"I Love Her To Death" (Except For This)

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "I Love Her To Death" (Except For This)
Release Date: May 20, 2025

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Introduction

In the episode titled "I Love Her To Death" (Except For This), The Ramsey Show delves into the intricate balance between love and financial compatibility. Robert, a dedicated listener, opens up about his long-term relationship challenges centered around differing financial habits. Despite his deep affection for his girlfriend of four and a half years, their opposite approaches to money management are causing significant strain as they contemplate marriage.

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Robert's Financial Journey and Relationship Dynamics

Robert begins by sharing his commendable financial progress. In 2020, he successfully paid off all his debts and has since been diligently working through baby step six of the Ramsey Plan. His commitment to financial stability is evident, yet it stands in stark contrast to his girlfriend's spending habits.

• Key Points:

  • Debt Freedom: Achieved financial freedom in 2020.
  • Long-Term Relationship: Dating the same woman for four and a half years.
  • Marriage Discussions: Both are considering marriage but are hindered by financial disagreements.

• Notable Quote:

  "I've been dating the same woman for four and a half years. She's absolutely amazing. I love her to death. The one thing we struggle with is money..."
  — Robert [00:13]

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Differences in Spending Habits

A significant portion of the discussion centers on the couple's conflicting financial behaviors. While Robert meticulously budgets and lives within his means, his girlfriend consistently overspends, even exceeding her own budget categories.

• Key Points:

  • Budget Overruns:
    • Food: Allocated $600 monthly but spent $1,100.
    • Shopping: Set aside $400 but spent $900.
  • Debt Issues: His girlfriend has approximately $65,000 in debt.
  • Financial Justifications: She rationalizes additional spending (e.g., mommy makeovers) by linking it to debt repayments, yet fails to make extra payments to reduce her debt burden.

• Notable Quotes:

  "She just spends more than she makes. I mean, she brings in more money than I do, honestly."
  — Robert [01:51]

  "Yeah, she just spends more than she makes. I mean, she brings in more money than I do, honestly."
  — Rachel Cruze [02:34]

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Rachel Cruze's Analysis and Guidance

Rachel Cruze offers a penetrating analysis of the situation, probing whether the issue lies in unrealistic budgeting or genuine overspending. Through her insights, she underscores the importance of aligning financial values within a relationship.

• Key Points:

  • Budget Realism: Questions whether the budget is unattainable or if overspending is intentional.
  • Values Alignment: Emphasizes that differing financial values can lead to long-term relationship stress.
  • Contentment and Boundaries: Discusses the necessity of establishing boundaries to maintain financial harmony.

• Notable Quotes:

  "Is she not being able to stay into the in? Is she not able to stay on budget because the budget's not realistic for what she's set up? Or is it that she truly spends more than she makes and she's just says that's, that's just how it is."
  — Rachel Cruze [01:36]

  "We're going to make all these decisions with someone you don't want to constantly be picking apart and adding stress right to the relationship."
  — Rachel Cruze [07:09]

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Dave Ramsey's Advice and Recommendations

Dave Ramsey provides actionable advice aimed at resolving the couple's financial discord. He emphasizes the critical nature of pre-marital counseling focused on financial alignment to prevent future conflicts.

• Key Points:

  • Behavioral Insights: Highlights that Robert's girlfriend chooses to overspend despite having the income to support her lifestyle.
  • Pre-Marital Counseling: Recommends structured counseling with clear instructions to address and align financial values.
  • Counselor's Role: Advises that counselors should actively facilitate alignment; failure to do so indicates unsuccessful counseling.

• Notable Quotes:

  "If you can't change the budget or she's not setting boundaries, this is a problem."
  — Dave Ramsey [04:03]

  "I would schedule a pre marriage counseling session and I would sit down with the counselor and tell the counselor on the phone before you meet with them with her present that the count. The premiere counseling session will have failed if you can't help us get aligned on these subjects."
  — Dave Ramsey [09:01]

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The Importance of Shared Values and Financial Alignment

The episode underscores that successful relationships hinge not just on love but also on shared financial values and habits. Alignment in financial goals and spending behaviors is portrayed as essential for long-term marital harmony.

• Key Points:

  • Value Systems: Differing attitudes toward money management can lead to significant marital stress.
  • Autonomy vs. Control: Contrasting desires for financial autonomy versus control can create friction.
  • Long-Term Implications: Persistent financial disagreements may contribute to divorce statistics.

• Notable Quotes:

  "She could live within the numbers that she sets. She just chooses not to have any boundaries for herself."
  — Dave Ramsey [05:59]

  "If you are uncomfortable with living with debt, that it gives you stress, like the risk of it. It's not worth it. It is. It is. I want the autonomy and she's completely okay with it."
  — Rachel Cruze [06:19]

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Insights and Conclusions

"I Love Her To Death" (Except For This) poignantly illustrates how financial incompatibility can challenge even the strongest of relationships. The episode serves as a testament to the importance of transparent communication and aligned financial values between partners.

