I Lost Child Support And Now Can't Pay My Bills

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights: "I Lost Child Support And Now Can't Pay My Bills"

Date: August 11, 2026 | Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Host(s): Rachel Cruze (A), Dr. John Delony (C)
Caller: Danielle

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Episode Overview

This episode centers around Danielle, a full-time art teacher facing a major financial crisis after an unexpected loss of child support due to a sudden and unforeseen custody change. Danielle opens up about her struggles with overwhelming legal fees, high debts, and the emotional repercussions of her situation. Hosts Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Delony provide direct, compassionate—yet practical—advice on how to navigate the crisis and make a clear, actionable financial plan.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Background of the Crisis

• Danielle’s Situation:
  • Had been receiving substantial child support, which was suddenly reduced after children’s father regained custody due to changing court decisions regarding his addiction issues.
  • Incurred significant legal fees to protect children, leading to mounting debts and use of credit.
  • Now feels overwhelmed, scared, and at a financial deficit.
    "I just lost a very substantial amount of child support and I'm not really sure how to move forward with paying my bills because it puts me into a huge deficit." (00:12, Danielle)

2. Emotional and Practical Impact

• Emotional Toll: Danielle’s fear and sense of being blindsided are acknowledged.
• Dr. Delony’s Reframe:
  • Highlights that while emotionally charged, the core problem is mathematical—a gap between income and expenses.
    "It appears that what this did was expose an already existing problem. And yes, this sounds crass, but at the end of the day, what you've had for a long time is a math problem." (01:17, Dr. Delony)
• Rachel Cruze: Keeps the conversation practical, focusing on actionable steps needed despite the emotional weight.

3. Current Efforts and Tools Used

• Budget Tracking:
  • Danielle uses the EveryDollar app and listens to financial advice, indicating she is already taking positive steps.
  • Acknowledges the app helps expose spending issues and areas to cut, but income remains the bottleneck.
    "I've been using the EveryDollar app for quite a few months... but I honestly, as heartbreaking as it sounds, I don't see another path forward for you other than you've got to go get some jobs that make more money." (01:59, Rachel)

4. Breaking Down the Debt

• Types and Amounts of Debt:
  • Owes $1,000/month to a lawyer, with about $5,000+ remaining.
  • Has a consolidated debt with a car lien ($9,250 owed, car worth the same).
  • Student loans totaling $80,000.
  • Credit card debt: $12,000.
• No Missed Payments Yet: Danielle has never missed a bill, keeping her obligations current (04:39).

5. Immediate Priorities and Recommendations

• Rachel Cruze’s "Four Walls":
  • Prioritize basic necessities: food, housing (rent/mortgage), utilities, transportation.
  • Avoid letting emotional urgency lead to wrong prioritization—don’t get behind on essentials. "Always making sure that you have food, your mortgage is being paid, or your rent, utilities stay on, and your transportation." (05:20, Rachel)
• Defer Other Debts:
  • Credit cards can be addressed later—focus first on keeping home and car secure.
• Legal Spending Scrutiny:
  • Possible need to pause or reevaluate legal counsel if costs are unsustainable.
    "If it's not getting done and you can't afford it, there may have to be a pause at some capacity for you to at least keep your head above water." (06:51, Rachel)

6. Increasing Income and Making Sacrifices

• Adding Extra Work:
  • Urgent need to boost income—suggestions include taking on multiple jobs during times when children are with their father, like morning bus driving or evening shelf stocking.
  • Drastic temporary measures might be necessary (downsizing living space, selling assets). "If I have to sell my house and move to a one-bedroom apartment for a season... like, we have to make some drastic changes that nobody wants to make." (08:03, Dr. Delony)
• Reality Check:
  • There’s no single quick fix; significant, exhausting effort is required for a season. "There's not a magic bullet here other than you've got a really ugly math problem ahead of you and you've got to scratch and claw and be exhausted and add more money on the front end of this thing." (09:11, Dr. Delony)

