I Lied To My Husband About Our Finances Until It Was Too Late

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "I Lied To My Husband About Our Finances Until It Was Too Late"

Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host: Dave Ramsey (with Rachel Cruze)
Date: August 20, 2025

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Overview

This episode centers on a caller seeking advice after confessing to financial infidelity—hiding the family’s dire financial state from her husband after their restaurant business failed. The discussion explores themes of trust, responsibility, and partnership in marital finances, and offers both candid criticism and practical guidance for moving forward.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Caller’s Situation

• The caller explains she oversaw the family finances, including their joint restaurant venture, and concealed their rapidly deteriorating situation from her husband.
• Both she and her husband quit their jobs to run the restaurant, lacked experience, and failed to keep proper business records.
• As the business struggled, she prioritized paying rent over credit cards, lost financial control, and ultimately lost their apartment.
• Financial infidelity (lying about money) led her husband to want separation, citing lost trust—especially poignant because he had suffered financial betrayal in a prior marriage.

2. Financial Mismanagement & Lack of Experience

• Dave Ramsey highlights a critical lack of business budgeting and oversight by both spouses:
  • Dave Ramsey [02:39]: “And you weren’t either, because you weren’t doing any books. I can tell.”
  • The couple did not grasp the full costs and cash flow of the restaurant, leading to a downward spiral “just letting it ride” when money ran out.

3. Responsibility in a Marriage

• Ramsey is forthright about shared responsibility. He criticizes both spouses for being uninformed and uninvolved:
  • Dave Ramsey [04:36]: “He’s freaking an irresponsible child... This ain’t no angel sitting over on the side that somehow got taken to the cleaners... This is a guy showing up at a restaurant every day and is so freaking irresponsible, he’s not even involved in how the restaurant is being run.”
  • He asserts that while the caller lied, her husband should have been more proactive.

4. Emotional Factors & the Role of Past Trauma

• Rachel Cruze weighs in on how past trauma (the husband’s previous experience with financial betrayal) exacerbates his current feelings:
  • Rachel Cruze [06:46]: “He also needs to own that a lot of this reaction is because his ex wife burned him... but he’s got to own the fact that this probably feels way worse than it actually is.”

5. Rebuilding Trust & Moving Forward

• Both hosts stress the need for professional help and shared accountability:
  • Dave Ramsey [05:54]: “The whole thing could have been fixed by saying the truth and going, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m scared. We can’t pay our bills. Help me.’”
  • Dave Ramsey [07:54]: “The way you rebuild trust is that you guys get in a good marriage counselor together. You work through, you both own your parts... And there’s no surprises and no way that he has to trust you, because all he has to do is trust himself because you’re both involved top to bottom.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey’s Directness:
  “He’s as irresponsible as you are. This ain’t no angel... This is a guy showing up at a restaurant every day and is so freaking irresponsible...”
  (04:36)

• On Admitting Mistakes:
  “You could have fixed the whole thing just by saying the truth and going, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m scared. We can’t pay our bills. Help me... That would have solved the whole thing.”
  (05:54)

• Rachel Cruze’s Empathy:
  “A lot of this reaction is because his ex wife burned him. I’m not giving him a pass... but he’s got to own the fact that this probably feels way worse than it actually is...”
  (06:46)

• On Joint Financial Involvement:
  “The way you rebuild trust is... you both own your parts, you put in place systems and processes going forward where he’s involved in everything in the money, you’re involved in everything in the money. We make all the decisions together...”
  (07:54)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:06] Caller shares story: hiding money problems after restaurant fails.
• [01:39] Caller’s role in budgeting; husband uninvolved.
• [02:39] Ramsey calls out lack of record-keeping.
• [04:36] Ramsey’s critique of both spouses’ irresponsibility.
• [06:46] Rachel Cruze discusses the husband’s trauma and emotional response.
• [07:54] Advice for rebuilding trust through counseling and shared financial responsibility.

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Tone & Takeaway

The conversation is candid, sometimes blunt, but ultimately empathetic. Both hosts urge brutal honesty, shared responsibility, and professional guidance as essential to rebuilding trust and financial health. The episode is a cautionary tale on the importance of transparency and partnership in financial matters—reminding listeners that financial problems are rarely one person’s fault, and that healing requires both accountability and collaboration.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

I was wondering, how do I fix financial infidelity when it was the only thing my husband asked me not to do when we first got together. We've been together about 16 years. We have two kids together. I never lied to him about money. And we had taken all of our money, and we opened a restaurant together. And very quickly it ended up not working out. And I told him everything was fine when it wasn't. And then we ended up losing our apartment. And that's when I kind of, you know, was forced to come clean about it. I was just very scared for the repercussions of it. And now he thinks it's best that we separate because he doesn't think I'm trustworthy anymore.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hmm. I'm sorry. So the restaurant you said very quickly went sideways, but you lost an apartment. That doesn't happen quickly.

[Caller]

Yeah, so we opened in October, and then, you know, we had a little bit of money coming in. It looked like it was doing good, but we really. We'd never run a restaurant before. We had no idea what we were doing. So I was able to, like, pay the rent at our apartment, and then I stopped paying credit cards so I could pay the rent.

[Dave Ramsey]

And does he not involved in the budgeting at all?

[Caller]

No, I've always taken care of it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, so he handed it all to you and then doesn't like what you did?

[Caller]

I. Well, he asked. He asked for the thing. Information, and I didn't give it to him because I was. I was scared that, you know, we failed.

