I Can't Afford The Wedding My Fiancée Is Expecting

Summary

Summary of "I Can't Afford The Wedding My Fiancée Is Expecting" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Overview:

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Jason shares his financial struggles related to funding his upcoming wedding. Facing a shortfall in his budget and the challenge of contributing his expected portion, Jason seeks advice on managing his finances and maintaining a healthy relationship with his fiancée. Hosts Dave Ramsey and George Kamel provide actionable strategies and emotional support to help Jason navigate this difficult situation.

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Jason's Wedding Budget Challenge

Jason opens up about his plans to have a simple, one-on-one wedding ceremony with his fiancée in about a month. They aimed to fund the wedding themselves with a combined budget of $10,000 to $12,000. Initially, Jason budgeted to contribute $2,500, while his fiancée would cover the remaining expenses. However, unforeseen circumstances disrupted this plan.

• Jason ([00:05]):
  "Today, me and my fiance are getting married. We're just doing a one on one ceremony, me and her, in about a month. And we had decided to fund this ourselves. And our budget was around 10 to $12,000."

Financial Shortfall and Budget Strain

Jason explains that his expected income for January did not materialize, leaving him unable to contribute the planned $2,500. This shortfall has strained his budget, leading to anxiety about bringing debt into the marriage.

• Jason ([00:05]):
  "I had budgeted based on projected income for the month of January and how much margin I would have in my budget. That did not come to fruition and it's created a strain because I'm not able to contribute the portion that I thought I would be able to."

Transparency and Debt Management

From the onset of their marriage discussions, Jason has been fully transparent about his finances. Both he and his fiancée have agreed to combine their finances post-marriage and tackle any existing debt together.

• Jason ([00:05]):
  "From the second we even discussed marriage, she's had a full look into my finances. ... We've agreed that when we combine our finances, when we get married, that we're going to do the margins. We plan to bring the debt attack the debt that I'm bringing into the marriage."

Emotional Impact on the Relationship

Jason expresses feelings of shame and guilt over his financial situation, while also fearing that his fiancée may harbor resentment or doubts about his ability to provide.

• Jason ([00:05]):
  "There is a lot of shame and guilt on my end too. ... I don't want that to happen."

Hosts' Assessment and Initial Advice

Dave Ramsey begins by probing whether Jason's fiancée understands the circumstances behind the income shortfall, emphasizing the importance of communication.

• Dave Ramsey ([02:02]):
  "Does she understand the circumstances by which the money hasn't come in like you thought it would?"

Jason confirms that his fiancée is aware of the situation but remains uncertain about the next steps.

Exploring Solutions with George's Input

George Kamel delves deeper into the situation, questioning the necessity of a one-on-one wedding if the budget is tight. Jason clarifies that the fundamental plan remains feasible; it's his specific financial contribution that's the issue.

• George ([02:16]):
  "So why is it...?"

• Jason ([02:35]):
  "Well, that's exactly my question. We can do it."

George suggests considering what elements of the wedding might need to change if Jason cannot fulfill his financial obligations, prompting Jason to reflect on the relational aspects rather than just logistical ones.

Addressing Patterns and Building Trust

George inquires whether Jason has a history of unmet financial promises, aiming to assess the root of the current strain. Jason assures that this is an isolated incident with complete transparency.

• George ([03:29]):
  "Is this the first time this has happened?"

• Jason ([03:34]):
  "No, absolutely not. No. And 100% transparency."

George emphasizes the importance of honesty and suggests a follow-up conversation to address underlying emotions and concerns about future financial reliability.

Practical Financial Strategies

Jason details his sources of income: a field inspector role and real estate sales. A proposed $2,000 job through his inspection work, earmarked for the wedding, fell through, leading to the current predicament.

• Jason ([04:36]):
  "I'm a field inspector and I sell real estate. ... there was about a $2,000 job through this field insp. Job that I do that I was anticipating and told would happen in January. And that money was earmarked for the elopement. And that work never came to fruition."

George advises taking immediate action by securing a side job through platforms like Instacart or Uber Eats to bridge the financial gap before the wedding.

• George ([05:45]):
  "You can go sign up for one of those and go make 500 bucks a week until the wedding."

Building Self-Belief and Motivation

Dave Ramsey encourages Jason to cultivate self-belief and a proactive mindset. He suggests setting tangible goals, such as earning a specific amount daily, to stay motivated and focused.

