"I Don't Know If You're Competent To Marry"

Summary

Episode Summary: "I Don't Know If You're Competent To Marry"

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Release Date: April 15, 2025
• Duration: Approximately 8 minutes

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Overview

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, listener Christy reaches out with concerns about the potential implications of common law marriage on her assets. Given her secure financial standing contrasted with her boyfriend's instability, she seeks advice on protecting her assets should their long-term relationship be deemed a common law marriage. Hosts Ken and Rachel delve into the intricacies of common law marriage, relationship dynamics, and financial protection strategies.

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Listener's Background and Concern

Christy, a 56-year-old woman, has been in a relationship spanning a decade. Despite her stable financial situation, her boyfriend lacks financial security. They currently reside in separate cities, seeing each other primarily on weekends, and have shared children. Christy's primary concern revolves around safeguarding her assets in the event their relationship is recognized as a common law marriage.

• Christy’s Query:
  "I have been in a relationship for about 10 years and I am very much secure in my assets and my boyfriend is not. And I wanted to know if there's anything that I could do to avoid or to protect my assets from what could possibly be common law marriage."
  (00:06)

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Hosts' Discussion on Common Law Marriage

Ken initiates the discussion by addressing the legal uncertainties surrounding common law marriage, especially in Montana, where specific laws apply. Rachel and Ken express their limited expertise in common law marriage but proceed to analyze Christy's situation based on the information provided.

• Ken on Common Law Criteria:
  "A common law marriage in Montana is recognized if the parties are competent to marry... mutually agree to the marital relationship and then cohabit."
  (02:13)

Christy clarifies that she and her boyfriend currently live in separate cities and have only cohabited for a few weeks despite being together for over ten years.

• Christy's Living Situation:
  "We've lived in... a couple weeks."
  (03:05)

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Analysis of Relationship Dynamics

Rachel and Ken scrutinize the depth and seriousness of Christy's relationship. They question the longevity and commitment, considering factors like geographical separation and limited cohabitation.

• Ken’s Skepticism:
  "If you were my sister, Christy, I'd be like, sis, what are you doing. You don't love this guy that much."
  (06:17)

• Rachel’s Observation:
  "Is there any fact, Christy, that there's a level of you that you've handled money well, you're successful, and he hasn't? That's a little bit of a deterrent."
  (07:34)

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Advice on Asset Protection and Marriage

Both hosts advocate for maintaining separate finances given the current dynamics of Christy's relationship. They caution against merging assets unless there is a clear, mutual commitment to marriage.

• Ken’s Recommendation:
  "I would keep the assets separately because I don't think you guys actually want to even do the common law marriage."
  (05:02)

• Rachel’s Guidance:
  "Don't marry him unless you're on the same page. And don't combine your finances. Keep them separate."
  (07:54)

They further advise that if Christy and her boyfriend decide to move in together, formalizing their relationship through marriage would be beneficial both legally and for their mutual quality of life.

• Ken on Moving In Together:
  "If you move in together, I agree with Rachel. You should get married. The statistics are absolutely undeniable that it is better for you."
  (05:34)

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Notable Quotes

• Ken on Relationship Commitment:
  "You're going to have to do it for a long period of time on that deal."
  (02:33)

• Rachel on Financial Disparity:
  "Is there any fact, Christy, that there's a level of you that you've handled money well, you're successful, and he hasn't? That's a little bit of a deterrent."
  (07:34)

• Ken’s Concluding Advice:
  "Do not move in with this dude. Do not marry this dude until you guys are on the same page."
  (07:45)

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Conclusion

In this episode, Ken and Rachel provide a candid assessment of Christy's relationship, emphasizing the importance of clear commitment and financial transparency. They strongly recommend maintaining separate finances to protect her assets and urge Christy to evaluate the depth of her relationship before considering cohabitation or marriage. The hosts' guidance underscores the significance of mutual understanding and partnership in both personal and financial realms.

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Key Takeaways:

• Separate Finances: Maintain individual financial accounts to safeguard personal assets, especially in relationships with financial disparities.
• Commitment Evaluation: Assess the seriousness and long-term commitment of a relationship before making significant legal or financial decisions.
• Legal Awareness: Understand the criteria and implications of common law marriage in your jurisdiction to make informed choices about asset protection.

Transcript

[Ken]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Christy]

So I have been in a relationship for about 10 years and I am very much secure in my assets and my boyfriend is not. And I wanted to know if there's anything that I could do to avoid or to protect my assets from what could possibly be common law marriage.

