I Don’t Think My Boyfriend Is Financially Prepared for Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights – "I Don’t Think My Boyfriend Is Financially Prepared for Marriage"

Episode Overview The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, delivers concise daily advice on life and financial matters. In the episode titled "I Don’t Think My Boyfriend Is Financially Prepared for Marriage," released on March 7, 2025, Nicole seeks guidance regarding her boyfriend's lack of financial preparedness as they plan to marry and purchase a home together.

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Caller’s Situation: Nicole’s Dilemma

Nicole reaches out to the show expressing her concerns about her boyfriend's financial readiness for marriage and joint homeownership.

• Nicole [00:11]: "I've been with my boyfriend for some time now and basically for the last year we've been kind of planning to buy a house together. So I've been going through the steps and saving money. And recently he's been kind of hinting at the fact that he's going to propose soon... I discovered after a year that he basically hasn't saved any money."

She reveals that despite her proactive efforts in saving and planning, her boyfriend hasn't contributed financially, leaving her to bear most of the financial burdens due to her higher income.

• Nicole [00:22]: "I've been putting away tons of money, and I make three times the amount of money he does."

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Expert Insights: Ken & Dave Offer Guidance

Ken’s Perspective: Caution Against Merging Finances Prematurely

Ken addresses Nicole’s concerns by emphasizing the risks of combining finances before marriage.

• Ken [00:51]: "It’s really not a great idea for you guys to buy a house together if you're not married. And it's really not a great idea for you guys to be combining your money in any sort of way if you're not married." [00:51]

He advises maintaining separate finances until legal protections are in place, suggesting that shared financial goals should align with marital commitment.

Dave’s Assessment: Identifying a Yellow Light

Dave concurs with Ken but introduces the concept of a "yellow light," indicating a need for caution without immediate termination of the relationship.

• Dave [02:37]: "This is a very clear. I'm going to call it yellow light." [02:37]

He clarifies that "yellow light" means proceeding with caution and having a serious conversation about financial alignment before moving forward with marriage or major financial commitments.

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Deep Dive: Analyzing the Financial Disconnect

The discussion delves into the implications of Nicole’s boyfriend not saving money and the potential red flags it raises for their future together.

• Ken [03:40]: "Can you tell me why? Why? And then can you tell me, like, well, what have you been using your money for instead?" [03:40]

Nicole responds by revealing that her boyfriend's expenses predominantly go towards non-essential items like food and video games.

• Nicole [04:17]: "The majority of his money has been spent on food and video games." [04:17]

Ken and Dave interpret this as a significant warning sign, indicating potential challenges in financial compatibility and responsibility.

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Balancing Love and Financial Responsibility

Despite her boyfriend’s financial shortcomings, Nicole expresses deep affection and appreciation for his supportiveness.

• Nicole [05:03]: "He's been my rock... he's so genuine, he is so sweet and he is so kind-hearted." [05:03]

However, Ken challenges Nicole to reflect on whether his supportive nature compensates for his lack of financial responsibility.

• Ken [05:25]: "You can love someone and decide to also say they're not the person that they need to be right now for me to decide to marry them." [06:45]

Dave emphasizes the importance of aligning values, especially regarding money, highlighting that love alone may not sustain a financially healthy marriage.

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Actionable Advice: Navigating the Conversation and Next Steps

Ken and Dave provide Nicole with practical advice on how to address the financial issues with her boyfriend.

• Ken [07:37]: "I've been thinking... I love you because you've always been there for me... but I really needed you to show up when it came time to talk about our goals as a couple." [07:38]

They encourage Nicole to initiate a candid conversation about their financial future, setting clear expectations and evaluating whether her boyfriend can align his financial habits with their shared goals.

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Conclusion: Proceed with Caution

The episode underscores the critical role of financial compatibility in relationships and marriage. While love and support are foundational, aligning financial goals and responsibilities is essential for long-term stability.

