I Have A Spending Addiction I Can't Get Over

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "I Have A Spending Addiction I Can't Get Over"

Date: November 28, 2025
Host(s): Dave Ramsey, Rachel Cruze
Guest: Jade

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights spotlights a candid conversation with Jade, a caller struggling with a self-described spending addiction. Jade seeks advice from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze about how to overcome her compulsive spending, which is derailing her attempts to follow the "baby steps" toward financial health. The hosts offer practical and emotional guidance, diving into the roots of her behavior, accountability systems, and actionable steps—creating a highly relatable and solution-focused segment.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding the Spending Addiction

• Jade’s Struggles:
  Jade admits openly that she battles a spending addiction, particularly on fast food (due to lack of meal planning), gifts for her daughter, generosity to others, and occasionally personal splurges.
  • "I have a spending addiction that I just can't seem to get over. I've been trying to follow the baby steps, but it's really hard for me." — Jade [00:06]
• Tracking Expenses:
  She shares she spends $1,000–$1,200/month on these categories out of a total monthly income of approximately $4,800.

2. Financial Picture & Debt Overview

• Debt Breakdown:
  Jade discloses she owes roughly $90,000, comprising:
  • Medical debt: ~$4,000
  • Credit cards: $9,100
  • Personal loans (including debt consolidation and house repairs): $51,600
  • Student loans: $20,000
  • "Whoa. Okay...Give us the list, smallest to largest." — Dave Ramsey [01:27]

3. Emotional Roots: Trauma and Recovery

• Identifying the Cause:
  Jade attributes her compulsive spending in part to trauma, which she is actively working through with professional help and support groups.
  • "Trauma? Definitely trauma. And I'm trying to work through that, but I'm trying to figure out how to stop this overspending while I'm working on my trauma history." — Jade [02:14]
• Therapy Tools:
  Jade is in EMDR therapy and recently began a process where she mentally “plays through” her temptation scenarios to reshape outcomes.
  • "I'm in EMDR therapy...you kind of go and play from the beginning of the scenario...then reshaping it in your head what it would look like if you were to just drive home and use the food." — Jade [04:55]
• Community & Support:
  Jade has initiated groups with others who share similar experiences, seeking mutual support.

4. Accountability and Practical Steps

• External Accountability:
  Rachel Cruze emphasizes the importance of community and accountability. For people with spending problems, she suggests handing over more control to a trusted person—similar to a household where a spouse “takes the reins.”
  • "Is there someone that you can trust and to kind of walk with you...having that accountability with you?" — Rachel Cruze [03:11]
  • Jade has a friend willing to fill this role but admits “releasing that control is hard.” [03:25]
• Facing Consequences & Motivation:
  Dave Ramsey encourages Jade to dig into the negative consequences of her actions for motivation.
  • "If I buy something for my daughter that I cannot afford...I am further penalizing her and me and putting me further in a hole. And that's what I mean by going to the negative consequence of the addictive spending." — Dave Ramsey [06:14]

5. Tools for Change & Immediate Action

• Financial Safeguards:
  Rachel suggests automation of bills, enlisting accountability partners, and creating friction for spending (e.g., cutting up cards, requiring more effort to access cash).
  • "If I were in your shoes...I would set up everything on automation...and I would cut up my cards for a while." — Rachel Cruze [07:27]
• Increase Friction:
  Putting barriers (“friction”)—such as not having cards easily accessible—can help interrupt impulsive behavior.
• On-the-Spot Challenge:
  Dave and Rachel challenge Jade live to cut up her debit or credit cards to take immediate action, fostering a “do it now” attitude.
  • "If we were to give you an opportunity, say, to walk across the room and get those cards and bring them back on camera, would you cut them up right now?...You want freedom?" — Dave Ramsey [08:43]
  • Jade confirms she's already cut up credit cards; only debits remain.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Confronting Reality & Seeking Change:
  • "You're amazingly brave to call in...You're way tougher than a lot of people, so I want you to harness that." — Dave Ramsey [03:55]
• On Letting Go of Control:
  • "It's just releasing that control of it. That's hard." — Jade [03:25]
• Facing the Impact of Addiction:
  • "Right now, if you continue down this path, you're going to be worse off. So something has to shake." — Rachel Cruze [03:54]
• Tools Over Willpower:
  • "That's why I mentioned what I mentioned earlier. If I were in your shoes...I would go tonight and I would set up everything on automation...I would cut up my cards." — Rachel Cruze [07:27]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:06] — Jade first describes her spending addiction.
• [01:01]–[01:27] — Revealing total income and detailed debt breakdown.
• [02:05]–[02:24] — Delving into the trauma driving overspending.
• [03:25]–[03:41] — Resisting accountability and fear of change.
• [04:55]–[05:32] — Discussing therapy tools: EMDR and scenario planning.
• [06:14]–[07:25] — Shifting focus to pain/pleasure motivators and emotional consequences.
• [07:27]–[08:43] — Practical tips: automation, cutting up cards, friction for spending.
• [08:43]–[09:20] — The live challenge to cut up cards—the climax action moment.