• Key Takeaways:
  • Financial Compatibility: Critical for sustaining long-term relationships and marriages.
  • Proactive Counseling: Engaging in pre-marital counseling focused on finances can mitigate future conflicts.
  • Shared Goals: Couples must actively work towards aligning their financial goals and spending habits to foster a harmonious partnership.

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Notable Quotes Recap

1. Robert:
   "I've been dating the same woman for four and a half years. She's absolutely amazing. I love her to death. The one thing we struggle with is money..."
   [00:13]

2. Rachel Cruze:
   "Is she not being able to stay into the in? Is she not able to stay on budget because the budget's not realistic for what she's set up? Or is it that she truly spends more than she makes and she's just says that's, that's just how it is."
   [01:36]

3. Robert:
   "She just spends more than she makes. I mean, she brings in more money than I do, honestly."
   [01:51]

4. Rachel Cruze:
   "We're going to make all these decisions with someone you don't want to constantly be picking apart and adding stress right to the relationship."
   [07:09]

5. Dave Ramsey:
   "If you can't change the budget or she's not setting boundaries, this is a problem."
   [04:03]

6. Dave Ramsey:
   "I would schedule a pre marriage counseling session and I would sit down with the counselor and tell the counselor on the phone before you meet with them with her present that the count. The premiere counseling session will have failed if you can't help us get aligned on these subjects."
   [09:01]

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Conclusion

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights serves as a crucial reminder that love alone may not suffice in sustaining a successful marriage. Financial harmony, grounded in shared values and responsible spending, is imperative. Couples are encouraged to engage in open dialogues and seek professional guidance to navigate financial disagreements, ensuring a stable and prosperous future together.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Robert]

2020 and after paying off all my debt, I'm now on baby step six. I've been dating the same woman for four and a half years. She's absolutely amazing. I love her to death. The one thing we struggle with is money, and we pretty much see it kind of opposite. We're getting to a point in our relationship where, you know, we're, we're heavily discussing marriage and, and what all that looks like. And we're, we're kind of in a spot where, you know, I try to help her as much as possible and as much as she wants me to, I guess, to set up budgets and stuff like that. And it just never works out. You know, she. She always goes way over budget or whatever. And if we were to get married, like, she, you know, she would sell her house and move in with me and, and the profits from that would pay off all of her debts. She has about 65, 000 in debts, so. So it's not really like a concern from that aspect. It's more just. I guess I'm scared to move forward with someone that I've never seen can stay within a budget, you know, And I'm worried that it's the number one reason people get a divorce. I'm worried about becoming a statistic because we fight about money all the time.

[Rachel Cruze]

Can she not. Can I ask this, Robert? Is she not being able to stay into the in? Is she not able to stay on budget because the budget's not realistic for what she's set up? Or is it that she truly spends more than she makes and she's just says that's, that's just how it is?

[Robert]

Yeah, she just spends more than she makes. I mean, she, she, she brings in more money than I do, honestly.

[Rachel Cruze]

What does she spend it on?

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Rachel Cruze]

What'S she doing? Shopping? Vacations.

[Robert]

Like, what's like, yeah, yeah. So like in, in her every dollar, you know, she's got a food category that's, that's supposed to be $600. Last month she spent 1100. And then like her shopping, you know, it's supposed to be, I think, $400. And that includes even like unnecessary fun purchases that, you know, everyone has to have. But instead she spent like 900. You know, she wants to, she's a mom of two. She wants to get a mommy makeover. And so like, in her head, she's justifying, well, if I can pay off these two debts, that's payments equal what the mommy makeover payments will make, then I can do it. But she's never once made like that extra debt payment to even pay those debts down. She just, she's more of like a, you know, you got to spend the money that you make to have fun kind of thing than I am.

[Rachel Cruze]

Hmm.

[Dave Ramsey]

It's interesting to me that you started doing this stuff in 2020 and you've been dating her four and a half years. So you started, you met her about the same time. So she's watched you adopt all of these things.

[Robert]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

The more, the more you got engaged, the more you got engaged with the stuff that we teach. The. She's watched it. She's. She's had a first, a front row seat for the whole thing.

[Robert]

So I was, I was debt free by the time I met her. I started January 1st as a New Year's resolution and I met her December 4th. So within that year, I was out of debt. So she never really saw me aggressively attack debt. But I still live the lifestyle. Like, I still budget every month. I still, you know, so she's seen that lifestyle and where it's gotten me, and she just, she just, she doesn't have, like, the mental mind. Like, I see things in numbers and statistics. I'm a spreadsheet nerd. She's the complete opposite.

