I Don't Like The Way My 18-Year-Old Spends Money

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights — Episode Summary

Title: I Don't Like The Way My 18-Year-Old Spends Money

Date: May 9, 2026
Host: Ramsey Network Team (including George Kamel, Ken Coleman, and guest experts)
Guests: A mother (“B”) and her 18-year-old son, Luke

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Episode Overview

This episode dives into the perennial tension between parental guidance and young adult autonomy in financial matters. A mother, a dedicated Ramsey follower, seeks advice on how to balance teaching her son, Luke, smart money habits without micromanaging his spending. The Ramsey hosts explore practical boundaries, generational mindsets, and strategies for developing both financial responsibility and inner contentment in the next generation.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Parental Dilemma: Guiding Without Controlling

• Context: Luke, age 18, is a recent high school graduate. Family instated a rule: save 50%, spend 40%, give 10% from his first paycheck.
• Mother’s Concern: Although Luke saves and gives generously, his spending choices (e.g., expensive cologne, gadgets) seem excessive to her. She wants him to make better choices without feeling over-controlled.
  • Quote [00:41]:

    “I feel like he makes purchases that from my perspective are excessive, and yet I don't want to micromanage him as his mom.” – B

2. Hosts’ Perspectives: Release & Let Growth Happen

• Understanding Developmental Stages:
  • Quote [00:52], [01:27]:

    “He is an 18 year old boy... Your frontal lobe is still developing. I can teach, I can show and model, and then I can console when they're broke.” – C

  • The hosts emphasize that failure is often the best teacher; parents should allow space for learning-by-doing, while remaining present for support and consolation after missteps.
• Host’s Personal Experience:
  • One host relates to the situation by describing differences among his own kids, ranging from the ultra-saver to the chronic spender, and how natural consequences are the best educators.

3. Are the Purchases a Problem? Understanding Value vs. Motivation

• Luke’s Purchases: (iPad, cologne, headphones) fall within his allocated 40% “spend” allowance.
  • Quote [02:52]:

    “Like an iPad or cologne, headphones? Depends.” – C

• Mother’s Deeper Concern:
  • She worries not only about the price tags but also about underlying motivations—buying for status or affirmation vs. personal joy.
  • Quote [03:23]:

    “I don't want him to be purchasing those items to impress others... If you love it and you want it, then purchase it. But not for the praise or the affirmation from others.” – B

• Contentment & Social Pressure:
  • Quote [04:05]:

    “A question I ask myself a lot... If nobody sees this purchase, do I still want it?... If the newness of stuff is what funds your happiness... you'll be chasing the wrong thing.” – D

  • The necessity to check one’s intentions is flagged as a life-long, “spiritual exercise,” rather than something taught by lecture alone.

4. Long-Term Wealth Vision: The Power of Investing Young

• Automate Smart Habits:
  • The hosts nudge Luke to consider investing part of his “spending” money, leveraging his early start for maximum long-term impact.
  • Quote [06:02]:

    “You’re a young man, 18. You got all the time in the world on your side... What if, instead of buying that next doodad, I instead put that in a Roth IRA... Have you done that before?” – A

• Crunching The Numbers:
  • With help from his mother, they estimate $200–$300/month could go to investing (factoring in upcoming car purchase needs).
  • Quote [07:19]:

    “So George, split the difference. 250.” – C

  • Investment Example: $250/month in a Roth IRA from age 18 to 60 could yield nearly $2 million (tax-free), assuming steady returns.
    • Quote [07:20]:

      “That’s a pretty good life. At 60 without really doing much. You sort of had it on auto.” – A

5. Parent & Child Both Growing

• Room for Parental Growth:
  • The hosts gently point out some “scarcity” and “control” issues on the mother’s side, encouraging mutual self-reflection.
  • Quote [08:13]:

    “I think, mom, there's some control issues. There's some scarcity stuff that you might need to unpack too. So I think there's work on both of your parts to sort of get to the consensus that he's fine. He's doing better than most adults in America.” – A

• Affirmation:
  • Both mother and son are praised for being far ahead of their peers in financial responsibility.
  • Quote [08:41]:

    “And mom, you have done a great job with this young man. Give them some more.” – C

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Parental Letting Go:

  “I can teach, I can show and model, and then I can console when they're broke...” – C [01:27]

• Purchasing to Impress:

  “If you love it and you want it, then purchase it. But not for the praise or the affirmation from others.” – B [03:23]

