"I Think You Know The Answer To That"

Summary

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The Ramsey Show Highlights: "I Think You Know The Answer To That"

Date: November 16, 2025
Episode Summary:
This episode centers on a listener, Penelope, seeking advice about whether she and her husband should be responsible for paying her father-in-law’s property taxes. The discussion quickly evolves from the financial specifics to the deeper relational and family dynamics at play. With trademark candor and humor, the advisors tackle family dysfunction, marital communication, and the pitfalls of enabling unhealthy patterns.

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Main Theme

Exploring the intersection of money, family obligations, and healthy boundaries.
The episode uses Penelope’s property tax dilemma as a launchpad to examine not only what’s wise financially, but also how deeper family scripts and marital dynamics influence our money decisions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Should You Pay Someone Else’s Property Taxes?

• Initial Reaction: Advisors question why Penelope and her husband would be responsible for her father-in-law’s taxes (“I think you know the answer to that. What do you think?” – Advisor 1, [00:21]).
• Financial Principle:
  The show’s position is clear: “I pay property taxes on property that I own. That’s all.” – Advisor 2, [06:31]
  It’s unreasonable for Penelope's husband to pay 100% of taxes on a property for which he owns (at best) half, especially with unclear future inheritance rights.

2. Family Context and the Nature of Obligation

• Penelope explains that after her husband’s uncle died (who used to pay the taxes), the father-in-law asked her husband to take over.
• Unclear documentation and ownership issues complicate matters, as the property is equally split between deceased uncle and father-in-law, with other heirs, including cousins and a widow, muddling potential inheritance ([03:19–03:46]).

3. Marital Communication Concerns

• The real issue, according to both advisors, is Penelope’s husband refusing to discuss the matter:
  “This is disrespectful to you. And don’t give me the cop-out that he’s such a wuss he can’t have a difficult conversation with his own wife.” – Advisor 2, [04:33]
• The advisors highlight the danger of avoiding conflict and not involving one’s spouse in significant financial and family decisions:
  “Marriage, there’s a lot more difficult conversations than this. So if he can’t handle this, then good luck to you.” – Advisor 1, [04:47]

4. Dysfunctional Family Scripts

• The conversation delves into the danger of maintaining unhealthy family norms:
  “Free ride is the family script. Oh, and you never question the family script in a dysfunctional family because that might be saying, 'the emperor has no clothes.'” – Advisor 2, [07:19]
• The advisors urge Penelope to recognize her role in possibly enabling these scripts by acquiescing to silence or avoidance.

5. The Importance of Healthy Confrontation

• Advisors stress that the ability to discuss uncomfortable issues with kindness is a hallmark of functional families and necessary for wealth building:
  “Discussing uncomfortable subjects... is the sign of a functional family. And it’s also a signal of whether you’re going to end up with wealth or not.” – Advisor 2, [08:18]
• They warn that failing to address these issues condemns families to “writing checks for crap that ain’t yours.” ([08:39])

6. Faith as a Catalyst for Change

• In breaking unhealthy family cycles, “it usually has to do with the faith awakening of a key member of the family”—someone willing to introduce open, honest, and loving discussion ([09:05]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Accountability and Transparency:
  “He refuses to talk about it because he knows he’s going to lose the argument because he knows he’s wrong.” – Advisor 2, [04:58]

• On Marital Roles:
  “This makes really negative comments about the quality of your relationship with your husband and his ability to navigate basic relational bear traps.” – Advisor 2, [05:14]

• On Practical Ownership:
  “The only way I’m proper paying property taxes on it is I want it in my name. Go ahead and deed it to me.” – Advisor 2, [06:30]

• On Family Dysfunction:
  “Once there’s a dysfunctional family script in place and no one’s allowed to argue with the lines, you just say your lines... even if your part is screwed up.” – Advisor 2, [07:44]

• On Wealth & Family Health:
  “If you cannot handle and navigate these kinds of things, you gonna be broke all your life writing checks for crap that ain’t yours.” – Advisor 2, [08:39]

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Key Timestamps

• [00:11–00:35]: Penelope presents her dilemma; advisors question the premise of paying another’s property taxes.
• [01:10–02:13]: Family background; history of the property and who paid taxes before.
• [02:45–03:46]: Financial context—debts, income, and legal property status.
• [04:05–05:52]: Advisors shift focus from money to marital communication and respect.
• [06:17–07:44]: Deep dive into ownership, family dysfunction, and enabling behaviors.
• [08:18–09:23]: Discussion of healthy confrontation, faith-driven communication, and breaking negative generational cycles.

