I Don’t Make As Many Friends Since Becoming A Millionaire

Summary

Podcast Summary: "I Don’t Make As Many Friends Since Becoming A Millionaire"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host/Author: Ramsey Network
Episode Release Date: January 24, 2025
Duration: Approximately 8 minutes and 26 seconds

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Introduction to the Issue

In this episode, Brandon shares his personal experience of how achieving millionaire status through disciplined financial practices has inadvertently affected his social relationships. He discusses the unintended social consequences of financial success, particularly focusing on how old friendships have dwindled while forming new ones has become challenging.

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Brandon's Story: Financial Success and Friendship Dynamics

Brandon opens up about his journey towards financial independence, highlighting the successful implementation of the Ramsey Network's "baby steps." Within a decade, he and his family became millionaires, paid off their house, funded their children's education through 529 plans, and managed significant financial milestones without accruing debt.

Key Points:

• Financial Achievements: Paying for children’s college, purchasing cars and renovating homes with cash.
• Social Impact: Old relationships fizzling out; difficulty in forming new, meaningful friendships.
• Perception by Others: Friends perceive the family as "hanging around rich folks" or being "in different circles."

Notable Quote:

“We've been living this way for 15 plus years.”
— Brandon [06:30]

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Dr. John Delony’s Insights: Understanding and Navigating Social Changes

Dr. John Delony empathizes with Brandon's predicament, acknowledging the potential devastation of losing friendships due to financial success. He references Mel Robbins' concept, advising that those who drift away upon one's financial ascent may never have been genuine friends.

Advice Provided:

• Assessing Relationships: True friends remain regardless of financial status.
• Intentional Socializing: Actively seeking and cultivating new friendships through intentional actions.
• Normalization of Life Stages: Recognizing that changes in social dynamics often correlate with different life stages, such as parenting young children.

Notable Quotes:

“If people don't want to be your friend anymore because you have, you're successful, then I would suggest they may not have been your friend in the first place.”
— Dr. John [01:41]

“You can't be lonely. Because I just know this, the data on loneliness is it's just a decision to die early and miserably.”
— Dr. John [03:58]

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George Kamel’s Perspective: Letting Go and Embracing New Relationships

George Kamel adds to the conversation by sharing his similar experiences. He emphasizes the natural shedding of relationships that no longer add value and the importance of seeking out new connections that align with one's current life stage and values.

Key Points:

• Shedding Non-beneficial Relationships: Reducing communication with those who may feel threatened or disconnected by financial success.
• Creating New Bonds: Proactively inviting others to engage in activities to build new friendships.
• Understanding Social Shifts: Acknowledging that changes in friendships are part of evolving life circumstances, not necessarily tied solely to financial status.

Notable Quotes:

“If they're not your friends, then they're your coupon book.”
— Dr. John [05:03]

“The comparison game is real in adulthood.”
— George [08:08]

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Strategies for Maintaining and Building Friendships

The trio discusses practical strategies to navigate the changing social landscape post-financial success:

1. Proactive Engagement:

   • Initiate Social Interactions: Don’t wait for others to invite you; take the lead in organizing gatherings or activities.
   • Be Authentic: Embrace and share your unique interests and lifestyle, even if it feels awkward initially.

2. Intentional Relationship Building:

   • Identify Admired Individuals: Select people you admire and actively seek to develop relationships with them.
   • Consistency is Key: Regularly reach out and participate in shared activities to foster deeper connections.

3. Acceptance and Letting Go:

   • Understand the Natural Evolution of Friendships: Accept that some relationships will change or fade over time.
   • Focus on Quality Over Quantity: Prioritize meaningful relationships that offer mutual support and understanding.

Notable Quotes:

“Go first and be weird. And what I mean by that is don't wait for somebody to invite y'all.”
— Dr. John [05:04]

“Your friend should love you in spite of and because of your weird and strange things.”
— Dr. John [07:03]

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Conclusion: Embracing Change and Fostering New Connections

The episode concludes with encouragement to embrace the natural shifts in friendships that come with financial success and personal growth. Brandon, Dr. John, and George underscore the importance of being intentional, authentic, and proactive in building and maintaining meaningful relationships. They reassure listeners that while the journey may involve awkwardness and adjustments, the rewards of genuine connections are invaluable.

