I Own A Home With My Ex-Stepfather (It's Complicated)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Title: I Own A Home With My Ex-Stepfather (It's Complicated)
Host: Dave Ramsey with Financial Expert Guest
Date: May 25, 2026
Duration: ~8 minutes (excluding ads/intro/outro)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, a caller seeks advice from Dave Ramsey and a co-host financial expert regarding a complicated homeownership and family situation. The caller co-owns a house with his ex-stepfather—who no longer lives there—while his mother resides in the basement apartment. Rising utility and household costs, blended with awkward family dynamics, have impeded the caller's ability to make financial progress. Through a candid conversation, Dave and the guest help the caller weigh his options, focusing as much on relational health as on the numbers.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Caller’s Situation (00:02 - 02:26)

• In 2018, the caller and his then-stepfather purchased a house together to accelerate homeownership for the caller’s growing family.
• The arrangement has soured: the ex-stepfather is now the mortgage holder and partial owner, while the mother, post-divorce, occupies the basement in-law apartment.
• The caller covers all home expenses (utilities, insurance, etc.), and this is hurting his ability to progress on debt repayment and other financial goals.

Notable Quote:
“It's really hindering my ability to make any progress on my debt snowball and make some progress in the baby steps.” — Caller (00:35)

Sorting Out the Financials (01:17 – 02:50)

• Dave clarifies: Who’s on the mortgage? The ex-stepfather is both mortgage holder and part-owner, but doesn’t live there.
• The caller pays all expenses, with especially high winter utility bills due to electric heat (utility bills running $700–$1,000/month).
• Practical concerns raised: Should he sell the house and disrupt his family for a higher mortgage or rent, or should he confront his mother about sharing costs?

Notable Exchange:
Dave: “I just don't want you blaming mom for, you know, the $40 extra in water bills. That, that's why you can't get ahead financially.” (02:07)
Caller: “My utility bills are in 7 to $1,000 range a month.” (02:15)

The Real Issue: Relationship Tension (03:25 – 04:07)

• The hosts probe whether the financial strain is merely about costs or if deeper relational dynamics are at play (around the mother in the basement, ex-stepfather as creditor, etc.).
• The caller admits the scenario is affecting his relationship with his mother and is “more than just utilities.”

Notable Quote:
Dave: “We just didn't want to make this about the surface level, you know, dollars in utility bills. There's more there, which is cool.” (03:50)

Exploring Options (04:07 – 05:39)

• Dave and the guest pose key questions:
  • If the arrangement were just with the house, would the caller want to keep it?
  • Could he refinance to buy out the ex-stepfather?
  • Could the basement apartment be legally rented out? (Turns out, due to zoning and the setup, he can’t bring in external renters.)
• The conclusion: The arrangement is too complicated and emotionally loaded to continue.

Notable Quote:
Dave: “I get that. All things are pointing to—you sell this house, you get out of this weird ex-stepfather situation. Mom then needs to go find her own place and, and you start a new chapter. That feels like the cleanest thing to do.” (05:26)

Financial Impact of Moving (05:39 – 06:14)

• Even if the caller sells and rents at a higher rate ($1,500–$1,700/month), his income ($7,500/month take-home) makes this feasible—reinforcing that the decision is more about family dynamics than money.

Notable Exchange:
Dave: “So this is all purely relational.” (06:14)

Family Space Needs (06:15 – 07:52)

• The caller has a wife and four young children.
• The question is raised: Is the house right-sized for the family? Could they use both floors?
  • The caller says it’s not practical to split family living space across the two levels due to the layout.

Selling and Moving Forward (07:52 – End)

• The caller confirms the ex-stepfather would agree to sell and would simply take his percentage.
• The advice: Sell, divide proceeds, rent or buy anew when ready.

Notable Quotes:
Financial Expert: “Yeah, I would sell it today.” (08:01)
Dave: “This whole thing is just so intertwined. I would just want out emotionally.” (08:03)

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Memorable Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• On Financial Confusion:
  “I had purchased a house with my stepfather at the time and it seemed like a good idea.” — Caller (00:04)
• On Utility Costs:
  “My electric bill during the winter months is over $750 a month.” — Caller (02:15)
• On Relational Complexity:
  “There's a little bit more to my mom's side...it's also kind of affecting my relationship with my mother.” — Caller (03:39)
• The Core Solution:
  “All things are pointing to—you sell this house, you get out of this weird ex-stepfather situation.” — Dave Ramsey (05:26)

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Key Takeaways

• Don’t Let Family Arrangements Muddle Financial Progress: When property ownership (especially with non-spouses) becomes tangled with relational changes, it’s often best to unwind and start fresh.
• Face the Real Issues: Many “financial” dilemmas are driven by deeper family and emotional dynamics. It’s important to recognize this and not let practical details obscure the root problem.
• Evaluate, Then Act: The financial math (income, new housing costs, proceeds from sale) supports the move; ending a convoluted setup will relieve both financial and emotional stress.