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Conclusion

This episode uses Penelope’s property tax question as a powerful case study in money, marriage, and generational family habits. The advice is less about whether to pay (that’s a no) and more about demanding mutual respect and transparency in marriage, confronting unhealthy family patterns, and daring to set new, healthier standards.

Listeners are left with a clear message:
Don’t pay for what isn’t yours—financially, relationally, or emotionally. Healthy families (and healthy finances) require hard, honest conversations.

Transcript

[Host]

Brought to you by CHM. A budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget I was calling because I.

[Caller (Penelope)]

Wanted an unbiased opinion. I wanted to know, should my husband and I be responsible for my father in law's property taxes?

[Advisor 1]

I think you know the answer to that. What do you think?

[Caller (Penelope)]

I do. I think I do too, but I can't seem.

[Advisor 2]

Why does anyone think you are.

[Caller (Penelope)]

I can't seem to convince my husband.

[Advisor 2]

Why does anyone think you are responsible for someone else's taxes?

[Caller (Penelope)]

So my father in law doesn't work. I think he has disability, but I think he can work a little bit to cover his expenses.

[Advisor 2]

How does he eat?

[Caller (Penelope)]

I don't know how he gets all his money. I think he gets some disability. It's not clear to me. I've asked questions. I don't really get a whole lot of answers.

[Advisor 1]

How long has this been going on? How long has your husband insisted on paying these taxes for him?

[Caller (Penelope)]

So backstory. His dad's brother used to pay them and he died a couple years ago. So after he died, he started asking my husband to do it. This is only.

[Advisor 2]

I'm sorry. They.

[Caller (Penelope)]

They meaning. I'm sorry. His dad asked.

[Advisor 2]

Okay, him. He started asking his son to pay his property.

[Advisor 1]

So he's been doing this.

[Advisor 2]

How old, how old is your father in law?

[Caller (Penelope)]

He's 60.

[Advisor 2]

What's the nature of his disability?

[Caller (Penelope)]

Diabetes and COPD.

[Advisor 2]

Okay. And. And he gets. So he gets a disability check from who do you know?

[Caller (Penelope)]

I don't know. I've asked. I've asked the questions. I haven't.

[Advisor 2]

How long have you been married?

[Caller (Penelope)]

We've been married three years now.

[Advisor 2]

Okay. All right. So this started happening after you got married?

[Caller (Penelope)]

Yes.

[Advisor 2]

But for some reason your husband doesn't think it's any of your business. That's weird.

[Caller (Penelope)]

He just doesn't like to have these uncomfortable conversations.

[Advisor 2]

Yeah, he doesn't like to have a conversation that involves him explaining to his wife why he's doing something stupid. Yeah, I have that problem too. I don't like explaining to Sharon why I'm doing something stupid. It never comes out. Well.

[Advisor 1]

Right. How much is. How much are the property taxes?

[Caller (Penelope)]

I mean, they're not crazy. They're about 2,100 a year.

[Advisor 1]

And are you guys in debt?

[Caller (Penelope)]

We have a car loan and we have. I. I can kind of consider the daycare because it's just so expensive. So we have daycare.

[Advisor 2]

What's your. What's your household income?

[Caller (Penelope)]

It's about 8, 900amonth.

[Advisor 2]

And you guys are what, 25 or 26?

[Caller (Penelope)]

No, we're 33 and 35.

[Advisor 2]

Oh, my. Okay, I missed that one. Okay. Is your husband the sole heir?

[Caller (Penelope)]

No. So, okay, the property is in the deceased uncle's name and his dad's name. It's like 50. 50. But his dad. Yes, the. He's the only child of his dad.

[Advisor 2]

And who's the only child of the uncle?

[Caller (Penelope)]

He has. He has a couple kids.

[Advisor 2]

Okay.

[Caller (Penelope)]

And his wife is still wife. His widow.

[Advisor 2]

Oh, okay. All right. So at this stage of the game, your best way this turns out is you guys end up owning half of the property.

[Caller (Penelope)]

Right.

[Advisor 2]

So what does your husband do for a living?

[Caller (Penelope)]

He is field service technician. He just got a different job in coordinating the field service folks.

[Advisor 2]

Okay. All right. I have a 10% problem with him spending $2,100 to pay his dad's property taxes in an undefined situation. I have a 90% problem with how he's treating you.