• Dave Ramsey ([06:43]):
  "You can make $2,500 between now and that wedding day. And I would start doing it."

Ramsey emphasizes the importance of perseverance and utilizing all available resources to meet financial goals.

Long-Term Financial Planning and Relationship Strengthening

George recommends that Jason and his fiancée enroll in Financial Peace University and tackle financial books like Breaking Free from Broke. These resources aim to enhance their money management skills and prevent future financial issues, fostering a stronger partnership.

• George ([07:41]):
  "Financial Peace University for the two of you would be great, along with breaking free from broke for you specifically, Jason."

Dave Ramsey echoes this sentiment, encouraging the couple to approach their financial challenges with optimism and a united front.

• Dave Ramsey ([07:24]):
  "This is an opportunity for you to go... I'm going to absolutely die trying."

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Notable Quotes

• Jason ([00:05]):
  "I am bringing debt into this marriage."

• George Kamel ([05:45]):
  "You can go sign up for one of those and go make 500 bucks a week until the wedding."

• Dave Ramsey ([06:43]):
  "You can make $2,500 between now and that wedding day. And I would start doing it."

• George Kamel ([07:41]):
  "Financial Peace University for the two of you would be great, along with breaking free from broke for you specifically, Jason."

• Dave Ramsey ([07:24]):
  "This is your chance to... find that margin to save up."

Conclusion

In this episode, Jason's predicament highlights the common challenges couples face when balancing wedding dreams with financial realities. Through open communication, proactive financial strategies, and leveraging available resources like Financial Peace University, Dave Ramsey and George Kamel provide a roadmap for Jason and his fiancée to overcome their current struggles. The emphasis on teamwork, transparency, and long-term planning serves as a valuable lesson for listeners navigating similar financial and relational challenges.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free.

[Jason]

Today, me and my fiance are getting married. We're just doing a one on one ceremony, me and her, in about a month. And we had decided to fund this ourselves. And our budget was around 10 to $12,000. In the initial discussions, I was going to bring X amount of money. She was going to bring a significant portion, so I was going to bring around $2,500. She was going to cover the rest. When we had this discussion, when we planned this, I had decided, or excuse me, I had budgeted based on projected income for the month of January and how much margin I would have in my budget. That did not come to fruition and it's created a strain because I'm not able to contribute the portion that I thought I would be able to. I'm in a very tight budget right now. I will follow that up with. I am bringing debt into this marriage. From the second we even discussed marriage, she's had a full look into my finances. She sees what I spend. There's no nothing hidden. And we have agreed that when we combine our finances, when we get married, that we're going to do the margins. We plan to bring the debt attack the debt that I'm bringing into the marriage. So a couple things, there is a lot of shame and guilt on my end too. And on her end, I think there might be some not necessarily resentment building, but I don't want that to happen. And yesterday there was kind of some expression of that and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, let me ask, let me ask, let me ask a quick question. She's fully aware of your finances, which means she's probably very fully aware of your work and how you get paid. And that sounds like you had no control over this income. So she's disappointed. Yes. But does she understand the circumstances by which the money hasn't come in like you thought it would?

[Jason]

Yes, yes. And that's, that's kind of the question.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right, second question. Second question. I thought, and I don't know if George, you heard this, so I'm coming to you. Jason, I thought you started off the call by saying we're having a one on one wedding.

[Jason]

Yes, sir. We're well open.

[George]

So why is it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, well, I don't understand.

[Jason]

This was the kind of the dream that she had and what we had thought we could budget for. And so there's been deposits placed, airline tickets placed sin money already spent that would be really hard to sort of bring up. And.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so hold on a second. Hold on. So she had a vision for a wedding and now we can't afford it, so now we're opting for the one on one at the courthouse?

[Jason]

Well, no, no, it's still affordable. Just the portion that I was supposed to afford.

[Dave Ramsey]

I just don't understand. George changes now.

[George]

Let's say you can't give this 2500, you can't give a dime. What changes about this wedding a month from now? What can't we do that we said we were going to do?

[Jason]

Well, that's. That's exactly my question. We can do it. And for our conversation last night, the sort of thought is just get it done. But I. My question is more relational. I don't want there to be any Harvard resentment or doubt from her because I was not able to uphold my end of the bargain.

