I Lost $600,000 In An Online Dating Scam

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: I Lost $600,000 In An Online Dating Scam
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Air Date: March 2, 2026
Theme:
This episode centers on Marie, a 71-year-old woman who lost $600,000 in an online dating scam a decade ago. She shares her financial recovery journey, the protective actions her daughter has since taken, and her current struggle for financial independence. The hosts and financial advisors explore the nuances of trust, family dynamics, and financial guardianship, offering perspective and advice on restoring financial autonomy while maintaining healthy relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Marie’s Story: The Scam and Its Consequences (00:09–01:07)

• Marie shares her experience:

  • She was scammed about 10 years ago, losing everything—her house, car, jewelry, and life savings. ("I was scammed about 10 years ago. Lost all my money in my house, my car, my jewelry." – Marie, 00:09)
  • As a result, she’s still working at age 71.

• Recovery Plan:

  • After confessing to her daughter, they set up a joint checking account. The daughter controls all of Marie’s funds—her pay and Social Security—and provides an allowance for essential expenses.
  • Over the decade, this plan has allowed Marie to save nearly $200,000.

• Financial Control Arrangement:

  • The money is technically all Marie’s, but the account is in her daughter's name, and Marie does not have access.
  • Marie receives regular screenshots of the account balance from her daughter.

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Conflict: Wanting Financial Independence (01:11–03:29)

• Desire for Change:

  • Marie wants to end the arrangement and regain access to her money but her daughter refuses, citing lack of trust after the scam.
  • Marie tried opening her own account, but her daughter intervened and required her to transfer the funds back.

• Agency Consultation:

  • Marie once contacted an agency for elder abuse for advice. They recommended taking her daughter’s name off the account, but she did not follow through.

• Host Probing:

  • The advisors ask what her daughter fears. Marie says her daughter is afraid she will fall victim to another scam and be left penniless again.

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Marie’s Financial Decisions & Ongoing Restrictions (03:30–05:20)

• Major Purchase Restrictions:

  • Marie wanted to buy a condo or townhouse when her lease ended but her daughter would only agree if the property was in her name. Ultimately, Marie had to move into another apartment instead.

• Question of Autonomy:

  • Marie asks the advisors if she’s out of line wanting access to her own money or should accept the current arrangement.

Notable Quote:

• "Am I out of line to ask to be able to use my money, or should I just suck it up and continue with our arrangement?" – Marie (03:30)

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Advisors’ Perspective: Balancing Protection and Autonomy (03:39–06:08)

• Empathy and Caution:

  • Advisors acknowledge Marie’s reasonable desire for autonomy but also recognize her daughter’s concern, given the life-altering scam.
  • The financial guardianship arrangement likely arose from deep concern and a desire to protect Marie.

• Need for Communication:

  • The advisors recommend Marie approach her daughter with transparency, outlining what’s changed and why she can now be trusted.
  • They suggest involving a lawyer if the daughter remains rigid and unwilling to create a pathway toward restoring full control.

Notable Quote:

• "She might be looking at this going, you know, the best predictor of the future is the past unless something has changed... So you might have to explain to her, here's why this is different." – Advisor 1 (03:39)

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Understanding the Past and Roadmap for the Future (05:20–08:13)

• Marie’s Financial History:

  • Apart from the scam, Marie managed money well, having lived frugally with her late husband in Germany.

• Details About the Scam:

  • The scam began on Facebook in 2015, lasted nearly three years, and was highly elaborate.
  • Marie acknowledges how common this type of fraud is.

• Long-Term Toll:

  • Her daughter’s actions are rooted in love and a need to protect. "She did that to help me, to protect me." – Marie (05:58)

• Advisors’ Roadmap Solution:

  • The advisors recommend Marie and her daughter create a step-by-step roadmap to reinstating trust and gradually transitioning financial control back to Marie.
  • Specific milestones and timeframes (such as 12 months) are suggested: "Have a couple of milestones. And in the next 12 months, what are things that you can be doing that would give her the confidence?" – Advisor 2 (06:57)

• Small Steps for Independence:

  • Possible incremental steps: Marie gaining access to online banking, both mother and daughter retaining joint account rights for a period, and gradual increase in Marie’s financial decision-making.

• Preserving the Relationship:

  • Open communication, transparency, and mutual goal-setting are emphasized to avoid damaging the personal relationship.

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Recognition of Both Perspectives & Final Takeaways (08:13–09:49)

• Trust But Verify:

  • Both parties need ways to verify intent and build trust, keeping everything "above board." Potential legal involvement if no progress is made.

• Adult Roles and Responsibilities:

  • As Marie proves her reliability, her daughter should step back, avoiding the parent-child role reversal becoming permanent.
  • The hosts encourage assuming the best intentions on both sides and stress the importance of preserving both Marie’s independence and the supportive relationship with her daughter.