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Segment Timestamps

• [00:02 – 02:26] – Caller explains his complex homeownership situation
• [02:26 – 03:25] – Hosts clarify ownership structure and financial pressures
• [03:25 – 04:21] – Relational tension is revealed
• [04:21 – 05:39] – Exploring housing and refinancing options
• [05:39 – 06:14] – Assessing financial feasibility of selling/moving
• [06:15 – 07:52] – Family space needs and practical logistics
• [07:52 – End] – Final advice to sell, split, and begin a new chapter

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Tone & Language

The episode is supportive, direct, and practical—reflecting both empathy for the caller's emotional challenges and a firm push to disentangle from unhealthy financial entanglements.

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Summary prepared for listeners seeking actionable advice from The Ramsey Show Highlights — keeping your wallet healthy and your family relationships even healthier.

Transcript

[Caller]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So I'm in an interesting situation. Back in 2018, I had purchased a house with my stepfather at the time and it seemed like a good idea. We were splitting the percentages. It was going to get me into a house a little bit sooner. I had a growing family and they were supposed to only be there six months out of the year. Fast forward to a couple years ago. Him and my mother had split up at this point in time. Now my mother is living downstairs in the in law apartment of which I am responsible for all the utilities right now. And it's really hindering my ability to make any progress on my debt snowball and make some progress in the baby steps. And I'm just wondering, should I look to sell this house? My mortgage is super low. My mortgage is under $1,000 a month and I do have some equity in the home. But I'm wondering if it makes sense for me to sell, uproot my kids, find somewhere else to go, either raise my mortgage or even have to potentially get a rent or if I should have just a conversation with my mom, start trying to get some utilities from her. It's a sticky situation. I don't know where to go with it.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm so confused. So let me get the facts straight. Your ex stepfather is on the mortgage.

[Caller]

My. Yes, my ex stepfather is on the mortgage. We're going to get really weird here. So my ex stepfather is actually my mortgage holder and he owns a part of my house.

[Dave Ramsey]

So he is the bank.

[Caller]

He is the bank part owner.

[Dave Ramsey]

But he doesn't live there.

[Caller]

He does not live there any longer.

[Dave Ramsey]

Your mom lives there and you're saying you can't pay off your debt because the utilities that your mom isn't paying for are crushing you financially.

[Caller]

I'm saying that with utilities, the extra utilities that I have for the house, it's a, you know, it's a 2,500 square foot home. I live in 1700 square feet of it. But I am responsible for all, all utilities and all expenses of the home, insurance, everything.

[Financial Expert Guest]

So yeah, that's like, that's like 150 bucks a month.

[Dave Ramsey]

I just don't want you blaming mom for, you know, the $40 extra in water bills. That, that's why you can't get ahead financially.

[Caller]

So my electric bill during the, during the winter months is over $750 a month. I have electric heat. So my utility bills are in 7 to $1,000 range a month.

[Dave Ramsey]

So what's the ideal situation. Your mom pays rent or your mom gets out

[Caller]

that I don't know. I feel like I should get out of this deal. Like I said, my mortgage isn't high. My mortgage only lives less than $1,000 a month. So I don't want to sell. But I also kind of don't want to be in this deal any longer either. I kind of want to be that.

[Dave Ramsey]

That to me that's worth it to get out of this weird deal with your ex stepfather that.

[Financial Expert Guest]

But that sounds like the real issue.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hey George here for Churchill Mortgage. Listen, with interest rates dropping, this might be your window to buy a home or refinance. Building equity through home ownership is still one of the best ways to create safety and security in your life. And you decide when the time is right. And my good friends at Churchill Mortgage will give you a custom plan and a special offer so you, you can buy or refinance the smart way. Go to Churchill Mortgage.com Ramsay Offer that's Churchill Mortgage.com Ramsay Offer.

[Financial Expert Guest]

This is a paid advertisement in MLS ID 1591 NMLS consumer access.org equal housing lender. But that sounds like the real issue. Is that, is that the real issue is your mom using $500 a month in heat in the basement?