[Dave Ramsey]

But yeah, I don't want, I'm not asking her to be a nerd. I am asking her to quit being immature and just buying stuff she can't afford. And I just deserve it. I just want to get it, and so I'm just going to get it. I mean, she doesn't tell herself no ever. The category breaches you talked about, the purchase breaches you talked about. Those are all. I just look at it and I'm going to do it anyway. Like that. Like, she's in. There's a sense of entitlement or immaturity or something there that's bothering me in this. I can't tell what it is. Exactly. So what would we do in this situation? You guys have got to resolve this before you go forward. Not necessarily. She has to become the nerd that you are or she has to stay on a budget, but whatever. The core issue is that she's struggling with here. Immaturity, entitlement. Because you can't just. She's not acting like an adult in the sense that you can't just spend 900 bucks. When you say, I'm gonna spend 400.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, that's where I was trying to figure out. Figure out with.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's weird.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. Is she not budgeting correctly? Because there are some people that are like, oh, I'm gonna make.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, then change the button, then change the budget.

[Rachel Cruze]

That's what I'm saying. But this sounds like it's above that. It's like that she pro. She could live within the numbers that she sets. Correct. Like she. That. Or that she has to.

[Dave Ramsey]

Mathematically, she makes enough money to pay to do it. Right. She just chooses not to have any boundaries for herself.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that's what I'm hearing. So what would I do if I were in your shoes? I would say, look, we have to resolve this and get aligned on it to go forward, because it's not going to. We're going to have. You're going to. You're going to have a long life because you're going to treat. You're going to think I'm just picking on you all the time. And I don't want to be the bad guy in this all the time.

[Rachel Cruze]

And it's a value.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm not going to. I'm not going to sign up for the bad guy.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. And it's not. Again, we've said it twice in the call, but I think this is important for couples to hear. You're not trying to form her into you. Right. Because I'm the free spirit as you're speaking. I'm like, oh, my gosh, that would so be me if I wasn't doing the Ramsey plan. I am. I'm just a spender. Emotions. I'm like, yep, we're going to have fun. We're going to enjoy. But having to learn a value system of boundaries, a value system of living below your means, a value system. That stuff is not going to make me happy. There's a contentment issue there as well. Like, all of these things are values where I still month to month, spend more than Winston, my husband, because I am More of a spender than he is, but it's in the budget. So from.

[Dave Ramsey]

Again, that's easy because Winston doesn't spend any money.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah, he doesn't spend a lot. But it's like the idea is, again, it's the values that we agree upon, not the personality trait necessarily, but if we can't have boundaries and limits to our money and we keep going over and over and over and over and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Over, that's a problem.

[Rachel Cruze]

Then there's an issue there, you know, and even with debt, I would say debt's a value system that if you are. So if you are uncomfortable with living with debt, that it gives you stress, like the risk of it. It's not worth it. It is. It is. I want the autonomy and she's completely okay with it. And it's totally fine to live by my means and I'll live on credit cards and just try to pay, you know, the minimum balance every month or the minimum payment. Then again, that's a. There's a value system there that will be really excruciating to walk along life with. And, and this is your. Like when you go, when you get into a marriage, like, this is the person that you're going to, you're going to make all these decisions with. And that should be fun and it should be enjoyable. This is someone that you don't want to constantly be picking apart and adding stress right to the relationship. And that's what these big issues. Money is one of them. But you could throw in, in laws. You could throw in parenting. I mean, right. There's all these other issues, but with money specifically.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Like you would tell the kids no and she won't. You know, that's causes.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. That ruffles feathers.

[Dave Ramsey]

Translate. So here's what I would do. I would schedule a pre marriage counseling session and I would sit down with the counselor and tell the counselor on the phone before you meet with them with her present that the count. The premiere counseling session will have failed if you can't help us get aligned on these subjects. Your job as a premium in pre marriage counseling is you have to give the, give the counselor instructions. Okay? I am not moving forward in this marriage unless we can get aligned on these things. And so your job is to guide us through that. If you think your job is to make me okay with her being off the rails one way and me being off the rails the other way, I'm not going to be okay with that. That you failed as a counselor. Because sometimes counselors will do that. You Get. It's all okay because they don't think. They don't see it the way that we're. So you need to give.

[Rachel Cruze]

The counselor will dig in and understand the good one. Yeah. Root of it. Because so much of. Of who we are in our existence, the good, the bad, the ugly. Comes out on how we handle money. Exactly. There's. There's things in there. Right. And I would say for extreme family of origin. Yeah. And extreme savers. Right. There's a level of hoarding and control issues that come from people that are. And people call this show. And they're so anal, and you're just like, oh, my God, chill. You're okay. But they're. They're so wound up on that side, and that's unhealthy. But then being on the other far side where she is, that's unhealthy. And so.

[Dave Ramsey]

So getting to that place of the counselor some instructions. And the instructions are, you are to help us get aligned. If you can't help us get aligned, then we're either going to call it or you failed in your counseling. You. We are not leaving your office with you saying, oh, it's okay. That's not an okay thing for the counselor to think because sometimes premarriage counseling is a bit of a rubber stamp. And you don't want. That's what I want you to. I want them digging in on this. I want you to dig onto this and y' all find out what's. What's driving these things. And that way you don't turn Ramsey into a cuss word in your new household. The best ID theft protection is from Zander. They not only monitor, they help you get your life back. Go to Zander.com to learn more.