7. Hope, Encouragement, Next Steps

• Sense of Agency and Progress:
  • Emphasis on regaining control, finding dignity and confidence through action.
  • Creating a step-by-step plan will eventually reveal light at the end of the tunnel. "...as you get back in the driver's seat of your own life, you're gonna find yourself walking a little taller..." (08:40, Dr. Delony)
• Sequential Debt Repayment:
  • Once attorney fees are paid off, can redirect that $1,000/month toward other debts, such as the car loan. "Once the attorney fees are paid off, that's $1,000 freed up. I can pay my car off in eight months. You start actually seeing the light at the ends of the tunnel." (09:28, Rachel)
• Duration:
  • The hosts level with Danielle: it may take 2–3 tough years, but then she can start fresh.
• Support:
  • Resources and encouragement to call back if she needs more guidance.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "This sudden withdrawal of child support is layered... but at the end of the day, what you've had for a long time is a math problem."
  — Dr. John Delony (01:17)
• "Always making sure you have food, your mortgage is being paid, or your rent, utilities stay on, and your transportation."
  — Rachel Cruze (05:20)
• "If it's not getting done and you can't afford it, there may have to be a pause at some capacity for you to at least keep your head above water."
  — Rachel Cruze (06:51)
• "If I have to sell my house and move to a one-bedroom apartment for a season... we have to make some drastic changes that nobody wants to make."
  — Dr. John Delony (08:03)
• "There's not a magic bullet here... you've got a really ugly math problem ahead of you and you've got to scratch and claw..."
  — Dr. John Delony (09:11)
• "Once the attorney fees are paid off, that's $1,000 freed up... you start actually seeing the light at the ends of the tunnel."
  — Rachel Cruze (09:28)

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Key Timestamps

• 00:12: Danielle shares her financial crisis and feelings of loss.
• 01:17: Dr. Delony reframes the issue as a “math problem.”
• 02:14–02:43: Rachel and Danielle discuss budget tracking and the need to increase income.
• 04:03–04:21: Danielle lays out her debts (lawyer, car, student loans, credit cards).
• 05:20: Rachel outlines “the four walls” of financial priorities.
• 06:49–06:51: Hosts question ongoing legal expenses and propose pausing if unaffordable.
• 08:03–09:11: Dr. Delony discusses drastic lifestyle changes, the lack of easy answers, and need for extra income.
• 09:28: Rachel highlights the path forward and encouragement for future debt-free living.

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Summary

The episode offers a real-life, gritty example of handling acute financial distress: a caller facing lost income, insurmountable debt, and overwhelming legal expenses. Through tough love and empathy, Rachel Cruze and Dr. John Delony stress the importance of prioritizing basics (“the four walls”), ruthlessly increasing income, and accepting difficult but temporary sacrifices. They offer encouragement that, while victory will require years of tough work, a debt-free life and renewed dignity are achievable with determination and careful planning.

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Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by CHM. A budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget I have just lost a

[B]

very substantial amount of child support and I'm not really sure how to move forward with paying my bills because it puts me into a huge deficit.

[C]

What happened?

[B]

Well, there, dad was having some addiction issues and so when I took the kids away for their safety, it resulted in very large legal fees over the last year and a half. Those have obviously amplified during this court battle and they've given him suddenly given him his custody back when it was very unexpected to me because he, two months ago he wasn't allowed to drive with them in the car and now they've suddenly given him all of his custody back which took away all of the child support for me. And so I still have all these legal fees and all this debt from before because I was not able to really financially take care of them before. So I was constantly taking on debt and so not. I'm just like lost and I'm scared.

[C]

Yeah, totally, man. My heart breaks for you. I'm going to speak kind of abruptly because we have a, a shorter time to talk. Is that cool? If you and I were sitting down for an hour together, I would, I would be much more eloquent in my speech. Okay. It sounds like this sudden withdraw of child support is layered. Right? There's emotional issues, you're scared for your kids safety, you're blindsided. So let's, we're just going to talk about the dollars and cents. Okay. It appears that what this really did was expose an already existing problem. And yes, this, this sounds crass, but at the end of the day, what you've had for a long time is a math problem.

[B]

Yes. And I have been using the, the Every Dollar app for quite a, I don't know, quite a few months now. Maybe half a year, maybe a little more. And I know and I listen to the books and I'm doing everything I

[C]

can, but the, the EveryDollar app is amazing. But it, what it really is good at is helping you get a plan for your money. And it's also really great at exposing where we can cut expenses and where we need to add income. And I, I honestly, as heartbreaking as it sounds, I don't see another path forward for you other than you've got to go get some jobs that make more money. Especially in this, in the times when, when your kids are with their father. Now.

[B]

I've been trying for the last three years to get extra jobs when you're

[A]

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[B]

I've been trying for the last three years to get extra jobs. Yeah, I've been trying to get a better job. I'm a teacher. I'm a full time teacher. I teach art.

[A]

Okay, Danielle, and let me ask you this. The legal fees, are those on credit cards? Did you take out a personal loan? How. How are those being funded?

[B]

Well, I've been paying them monthly. I've been paying $1,000 a month to a lawyer.

[A]

So the payment plans directly with. With them?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay, how much do you have left on that?

[B]

I'm not sure because we just went to court again and I'm not sure how much all that's going to be. I'm guessing at least 5,000.

[A]

Okay. And then what other debt is there?

[B]

I had the debt that I consolidated, but there's a lien on my car, and then I have $80,000 in student loan debt and I have like $12,000 in credit card debt.