[George]

Here's the third question. Is there a pattern of you making a promise, telling her something and then it not coming to fruition? Are you letting her down? Is this the first time this has happened?

[Jason]

No, absolutely not. No. And 100% transparency? No.

[George]

Have you told her about this yet? Just be honest with her and say, hey, listen. Yeah, I was expecting this income.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh yeah, they talked about.

[George]

So she's already. But she expressed some of, you know, disappointment. She was upset about it and she's obviously pretty. You know, there's a lot of emotion already with planning a wedding and doing this, even if it's just one on one, it's a big life change. And I think this just probably triggered something inside of her going, this man, is he going to be able to provide? Is he going to be able to be the partner and leader that I need him to be? So it's probably causing some bigger questions in her mind and I think that's worth a second conversation with her.

[Jason]

Okay. And it's the same that I'm feeling as well. And that's. And I guess I just curious about how to, how to best approach that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, okay.

[Jason]

I think that tangibly I can do between now and then.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So we can't really answer that until we understand what happened. What is the nature of your job? Or could you share with us briefly the circumstances that led to you not getting paid, what you projected that you might. What happened?

[Jason]

Very. Yeah, very easily. I'm a. I do two things. I'm a field inspector and I sell real estate. And my field inspection job is my main source of income. I was. I make basically just enough to pay my bills to get by with that and then real estate, I switched brokerages back to a brokerage that I have been affiliated with before. So when I made this change, we discussed it and said, hey, you know, I can either focus my attention at this real estate and see the benefits from that three to six months from now. I've done that before, I know what it looks like. Or I can in the immediate next three months, go get a job doing whatever on the side to stack cash for this elopement. And we decided that the first option was how I would proceed. There was about a 15 or about, excuse me, a $2,000 job through this field insp. Job that I do that I was anticipating and told would happen in January. And that money was earmarked for the elopement. And that work never came to fruition through the company that I'm working with.

[George]

Okay, so you have another month to go. Is this wedding in March?

[Jason]

Yes, sir.

[George]

Okay. So you can go do a side gig, you know, one of these, you know, kind of a instacart, Uber eats, whatever it is. You can go sign up for one of those and go make 500 bucks a week until the wedding.

[Jason]

Okay. And that, that was my thought. Okay.

[George]

Hey, do whatever it takes. I think that'll prove to her that you're serious about this.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I. I got it, George. That's a great suggestion. Jason. Honestly, bro, you. You've got some self belief issues, okay? So that's going to need to be dealt with, number one. But the best way to kind of deal with this. You're down in the dumps. Dude, you sound like what maybe a balloon that's lost all its air would sound like if it were talking. That's what you sound like. And I'm not making fun of you. I'm saying that's what it sounds like. You sound so deflated. But George is right, bro. You can make twenty five hundred dollars between now and that wedding day. And I would start doing it.

[Jason]

Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

Now sell something. If you can't sell something and come up with $300, go sell it for somebody else. Go to all your friends. I mean, I'm telling you, bro, like, this is your chance to, to feel good about yourself. I understand why you're deflated, but man, this is an opportunity for you to go. Wait a second. I can earn $2,500 between now and wedding day. And I'm going to absolutely die trying. And I'm going to do it and I'm going to find all the ways to do it. That's all I'm doing. I'm waking up going, I've got a. You need a poster board in your bedroom on your mirror looking at some type of a thermometer that people do, like $2,500 or bust.

[George]

If there's 35 days for the wedding, say I'm going to make 100 bucks every day. No. What come Heller. High water.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. So, I mean, let's go. And then here's the deal. And then enter into this, this marriage all in with your wife to be on the baby steps. How can we. Let's give them a wedding gift. George, what would. What should we do?

[George]

I love it. I think Financial Peace University for the two of you would be great, along with breaking free from broke for you specifically, Jason. Read the Margin is Breathing Room chapter I've got 10 ways to make more, 10 ways to spend less. If you do both of those things, you, you're going to find that margin to save up. And I want you to have that next conversation, not with a mopey attitude, but with optimism, with an excitement, with an enthusiasm that she goes, oh, my gosh, this is a new Jason.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's right. And tell her I'm going to come up with the 2,500 bucks. Babe, don't worry about it. I may not see much of you, but it's going to be a great wedding. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.