I Want To "Divorce" My Entitled Children

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: I Want To "Divorce" My Entitled Children
Release Date: June 16, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Participants: Dave Ramsey, Darlene (Caller), Rachel Cruz

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, Darlene reaches out in distress over her adult children's persistent financial demands. As she and her husband approach retirement, they're burdened by debts and their children's relentless requests for money have left them feeling exploited and emotionally drained. The episode delves into the challenges of setting healthy financial boundaries with adult offspring and offers actionable advice to regain control over personal finances and emotional well-being.

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Caller’s Dilemma: Darlene’s Struggle with Entitled Adult Children

Timestamp [00:06]
Darlene opens up about her predicament:

"I'm wondering if you can help me figure out how to get rid of a disease that my children have that's called brain and butt syndrome... And I want to divorce them. How do I divorce them?"
— Darlene

Her frustration stems from years of financial support to her children, who now perceive her as an endless source of funds, jeopardizing her and her husband's retirement plans.

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Understanding the Core Issue

Timestamp [00:53]
Darlene elaborates on her situation:

"I am a poor little person with a bachelor's degree who worked my Hiney off for 45 years with my husband to acquire a property... a few of the children... think that they can just keep taking money from us."
— Darlene

She's met with resistance as some of her children have developed dependencies, associating their father with vices like weed and gambling, making their financial requests more frequent and burdensome.

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Dave Ramsey’s Guidance: Setting Boundaries

Timestamp [01:27] – [03:26]
Dave Ramsey addresses Darlene's issue with empathy and directness:

"You have been giving them money for far too long for things that you shouldn't give them money for. And now you've had it and you're at the end of your financial rope and your emotional rope."
— Dave Ramsey

He acknowledges her emotional and financial exhaustion, emphasizing the need to establish firm boundaries despite the emotional weight of cutting off support.

Rachel Cruz’s Supportive Advice

Timestamp [03:59] – [04:15]
Rachel Cruz reinforces Dave's message:

"They're enabling the situation for years... would you agree?"
— Rachel Cruz

She commends Darlene for recognizing the enabling behavior and encourages her to maintain her newfound resolve, highlighting the importance of consistent "no" responses to financial demands.

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Implementing Change: Practical Steps

Timestamp [04:25] – [06:18]
Darlene shares her initial attempts to set boundaries, noting success with some children but ongoing challenges with others due to past financial assistance.

"I'm thinking I need to probably get one of Dave Ramsey's shirts that says we got food at home..."
— Darlene

Dave suggests creating a consistent phrase or response to reinforce the boundary:

"Every time you go and they say it again and you just keep going... they'll get the picture."
— Dave Ramsey

Rachel emphasizes the need for consistent verbage to ensure the message is clear and unambiguous:

"Consistently. Even your answers consistent, not in principle, but in actual verbiage."
— Rachel Cruz

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Dealing with Extended Family Dynamics

Timestamp [06:25] – [07:40]
The conversation shifts to Darlene's granddaughter living with her, due to the daughter's inability to care for her:

"Our grandchild is in the situation where if DCFS walked in... because she actually went to court before..."
— Darlene

Dave responds thoughtfully, recognizing the complexity of the situation but maintaining the stance on setting boundaries:

"You're going to take care of this grandchild because you have to. No one else can or will. And then it cut everybody else off."
— Dave Ramsey

Rachel adds empathy, acknowledging the emotional turmoil but reiterating the necessity of financial boundaries:

"Give yourself grace... from a financial standpoint... you have to draw that strong boundary."
— Rachel Cruz

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Encouragement and Moving Forward

Timestamp [07:58] – [08:15]
Dave offers words of encouragement:

"Keep your sense of humor... you're going to be okay in retirement... Hold the line... you've got this."
— Dave Ramsey

He underscores the importance of perseverance and maintaining personal boundaries for financial stability and emotional health.

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Key Takeaways

1. Recognize Enabling Behaviors: Continual financial support to adult children can foster dependency and entitlement.

2. Set Firm Boundaries: Consistently say "no" to unreasonable financial demands to protect your financial future and emotional well-being.

3. Maintain Consistency: Use consistent language and responses to reinforce boundaries and ensure your message is clear.

4. Prioritize Financial Health: Prioritizing your retirement and financial goals is essential, even when it requires difficult decisions regarding family members.

