I Can't Convince My Husband To Let Me Do This

Summary

Summary of "I Can't Convince My Husband To Let Me Do This" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Overview

• Title: I Can't Convince My Husband To Let Me Do This
• Host: Ramsey Network
• Release Date: February 22, 2025
• Duration: Approximately 8 minutes

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, the Ramsey Network addresses a listener's dilemma regarding family finances and marital roles. Carissa from Oklahoma seeks advice on her desire to become a stay-at-home mom amidst financial concerns stemming from her husband's inconsistent employment.

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Listener's Concern: Carissa's Dilemma

Timestamp [00:02]

• Carissa, 25, Oklahoma:
  • Situation:
    • Main breadwinner since marriage to support husband's writing career.
    • Recently had a second child and wishes to stay home to raise her babies.
  • Financials:
    • Annual income: $30,000 (herself and her husband each make approximately $30,000 when employed).
    • Monthly Expenses: $800 rent, $300 car payment, $3,700 in medical bills.
    • Current Status: Budgeting effectively without overspending.
  • Challenge:
    • Convincing her husband to sustain the family on a single income due to his history of inconsistent employment over the past three years, attributed to company layoffs.

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Host's Initial Response: Emphasizing Financial Responsibility

Timestamp [01:02] - [03:38]

• Speaker A (Dave Ramsey):
  • Critique of Husband's Employment:
    • Challenges the validity of layoffs being the sole reason for husband's job instability.
    • Quote [01:18]: "There is no excuse for a man that has a wife and a child to go three years without consistent income."
  • Financial Analysis:
    • Breaks down potential income if husband secures a $20-$25/hour job:
      • Calculation: $20/hour × 40 hours/week = $800/week → Approximately $3,200/month.
    • Conclusion: Confident that with determination, her husband can secure employment to meet the family's financial needs.
  • Call to Action: Encourages husband to exhibit "grit" and take proactive steps to gain stable employment.

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Co-Host's Perspective: Focusing on Relational Dynamics

Timestamp [04:16] - [06:53]

• Speaker B (Ken Coleman):
  • Relationship Focus:
    • Highlights that the core issue lies within the marital relationship rather than solely financial constraints.
    • Quote [04:16]: "The ball in a sense is in the relational court of your marriage, not the financial."
  • Supportive Approach:
    • Emphasizes understanding and addressing any mental blocks her husband may have.
  • Balance of Desires:
    • Advocates for both partners to support each other's passions and desires, fostering a healthy and balanced relationship.
    • Quote [06:14]: "How are we able to live in a world where both of you have that and you can support each other within it?"

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Hosts' Discussion: Marriage and Sacrifice

Timestamp [06:53] - [08:19]

• Speaker A (Dave Ramsey):
  • Value of Sacrifice:
    • Reflects on personal experiences of making sacrifices within marriages to support each other's careers and ambitions.
    • Quote [07:18]: "There are many times in our two marriages where each one of our spouses has made sacrifices for us."
• Speaker B (Ken Coleman):
  • Mutual Support:
    • Reiterates the importance of mutual sacrifices to achieve individual and collective goals.
    • Quote [07:30]: "I believe that both can have what they want. They may not get it at the same time."
  • Financial Feasibility:
    • Analyzes the family's financial obligations, asserting that the current debt and expenses are manageable on a single income.
    • Quote [08:05]: "This is manageable. Right. This isn't two car loans that are 900 each, a student loan. $15,000 in medical debt."

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Conclusion: Feasibility of Staying Home

Final Thoughts [08:19]

• Speaker B (Ken Coleman):
  • Affirmation: Confirms that with disciplined financial management and mutual agreement, Carissa's goal to become a stay-at-home mom is achievable.
  • Encouragement: Emphasizes the importance of her husband making the decision to commit to stable employment to support the family's wishes.

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Key Takeaways

• Financial Assessment:
  • Carissa's current income and manageable expenses suggest that transitioning to a single income is feasible.
• Marital Agreement:
  • Successful adjustment hinges on open communication and mutual support within the marriage.
• Personal Responsibility:
  • Encourages proactive effort from Carissa's husband to secure stable employment to meet the family's needs.
• Value of Parenthood:
  • Both hosts acknowledge and honor the important role of parenting, highlighting the honor in being a stay-at-home mom.

