in money—Dave is skeptical this is a real solution.

  Jamie (06:56): "He doesn't want to go and knock doors anymore. He's... 54... He basically works off of referrals..." Dave Ramsey (07:20): "It's not really an option. That's just... I mean... you really didn't mean that."

7. Action Steps and Resources Offered

• Dave and Rachel recommend:

  • Immediate, in-depth relationship counseling with a strong counselor (preferably recommended by their church, not their current one).
  • Resetting expectations and priorities as a couple.

• Free tickets offered: Jamie and her husband are offered tickets to Ramsey’s marriage conference, but Dave reiterates that counseling is the primary need.

  Dave Ramsey (08:17): "We'll help you come. We'll put them at will call and we'll make arrangements right now... hang on, I'll make arrangements."

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On the real issue (Dave Ramsey, 03:49):
  "That was you getting smacked into the corner by a marriage counselor as being unreasonable, trying to ask him to be reasonable..."

• On priorities (Dave Ramsey, 04:01):
  "I'm choosing to put $4,000 in a college student's car payment instead of taking care of my new wife. That's a problem."

• On marriage foundations (Dave Ramsey, 05:04):
  "You guys did a lousy job of setting this up prior to marriage because this is a barrel of fish hooks you both walked into and you did no planning about it."

• On needing more than a seminar (Dave Ramsey, 05:13):
  "You need in-depth crisis marriage counseling... this thing is unraveling rapidly..."

• On validation (Rachel Cruze, 05:49):
  "You're not being unreasonable... I feel like I can't believe he's paying all of this money... and can't even contribute to our own household."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:06 – Jamie describes her household, debts, resentment, and current arrangement with her husband
• 02:12 – Rachel Cruze probes the source of Jamie’s resentment
• 03:35 – Dave Ramsey critiques the marriage counselor’s advice and reframes the core problem
• 05:03 – Jamie admits they didn’t plan ahead before marriage
• 05:13 – Dave offers free tickets but stresses the need for urgent marriage counseling
• 05:49 – Rachel validates Jamie’s feelings and the unfairness of the situation
• 06:31 – Details about husband’s work situation and reluctance for change
• 07:18 – Jamie describes asking for more household help; Dave refutes it as a real solution
• 08:17 – Dave confirms offering tickets and next steps

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Conclusion

This episode spotlights the intersection of money struggles and marital discord in a blended family. Rather than focusing on strict budgeting, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze encourage Jamie to seek true partnership and honest, professional counseling. The hosts emphasize that the core issue is not money management but respect, values, and priorities. The advice is candid, sometimes sharp, and fundamentally empathetic, making it a compelling listen—and read—for anyone facing similar challenges.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Jamie]

So I have been religiously listening to you and your team every single morning on my drive to work, which is about an hour and 15 minutes. And I have had gazelle intensity by myself. So I've tried introducing it, like, to my husband. And the problem is that we've sat down and we have looked at a budget. I have the every dollar. I am still working on assigning every dollar. But I've got the app for him where he's doing it. We have about $95,000 in consumer debt together. We're a blended family. He has three, I have three. And the problem I'm having is that I am wanting so badly to get out of debt, but I am the primary, like, breadwinner because he. He's in a roofing business. And, well, we've had some issues with getting roof approved, and it's just been really slow. So there's a lot of inconsistency, like with his. With his paychecks coming in, and it's causing a lot of resentment, like, on my part and probably toward him to where, like, we went to counseling and we had to have an agreement to where I could only talk about the budget for an hour on Tuesdays and an hour on Friday. So that's kind of where we are. And I just need to know what to do to move forward so, one, we can be a team together. And how am I supposed to.

[Rachel Cruze]

Jamie, can I ask, is the resentment from you coming from that he's not fully on board with the plan, and you guys together are like, hey, regardless of who's bringing the income, this is what we're doing. We're paying off debt as fast as possible. Is that the resentment or is it that his. He can't seem to keep an income because the work is so wacky and you don't really know what's going on there?

[Jamie]

Yes, yes, That's. That's what it is like, because he still has. He's got a child that's in. In college, and then the other one has already graduated. But.

[Dave Ramsey]

That'S irrelevant to his income.

[Jamie]

Well, it is when he can't afford to pay all of the bills that he came in with then. Now I'm responsible for. For those. And so, I mean, he's.

[Dave Ramsey]

You mean he's paying his kids college tuition and not paying his own bills.

[Jamie]

He. Well, right. I paid everything last month. I paid. He's got about $4,000 that go out to his kids and Their college and car payments and insurance and child support and all of that and isn't able to contribute to our house. So in the month of September, we have no money.

