I Don't Know How To Financially Cut Off My Kids

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Don't Know How To Financially Cut Off My Kids"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host: Ramsey Network (Dave Ramsey)
• Episode: I Don't Know How To Financially Cut Off My Kids
• Release Date: August 12, 2025
• Duration: Approximately 6 minutes

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1. Caller’s Situation

The episode begins with a caller reaching out to seek advice on a challenging personal and financial predicament. The caller, a 50-year-old parent, shares that both of their adult children—aged 27 and 21—still live with them and have become entirely dependent. This dependency stems from the caller’s past decisions, including taking responsibility for a divorce at their daughter’s age of four and subsequently enabling both children to rely financially on them.

Caller’s Background:

• Age of Children: 27 and 21
• Dependence: Both children live at home with no intention of moving out.
• Financial Setup:
  • Built their children's credit scores to 780.
  • Provided each child with a credit card at age 18.
  • Recently co-signed a home loan with the children to secure a mortgage.

Notable Quote:

Caller (00:06): "I am 50 years old, have two adult children that lives with me and have no intention of moving out on their own."

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2. Financial Enabling and Its Consequences

Dave Ramsey delves into the caller's financial decisions, highlighting how enabling the children’s financial dependency may have backfired. The caller initially built their children's credit scores by providing them with credit cards and allowing them to manage debt responsibly. However, these actions inadvertently taught the children that utilizing credit extensively is the pathway to financial success.

Key Points:

• Credit Building: The parent’s intent was to help the children establish good credit.
• Outcome: The children learned to "run with" the credit, leading to excessive use.

Notable Quotes:

Dave Ramsey (04:19): "I don't know why that would be a shock... You taught these kids to borrow money and run their credit score up and then you're shocked that they did that."

Caller (04:47): "No, no, no, no, no. I built that credit."

Dave Ramsey (04:50): "I know, by borrowing money and using... Credit cards, but I paid it off to build him."

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3. Dave Ramsey’s Financial Advice

Ramsey addresses the critical issue of the parent needing to establish boundaries to foster financial independence for both themselves and their children. He emphasizes the importance of setting a firm timeline for the children to move out and take responsibility for their own finances.

Advice Offered:

• Set a Deadline: Establish a clear timeframe (e.g., three months) for the children to move out.
• Create a Plan: Develop a comprehensive plan addressing both the parent’s and children’s financial stability post-departure.
• Promote Independence: Encourage both parties to achieve standalone, sustainable adulthood.

Notable Quotes:

Dave Ramsey (02:24): "So how are we going to cut them loose? What are we going to do?"

Dave Ramsey (04:32): "There's no, there's no shock of your life... That's exactly what you taught them to do."

Dave Ramsey (05:03): "End of the year is fine, three months is fine, whatever you want to do. But you need to put a set date on it."

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4. Emotional and Relationship Impacts

Dr. John Delony joins the conversation to shed light on the emotional complexities involved in this financial disentanglement. He discusses how the parent's overdependence on the children may have led to emotional reliance, making the transition difficult for the parent even more than for the children.

Key Insights:

• Emotional Dependency: The parent has become emotionally reliant on the children, leading to potential loneliness once they depart.
• Relational Dynamics: The enabling behavior has intertwined the parent’s and children’s financial and emotional well-being.
• Personal Growth: The process, while challenging, is an opportunity for everyone involved to achieve personal and financial maturity.

Notable Quotes:

Dr. John Delony (03:01): "It sounds like that move is gonna be harder for you than them. You are so dependent upon them."

Dr. John Delony (04:02): "We're going to have to help them, you know, between now and Christmas, we got to have a plan."

Dr. John Delony (06:20): "Just starting from the basic... learning the baby steps."

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5. Path Forward: Steps to Financial Independence

The discussion moves towards actionable steps to facilitate this transition. Both Ramsey and Dr. Delony emphasize the importance of education, planning, and mutual growth.

Recommended Steps:

• Establish a Clear Plan: Define specific goals and timelines for both moving out and achieving financial independence.
• Financial Education: Provide resources such as the "Total Money Makeover" to guide the family through financial restructuring.
• Emotional Preparation: Acknowledge the emotional challenges and prepare accordingly to support all parties through the transition.

Notable Quotes:

Dr. John Delony (04:02): "So we got to help them, you know, between now and Christmas, we got to have a plan."

Dr. John Delony (06:20): "Just starting from the basic principles... learning the baby steps."

Dave Ramsey (06:41): "Good news is you're getting ready to be a grown up on your own. The bad news is you're getting ready to be a grown up on your own."

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6. Key Takeaways and Conclusions

The episode concludes with a reinforcement of the necessity for both financial and emotional independence. Ramsey and Delony encourage the caller to move forward with confidence, ensuring that both the parent and children can achieve dignity and self-sufficiency.

Final Insights:

• Mutual Growth: The transition is beneficial for both the parent and the children, fostering independence and responsibility.
• No Shame in Change: Acknowledge past enabling behaviors without shame, focusing instead on corrective measures and future stability.
• Holistic Approach: Address both financial and emotional aspects to ensure a smooth and respectful transition.

Notable Quotes:

Dave Ramsey (06:34): "Good news is you're getting ready to be a grown up on your own."