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Notable Quotes

• Dave Ramsey [01:18]: "There is no excuse for a man that has a wife and a child to go three years without consistent income."
• Ken Coleman [04:16]: "The ball in a sense is in the relational court of your marriage, not the financial."
• Dave Ramsey [07:18]: "There are many times in our two marriages where each one of our spouses has made sacrifices for us."
• Ken Coleman [08:05]: "This is manageable. Right. This isn't two car loans that are 900 each, a student loan. $15,000 in medical debt."

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Conclusion In addressing Carissa's concern, The Ramsey Show Highlights provides a balanced perspective that intertwines financial responsibility with relational dynamics. While emphasizing the importance of securing stable employment, the hosts also underscore the significance of mutual support and understanding within a marriage. The episode serves as a valuable resource for listeners navigating similar challenges, offering both practical financial advice and relational guidance.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Today's question comes from Carissa in Oklahoma. I'm 25. My husband is 37. I have been the main breadwinner since we got married because I wanted my husband to focus on his writing career. I recently had our second child and would like to stay home to raise the babies. The problem is I can't convince my husband that we can make it on one income. He has not consistently held a job for the last three years due to company layoffs. I'll address that in a minute. I make about $30,000 a year. My husband, when he's working, by the way, that's in parentheses. He makes about 30,000 as well. Our rent is 800amonth, and besides our normal bills, we have a car payment of 300amonth. We also owe 3700 in medical bills. We budget and don't live outside our means. It would probably be a big financial change to only have one income, but I feel like my most important job is to take care of my children. Is my desire to be a stay at home mom unrealistic in this economy and the economy?

[B]

No. In your household?

[A]

Yeah. In your husband's reality where he can't seem to hold down a job. I.

[B]

Tell us about. What do you think?

[A]

You heard me. Okay, so I'll address that.

[B]

I know the layoff situation well. Okay, so let me get my tea.

[A]

All right. Let me remind you, he has not. This is. These are her words. He has not consistently held a job for the last three years due to company layoffs. False. If I had a buzzer sound, I would hit the buzzer. It should be worded. He has not consistently held a job for the last three years due to his lack of effort. Now, what I'm not disputing is that the guy's been laid off maybe multiple times over a three year period. But when someone is not consistently holding a job down for anything longer than six months, it's an effort issue. And. And that's gonna cause a little stir with some people. Let me explain. In the American economy as of today, one can go work. It may not be the career that you got educated in or that you want to be in, but I can promise you that if I'm shown the door later today after the show, which the jury's still out, I'm not going to be without work for three years. No matter what happens, I am going to work somewhere and I will make 20, 22, 25 an hour. @ a bare minimum. Not because I'm great or I'm special or uniquely talented. Because I have a pulse. Am I making a clear point? And so there's zero reason for him to go 36 months. And I'm putting it that way on purpose. Without consistent income. You know I, and I have a heart for this. It's what I've been doing the last seven years at Ramsey Solutions on the Ken Coleman Show. It's coaching people who aren't where they want to be professionally. But there is no excuse for a man that has a wife and a child to go three years without consistent income. Three years with industry volatility. Sure, that's happened. So I want to make sure that the critics are really hearing what I'm saying. I. I'm not saying he hasn't gone through layoffs and maybe his industry or what, what. But you can go do something. And we're talking about $30,000 a year is what she's making.

[B]

Right. And he makes about 30, 000 when he.

[A]

I got to get my calculator out here. I'll give it to you. But I believe that 20 to $25 an hour range gets you there. It. We're well over that. Let's just go $20 an hour times 40 hours a week for those. It's 800. Says 3200amonth. So that does it. Don't tell me that in America today that you can't go get a $20 an hour job or a $15 an hour job and then a $16 an hour job. We split. My point is I'm going to take care of my wife and I'm going to take care of my baby. So that's what I think.