[Advisor 1]

Agree.

[Advisor 2]

This is disrespectful to you. And don't give me the cop out that he's such a wuss he can't have a difficult conversation with his own wife. Wah. Grow a backbone.

[Advisor 1]

Well, yeah, because marriage, there's a lot more difficult conversations than this. So if he can't handle this, then good luck to you.

[Caller (Penelope)]

Yeah, well, what I meant was. Well, yes.

[Advisor 2]

No, that's exactly it. That's exactly it. He refuses to talk about it because he knows he's going to lose the argument because he knows he's wrong and he can't figure out how to weasel his way out of this. And he's more concerned about his daddy's opinion than he is his wife's opinion. This is a bad marriage situation for you. Really, really bad. This makes really negative comments about the quality of your relationship with your husband and his ability to navigate basic relational bear traps. He doesn't know how to work, walk around them.

[Advisor 1]

It's either that or he. You've said your piece and he wants to do what he wants to do and he's going to do it.

[Advisor 2]

Well, that's also a bad idea.

[Advisor 1]

Either way. Either way, it's not good. Yeah. The problem is not the $2,100 with what you guys make sure you have a car loan. You can pay that off. But this is really a very small part of your world on a month to month basis. So it's truly not the money on this. It's the relationship.

[Advisor 2]

Yeah. You guys can't sit down and talk about this and Make a decision. He doesn't even want to look at himself in the mirror on this because it's a really dumb idea. He's paying 100% of the property taxes to get 50% of the property. Hello. Maybe if it all goes right and his crazy cousins don't take him to court and try to get the whole thing later because none of these people did a will either. I was gonna promise you I was.

[Advisor 1]

Gonna sniff that out.

[Advisor 2]

Yeah. This is so screwed up. So now let's say it was all perfect and it was a will and everything else. I'd still tell you to change it. The only way I'm proper paying property taxes on it is I want it in my name. Go ahead and deed it to me. I pay property taxes on property that I own. That's all. Jade. I'm not paying your property taxes.

[Advisor 1]

I would never ask Dave James.

[Advisor 2]

I'm definitely not paying your property taxes. Joe. I might think about it. I'm sick. I'm serious. Come on, guys. I know it's just cray cray. So, yeah. The big problem, though, in this discussion, Penelope, is the way he. Her husband, is treating you and the way you're allowing yourself to be treated. And so you guys got to get down to the bottom of that.

[Advisor 1]

And that's the point, right? He's afraid if he doesn't pay him, nobody's gonna pay him, and then they'll lose property. And so that is the solution.

[Advisor 2]

I bet you this bunch figures it out exactly like you want me to pay him. Deed the whole thing to me.

[Advisor 1]

Yeah, and then we.

[Advisor 2]

Otherwise. Otherwise, cousin Eddie, fess up your half. Just roll up here in your RV with your part of the 2100, buddy, because you got two cousins over there that are getting ready to pick it up. Widow aunt's not picking up nothing. She's used to the free ride. Oh, Free ride is the family script. Oh. And you never question the family script in a dysfunctional family because that might be saying, the emperor has no clothes. Oh, we're all crazy. And now we have to talk about it. Oh, God. That's what's going on.

[Advisor 1]

I know.

[Advisor 2]

Once there's a family dysfunctional family script in place and no one's allowed to argue with the lines, you just say your lines and you stay in your lane. You play your part, even if your part is screwed up. And then comes along. Penelope, right? Who comes along worse than that? She called us. There you go. So, yeah, guys, these types of confrontational, they don't have to be confrontational these types of conflicts they have at their core, confrontation. Discussing uncomfortable subjects is the ability to do that and still remain likable, and still remain loving and still remain kind is the sign of a functional family. And it's also a signal of whether you're going to end up with wealth or not.

[Advisor 1]

That's right.

[Advisor 2]

Because if you cannot handle and navigate these kinds of things, you gonna be broke all your life writing checks for crap that ain't yours. Hello. That's how this works. It works in every family that way. But the families that can figure out a way and the ones that I've observed that can break the old family script and shift and change, it usually has to do with the faith awakening of a key member of the family. And they inject Christ into the discussion and they go, we're going to talk about this out loud. We're not going to duck and cover. We're going to be bold and kind and loving and we're going to be proper and caring. But we're also not going to be a bunch of enablers and act like we can't talk about it. Well, that one's off. That one's off limits. Off limits, my butt. You're my husband.

[Host]

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