"I Have $12,000,000, and She Has $50,000"

Summary

Summary of "I Have $12,000,000, and She Has $50,000" – The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "I Have $12,000,000, and She Has $50,000"
Release Date: June 18, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Duration: Under 10 minutes

Introduction to the Call-In

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Derek, a 36-year-old recently engaged man with significant assets, reaches out seeking advice on navigating the complexities of a prenup in his upcoming blended marriage. The discussion centers around the emotional and financial implications of drafting a prenuptial agreement when there is a stark disparity in wealth between partners.

Derek's Situation: Blended Family and Asset Discrepancy

Derek shares his personal circumstances to provide context for his inquiry:

Derek [00:06]: "So I recently got engaged. My fiance and I are both 36 years old. We're looking to start a Brady bunch. We've got five kids between 10 and 12 between us."

He elaborates on the financial gap between him and his fiancée:

Derek [00:30]: "I have roughly $12 million and she has roughly $50,000."

This significant difference in assets has led Derek and his fiancée to consider a prenup, a decision that has introduced emotional strain into their relationship.

The Prenup Dilemma

Derek explains the emotional challenges they are facing during the prenup discussions:

Derek [00:30]: "And so we started the process of looking into a prenup, and it's been an emotional one and I totally understand why."

He expresses concern over his fiancée feeling undervalued:

Derek [01:34]: "She feels like I wouldn't be fully entering the marriage in the same way that she is because it feels like I'm holding assets, like, separately off to the side."

Derek acknowledges the potential perception that the prenup might be condescending, especially in the context of his fiancée's previous relationships.

Caller 1's Perspective: Importance and Challenges of Prenups

Caller 1 empathizes with Derek's situation and underscores the prudence of having a prenup, especially given the significant asset disparity:

Caller 1 [01:34]: "I think it is a wise decision to do one. And I say that even more. I have a friend who's going through not a great situation, and she came in with a lot more... it's messy."

Caller 1 highlights the reality that marriages can change and that a prenup serves as a protective measure against unforeseen circumstances:

Caller 1 [01:34]: "We don't want [a messy divorce], so what were the parts. I'm curious, what were the parts of it that was making her."

Caller 2's Questions: Flexibility and Future Growth in Prenups

Caller 2 introduces the idea of making prenups more dynamic, allowing for adjustments as the marriage evolves:

Caller 2 [03:47]: "Can I ask how, like, stringent this prenup is? ... is there a way that this can be more progressive? ... the longer we're together and the more that this feels right... some of the restrictions fall off."

Derek responds by detailing the current structure of his prenup:

Derek [04:25]: "So everything we enter into the marriage with is separate property. Except she has a small amount of debt. And she's been awesome about eliminating debt."

He mentions plans for shared income post-marriage and the intention for his fiancée to potentially stop working to focus on the family.

Reconciliation and Framing the Prenup in Marriage

The callers and Derek work towards reframing the prenup to emphasize unity while protecting individual assets:

Caller 1 [07:15]: "It sounds like your attitude because you're going to take some of our money, we're going to buy a house together with this money and use this money for our family."

Caller 1 [07:34]: "We are living our lives together as one. But for some reason, if something ever happened in a divorce, this part still goes back to me."

Derek agrees with this perspective, reinforcing the balance between shared life and individual financial protection:

Derek [07:55]: "Yeah, totally makes sense. And that is how we want to."

Conclusion and Advice

The episode concludes with a consensus on the importance of open communication and seeking professional guidance:

Caller 1 [07:59]: "It's such a tough way to start out a marriage... you want to be on the same page with this."

The discussion emphasizes that while prenups can be challenging, they are a practical tool for safeguarding both partners' interests in a marriage with significant financial disparities.