[B]

Carissa, the issue here is not that there is a lack of opportunity out there for him to go do that so that you can have the desires met. The ball in a sense is in the relational court of your marriage, not the financial. Because there is something that he. A mental block. He has whatever his thing is and that's your issue. And now to get a man to see that, a husband to see that who is in a belief system, obviously that is not that. That is counter it it is. Is difficult.

[A]

And so you know what the bro needs? He needs some grit. Good old fashioned grit. Hey dude, I know it sucks.

[B]

Go landscape.

[A]

I know it sucks.

[B]

Go do some manual labor. That's what I would tell you.

[A]

Get some grit, man. I wish I could. I wish I had a big fake. What do you call those Things. What do you. I'm blanking out. You give people a shot. What do you call it?

[B]

A syringe.

[A]

Thank you. I need a big, giant fake syringe, James. And it's filled with grit. Okay, right on that. Thank you. And I just bring out. I bring it out on calls like this. I know this is horrible and they're making fun of me, but it's making the point. And I just hold it up. I go, you need a shot of this, my man. Help this woman out so that she can go home and take care of her babies. Because we've talked about this before on this show and I'd like to say it's here.

[B]

This is what this is. Her desires.

[A]

Being a stay at home mom is the highest honor and the greatest job on the planet, period. That's what I think.

[B]

I love it. My heart's that, Ken.

[A]

I mean it.

[B]

Amen. Hallelujah.

[A]

I mean it.

[B]

Well, let me tell you, it's harder work to do that than to do what I'm doing right here, chatting with adults.

[A]

Right. And by the way, that's not. That's right.

[B]

Seriously, it is, it is very difficult.

[A]

And by the way, that's not to.

[B]

Say to be a stay at home.

[A]

Mom that I knock professional women because every time we do stuff like listen.

[B]

My wife got to hear both sides.

[A]

My wife, different seasons, was working outside of the home.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

One of my dearest friends on the planet, my little sis right here, she does it. I'm not knocking. I'm just saying we got to get to a point where there's no shame.

[B]

Well, and I think in a stay at home mom and the ideal within a marriage, family unit like this is that both people individually that your desires, your needs, your wants, your passions in life, all of it, like, how do we both, how do we. How are we able to live in a world where both of you have that and you can support each other within it? Right. So that's holistically, I think what makes part of a really healthy, beautiful relationship when that is in play. It doesn't happen all the time. It doesn't happen every season. But when you're kind of in that rhythm.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And so when you can do that for each other. So for him, that's what I would say to him is like there is a level of sacrifice and in reality and grown up world that you're an adult with kids, like you have to go have a job, like you have to make money. And then if your wife is able to stay at home after you go and do those things. Because that's her desire. Like, that's beautiful. Like that. That is something that we should all be reaching for to do the things that we want. Right.

[A]

That's a great point. I know that you and I could speak to this, but there are many times in our two marriages where each one of our spouses has made sacrifices for us.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To do what we get to do.

[B]

That's right. Yes. With the travel and the speaking. Yes, totally, totally.

[A]

We could go down a list and. And I think it's really important what you said that, you know, at. There are times where one of the spouse has got to make some massive sacrifices for the other spouse, knowing that your season is coming and it's just part of the deal. I believe that both can have what they want. They may not get it at the same time.

[B]

No, that's right. But when you can set it up. So, yeah, so it's a really good point. It's a long winded, Long winded discussion. But that's.

[A]

And I want to say this too. We're talking about, in this case, $30,000. We're talking about. I'm giving this guy a hard time with my fake grit syringe and all the stuff I'm saying, but he could, he could get to the point pretty quickly where she could come home.

[B]

Yes. Well, and their bills, I mean, they owe, you know, 3,700 on medical, which, you know, it's not 15,000, it's 3,700.

[A]

They got a car payment. That's a big chunk.

[B]

But if 300amonth in, in the, in the scope of life, though, is what I'm saying is manageable. This is manageable. Right. This isn't two car loans that are 900 each, a student loan. $15,000 in medical debt. You know, 90,000 is too, like, it's not this, like, overwhelming amount. This is a very doable. It's going to have to be. Yeah. Does he make the decision to do it or not?

[A]

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