Key Takeaways:

• Evaluate Financial Readiness: Assess both partners' financial habits and responsibilities before making significant commitments.
• Maintain Separate Finances Initially: Keep finances separate until legally protected by marriage to avoid potential conflicts.
• Open Communication: Have honest and structured conversations about financial goals and expectations.
• Red Flags: Recognize warning signs, such as lack of saving and irresponsible spending, as indicators of potential future challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• Ken [00:51]: "It’s really not a great idea for you guys to buy a house together if you're not married."
• Dave [02:37]: "I'm going to call it yellow light."
• Nicole [05:03]: "He's been my rock... he's so genuine, he is so sweet and he is so kind-hearted."
• Ken [07:37]: "I've been thinking... I love you because you've always been there for me... but I really needed you to show up when it came time to talk about our goals as a couple."

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Final Thoughts This episode serves as a valuable guide for individuals navigating the complexities of financial planning within relationships. It emphasizes the importance of financial transparency, shared goals, and the need to address financial disparities to build a secure and harmonious future together.

Transcript

[Ramsey]

Brought to you by Y Refi Refinance your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey hi.

[Nicole]

I've been with my boyfriend for some time now and basically for the last year we've been kind of planning to buy a house together. So I've been going through the steps and saving money. And recently he's been kind of hinting at the fact that he's going to propose soon. So I kind of sat down with him to see over the last year how much he saved towards this house. So we kind of know where we're falling. And I discovered after a year that he basically hasn't saved any money. And during that period of the year, I have been taking on most of the financial burdens because I make significantly more money than he does. I'm kind of shocked by the fact that he hasn't saved any money and I don't really know how to go forward. So I wanted your advice.

[Ken]

Yeah, good question. On the one hand, I get why you're concerned because in you guys relationship it sounds like there was kind of an agreed on point that you wanted to reach and you were gonna try to reach it together. And it seems like he hasn't, you know, held up his side of the deal. But from my perspective, I would say he doesn't have to come, he doesn't have to contribute to this at all because it's really not a great idea for, for you guys to buy a house together if you're not married. And it's really not a great idea for you guys to be combining your money in any sort of way if you're not married. It's really great for you guys to say, okay, say you do live together. I'm paying my portion, you pay your portion. But we're not doing this thing together until there's some legality, protection surrounding it in marriage.

[Dave]

I agree with that. But Nicole, how did you feel? I got a point to make after I asked her this question. How did you feel?

[Nicole]

That's actually when you found out the plan?

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Nicole]

Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you go ahead. But the plan is not to buy the house until we get married. That's why he's telling me that the engagement is coming soon. So like that's we're getting the ducks in the row for. Okay, we're engaged now. That means after we do the wedding, we're going to be buying the house, but the house is going to be the biggest fee.

[Ken]

Right, I see, I see, I see.

[Dave]

Yeah. But okay, so, okay, so how did you feel? What, what emotions and thoughts did you have when you found out that he hadn't been saving any money?

[Nicole]

I was absolutely devastated because he's living at home with his. We don't live together now. He's living at home with his family.

[Ken]

Ah.

[Nicole]

And I've been printing the money on everything, all of our dates. I've been putting away tons of money, and I make three times the amount of money he does.

[Ken]

How long have you been dating?

[Nicole]

Just over a year, I think.

[Dave]

This is a very clear. I'm going to call it yellow light.

[Ken]

Oh. I would have said red flag.

[Dave]

Well, you always surprise me. I, I feel, I, I, I think it's a yellow light. I think in the sense of this, what I mean by yellow light is proceed with caution. No, it's. We sit down. She doesn't dump him. Red light to me is dumping, leaves him, I'm out. Yellow light is sit down and go, we need to do some premarital. I mean, if, if we're talking this, we need to get in alignment on this, because this is what. I was devastated. And you may have already shared that with him, Nicole. But even if you have, there needs to be a true alignment conversation.

[Ken]

Yeah.

[Dave]

And, and is he going to show you in the days and weeks and months ahead that he understands your values and is in alignment with your values and he begins to save some money? I would not even say yes to his proposal. I wouldn't move forward on anything until that. That's what I mean by yellow light.

[Ken]

I agree with that. I think, I think Ken and I are saying the same thing. We just used different colors because red for me means, like, let's stop and see if anything dangerous else dangerous is happening.

[Dave]

Yeah.