Dave Ramsey (06:47): "Good mom's gonna say, I made a mistake and I'm gonna fix this."

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Conclusion

In "I Don't Know How To Financially Cut Off My Kids," Dave Ramsey and Dr. John Delony provide compassionate yet firm guidance to a parent struggling with adult children’s financial dependency. The episode underscores the importance of setting boundaries, fostering financial independence, and addressing the emotional facets of such significant life changes. Through strategic planning and mutual support, both the parent and the children can embark on a path towards sustainable, dignified adulthood.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

I am 50 years old, have two adult children that lives with me and have no intention of moving out on their own. When my kids were little, my daughter, the youngest, was four and I got divorced. So I shifted the blame on myself that I was responsible for the divorce. So I kind of. And I took responsibility for this, enabled both of them to be totally dependent on me.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old are they today?

[Caller]

27, 21. When you were little? I saved more than I am now. When my son turned 18, I had some receiving in his name, took up credit cards, just a credit card for him. And when he graduated high school, his credit score was 780. I did the same for my daughter when she turned 18, built her credit to 780, gave each of them their credit cards and told them just run with it. Recently I decided to purchase a home. I've been waiting and waiting in the market. It's not getting any better. So I figure, well, I'll just go ahead and purchase anyway, whatever I have, whatever the market has right now. So I found a lending officer and I asked to have my name and my two children name on the loan. And I got this.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why would you put your two children on the loan?

[Caller]

I figured if it's just me, I wouldn't get the amount based on the market, the housing market.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm a little bit confused because I thought you were calling me because you had enabled these children and you were wanting to stop doing.

[Caller]

Pretty much. Pretty much.

[Dave Ramsey]

If you want to stop doing that, you don't put them on the loan.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

They need to be on their own and you need to be on your own as standalone, sustainable adults. Okay, so how are we going to cut them loose? What are we going to do?

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[Dave Ramsey]

So how are we going to cut them loose? What are we going to do?

[Caller]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, you do. You say I Mean, you say in three months, in three months you are moving out. Okay, in three months you're going to have a job and you're going to be on your own. You're 27 years old, you're 21 years old, you're leaving.

[Dr. John Delony]

And it sounds like that move, Seba, is more scary for you than it's going to be for them. You are so dependent upon them. I mean, it sounds like from, from an emotional standpoint and everything. I mean, you've put so much relational stock absolutely right in them and you don't. Your loneliness is going to be knocking at the door as they exit. And so you're gonna have to deal with you really for the first time, possibly, because it sounds like there's been some avoiding and in a sense kind of medicating. Right. With their relationship with you and you're detaching that. So I think that this move is gonna be harder for you than them.

[Caller]

A little bit of both, because I did give them kind of like an ultimatum for the end of the year because I wanted to put, I couldn' even put them on the loan because of how bad the credit has gotten. So I got approved and I'm looking like, okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

I don't know why that would be a shock. I mean, you taught these kids to borrow money and run their credit score up and then you're shocked that they did that. I wouldn't be shocked. I think that's exactly what you taught them to do.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

There's no, there's no shock of your life. I mean, when you, when you take a 17 year old and you run up a FICO score by running up their credit card debt and you teach them that that's how they're supposed to live, then they go live that way. That's what they're going to do and.

[Caller]

No, no, no, no, no. I built that credit.

[Dave Ramsey]

I know, by borrowing money and using.

[Caller]

Credit cards, but I paid it off to build him.

[Dave Ramsey]

I know, but you taught them the best way to have a quality life is beast throwing this plastic around. And then they threw the plastic around. So. Absolutely. So, yeah, I think, you know, end of the year is fine, three months is fine, whatever you want to do. But you need to put a set date on it. And then you need to start asking yourself what must be true in my life for me to be okay emotionally when they leave and what must be true in their life for them to actually be able to eat and not be in the homeless shelter. So we got to help them, you know, between now and Christmas, we got to have a plan. And the great news is that everyone in this story gets to grow up. Everyone here gets to have dignity, standalone adult dignity for the first time ever and first time since you had a four year old for you. And it's first time for them because they don't have the dignity of being a standalone adult. They're stuck.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

In their mother's mess.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And weirdly, you guys are kind of the same age financially as you continue to learn how to handle money. Because it sounds like, say, but you know, getting even. Just the basics principles, the common sense principles that we talk about on this show implemented in your life is one of the first steps. So if you hold on the line, Christian's gonna pick up and we'll just give you guys like three copies of Total Money Makeover. I think just starting from the basic.

[Advertisement Voice]

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[Dr. John Delony]

And learning the baby steps. And all three of you guys will be learning this at the same time. But that's a, I mean, that's a beautiful G of, you know, the humility to say, kids, I did this really wrong. And the way I taught you and showed you how money works.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. I got bad news.

[Dr. John Delony]

We're going to do the opposite.

[Dave Ramsey]

Good news is you're getting ready to be a grown up on your own. The bad news is you're getting ready to be a grown up on your own. And so.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, that's, that's, and that's not a bad mom move.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, that's, that's a good mom.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yes, exactly. So don't have the shame and the guilt around.

[Dave Ramsey]

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