[A]

12,000 in credit card. Okay, what, what, the car lien or how far behind are you on the car?

[B]

I owe $9,250 and it is worth like exactly that. Okay. And I.

[A]

Are you behind on any payments?

[B]

No, I've never not paid a bill.

[A]

Okay, so you're current on. So what, what is, what is the $1,300? What is, what would you be doing with that if you had it? Because you have to be behind on something, I'm assuming. And I just want to make sure that their priorities are right.

[B]

Paying the lawyer, paying the lawyer, paying the lawyer.

[C]

Well, I mean, the child support should go to the care of the children, right?

[B]

Yeah, in theory, but I have to pay the lawyer, you know.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

So now my child, my child support was 2050 and now is going to be like 700. Okay.

[A]

So in your situation, Danielle, I would remind you that your priorities and where your money's going is gonna be very, very important. So always making sure that you have food, your mortgage is being paid, or your rent, utilities stay on, and your transportation. I just don't want you to. And sometimes the overwhelmingness and what can feel like a hopelessness, you know, whatever feels urgent in the moment is where you end up paying and you end up possibly making mistakes and putting yourself in a financial position. That's dangerous. Right. I don't want you getting behind on your rent or your mortgage or your car payment. So, like, those are very important to stay current. The credit cards, we can worry about those later. And with the. So you're giving $1,000 to the lawyer. So in. If I'm correct, that will be done in about five months.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Or if the $700.

[B]

How much longer this will go on? I. I don't know.

[A]

Okay. Well, when it comes that this can be a. And, John, you're probably way more in this world than I am, but that the whole court system, and especially with divorce and custody battles, I mean, it just. That it can be for. And not that I would never tell you not to fight and fight and fight, but I do want you to maybe at a point in time, stop, reevaluate, maybe even look at your legal counsel. I mean, if it's not getting done.

[C]

If it's not getting done and you can't afford it.

[A]

And you can't afford it, there may have to be a pause at some capacity for you to at least keep your head above water. And so what I would encourage you to do is I'm so glad you're doing the EveryDollar app, but I really do want you to make sure your priorities are in order. And then what John was saying at the beginning is. Is true. There has to be a change in the math from the income side. I'm assuming your expenses are already pretty limited to make sure that all of this.

[B]

Yeah. Down to, like, that's the budget. Without even buying toilet paper.

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[C]

And. And again, all of this is the worst. Okay. So there's no joy or glee from me or Rachel. Like, we're sitting in this with you. Okay. When I was a high school teacher, I knew folks who got up really early and drove a bus for extra money before they were a teacher all day. And then who would go work in a grocery store stocking shelves in the evening? And they were paying off student loans. Right. And so it looks like that may be. I mean, you got the school year coming up. I don't know what you've done this summer, but it may not be a career change at this point. If you've really been trying to get new careers and get new jobs and get Promoted. If that's not happening, then we're going to deal with the reality that we have in front of us right this second, which is you got 700 bucks coming in for child support. You have a thousand dollar payment every month to an attorney. You at least have to make 300 bucks over. So I'm going to earn that. And if I have to sell my house and move to a one bedroom apartment for a season and the kids off to share a room, like we have to make some drastic changes that nobody wants to make. But you're just staring at a really ugly math problem and you've tried to solve it in one way for three years. Let's just stop trying to solve it that way for, for the moment because you've got an emerging emergency on your hand and it's, you're gonna, you're gonna be exhausted, you're gonna, you're gonna weep for your kids, for yourself, for, for nobody plans to be in the situation you're in. And we're gonna scratch and claw through it. And what you'll find is as you get in back in the driver's seat of your own life, you're gonna find yourself walking a little taller and you're gonna find yourself being more confident in yourself. You're not gonna feel like life is happening to you, like you're, you're starting to tap into your life. And that comes through in job interviews, that comes in through performance reviews. It begins to impact all of your, the rest of your life very positively. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But there's not a magic bullet here other than you've got a really ugly math problem ahead of you and you've got to scratch and claw and be exhausted and add more money on the front end of this thing. And it's just going to be that way for a season, especially until you get this attorney paid off.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I hate this for you, hon.

[A]

I know. Danielle, call us back if you need us. But there is, there is something about making that plan. And it, John always says it, control what you can control and even mapping out some of these debts and looking say, hey, once the attorney fees are paid off, that's $1,000 freed up. I can get pay my car paid off in eight months. You start actually seeing the light at the ends of the tunnel. And so creating that pathway for you is going to be so important and that the sacrifice of the extra job, it may be for two to three years and then it's done, right? And then you get a clean slate and you get to start over. But again, give us a call back. Danielle if you need anything else, Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on health care every month. Learn more at chministries. Org budget.