Final Takeaway: Navigating friendships post-financial success requires a balance of letting go of relationships that no longer serve you and actively seeking out new, supportive connections through intentional and authentic engagement.

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Additional Resources

For more insights and advice on managing life and finances effectively, listeners are encouraged to explore other episodes of The Ramsey Show Highlights and utilize resources like the Everydollar app for budgeting assistance.

Notable Advertisement Quote Skipped:

“George: Create your free EveryDollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.” [08:26]

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This episode provides a heartfelt exploration of the social challenges that can accompany financial success and offers practical strategies to maintain a fulfilling social life. Through personal anecdotes and expert advice, Brandon, Dr. John, and George offer valuable perspectives for listeners experiencing similar dynamics in their own lives.

Transcript

[George]

Brought to you by the Everydollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Brandon]

Well, George, Dr. John, very good to talk to y'all. And, Dr. John, about halfway through your new book, and so far, so good.

[Dr. John]

Well, appreciate that, brother.

[Brandon]

Thank you. Good. Yeah. Hey, just a little backstory. We've been at the baby steps since about 2010. So we became everyday millionaire. Almost textbook. Around within 10 years, you know, we became millionaires and paid off our house. Whole nine yards started amazing, of course, with note and so forth. But recently, I'd say within the last two or three years, started noticing old relationships kind of fizzling and building new ones have not been so great as a family. And it's sort of an unintended consequence of, I think, how we live our lives, even though we don't brag about it. I mean, certain things have come up over the years, like, you know, paying for our kids fully funding their college through 529s, paying for cars with cash. You know, paying off our house and renovating our houses with cash. You know, in certain circles, that information has spread like wildfire, but in a negative way. And like I said, we're not going out to brag about these things, but we start to see a trend, folks kind of backing out of our lives. And, you know, we get the comments like, oh, y'all are hanging around rich folks now, or we're in different circles and so forth. And, you know, we're just trying to figure out how do we deal with that. You know, I know it's not a terribly bad problem to have, but still, we just focusing the change.

[Dr. John]

Yeah, it can be a devastating problem to have. The two words coming to my mind are the title of Mel Robbins new book. And my thought is, let them. Just let them. If. If people don't want to be your friend anymore because you have, you're successful, then I would suggest they may not have been your friend in the first place. The depth of the relationship that you assumed was there or that you had invested on your side was not there to begin with. Because over the last few years, obviously working for Dave, he takes care of us really well. My life's changed. And for my deepest, closest relationships that I've had for years, it's just made them deeper. They make fun of me more and they. Right. They make jokes and they always laugh when the tab comes and they're like, I'm a pan that you're paying, like. Right. But it's all in support and care and love and. How old are you guys?

[Brandon]

41.

[Dr. John]

41. How old are your kids?

[Brandon]

They're still in elementary school.

[Dr. John]

Okay, so this is, I'm wondering if two things are happening and you're looking at one side of the equation. The other side of the equation is it's very, very normal. You guys are like me and my wife. Y'all are late parents with. Y'all are older parents with young kids, and you find yourself at elementary school functions with a bunch of 20 year old parents, maybe 30 year old parents, and y'all just in different life stages and those same friends. You realize, oh, you're one of those weird little league parents, or, you know, you're like a cub scout dad and you might be like, we go fishing debt, right? There's a natural separation that happens when your kids are this age and that. That happens whether you have money or not. It's just normal, just happens. And so I think the bigger challenge for you guys is, is to not dump this all on the fact that y'all pay for stuff with cash and more. Recognize it as just a life stage, just a developmental transitional stage. And kind of like when my grandparents on both sides, they were told like, hey, smoking's like a good way to help you relieve stress. And then they were like, oh, yeah, and it kills you. They all had to quit smoking. I think similarly, you guys have to decide, we have to do something different to stay healthy. And that means we have to be obnoxiously intentional about having friends, making new friends and going from there. I mean, I, I don't know another objective way around this problem, because you can't be lonely. Because I just know this, the data on loneliness is it's just a decision to die early and miserably. Right?