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Summary

In this short but impactful episode, Jade bravely unpacks her spending addiction and the trauma fueling it. Ramsey and Cruze respond with a blend of compassion and tough love, walking her (and listeners) through the necessity of accountability, tangible tools, and a shift in mindset. Listeners gain insight into how deeply emotional health intersects with financial habits and leave with actionable strategies for breaking the cycle of compulsive spending.

Key Takeaway:
Accountability, therapy, and practical financial safeguards can together help combat compulsive spending tied to emotional trauma. Starting with even one action step today—such as cutting up a card or automating bills—can be a powerful catalyst for change.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Jade]

I have a spending addiction that I just can't seem to get over. I've been trying to follow the baby steps, but it's really hard for me. So I'm just kind of looking for your advice on that.

[Dave Ramsey]

Tell us a little bit more. What is this? What can you. What do you feel comfortable telling us about this particular addiction? Is it just across the board spending, or is it one or two categories or one thing? What is it?

[Jade]

Yeah, so it's fast food, because I have such a busy schedule that I don't plan for making dinner. So I spend money on fast food. I spend a lot of money on my daughter. I spend money on other people. And then, like, at the bottom of the list is splurging on my own stuff.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, and. And what? Give us an idea. Have you been tracking how much you're spending in all these categories on a monthly basis?

[Jade]

Yeah, I use every dollar, so it's probably about a thousand to a thousand two hundred a month.

[Rachel Cruze]

And what's your total income for a month?

[Jade]

It's about. Oh, for a month, it's probably 4800. Oh.

[Rachel Cruze]

So, ma', am, you don't have the margin to be splurging like this, right? No, I mean, that's like, if you do have a two thousand dollar a month, that's half your income.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you have debt as well?

[Jade]

I do. I have a total of probably 90,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

Whoa. Okay. You know, we're going to break this down. Give us the list, smallest to largest.

[Jade]

Yeah. My medical debt is for a little over 4,000. Credit cards 9,100. And then personal loans, 51,600. And my student loans are 20,000. Who.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are these personal loans to?

[Jade]

So before I found you guys, I had a debt consolidation loan.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay.

[Jade]

And then we got pipes on our house back when I was with my ex, and we're still paying that off. And then a car.

[Rachel Cruze]

So if I shoot straight with you, I mean, I'm wondering if I already heard it when you were talking about your ex. What do you think is behind this? Because there's always something behind it. What?

[Jade]

Trauma? Definitely trauma. And I'm trying to work through that, but I'm trying to figure out how to stop this overspending while I'm working on my trauma history.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are you. When you say working on the trauma history, you see in a professional.

[Jade]

I am, yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Great.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you feel like you're making progress?

[Jade]

I think so, yeah. And I've started a couple groups with some others who've been through the same thing.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay, so in. In a ca. I'm thinking through this. I'm trying to be thoughtful here. If it were a spousal situation and the two were together and. And one of them had an addiction, I would say this person doesn't need access to the money.

[Jade]

Right.

[Rachel Cruze]

Right. I'd say the other spouse who is able to take care of the money, who can be trusted to take care of the money, needs to help. So I'm almost wondering if there's someone in your life who can be that person for you to say, hey, let me walk alongside you to make sure. Because with $4,800 and with a daughter and with $90,000 of debt, we cannot keep spending $2,000. Is there someone that you can trust and to kind of walk with you and kind of not. Not. Not take you out of it completely, but for them to be more in charge of having that accountability with you?

[Jade]

Yeah, I have a close friend who has actually offered to do that for me. It's just releasing that control of it. That's hard.

[Rachel Cruze]

But here's what we have to ask ourself. What if we don't? What if you keep doing this over and over?