• The Affirmation Test:

  “If nobody sees this purchase, do I still want it?” – D [04:05]

• The Power of Early Investing:

  “$250 bucks a month... You’d have almost $2 million in that one account at 60 if you just did that. That’s a pretty good life.” – A [07:20]

• Parental Self-Reflection:

  “There’s some scarcity stuff that you might need to unpack too... He’s doing better than most adults in America.” – A [08:13]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:11 – 00:52: Overview of Luke’s upbringing and the family’s financial strategy
• 01:26 – 02:45: Hosts’ philosophies on parenting and financial growth
• 02:45 – 03:23: Luke’s spending habits and parental perceptions
• 03:23 – 04:05: Concern about buying for status versus real enjoyment
• 04:05 – 05:45: Insights on contentment, value systems, and motivation
• 06:01 – 08:05: Shift to investing, leveraging youth for future wealth
• 08:13 – 08:41: Reflection on parental mindset and mutual growth

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Tone & Style

The conversation is warm, humorous, and affirming—balancing practical financial wisdom with gentle family coaching. Both son and mother are treated with respect, and advice is rooted in real-world examples and relatable stories.

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Summary for Non-Listeners

This episode offers a nuanced discussion about parenthood, financial independence, and the wisdom of letting young adults make (and learn from) their own money decisions. The hosts validate both parental concerns and youthful exuberance, urging reflection on motivations for spending and encouraging early investment for lasting impact. The blend of practical advice and personal anecdotes provides reassurance and clarity for families navigating similar crossroads.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[B]

This is my 18 year old son, Luke. He'll be graduating high school in just about six weeks.

[C]

All right, Luke. Yeah.

[B]

And my question is, as a parent, how do you steward your growing children well without micromanaging their disposable income and just a tiny bit of context, we are huge Ramsey fans. Luke has been working since he was 14 and our rule from Paycheck One was you save 50%, you can spend 40% and you give 10%. So he has a lot of disposable income. And I feel like he makes purchases that from my perspective are excessive and yet I don't want to micromanage him as his mom.

[C]

Yeah, well, you kind of sort of answered your question in that last statement. You are a mature, successful adult who happens to be his mom. He is an 18 year old boy with. God bless you. Your frontal lobe is still developing. Yeah. And he appreciates that. So I think that from my perspective is the part where you're gonna have to release a little bit. Now I'm gonna tell you how I, I've got three. I've got a 20 year old in college in Chicago who literally can't keep money in his account longer than 17 seconds.

[D]

Nice.

[C]

And then I've got a middle son who has 10, three grand in his account and won't spend it on anything. And then I have a daughter who's 17 who's just like the 20 year old. So one of the things that I've had to just as a dad to learn is I can teach, I can show and model, and then I can console when they're broke. And so my oldest and my youngest, I, I, and this is not my wife's natural path. She wants to do what you're doing. How can I help control and do all this kind of stuff? And it's really wonderful. But I have found that my 20 year old is beginning to learn the value of money because of the allocated money he gets versus his job, his part time job. And when he's broke and he calls me, I just go, man, that stinks, buddy. And now it's kind of a joke. And at first it made him mad, now he kind of gets it and now the calls aren't even coming in and he is finding a way. And so I think in some ways you've done a wonderful job and you gotta let that young man figure it out. And I think the best teacher in life is failure.

[D]

Luke, I'm curious what Set expenses, purchases. Are you buying that your mom would say is excessive?

[C]

Like an iPad or cologne, headphones? Depends.

[D]

Anything. Is that within the 40% that's kind of allocated here? Step up to the mic.

[C]

You get closer to the mic, Luke. Yeah, that's in the 40%. Yes, Mom. What do you want him to do with the. Instead of the iPad and the cologne? Those don't seem outrageous to me.

[B]

No, the iPad.

[A]

He gets it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ken loves a cologne.

[C]

I like to smell good. I'm not gonna lie to you.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's like, I would not spend as much on perfume or cologne as he did, and it brought him great joy. But I was thinking, oh, that's a lot of money. And we had different upbringings. I grew up with very, very little, and I've done pretty well for him. I think the deeper concern I have is I don't want him to be purchasing those items to impress others. And what I sometimes hear, and he's such a great kid, is, hey, I just got this clone, and here's how much it costs as he's talking to his friends, and I'm like, if you love it and you want it, then purchase it. But not for the praise or the affirmation from others.

