I Feel Guilty Financially Cutting Off My Ex

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: I Feel Guilty Financially Cutting Off My Ex
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: July 24, 2026
Theme:
This episode delves into the emotional, legal, and moral complexities faced by a recently divorced individual struggling with the idea of ending alimony and child support when legally required. The discussion spotlights the interplay of compassion, responsibility, personal boundaries, and dignity for both the caller and his ex-spouse, with practical financial advice from the Ramsey Network team.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller’s Situation: Post-Divorce Guilt and Obligations (00:06–00:32)

• Divorced Client expresses uncertainty about fulfilling only his legal financial obligations. While he knows what’s required by the divorce decree, he feels conflicted about stopping support after 2029:

  "I don't know if it feels right morally, especially at its end in 2029." (00:08)

• He fears his ex may struggle financially in the future, describing a sense of lingering responsibility.

2. Current Financial Picture (01:03–01:23)

• Divorced Client:
  • Makes $106k/year, recently accepted a new job offer for $120k/year.
  • Pays $2,900/month (combined alimony and child support), continuing until October 2029.
• Financial Advisor congratulates him on the new job:

  "Very nice. Good for you. Good new chapter, clean chapter in your life." (01:12)

3. Ex-Spouse’s & Children’s Circumstances (01:28–02:07)

• Ex-wife: 37, client: 36.
• Ex’s career & role: Previously a manager, currently not working, focusing on homeschooling three young children (ages 2, 3, 6).

4. Legal & Practical Child Support Questions (02:07–03:07)

• Child support vs. alimony split:
  • The client notes: "$2,059 of it is alimony, the remainder is child support" (02:07)
• Financial Advisor shares experience with marital support numbers, suggesting the alimony and child support figures may be reversed under most U.S. state laws.

5. The Future: Parenting, Work, Independence (03:07–03:41)

• Co-Host highlights that as children get older and enter school, the ex could feasibly re-enter the workforce full-time.
• Divorced Client: Hopes to become debt-free by 2029 and envisions a 50/50 custody arrangement, motivating his current financial discipline.

6. Marriage Background & Emotional Context (03:41–04:20)

• Financial Advisor inquires about the end of the marriage.
• Divorced Client: Shares he felt "not needed or wanted," and that key decisions (e.g., ex buying a house) were made unilaterally.

  "She bought a house in 2020 and I didn’t know it until she told me afterwards." (03:46)

7. Direct Guidance: Independence & Dignity for the Ex (04:20–06:07)

• Financial Advisor: Offers a frank, opinion-based take (not legal advice):
  • It would be "unusual" and "not good" for the ex-wife to remain financially dependent just to homeschool for many years post-divorce.

  "You're not going to want to take care of her for the next 20 years so she can sit at home and homeschool. That's not a realistic scenario." (04:43)

  • Independence is viewed as healthy and necessary for both the ex-wife and children:

  "That is. That's not dignity. That's not good for her. She needs to become a person of a standalone entity and have some independence at that point." (05:37)

8. Co-Dependency and Role-Modeling for Children (05:57–06:07)

• Co-Host and Financial Advisor reinforce the importance of breaking unhealthy dependence, not just for the ex-wife but also as an example for their children.

  "She’s codependent on an—" (05:57) "I don't want that for the ex. I don't want it for the kids. I don't want to model that for the children..." (06:07)

9. Final Advice & Call to Action

• Financial Advisor reiterates that it’s the caller’s choice how much support to provide, but emphasizes the importance of dignity and self-reliance.
• Recommends double-checking legal numbers, especially between alimony and child support amounts, and aligns with broader Ramsey philosophy of ending unnecessary long-term financial entanglements post-divorce.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You feel like you should pay more?" — Financial Advisor (00:22)
• "That's unusually compassionate toward the ex." — Financial Advisor (00:55)
• "If you want to do that, it would be highly unusual. To the point I would call it weird. And I'm not sure it's good." — Financial Advisor (04:50)
• "That's not dignity. That's not good for her. She needs to become a person of a standalone entity and have some independence at that point." — Financial Advisor (05:37)
• "I don't want that for the ex. I don't want it for the kids. I don't want to model that for the children..." — Financial Advisor (06:07)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06–00:32: Caller expresses moral guilt about ending financial support
• 01:03–01:23: Financial background and new job
• 01:35–01:52: Ex-spouse’s career status and homeschool details
• 02:07–02:19: Child support and alimony breakdown in Utah
• 04:09–04:20: Emotional cause for divorce
• 04:20–06:07: Why long-term financial dependence is unhealthy

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Summary Takeaways

• Compassion for an ex-spouse is natural, but enabling long-term dependence post-divorce is discouraged.
• Building personal independence, both financially and emotionally, is crucial for everyone involved.
• Fulfilling legal obligations is sufficient from both a legal and ethical standpoint, according to the hosts.
• Double-check alimony/child support numbers and plan confidently for your own and your children’s secure futures.