Notable Quotes

• Derek [00:30]: "I have roughly $12 million and she has roughly $50,000."
• Caller 1 [01:34]: "I think it is a wise decision to do one."
• Caller 2 [03:47]: "Is there a way that this can be more progressive?"
• Caller 1 [07:34]: "We are living our lives together as one. But for some reason, if something ever happened in a divorce, this part still goes back to me."

Key Takeaways

• Prenups as Protective Measures: Prenuptial agreements can provide financial security and clarity, especially in marriages with significant asset disparities.
• Emotional Considerations: Discussing and drafting a prenup requires sensitivity and open communication to address fears and misconceptions.
• Flexibility in Agreements: Considering adjustable prenup terms can help both partners feel more comfortable with the arrangement as the marriage progresses.
• Professional Guidance: Engaging with marriage counselors or financial advisors can facilitate healthier discussions and ensure that both partners' interests are fairly represented.

This episode offers valuable insights for couples facing similar financial dynamics, emphasizing the balance between protecting individual assets and fostering a unified marital relationship.

Transcript

[Host]

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[Derek]

So I recently got engaged. My fiance and I are both 36 years old. We're looking to start a Brady bunch. We've got five kids between 10 and 12 between us.

[Caller 1]

Oh, wow. Between 10. Wait, between 10 and 12, is that what you said?

[Derek]

Yeah, I have twin sons who are 11, and she has a 10 year old. 11 year old and 12 year old.

[Caller 1]

Oh, my gosh. That's going to be a house full. That's fun. So, so great.

[Derek]

Yeah, it's been really fun. Yeah. So the reason I'm calling is because we have a pretty large difference in assets, and I think based on your advice, it would. The advice would be that we should get a prenup. So I have roughly $12 million and she has roughly 50,000. And so we started the process of looking into a prenup, and it's been an emotional one and I totally understand why. And I think especially, like, we went through a questionnaire talking together about it, but then when we got the first draft back from my lawyer, that's when she's really not been feeling good about it and I understand the concern. So, I mean, she feels like I wouldn't be fully entering the marriage in the same way that she is because it feels like I'm holding assets, like, separately off to the side. And I'm sensitive to that and especially in some of the contexts of her former relationship. And so I'm just looking for maybe more clarity and like, what you guys would recommend.

[Caller 1]

Oh, man, this is a hard one. Because it is. I think it is a wise decision to do one. And I say that even more. I have a friend who's going through not a great situation, and she came in with a lot more, and now he's just. I mean, it was. It's just messy. It's messy. Messy. And there's a level. Again, you're not, You're. You're hoping and praying obviously that this is the one and that it's gonna last a lifetime. But it, as you guys have experienced, you know, there. There is a reality to all of this. And whenever we, any of us get married, right, I think there is like this, like, okay, I'm choosing you for a reason and for a lifetime. But. But we also don't live under a rock and know that things change in life and situations come up. And unfortunately, some really hard things happen and does. Causes marriages to. To break up, right? To. To enter into divorce. And we don't want that so what were the part. I'm curious, what were the parts of it that was making her. Because you guys went through a questionnaire together, and it didn't sound like the questionnaire brought up a lot of red flags, but when she was actually, like, reading it. Does she feel like she won't be taken care of if something happens or, like, what. What's the. What's that underlying.

[Derek]

That's a concern. Yeah. Yes. And I think especially, like, you know, her kids as well, too, and it's something that I want to address, and I think we could address, like, in a will or like, some other document or method after we get married. And it's something that I want to do. Like, I absolutely would want her and her kids to be taken care of too, if something, you know, didn't happen to us. I think it also. It feels very condescending to her that, like, the. Either she. And I don't see it being a problem for her at all. Like, my goal in this. And I think that's what your advice is, that in our case that I know is rare, it would help protect our marriage. And that's what I want to do. But I totally understand that she feels it's condescending, like, to her, maybe her and her family and her friends, that they might be a problem and that we would need this to, like, protect against them.