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

Where will you, you know, a year from now, you're going to look up and say, okay, am I going to be the same? Am I going to be worse off or I'm going to be better? And right now, if you continue down this path, you're going to be worse off.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Rachel Cruze]

So something has to shake.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, let's. Okay, so first of all, can I say something? You're amazingly brave to call in on a video call and go, hey, I have a spinning addiction, so I want to tell you something because I think you need to hear it. You're way tougher than a lot of people, so I want you to harness that. Now, I'm a big fan of therapy. I am no therapist, nor have I played one on tv, nor am I going to try to be one. But I would love to know what has your therapist said to you and that you're comfortable sharing as it relates to tools or some type of process that they're probably giving you when you get to an emotional place. And let's say we're driving home and you know, you've got an old pot roast in the fridge, but you really want to pull over to your favorite place and get a combo. Tastes good, feels good. All the things, what has been shared, if any from Your therapist on tools or how we're processing? Because I'm going somewhere with the answer. What? What? What can you share?

[Jade]

So I'm an EMDR therapy, and she has. We recently worked on this where you kind of go and play from the beginning of the scenario. Like, I'm driving home and then play through the scenario. What would happen if I were to go drive to this fast food place and get a burger and then drive home and then there's that meat in the fridge that's almost ready to expire. So kind of walking through it and then reshaping it in your head what it would look like if you were to just drive home and use the food.

[Dave Ramsey]

And has that been helpful?

[Jade]

I haven't really used it yet because it was just this last week.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, great. So when was the last time? And so you're being real with us. When was the last time that you spent in one of those categories that you led the call off with? That was the addictive stuff. When was the last time?

[Jade]

Probably last week.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, good. Okay. So the reason I went to this is. I love what you said, Jade. I think in this situation, you have got to get to a place where while you're getting the help and the therapy and you're dealing with the trauma, you've got to find something to replace that band aid spend, and you've got to find something that goes, I've got to look at something else. And instead of something that makes me feel good, I would start thinking about something that makes me feel really bad attached to said spending. Right. So if I'm tempted to buy something for my daughter because I show her love, and by the way, I've been guilty of this, and you're smiling.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

It makes you feel good. See, you feel bad about yourself a lot, don't you?

[Jade]

I do, yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So when you buy something for your daughter, it makes you feel really good, and the endorphins release and there's dopamine, and you're like, okay, I feel really crappy. Let me go buy something for my daughter. What I think you're gonna have to start doing is like, I feel crappy. How do I process these emotions? What are the tools my therapist has given me? That's first. Second. If it were me, Jade, I would go to. If I buy something for my daughter that I cannot afford to make myself feel good because she shows me love and happiness, I am further penalizing her and me and putting me further in a hole. And that's what I mean by going to the negative consequence of the addictive spending. I think you've got to spend more time there to go, oh, the pain of that is far greater than the pain I'm feeling. Because what somebody did to you and said to you, I want. What are your thoughts on that?

[Rachel Cruze]

I mean, I think that's all valid. I. I go to the practicality of it. I go to James Clear, and I think about systems and putting those systems in place so you can actually win. That's why I mentioned what I mentioned earlier. If I were in your shoes, I think it would take an incredible amount of willpower, but I think I would go tonight and I would set up everything on automation, and I would say, when I get paid on these days, my bills get paid automatically. And do you want to know what I would do? I think that I would cut up my cards for a while.

[Jade]

Oh, yeah?

[Rachel Cruze]

Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you have them close by?

[Rachel Cruze]

Because here's the thing. If you need. If you need money, you can walk into a bank, you can withdraw it. That requires a lot more work. It requires a lot more thought. But in that time, that also gives you the time that if you're feeling that way, you can call your buddy up and say, hey, remember I told you about this thing? I need you right now because I'm about to go in here and make a. A withdrawal slip so that I can go buy myself a burger so I can go buy my daughter something. And so now we put another level of friction in between you and doing the thing that you know you shouldn't be doing. And I'm no therapist. I can't even pretend to be one. But that's just something on the practical level that could help you today.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right, Speaking of practical, are your credit cards close by?

[Jade]

No. I don't know. They're across the room.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

If we were to give you an opportunity, say, to walk across the room and get those cards and bring them back on camera, would you cut them up right now? Wait a second. You called. You called us and you said, I need help with addictive spending. I think Jade makes a good point. I think we cut them up now.

[Rachel Cruze]

You give yourself a certain amount of money for groceries. Let your buddy hold it.

[Dave Ramsey]

You in or not? We're not going to force it. You in or not? You want freedom?

[Jade]

So my. My debit cards to my bank account.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not your debit, your credit card. You want to cut them up?

[Jade]

Oh, I already cut out the credit cards. It's just my debit.

[Dave Ramsey]

Cut them up.

[Rachel Cruze]

I would have let the debit ones go too.

[Dave Ramsey]

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