5. Seek Support: Engaging with financial advisors or support networks can provide additional strategies and emotional support during this transition.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Darlene's heartfelt plea sheds light on a common but challenging issue faced by many nearing retirement. With compassionate yet firm advice from Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruz, listeners gain valuable insights into managing financial relationships with adult children. The episode emphasizes the importance of setting and maintaining boundaries to ensure personal financial stability and emotional health, especially as one approaches a significant life milestone like retirement.

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Notable Quotes:

• Darlene (00:06): "I want to divorce them. How do I divorce them?"
• Dave Ramsey (03:26): "You have been giving them money for far too long for things that you shouldn't give them money for."
• Rachel Cruz (04:15): "They're enabling the situation for years... would you agree?"
• Dave Ramsey (06:00): "Every time you go and they say it again and you just keep going... they'll get the picture."
• Dave Ramsey (08:15): "Hold the line... you've got this."

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Resources Mentioned

• EveryDollar App:
  "Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life."
  — Dave Ramsey

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This episode serves as a crucial reminder of the delicate balance between supporting family and safeguarding one's financial future. By implementing the strategies discussed, listeners can take proactive steps towards financial independence and healthier familial relationships.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Darlene]

I'm wondering if you can help me figure out how to get rid of a disease that my children have that's called brain and butt syndrome. My husband and I are retiring and we are paying down debt and we're within 180 days of retiring and walking away from 50 years in education. And our 25 year old, 28 year old, 31 year old and 36 year old think that we are called the bank. And I am tired of them wanting to know if they could gladly pay me Tuesday for a hamburger. Today I'm done. And I want to divorce them. How do I divorce them?

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow.

[Rachel Cruz]

Well, are you the bank, Darlene? Have you been saying yes when they've been asking for the stuff?

[Dave Ramsey]

No.

[Darlene]

I am a poor little person with a bachelor's degree who worked my Hiney off for 45 years with my husband to acquire a property. And we have our goals in place. We have a retirement date. We have an IMRF pension date. We have a Social Security date. And a few of the children who seem to have the problem called weed man and gambling synonymous think that they can just keep taking money from us when I'm trying to stock it away and pay down things.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so, Darlene, I love you, by the way. You are, you are a gift to a talk show host. And I want to point that out, but Rachel asked you a very important question that plays into our advice. You listed the 25, 28, 31 and 36 year old. Then there was Mr. Weed Man. And we've got a lot of things going on here. Are all four kids who are adults, by the way. Are they routinely asking you for money? And are you giving them money, yes or no?

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[Dave Ramsey]

Are you giving them money? Yes or no?

[Darlene]

They ask for money so regular that I have the ringtone that comes through is basically okay. That's the sound of money. Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you give Them?

[Rachel Cruz]

Are you giving it to them?

[Dave Ramsey]

Thank you.

[Darlene]

The last few weeks, I've told them, no, I'm broke. I'm so flat broke, I can't even pay attention.

[Dave Ramsey]

What about the weeks before that? How long is this pattern been going on? Let me. Let me put it to a different way, Darlene, because, Darlene, listen to me. We're trying to help you and you're great at the description and you're very frustrated and you should be frustrated. But what we're trying to get to is I'm going to now say something and you can disagree with me. You have been giving them money for far too long for things that you shouldn't give them money for. And now you've had it and you're at the end of your financial rope and your emotional rope. That is a true statement, correct?

[Darlene]

It is.

[Dave Ramsey]

So I'll be cranky guy and tell you that you can't divorce your children. Although I appreciate what you're saying. And. But you can tell them as you have the last two weeks, the gravy train is officially over. It's my fault. But you're going to have to stand strong on this because that you've probably tried to do this over the years and they kept asking and you eventually gave in. And you may not have. But the point is, is that Rachel, she's got to say what she said and now she.

[Rachel Cruz]

Stick to it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Stick to it.

[Rachel Cruz]

Yeah, but Darlene, I mean, a little bit of me is like, well, of course they keep asking you for money because you keep giving it to them. Right. So there's a point that they probably shouldn't. I wish they were adults on their own two feet. But you have been enabling the situation for years, you know, would you agree?