[Ken]

Well, okay, so when you say could be possibly. Rachel and I are not common law marriage experts. We certainly don't know the law in Montana. So what do you know? Because it sounds like you're uncertain.

[Christy]

I don't know. I think there's a seven. He's not living with me right now. We're talking about it. But I think there's a seven year living together.

[Ken]

And you guys have been sharing a residence for seven plus years?

[Christy]

No, no, no, we have not as of yet. And I don't want to get there. I don't want to be put in the position that it becomes a common law marriage.

[Ken]

Why?

[Rachel]

What's up with the relationship?

[Ken]

Yeah, that's what I want.

[Rachel]

What are you guys doing? Why are you married?

[Christy]

Do you love and married?

[Ken]

We're older, but what does that have to do with anything?

[Christy]

Why aren't we married? We didn't see. We live in different cities and we didn't see a reason to like, we've had kids. We've done the whole thing.

[Ken]

You still live in separate cities?

[Christy]

Yep.

[Ken]

How far away?

[Christy]

It's. It's great. You should try it.

[Ken]

Okay. Wow, that's. That's a little awkward. I'm very happily married. I'm rolling into 27 years and I actually. This is going to freak you out, Christy. I sleep in the same bed as Stacy. It's wonderful. You should try that. Now, I will tell you, mouth tape has really helped. It's. It's helped. I use the mouth tape now. Rachel, I haven't told you this old man.

[Rachel]

That's an old man move.

[Ken]

It's a great marriage. Stacy's happy about it. Okay, so you. How far apart do you all live?

[Christy]

A couple hours.

[Ken]

Okay, so how often do you get together?

[Rachel]

Why are you worried about the common law marriage? You guys aren't living together?

[Christy]

Yeah, because we're now looking to. So now my daughter's in college. So we're now looking to. What does the future look?

[Rachel]

How old are you guys?

[Christy]

I'm 56.

[Rachel]

Okay, you're not too old.

[Ken]

Okay, so according to what I'm seeing here, a common law marriage in Montana is recognize if the parties are competent to marry. I don't know if you're competent to marry after that little comment you made. Mutually agree to. Hold on, hold on. I don't know, Christy. You're a little saucy today, and I can be saucy back.

[Rachel]

You.

[Ken]

You have to mutually agree to the marital relationship and then cohabit. Well, you guys aren't cohabiting for how long?

[Rachel]

Give time frame.

[Ken]

What does it.

[Rachel]

Does it give a time frame at all?

[Ken]

No, no, Just says cohabit. We know what cohabiting is.

[Rachel]

Well, I know, but usually there's a time frame with common law marriage if you have been together for, you know, 12 years or whatever does.

[Ken]

But again, have you guys ever lived in the same house?

[Christy]

Well, for what period of time?

[Ken]

Just answer the question.

[Christy]

We've lived in. We've. Yes, we have.

[Ken]

How long?

[Christy]

A couple weeks.

[Ken]

That's not a common law marriage. I might as well have a judges.

[Rachel]

She's going to. You won't like.

[Ken]

You're going to have to do it for a long period of time on that deal. I just. I. I'm not sure we can answer your question because I don't think you guys actually.

[Rachel]

The definition of it's not going to happen unless you guys are together for living together for a longer.

[Ken]

And I in this case, would say common law marriage. I don't think under our Ramsey way of thinking, I don't think I'd combine finances. I don't think. I think you keep your assets separately. Your question was, how do I protect my assets? I don't think you guys are combining because I don't think this is a real marriage. I think you guys get together for conjugal visits. If I can be very blunt, that's what I think this is.

[Christy]

It's more than that. You don't cheat as long as we've been doing for conjugal business.

[Ken]

I'm just saying, you live together for.

[Rachel]

Two hours apart for 10 years.

[Ken]

How often do you guys see each other in a year?

[Christy]

We see each other every weekend.

[Ken]

My point exactly.

[Rachel]

Okay?

[Ken]

Just. I'm just saying this isn't a marriage. I'm not judging her.

[Rachel]

Sorry you called.

[Ken]

I'm not judging you. I swear. I'm not judging you.

[Rachel]

Okay, Christy, our advice would be you.

[Ken]

Are keep the assets separate.

[Rachel]

You still have a good, you know, 30, 35 years together. You could have a longer marriage than what Ken has today.

[Ken]

That's not a marriage.

[Rachel]

No. What they could have if they got.