[Ken]

And so my question for him would be, like, okay, you've not been saving. Can you tell me why? Why? And then can you tell me, like, well, what have you been using your money for instead? Because you're still living at home. I would have real questions, and I would want real answers because that's indicative of what it will be like in your marriage when you speak about money.

[Nicole]

Well, I know the answer to that. I did ask that question. And the majority of his money has been spent on food and video games.

[Dave]

Again, massive, massive. Like, like construction sign going, watch out, watch out, Cliff ahead. You know, I, Nicole, are you feeling that, too?

[Nicole]

Yeah, that's, that's what I'm calling because it's okay.

[Dave]

Can I play if I, if I could play older brother or I might be Old enough to be your dad for all I know. I would just tell you that this is a serious, serious conversation. He needs to make some changes in his life if he wants to be in your life. That would be my bumper sticker. What.

[Ken]

What do you see about him that's really. I want to go in another direction. What do you see about him that is really great that you go, this guy, this guy's got motivation. This guy's got that thing, this guy, like, tell me those things.

[Nicole]

I'm just curious why I love him. He has been my rock. Like, I've opened up a ton of new businesses in the last year and every single one I've done, he's had my back through every single one. He's so genuine, he is so sweet and he is so kind hearted. I've never met a man like him in my life.

[Ken]

Okay, I like that. Listen, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say something really harsh and I realize this. You can get all of those things from a pet support, somebody to be there to talk about. I want you to be able to say deeper things. Does that make sense?

[Dave]

Oh, it makes sense. I love this. I love. You're bringing the heat, what you said.

[Ken]

Like, that's a retriever and we love that. That's why we love our animals. They're. They're always there for us, unconditional, you know, they're. They're there to support us. They've got that.

[Dave]

That, by the way he's doing by playing video games and buying fast food. He is essentially the same as a golden retriever there as well. Just costing you money.

[Ken]

Costing you money. And I want to hear you say, you know, wow, he. This guy, you know, he. If you were to ask me or my husband that same question, it would be more about what they bring out of us and what I see, what I go when I go, oh, man, nobody works harder than Sam Warshaw. Like, that's inspiring to me. The way he will get up and do whatever it takes to take care of his family, the way that he'll take care of his kids. Like, the way he's sacrificed for us year after. Like, those are the things that I want to hear. And I'm not hearing that. That's why I kind of flipped it to see, okay, how is. What do you guys mean to each other and what roles are you playing and is it beyond just. Well, you know, they're. They're there when I need them, you know? And what does that even mean?

[Dave]

He's a very Sweet guy, a nice guy, all the things. He's also a pretty decent gamer. Sounds like, you know, but we gotta. You see where I'm going, Nicole? I gotta level. I gotta chuckle out of you. I mean, listen, you can love someone and decide to also say they're not the person that they need to be right now for me to decide to marry them.

[Ken]

Yes.

[Dave]

I think this is a very real conversation. Back in my day, we use dtr. Define the relationship. Kids don't know what that means. I'm sure etr. I'm sure. I dated myself again on that. But I think that's what's got to happen.

[Ken]

Yeah, I think so too, because give her the.

[Dave]

All right, so. So give her the. You're the strong female. I think she's a strong female. Give her 30 seconds on how she starts that conversation with our guy.

[Ken]

Oh, boy. How she starts the conversation.

[Dave]

I sets it up.

[Ken]

I've been thinking.

[Dave]

Okay, give me more.

[Ken]

I've been thinking. You know, I. I love you because you've always been there for me. You've. You've been my rock. But I really needed you to be there for me. I really needed you to show up when it was came time to talk about our goals as a couple. And when it came to our goals as a couple, you let me down. You didn't show up with your side of the money. You said you were going to do this. You said you were going to do that. And I haven't seen that. And this is the first time you've let me down. And unfortunately, it's in an area that really matters to me because it's not just about you or me. It's about us.

[Ramsey]

Wow.

[Ken]

All right.

[Dave]

Oh, it's good. It's good.

[Ken]

All right.

[Dave]

I think it's going to get his attention. Well done.

[Nicole]

Who?

[Dave]

Poor guy. But it's going to have to stand up at some point.

[Ramsey]

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