[Caller]

No, it's. There's a little bit more to, to my mom's side too than I necessarily want to share here. But it's also kind of affecting my relationship with.

[Dave Ramsey]

There we go.

[Caller]

My mother.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. We just didn't want to make this about the surface level, you know, dollars in utility bills. There's more there, which is cool. You don't need to share it all. And then on the. Could you. Do you want to keep this house? That's step one. If you had it on your own, would you want to keep it and if you could afford it.

[Caller]

I'm 50. 50. I love, I love the neighborhood. I love where my house is. I don't. With the in law apartment that's downstairs, the house doesn't make sense for me to own it 100%. Okay.

[Financial Expert Guest]

But I mean could you go to a mortgage company and buy your ex stepfather out?

[Dave Ramsey]

Just get a mortgage from them.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Get a mortgage from them. Buy him out, get him out of there and then have a hard conversation with your mom about whether she's going to pay rent or not or she's got to move out because you're going to get a real renter in there.

[Caller]

I could, I can't, I can't legally rent it. It's Not a legal in law apartment. So I can't legally rent it.

[Financial Expert Guest]

So you can't rent a room in your house?

[Caller]

It's not a room, it's a, it's a 1100 square foot in law apartment.

[Dave Ramsey]

But is there Connecticut laws that say it's not zoned for it's rent?

[Caller]

I don't, it's not, it's not currently set up right now to have someone externally outside of my, my family live in it. It's connected into my house. There's, it's.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Okay, well that's not against the law. That'd be awkward or weird.

[Caller]

But it's, it's weird. It's weird.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Okay, it could be weird. And again, I, I've lived in Texas and Tennessee. I could rent my roof if I wanted to. But you may have different laws in Connecticut. But yeah, if you don't want strangers walking in and out of your front door.

[Dave Ramsey]

I, I get that all things are pointing to. You sell this house, you get out of this weird ex stepfather situation. Mom then needs to go find her own place and, and you start a new chapter. That feels like the cleanest thing to do.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Yeah, but that has nothing to do with you because let's say your rent goes to fifteen hundred dollars. I mean your mortgage comes to fifteen hundred dollars a month or seventeen hundred dollars a month. You're still, you're solving for the relationship issues that you got in this deal. But you're going to be dollar for dollar about the same, right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you make a month?

[Caller]

I take home about $7,500 a month.

[Dave Ramsey]

Great. So even if your mortgage or even if you rented for a while until you figured out where you wanted to buy, you'd be just fine.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So this is all purely relational.

[Caller]

I do have four. I have four kids. So I do, I do need some space.

[Dave Ramsey]

Are you single?

[Caller]

I'm married.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. And does your spouse live in the same house?

[Caller]

She does.

[Dave Ramsey]

What does she think about all this?

[Caller]

She's about the same as where I am.

[Dave Ramsey]

She'd be happy to start fresh new house without all these financial family ties.

[Caller]

Yes. Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

I think you got your homework or home shopping, but I still want to,

[Financial Expert Guest]

I want to challenge you on one thing and then I'll let you go. How old are your kids?

[Caller]

I got an eight year old, I got a seven year old, a four year old and about to be a one year old.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Okay, so you're fully in it. You're going to do six. And again, I know people all over planet earth live in different arrangements, and that's awesome. But you're sitting in a 2,500 square foot house. You're going to do life with six people in a 1500 square foot house or a 1700 square foot house.

[Caller]

That's where I am right now. That's my living space is 1700 square feet.

[Financial Expert Guest]

I know, but you're telling me that's all you need and you've got too much house. Do you have too much house for you and your mom to be there, or could your family expand to use this, this basement space too?

[Caller]

We could expand to use the basement space. It just doesn't. It's. It's a raised ranch, so it doesn't really make sense. The downstairs, it'd be kind of hard to split my family up in. In the space. So having both, I don't think makes sense for me logically to buy him out and want to own the whole thing.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Is he going to be willing to sell if you put this on the market?

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Dave Ramsey]

What would he get out of it versus you as far as the proceeds?

[Caller]

He's. He's just going to get his percentage.

[Financial Expert Guest]

Okay. Yeah, I would sell it today.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, I would. Take what you can get out of that. And if you can't afford to buy a home based on those proceeds, the one you want, then you just got to wait and maybe rent somewhere for a while until you can afford it. But this whole thing is just so intertwined. I would just want out emotionally. Best of luck.

[Caller]

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