[Dave Ramsey]

How long have y' all been married?

[Jamie]

Well, actually, we will be married one year on November 4th. And I wanted to go on our anniversary trip to the money and marriage in Nashville. And I was like, I know that we're in debt. I was like, but I feel like this is an investment, like, in our marriage because we need it. And he disagrees with me. I was like, well, I can. I can pay for that. But he said he'd rather go on a cruise, but I'm not doing it.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think you need a new marriage counselor because the marriage counselor said that you can only talk about a budget two hours a week, and a budget isn't even the problem.

[Jamie]

Yes, I agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

So that was you getting smacked into the corner by a marriage counselor as being unreasonable, trying to ask him to be reasonable with his contribution to the household. That's not a budgeting problem. That's a values and income priority problem. That's a priorities problem. I'm choosing to put $4,000 in a college student's car payment instead of taking care of my new wife. That's a problem. That's not a budget. That's not. You talking about Ramsey or you talking about a budget issue. That's a problem of respect. And who's, you know, you guys, he didn't ask you about that. He just declared, you get nothing, and you have to feed me this month. That's not a budget problem. And so I think your marriage counselor is a weenie. I think you need to get a good, strong marriage counselor that will sit down and talk to both of you clearly about your priorities and your communication over those priorities. And you guys did a lousy job of setting this up prior to marriage because this is a barrel of fish hooks you both walked into and you did no planning about it.

[Jamie]

That is correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. And that's. And so you're reaping that right now. And it's just harsh. I'm so sorry. But, yeah, I. You can have two free tickets to come to marriage, and we'll give it to you. We'll give them to you. But I don't also don't want you to think that that's the answer to your problem. You need more than a marriage and money weekend at Ramsey will give you. You need in depth crisis marriage counseling you to need. You have not even been married a year, and this thing is unraveling rapidly and before my eyes as you talk about it. It's really scaring me for you guys.

[Jamie]

I. I feel that also he's so.

[Dave Ramsey]

He's so checked out in what his new wife's needs are that he's not even dealing with it and that it's.

[Rachel Cruze]

Again, Jamie, you're not being unreasonable. Right? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, you're not crazy. Like, the fact that you're like, this feels off. This doesn't feel right. I don't feel supported. I feel like I can't believe he's paying all of this money that he's barely making all the way over there. Like where he can't even contribute to our own household. Like, I mean, it'd be different if you guys were making a crazy amount of money and you were debt free and you guys both chose to still support the kids while they were in college. Right? Like if that was agreed upon idea as your new marriage. But it's so splintered right now and then you're kind of getting the short end of the stick.

[Jamie]

I. I agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

So what is it? What. What kind of a business is he in?

[Jamie]

He's in a roofing business.

[Dave Ramsey]

He doesn't. He doesn't make money in roofing. Why?

[Jamie]

He. He doesn't want to go and knock doors anymore. He's. He's 54 and he has some people that work underneath him. He basically works off of referrals and. Because he's been doing it for so long.

[Dave Ramsey]

But he's not got enough business.

[Jamie]

Correct. I have told him he needs to find something else. So we just had a conversation yesterday and I was like, I don't care. I don't care what you do either. If you're not going to be working, then I need you to help more around the house. I need you to pick up kids. I need you to drop kids off.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it's not really. It's not really.

[Jamie]

Finally.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's not really an option. That's just. I mean. You really didn't mean that.

[Jamie]

I think she's just.

[Rachel Cruze]

I think she's craving something to go work. Something.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, that's not work.

[Rachel Cruze]

Some kind of initial.

[Dave Ramsey]

I want him to go make some money.

[Jamie]

Well, I do and I. I do too.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I think that's. I think that's what he needs to do and take care of his obligations, which includes his kids and his wife. And you take care of your obligation, which includes him and, you know, your all's life going forward. Your kids and so, yeah, you got you guys really need to get back to another marriage counselor and get in touch with your church and ask them who a good, strong marriage counselor that can guide you guys through this. And you're going to have to have a reset, a solid reset on the expectations of this going forward and then live into those. And two hours of budgeting a week doesn't fix this. And again, I'll give you two tickets. I don't even think you'll come.

[Rachel Cruze]

But yeah, general pickup. We'll give them give you guys some.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I'm just we'll help you come. We'll put them at will call and we'll make arrangements right now. When you hang on, I'll make arrangements.

[Rachel Cruze]

We can email them to you or something.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.