Notable Quotes:

• "So there's a point after 10 years, if there hasn't been other mistakes or other patterns, you should be moving forward." – Advisor 2 (07:31)
• "What are small steps that we can take to create more independence on Marie's side versus just having this hard black and white wall..." – Advisor 2 (08:02)
• "Assume the best here. Assume everything's on the up and up. Sorry that's happening, but thanks so much for the call." – Advisor 1 (09:49)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• "I was scammed about 10 years ago. Lost all my money in my house, my car, my jewelry." – Marie (00:09)
• "We have managed to save almost $200,000 during that time, which is remarkable." – Marie (00:54)
• "Am I out of line to ask to be able to use my money, or should I just suck it up and continue with our arrangement?" – Marie (03:30)
• "She might be looking at this going, you know, the best predictor of the future is the past unless something has changed... So you might have to explain to her, here's why this is different." – Advisor 1 (03:39)
• "So there's a point after 10 years, if there hasn't been other mistakes or other patterns, you should be moving forward." – Advisor 2 (07:31)
• "What are small steps that we can take to create more independence on Marie's side versus just having this hard black and white wall..." – Advisor 2 (08:02)
• "Assume the best here. Assume everything's on the up and up." – Advisor 1 (09:49)

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Key Takeaways

• Family guardianship after financial trauma can be both protective and restrictive.
• Open, honest communication and a clear step-by-step plan are essential to rebuilding trust and transitioning control.
• Setting incremental milestones acknowledges both caution and the right to independence.
• Preserving the parent-child relationship is as important as managing the money itself.
• The show’s tone balances practicality, empathy, and realism.

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Important Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |--------------------------------------------|-------------| | Marie explains her scam loss | 00:09–00:54 | | Savings plan with daughter's control | 00:54–01:11 | | Wanting to change arrangement | 01:11–03:29 | | Advisors discuss daughter's motives | 03:39–04:51 | | Marie’s financial decisions restricted | 03:56–05:20 | | The three-year Facebook scam described | 05:35–05:50 | | Roadmap for renewal of trust & autonomy | 06:08–08:40 | | Advisors summarize and offer final advice | 08:40–09:49 |

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This episode provides a real, relatable look into the financial and relational aftermath of online scams – and how careful, respectful planning can help families heal and re-establish trust.

Transcript

[Host/Advertiser]

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[Marie]

i was scammed about 10 years ago. Lost all my money in my house, my car, my jewelry.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Holy smokes.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Oh, my gosh.

[Marie]

Yeah, it was. It was considerable. And that's why I'm still working at 71. But when I came clean to my daughter, we decided on a plan and we opened a joint checking account. And she has taken all my money, my pay, my Social Security every month and gives me an allowance for food, gas, medication, et cetera. When the rent is due, she transfers that money. Any kind of car repairs, insurance. She does an extra transfer. We have managed to save almost $200,000 during that time, which is remarkable.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Oh, my gosh.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

How much of that's yours and how much is hers?

[Marie]

It's all mine, but it's all in her name. I don't have access to it.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Okay.

[Marie]

Yeah, she doesn't send it. She sends me screenshot. It's all still there.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Good for you, Marie. Well done.

[Marie]

But I want this arrangement to stop. I've asked for several times, and she's just not inclined to do so. She still doesn't trust me. Understandable. But, you know, I would like to have my money available to me when I want it.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Okay.

[Marie]

And. I don't know, one time I. I contacted an agency for elder abuse in that. In. In my area, and they told me to take her name off the account. Well, I didn't do that. I opened another account and had my money go there. She found out. She came. She was not very happy. Make me close the account and transfer it back to the joint account.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

What is her. When that happens, what is she telling you is because there is a reason that this arrangement was made. What is it that she's afraid that you're gonna do?

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[Caller/Advisor 1]

What is it that she's afraid that you're going to do?

[Marie]

She's afraid that I'm going to get, you know, pulled back into that. That scenario. And she does not want me to. To be penniless again. And I Can understand it.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

The scenario where you were scammed.

[Marie]

Yes.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Are there things, Marie, that you want to do with your money right now that she's saying no to?

[Marie]

Well, I'm at least ended last March and I wanted to buy a condo or townhouse and she wasn't on board with that. She said the only where that would happen if the. If the property was going to be put in her name, which I didn't have a problem with that. But it ended up I had to move to another place and I have the lease now with an apartment. So.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Okay.

[Marie]

Am I out of line to ask to be able to use my money, or should I just suck it up and continue with our arrangement?