[Dave Ramsey]

You opened a restaurant in October, and so what does he make?

[Caller]

Well, we both had to start going back to work. We ended up.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, I mean. So he quit work and worked at the restaurant when you opened it?

[Caller]

Yeah, we had both quit our jobs and was doing this full time.

[Dave Ramsey]

Lord Jesus. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So he literally works there and still is clueless.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think he saw, like, how much we were making, which we were making money, but he wasn't aware of how much we were actually spending to keep it open as well.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you weren't either, because you weren't doing any books. I can tell.

[Caller]

Yeah, I didn't know. Like, I've never owned a business. Like, we flipped houses, but that different.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not really. Both of them. You have to do a set of books, and you had never seen a set of books.

[Caller]

Right. You're right.

[Dave Ramsey]

So what were. How were. You were. Just had money coming in, gross receipts for the week, and then you Would pay some vendors and pay some rent, and when the money ran out, you just let it ride.

[Caller]

Yeah, I mean, I.

[Dave Ramsey]

You didn't even know if you were making a profit, really.

[Caller]

Correct. Yeah, no, I definitely didn't. I just. I don't know. I grew up, like, thinking. And I've always thought this, like, as long as I can pay my bills this month, I'm good. And I think he had a different expectation of how the bill should go, that we should be looking, like, months in advance. And I didn't grow up in a household like that or think like that. Yeah. And I don't really remember, like, how I got control of the money.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. I'm not sure I understand where it was. I mean, I guess the time you lied to him was you knew that things were tight and that bills. Some bills weren't getting paid and you just lied to him about that. Is that what you're telling me?

[Caller]

Correct. Yes. And now.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that was for two months.

[Caller]

Yeah. And it ended up, like, being. We couldn't catch back up. So now we're kind of facing bankruptcy, which is when we first got together. His ex wife kind of took everything from him. And he's like, I don't ever want you to do this for me. Just promise you'll never, like, lie to me like this. And I don't consider it the same thing, but I guess it is in his eyes, and I am. I can understand that. You know, I lied to him about money, and now we're in a really bad spot.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, well, I've got a different opinion about this. Yeah, obviously I'm not okay with you lying, but he's freaking an irresponsible child and that he was no more involved in the management of the household than he was and stood over the side, and then he's throwing grenades back because he doesn't like the way you did it. Listen, dude, step up and actually sit down with your wife and figure out how to run a freaking restaurant before both of you quit your jobs. He's as irresponsible as you are. This ain't no angel sitting over on the side that somehow got taken to the cleaners by some girl buying coach purses. That isn't what happened here. This is a guy showing up at a restaurant every day and is so freaking irresponsible, he's not even involved in how the restaurant is being run. What's he doing? Cooking. And that's it. See, the line cook doesn't get to bitch if the place closes because the Line cook isn't running it.

[Caller]

Yeah, I mean, he did ask me for it like twice or three times. I was like, no, I got it. I would get upset. I'm like, I can handle it. Because I was just like very scared to tell him because I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want him to believe me because I didn't know what I was doing.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, well, yeah, you didn't, that's for sure. And you could have fixed the whole thing just by saying the truth and going, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm scared. We can't pay our bills. Help me. And that would have solved the whole thing. So I do agree with that. So your question to me was, how do you rebuild trust? How do you get through this? I don't know if you do, but if you do, it's with a marriage counselor. You guys desperately need to sit down with one. And part of the equation is you are doing a beautiful job of owning your screw ups here. But he hadn't owned any of his. And I'm pretty frustrated with him. He's awfully self righteous for an uninvolved, irresponsible guy standing around or watching a restaurant fall down around his ears. And he's too stupid to realize it's happening. I'm serious. That's just, that's not okay. So he needs to own his part of that too.

[Rachel Cruze]

And he also needs to own that a lot of this reaction is because his ex wife burned him. So that's. I'm not giving him a pass.

[Dave Ramsey]

No.

[Rachel Cruze]

But I am saying.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not giving you a pass on lying either.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, sorry. Yeah, but he's got to own the fact that this probably feels way worse than it actually is.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it's bad. They're about to file bankruptcy. They lost. Oh, I know.

[Rachel Cruze]

But as far as her, both of.

[Dave Ramsey]

You, I'm going to tell you, I mean, y' all both have been just. This whole thing was crazy. The restaurant is the number one category of businesses that fail. Almost all of them fail. That's how bad it is. Okay, you guys did that and you both quit your job and neither one of you know how to do a set of books or run a business or a restaurant. What were you guys thinking?

[Caller]

I don't know. We've. We've closed it now. I'm actually like in the process of moving it. We both had to get jobs again. And then we were working on the weekends here. But once we were like. I was like, we're no this was doomed.

[Dave Ramsey]

This was doomed from the start.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Didn't have a chance because you guys didn't have a skill set to run it.

[Caller]

Right? No, I agree.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so that. And you don't both quit your jobs. See, he was in on that decision. And this set you guys up for failure. So I'm so sorry, honey. Now, the way you rebuild trust is that you guys get in a good marriage counselor together. You work through, you both own your parts, you put in place systems and processes going forward where he's involved in everything in the money, you're involved in everything in the money. We make all the decisions together in the money. And there's no surprises and no way that he has to trust you, because all he has to do is trust himself because you're both involved top to bottom. That's how Sharon became trusting of me after I lost everything doing stupid stuff. I didn't lie to her about it, but she had to trust my competence again, not my integrity. And it took a while. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.