[Brandon]

That's all great advice. And like you had said, we, we have heard that quite a bit, like, hey, we're not catching this bill. We, we know you guys have money, so we're just going to let you take the bill. And you know, that's funny at first, but when it's three, four, five times in a row, it gets a little old.

[Dr. John]

Oh, it gets, hey, let me qualify what I said. I remember the first time that happened. The second time I went out with some friends. They've been my friends for 30 years. And I picked up the tab and one of my friends turned and looked at me and said, you will never do that again. I'm your friend before this and I'll be your friend after this. And he's somebody who speaks wisdom in a while. He's a Goofball, but he's awesome. But that was a good, like, hey, we don't love you for this. Right? And so, yeah, if your friends. If they're not your friends, then, right, They're. You're their coupon book.

[Brandon]

Ah.

[Dr. John]

So that. Here's the two things I found. Go first and be weird. And what I mean by that is don't wait for somebody to invite y'all, because it's not going to happen. You all do the inviting, have somebody over to your house and be weird. Meaning just go ask them, hey, I'm going for a run. You want to come with me? I'm going to work out. You want to come with me? I got to build something in my backyard. You want to help me build it? And you're going to get. No, no, no, no. Sure, I'll come. And then there you go. But I don't know another way around it. George, how do you make friends?

[George]

You're asking the wrong guy, John.

[Dr. John]

I'm asking the wrong guy.

[George]

John won't even be friends with me.

[Dr. John]

George has an app for that, I guess somewhere.

[George]

No, but I've been thinking about this, Brandon, because I'm in a similar phase. I'm just very gung ho on the baby steps, have been for a long time. And what I found is, over time, there's a natural shedding of old relationships that just don't serve you. And it's not a selfish thing. If they've got to add value to my life, you just find that I communicate with them less, they talk to me less, and I'm learning to have new relationships. And so part of what you're experiencing is this idea that your friends have poisoned the well by choosing to believe that the way you live your life is a judgment against them. It's a personal attack that you say for your kids, college, while they can't or won't. And that's the part you need to drop and go, all right, that's not on me. You sound like a real nice guy, not a braggadocious type. So I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but that's the hard part, is for you to just swallow that pill and go, no, that's on them. That's the poison they're choosing to drink, and I want no part in it.

[Brandon]

George, I think you hit the nail on the head there. And that's some of the comments that we've heard. Kind of nonchalant off comments, you know, at social events. And it's like that, you know, it's like what we're doing is strange and out of character for them. But we've been living this way for 15 plus years.

[Dr. John]

And here's the deal.

[Brandon]

It's not like we became this way overnight.

[Dr. John]

Yeah. But here's the thing. It is strange and it is weird. It's insane that I just said that, that it is strange and weird to live.

[George]

You've lived intentionally for a long time. That's rare.

[Dr. John]

But here's the thing. Your friend should love you in spite of and because of your weird and strange things. That's what makes you all y'all right. None of my friend. I. I can't think of any of my older friends that live the Ramsey principles. They, like, I get an open. Like, they mock me. We'll laugh at each other. We'll poke and prod. I got one guy that has never owed anybody money ever, and he's like, yeah, I didn't need a program. Me like, like, right? So that's my friendships, but they love me in spite of it. Same with my weird music choices. Same the fact that I like to sneak away and go to punk rock shows at 10:00 at night. Like, they love me in spite of and because of my idiosyncrasies. And so this is deeper than the baby steps. This is, like George said, people who are choosing to see the way you guys live your life as some sort of indictment on the way they're doing it. And that just is them unfortunately opting out of relationship with you. And that's a bum deal, man. But by the way, this would be happening if you did or did not do too much travel, sports, or if you did or did not do too much Cub scouting. Like, this is just that season for y'all.

[George]

The comparison game is real in adulthood.

[Dr. John]

It just is.

[George]

So I love John's idea of who. Who do you admire when you guys go home and you're talking to your wife? Who are the people like, man? They seem really. We should invite them over. Yeah. And then be weird and send the text, make the phone call. And then you're going to develop new relationships over time. And it's still going to be weird and awkward.

[Dr. John]

It's always going to be weird. And go anyway.

[George]

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.