[Darlene]

And I'm over being an enabler and you're done.

[Rachel Cruz]

I hear it. So how was saying no the last, like two weeks or so, how's that been for you?

[Darlene]

For two of them, three of them, it's been great for one. Of course, she had a problem with a car, which we loaned her money for so that she could. And we're still waiting three weeks later for that money. Just like the daycare is waiting for money.

[Dave Ramsey]

You ain't going to get that for their daughter. You're not going to get that money back.

[Darlene]

My husband says we're burned and, you know, we're not getting. We're not getting any Kentucky jelly when we loan out this money and we're over it.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's Kentucky Jelly?

[Darlene]

Ky. Jelly what, dear? Yeah, if you're going in for a gynecological chicken.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right, all right, I got it. I was trying to move on, but I. I was honestly in a state of being stunned. Darlene, you are a gift again to Live Radio. Wow. Now, let me ask you this. As I try to move on, I've tried so hard. James, I think you're saying.

[Rachel Cruz]

I think just saying no.

[Dave Ramsey]

Is the husband. Is your husband in agreement with you? Like he's not going to have a problem taking a stand?

[Darlene]

He is. He feels so burned and so disappointed in the path that we've led our children on with make do, do without, wear it out or without, because that's how they were raised.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, and good for you. So you've answered your own question, Rachel, and I can't give you any tips other than you've got to make it very clear to the kids and come up with a phrase that you say. And let me tell you where I go on this kind of stuff, because if. If one of them keeps coming back to you, I would have the same phrase and I would repeat it over and over again until they realize, oh, mom is actually done.

[Rachel Cruz]

It's actually.

[Dave Ramsey]

So you come up with the phrasing and darling, you're a treat. You need no help coming up with any phrasing, but I come up with one of your classic Darleneisms that you've dropped on us. And it's every time they ask for money, you say it that way.

[Rachel Cruz]

Same thing. Yeah, consistently. Even your answers consistent, not in principle, but in actual verbiage.

[Dave Ramsey]

Literally. That's what I'm saying, Darlene. Every time you go and they say it again and you just keep going, and I think that they'll get the picture.

[Rachel Cruz]

The gravy chain has left. The gravy chain has left.

[Darlene]

I'm thinking I need to probably get one of Dave Ramsey's shirts that says we got food at home, because that's a lot of them. They think my husband and I live on, what, 400amonth for groceries?

[Dave Ramsey]

Do they live with you? Do any of these kids live with you?

[Darlene]

No, but we have a granddaughter who lives with us most of the time that we take care of.

[Dave Ramsey]

Which child's kid is that?

[Darlene]

That's the 25 year old she's married to kind of the weed man, like I said.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, so the 25 year old daughter is married to weed man and their daughter is living with you because they can't or won't take.

[Darlene]

Yep. The one quit her job working and the dad's no Better.

[Rachel Cruz]

Because you know what I feel genuinely.

[Dave Ramsey]

But Darlene, I don't know what Rachel's gonna say about this, so I'm gonna. I'm gonna step out there, Darlene, but I think you gotta send the grandchild back. You're. You are actually repeating this process with the next generation.

[Darlene]

Our grandchild is in the situation where if DCFS walked in and saw the slum of filth that she lives in because she actually went to court before with her mom and her aunt and told her mom at three and a.

[Dave Ramsey]

Half that, all right, I changed my. I changed my opinion. Because if that's what you have to do to protect the child from going into government, I get that. So you know what? That's an extreme situation. But this is it. This is it. You're going to take care of this grandchild because you have to. No one else can or will. And then it cut everybody else off.

[Rachel Cruz]

Yeah. And Darlene. And you know what? And give yourself grace, because I'm sure there's a level of a self critic in there of like, what did we do as parents that, you know, ended up in this? But so give yourself grace in it. But you guys, from a financial standpoint, like you said, you have to draw that strong boundary. And I can't wait to hear Darlene's.

[Dave Ramsey]

I can't either. And Darlene, keep your sense of humor. I think you've got a great sense of humor. It sounds like you and your hubs are going to be okay in retirement, but now it's about you two and whatever responsibilities towards that little one. And keep your chin up, hold the line, don't give in, keep those quips coming, and just press through this thing. I'm so sorry for you, but you've got this. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.