[D]

And I think that's very fair because that is a contentment loop that only, though, can be broken by you, Luke. I mean, honestly, that's something that can't be learned up here. That's something that's gonna have to happen. So I'm a spender like you, so I feel ya. So a question I ask myself a lot is before I make this purchase, I think if nobody sees this purchase, do I still want it? So the idea of how much of my motivation is for others or for affirmation, whatever the thing is. But if nobody was to see it, how much of this is just for me? Because back to our point of rolling the eyes of the kid's birthday party or whatever it may be, people are gonna value different things, and people are gonna say, oh, my gosh, I would never spend X on a car I would never spend X on. And it's not immoral. But that's people what they value, and that's not necessarily wrong. But if there is a belief that this thing is going to make me happy or what I get from it, if I impress someone with the price tag. Right, with that example she just used, yeah, you'll be a rat in a wheel for. For the rest of your life, running and getting nowhere. And if the newness of Stuff is what funds your happiness again. There will be deep discontentment for the rest of your life, and you'll be chasing the wrong thing. And the finish line keeps moving. You think, if I just could have this, I can get that? Or if it moves this way, you know, I gotta catch up to this. So that's something, though, that I think is learned through life experience. I hate to say it, but I think that's a spiritual exercise more than anything. But the math side, George, of the investment side, right? If you actually invested some of this money, what that turns into is pretty astronomical. And I know you're already saving a lot, Luke, which is great.

[A]

Where are you saving exactly? Is it in a savings account?

[C]

Savings account.

[A]

Okay. What's your end game here? Are you wanting to build wealth and have some autonomy and freedom as a young man?

[C]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

And do you see investing as a path to get there?

[C]

Yes, absolutely.

[A]

Well, let's crunch the numbers for you here. You're a young man, 18. You got all the time in the world on your side, and you have time to fail. You got time to make the mistakes. But if you just went, hey, you know what? What if I, instead of buying that next doodad, I instead put that in a Roth ira. Because you're earning income. Have you done that before?

[C]

I have not, no.

[A]

All right, I'm going to show you using our investment calculator.

[D]

Can we do his real numbers?

[A]

I'm going to use your real number if you're willing to give it to me.

[C]

Like savings or what?

[A]

Yes. You have nothing in retirement now, no investment accounts. How much can you put away a month into investing?

[C]

I don't know the exact number on that.

[A]

Can you put 500 bucks away?

[C]

Yeah, absolutely.

[A]

That seemed like a low number to you? You were like, absolutely. That's nothing.

[C]

Hold on a second. Hold up. Mom is kind of going.

[B]

I'm not sure. Well, what I would say is the big purchase that will be coming soon is a car. And we're going to do 50. 50. And we've talked about it won't be a brand new car. And there's, you know, there's reason, because he has $15,000 saved.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

He's not. Yes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But he's not getting. He's not getting a $30,000 car to start. So I think he would need to. I think probably about 200 to $300 a month would be good because it would be coming from his disposable income because he's also going to be going to college.

[A]

Yeah, he's got short term goals too.

[C]

So George, split the difference. 250.

[A]

We're going to go 250 from age 18 to age. Let's say 60. All right. That's like an early retirement for most of America. 18 to 60. You put 250 bucks away into a Roth IRA and make that on auto to where you never saw the money. It left your account when that paycheck hit. You don't have time to spend it. Here's what you'd have almost $2 million in that one account at 60 if you just did that. That's if you never got a raise, never put in more than that. And that's tax free withdrawals if it's in a Roth side because you used after tax income to invest it. So that's like take home pay. Think about it that way. That's a pretty good life. At 60 without really doing much. You sort of had it on auto. And 250 bucks for you is a drop in the bucket with the money you're already making at 18.

[C]

Think about how good you're going to smell then.

[A]

Oh yeah, you could have your own cologne company by then.

[C]

Yeah. So just rub money all over your face.

[A]

I think you got to think about the opportunity cost a little bit. And again, you're 18. I spent every one of my paychecks at 18. So you. He's doing astronomically well. So I think it's less about his spending issues. Yes. We need to dig into the motive and contentment. But I think, mom, there's some control issues. There's some scarcity stuff that you might need to unpack too. So I think there's work on both of your parts to sort of get to the consensus that he's fine. He's doing better than most adults in America. I'm much less worried about him.

[C]

And mom, you have done a great job with this young man. Give them some more.

[A]

Let's. You guys are awesome. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.