[Caller/Advisor 1]

You're not out of line to ask to use your money. I. There's another side to this that I. I want to know more about. Is she keeping you from. And here I'm just going, based on what you said, it sounds like something was so drastic that she was brought in to help you. And she's probably looking at this. And I'm not saying that she's right. I'm just trying to get both sides. She might be looking at this going, you know, the best predictor of the future is the past, unless something has changed. Right. So she might be looking at this going, I don't see why I would expect anything different if I let her have access over to this money again. So you might have to explain to her, here's why this is different. Here's why this is not like it was before. Because you said, she's afraid I'll fall back into my own old ways that got me scammed again. So if you know that, my thought would be, I need to help her understand why this is not like that anymore. And if you feel like. If you genuinely feel like maybe you've changed or it's different, then have that conversation. And then if not, then I'd be talking with. I might have to bring a lawyer into it and say, hey, this person is not.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Yeah, it's hard. There's such a fine linery of loving, you know, someone in your family by helping them financially like this and then controlling them. And so I. I don't know from her sake, if she was on the other line and we talked to her after. You know what I mean? The story she give us. Because my hope would be that it's out of love and care for you, Marie, that she says, did you. Were you good? Were you good with money? Besides the scam that happened 10 years ago when you Got. When you were raising her, how was money?

[Marie]

I. I was born and raised in Germany. My husband was from this area. He's passed and we've always lived frugally.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Okay.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

So really, was it just this one scam that caused all of this?

[Marie]

Yeah, but it was. It was massive. It was like 600 pound. How did it happen? Well, I met this guy on Facebook. He pretended to be someone he was not and it took almost three years

[Caller/Advisor 2]

that it happens more than.

[Marie]

Yeah, it's very rampant and it's very sad.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Yeah.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

I'm so sorry I'm wrong.

[Marie]

She did that to help me, to protect me. And.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

And that was 10 years ago. Marie2016ish.

[Marie]

Yes, it happened. It started in 2015.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

So what I would do to probably keep the relationship good with your daughter and again, I'm gonna assume good in this call that she is doing this out of love and protection for you is I would sit down with her and I would have a roadmap to say, hey, this is what I desire at the end of this road. I want full access to my money. I want to be able to purchase a condo because rent keeps going up and up and up. And I want to be able to have a place to live that's modest, that I own and whatever that looks like for you, Marie, what the end. It looks like. And then, and then I would bring her in and just say, hey, what steps need to be taken for you to rebuild trust? Because it sounds like you guys have just been functioning in this. And she may have. She may have decided already I'm just going to do this till forever.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

The rest of my mom's life made that assumption.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

So we want to break that for you and to. And some milestones. Have a couple of milestones. And in the next 12 months, what are things that you can be doing that would give her the confidence? Because that feels reasonable to me. And again, I'm assuming, Marie, this isn't. I'm saying all this putting you in a good light, that you're being responsible, that you're not off to the side. You know what I mean? So I don't.

[Marie]

I don't even have access to online banking. She. She sends me screenshots and I keep a little book here.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Yeah.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

So there's a point after 10 years, if there hasn't been other mistakes or other patterns, you should be moving forward.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

You should be.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

And for her sake too, that she's. She doesn't have to babysit you or, you know, roles reverse that she's Your mom. Right. For a season. I think that's really good. But over time, you probably do want this deal to dissolve. But I would again, try to do it with her. And, like, what's the roadmap to get there? And. And then I hate to say, but if she's. But if she's unwilling to do any of that, I would be curious, then her motivation at the end.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

That's my question. And I'd want to make sure that everything's above board.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Yes. On both sides. So then how do we rebuild the trust? That's what I would ask Question.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

How do we build the trust? And how do you do it in a way that can still preserve the relationship? Because if it really is, there's, like I said, there's probably more to the story on her end. More to the story on your and Marie, but there probably is reason for both of you to feel the way that you feel.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Yes.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

And so I like your idea of making that roadmap because I think in the end that's going to be. And if the eight or 12 months happens, then you got to start pushing, pushing more.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

And maybe there's a transition even for the adult daughter to say, hey, the next step would be that she does have access to her money, but your name's still on the account. So you can see it.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

You can.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

She can actually log into her own account. Right. I feel like that's fair.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

That's very fair.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

So, like, what are small steps that we can take to create more independence on Marie's side versus just having this hard black and white wall of, like,

[Caller/Advisor 1]

either you do it or I do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

It could be at both ends for a season too, you know.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Yeah.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

But, yeah, that's. That's hard. And I. And I feel like Marie, too, to your daughter's credit. Like, we get the calls. We get your daughter calling in and saying, my mom has been scammed 600,000.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Yes.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

What do I do? How do I step in? Because she feels gullible. She feels really vulnerable. I feel like she could fall into one of these again. And we probably would give her that advice. Sit down with your mom. Say, mom, I want to be able to help you.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Yes.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Let me. You know what I mean?

[Host/Advertiser]

So.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

And probably what the daughter is thinking is, oh, my gosh, if something like this happens again, I'll have to take care of you. And I don't have the money to do that. So all of this is really being done out of, just of a abundance of caution for the future. Is what it sounds like.

[Caller/Advisor 2]

Yes, that's what I would hope.

[Caller/Advisor 1]

Kind of assume the best here. Assume everything's on the up and up. Sorry that's happening, but thanks so much for the call.

[Host/Advertiser]

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