Transcript

[Financial Advisor]

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[Divorced Client]

I am recently divorced, and while I know what I need to pay legally according to the decree for alimony and child support, I don't know if it feels right morally, especially at its end in 2029.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay. You feel like you should pay more?

[Divorced Client]

Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

Oh, okay.

[Divorced Client]

The reason I say this, right now, alimony and child Support Together is $2900 a month. But I am fearful that when it ends in October of 2029, then in this economy, she'll be left destitute or high and dry, and that I wouldn't be like, does that make sense? I'm sorry.

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah. Yeah. That's unusually compassionate toward the ex. The what?

[Divorced Client]

Do you make $106,000 a year. But just yesterday, I accepted an offer for 120, which I'm excited about.

[Financial Advisor]

Very nice. Good for you. Good new chapter, clean chapter in your life. And $2,900 a month for three years, right?

[Divorced Client]

Yes. It started partway through last year, but it's going to go until October 2029.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, and how old is she and what is her career?

[Divorced Client]

I know that she was a manager for a mold company a while back, but I don't know if she's working at all right now. She's just focused on raising the kids and homeschooling them and things like that. She is 37. I'm 36.

[Financial Advisor]

How old are the kids?

[Divorced Client]

The youngest is two years old and the oldest is six years old.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, so the 2,900 is going to be largely child support, isn't it?

[Divorced Client]

Not in Utah. I was told that the alimony portion is only $2,059 of it, and then that the remainder is child support.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, I don't know what I'm talking about, except from years of experience dealing with this, because I don't know anything about Utah law and I'm not a divorce specialist, but typically, three children, when you make $100,000 a year is not going to be 900 bucks a month. You might have those two numbers flipped. I might be wrong, but I'm guessing. But in most, and I'll say in most states, you would at least have those two numbers flipped.

[Co-Host]

Did you say you have two kids?

[Divorced Client]

Three children.

[Co-Host]

Three, two, six.

[Divorced Client]

And what was the other age right in the middle? Three years old.

[Co-Host]

Okay, so three years from now, you've got a five, six and nine year old, and they'll be in school and she'll go back to work full time. Is that the plan.

[Divorced Client]

I think that she would want, and I wouldn't hate, for them to continue to be homeschooled. But my goal is if I can be debt free by 2029, when all of this, you know, ends takes place, then they will stay with me half the time. And I'm just trying to get to a point that I can eventually move into a place that they have room to live in as well. So that's my motivation to become debt free.

[Financial Advisor]

I'm curious, what happened to your marriage?

[Divorced Client]

We were married for six years. The best way I can describe it without going into a lot of detail is I didn't feel need or needed or wanted. She bought a house in 2020 and I didn't know it until she told me afterwards. I didn't feel like we made decisions together and I couldn't. I gave the very best I could, but I just couldn't keep going.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, all right. And yet you're talking to me about keeping going.

[Divorced Client]

I. I guess so. I think that.

[Financial Advisor]

So, you know, so here's, here's an opinion of a guy, not an attorney. I don't know what I'm talking about as an attorney and not even a financial opinion. I think this lady's going to have to have a career. She's now a single mom with three kids and she gets child support. And she's probably not going to be at home on your dole. You're not going to want to take care of her for the next 20 years so she can sit at home and homeschool. That's not a realistic scenario. If you want to do that. It would be highly unusual. To the point I would call it weird. And I'm not sure it's good. And I'm not sure it's good. The very reason you left there, you need to leave there and then she needs to go on and make her. She likes making decisions by herself. So now she gets to. And so, you know, I would not pay somebody $3,000 a month so they could sit at home and homeschool for 20 years, you know, or whatever it is. 18 years for a 2 year old. I mean, I'm not, No, I would not. I don't think that's. That would be unusual. I would make other arrangements for the children. I do other stuff, but I'm not going to just support her and her have no, it's not good for her to have no life. And that's assuming she doesn't person a divorced woman to have zero career and be homeschooling. The kids and living off of the ex. That is. That's not dignity. That's not good for her. She needs to become a person of a standalone entity and have some independence at that point.

[Co-Host]

She's codependent on an.

[Financial Advisor]

Exactly. I don't want my ex husband. I mean, would you want your little sister's ex husband supporting her who could

[Co-Host]

pull the rug anytime?

[Financial Advisor]

Yeah. No, I don't want that. I don't want that for. I don't want that for the ex. I don't want it for the kids. I don't want to model that for the children as some kind of a, you know. Well, the marriage didn't work out, but we went ahead and paid you. I don't. No, no. You can do it if you want. It's your money. But that's my opinion. And you'll always get that when you call here, because I'm an expert on my opinion. And I also would check your numbers because I think your numbers are inverted. I think it's $2,000 a month in child support and $900 a month in alimony. I don't think you got away. Maybe. Maybe there's something different in Utah. I don't know. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.