[Ken]

Married, they're not going to, but that's.

[Rachel]

What I'm telling her. She called our show.

[Ken]

She doesn't want to get married.

[Rachel]

That I would get married.

[Ken]

Oh, okay.

[Rachel]

I see what you're saying. Another 30, 35 great years. Maybe my papa's 96, so that's what, 45.

[Ken]

I mean, like, I love your sweet path.

[Rachel]

You've got a long way to go, Christy. And so all of this would be summed up if you're like, yeah, we want to be in a. Committed. If not, then don't have a permanent residence together, and the common law marriage isn't even an issue.

[Ken]

And keep assets separate.

[Rachel]

Separate.

[Ken]

That was my.

[Rachel]

But I think some people will go to court if they. If they break up, though. I think that they can. It can feel like a marriage where it's 50. 50, regardless of. I don't know.

[Ken]

Anyways, Christie, now, after all of that, and I tried to answer your question, I'll say I'm having fun with you, but I'm dead serious. Everything I said, I completely stand behind. No judgment, by the way. Zero judgment. You do what you want to with your life. I'm a libertarian on that deal. All right. What I am saying is, is that I would keep the assets separately because I don't think you guys actually want to even do the common law marriage. Am I missing that, or is that what you're saying you're thinking about doing?

[Christy]

Oh, that's. Well, if we're thinking about marriage, possibly we're thinking about moving in together. We're thinking about a lot of different options, but.

[Ken]

Well, if you move in together, I agree with Rachel. You should get married. It's. The statistics are absolutely undeniable that it is better for you. And Rachel's right. You're going to have a greater quality of life.

[Rachel]

Now, if you don't love him and he's not marriage material, then. Then I wouldn't be living with him anyways. Do what?

[Christy]

Yeah, I wouldn't be having this conversation if that wasn't the case.

[Rachel]

Yeah, it's right. Exactly. Exactly.

[Ken]

I don't know. I don't know if. If you love this guy so much.

[Christy]

Hesitant in this because I.

[Ken]

Here's why. I'll tell you why I'm hesitant, and I'm on your team. He didn't call. So underneath this snappy sweater here, I've got a Team Christie shirt on. Okay, so I'm cheering for you. I mean, this. Okay, here's what I'm hearing.

[Rachel]

You're better off financially, Christy.

[Ken]

Yeah. So what I'm hearing is, if you were my sister, Christy, I'd be Like, sis, what are you doing? You don't love this guy that much. If you did, you couldn't stand and be away from him. My wife left town last week with my daughter for a trip with her sister, and they were gone for four nights. I really, truly missed my wife. I could not do what you're doing. So maybe, and I'm honest about this, maybe it's just me, but I don't see enough evidence that you really want to commit to this guy and truly marry this guy based on one of the first comments. You said. You were like, well, I said, why? And you went, well, we're just older now, and I think you've rationalized it. And I also don't think that you can. I think you can live without this guy, and this is not my opinion. You see this guy once a week and you live a couple hours away. That ain't leaving Cleave, in my opinion. Now, I'm old school, and I don't mind when you push back on me, but. But, Christy, that's why I'm a little bit cynical. I think if you would have said, you know what? We've done it this way for a long time, but now I just can't. I can't live without him. And I want us to have our life completely intertwined, for better or for worse, richer or poor.

[Rachel]

Bad.

[Ken]

Tuesday night. Great. Thursday morning. Whatever. I don't hear that from you, so therefore, I don't want you to do it.

[Rachel]

Is there any fact, Christy, that there's a level of you that you've handled money well, you're successful, and he hasn't? That's a little bit of a deterrent.

[Christy]

That's a huge deterrent.

[Ken]

Ah, you buried the league.

[Rachel]

There we go.

[Ken]

That would have been nice to know five minutes ago. I definitely stand by what I think. Do not move in with this. This dude. Do not marry this dude until you guys are on the same page.

[Rachel]

Yes, don't marry him unless you're on the same page. And don't combine your finances. Keep them separate.

[Ken]

What are we doing on the weekends? Christy, what are you doing? This guy's not like values. I stand by what I said. I wasn't trying to be salty. I like Christy, but this is a. There's a guy in the lobby that agrees with me. This is adult conjugal visits. We're playing house. I got head shaking all throughout the lobby. I stand by what I say.

[Rachel]

Rachel, stand firm. Ken, stand.

[Ken]

Oh, it's tough being a Puritan. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.