[Caller 2]

Can I. Can I ask how. How, like, stringent this prenup is? Like, how strict it is? Because when I've heard calls about this before, my. My question is always, is there a way that this can be more progressive? That over. Maybe over time and over years, some of the restrictions fall off. Like, does that make sense to where. It's like, the longer we're together and the more that this feels right, some of this starts to fall off, and now we start to become one, and after a while, it's all gone and we are one. Is there anything built in like that?

[Derek]

So there's nothing currently built in like that. So other than that, it's pretty basic. So everything we enter into the marriage with is separate property. Except she has a small amount of debt. And she's been awesome about eliminating debt, especially the situation she came from that I don't want her to carry at all. Like, we would just pay it off. And then everything after the date of the marriage is shared. So income that I make or she made, we just share it. Our plan is that she would stop working. She'd be able to be home with all these kids.

[Caller 2]

Does that include interest on the 12 million, like, as that grows or does any growth on that 12 million remain years?

[Derek]

Yeah. So at least as it's currently structured, the growth in that would remain mine. I think we have talked about. It's not in the document, but like, if I were to stop working to also help with the kids, which would be an option like that, the income that we drew from that would be considered our income.

[Caller 2]

I think I would. Yeah. I'd be wondering about that if I were entering in that marriage. Like, how. How can we protect what you've already created? But how can I be a player and how that grows from here on out, like, how can I be a part of that? I think I might be wondering about that. That's tough, man.

[Derek]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Derek]

And then the only other additional part is we're planning to get a house. And I was just going to buy the house. We title it in both of our names. I just consider a community property.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it sounds like you're. You're being very gracious about this, Derek. I think it's such a hard line to be wise in a situation and being. I mean, you don't sound like you're drawing these crazy hard lines and you know what I mean? And you're pushing it. Like it's. Your tone feels very humble and gracious, which I. Yeah, I mean, I think she probably very much appreciates. So. Yeah, I'm trying to think if I were in her position, which you never can fully do for somebody. You know, there's a part of me that I don't know, I think I would understand. You're coming in with 12 million, and I understand that's not mine right now. Right. Like there's. I don't know.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, this one's hard for me. I. I see.

[Caller 1]

Are you, Are you an anti prenup?

[Caller 2]

No, I'm not. I would not go that far. I think it's just, it's, it's. It is a very tough way to start out a marriage. Clearly. Yes. Because we're dividing yours versus mine.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

And everything else in the marriage is out is we say we, us, our. So it is tough. And if you're a person, let's, you know, I'll put myself in the shoes if me. I've always viewed. Oh, when you enter a marriage, it's like this.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Caller 2]

You don't know who you're gonna fall in love with. And that person happens to be loaded. And now suddenly you're like, oh, this picture I had of it being ours is not possible. That's just tough. I'm not saying it's wrong. It's just.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and I think, too, Derek, I think it's too. I think it can feel like the 12 million's off in this corner, and it's never. We're never gonna participate in it, but I think the. It comes into. It's mine if something happens. But up until that point, it's ours. Like we're sharing assets.

[Caller 2]

That's a good point. That is a very good point.

[Caller 1]

We are living our lives together as one. But for some reason, if. If something ever happened in a divorce, this part still goes back to me. Does that make sense? I wonder if framing it.

[Caller 2]

That's a good way to frame it. Because that.

[Caller 1]

With her. Because that. Because it can be hers. Right. Like, you guys can share in this. It's the only time it's not hers is if you guys legally go through a divorce. Does that make sense?

[Derek]

Yeah, totally makes sense. And that is how we want to.

[Caller 2]

Live going into the marriage.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. And it sounds like that's. Yeah. And that sounds like your attitude because you're going to take some of our money, we're going to buy a house together with this money and use this money for our family. So I think it's. It's such a fine line, Derek. I mean, it's so hard. But I think I would keep. And bring in a third party if there's a great marriage counselor, therapist. Honestly, it's something to think through and even get other opinions because. Yeah. You want to be on the same page with this.

[Host]

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