I Want To Help My Ex-Girlfriend With Her Debt

Summary

Summary of "I Want To Help My Ex-Girlfriend With Her Debt" Episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights

Release Date: March 13, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network
Duration: Under Ten Minutes

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In the episode titled "I Want To Help My Ex-Girlfriend With Her Debt," listeners are presented with a real-life financial dilemma faced by an individual seeking guidance on managing personal debt while contemplating assisting an ex-partner burdened with significant credit card debt. The hosts delve into strategies for debt management, emotional considerations in financial decision-making, and the practical application of Dave Ramsey's renowned "Baby Steps" towards achieving financial peace.

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1. Listener's Financial Predicament

Timestamp: [00:06] - [01:16]

The episode opens with a listener, referred to as B, reaching out with a complex financial situation:

• Car Loan: $33,000 at a staggering 30% interest rate.
• Back Taxes: $9,000 owed.
• Credit Card Debt: $5,000.
• Ex-Girlfriend's Debt: $50,000 in credit card debt that B wishes to help repay.

Notable Quote:

B [00:06]: "I have a 30% interest rate on a $33,000 car loan. I have 9k in back taxes owed, 5k in credit card debt. [...] my ex girlfriend has 50k in credit card debt that I kind of want to help her out with."

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2. Emotional Underpinnings and Guilt

Timestamp: [01:16] - [02:23]

Co-hosts A and C engage with B to unpack the emotional layers influencing his financial decisions. They identify signs of lingering feelings and guilt over the end of a six-year relationship, which may be impacting his desire to alleviate his ex-girlfriend's debt.

Notable Quotes:

C [02:21]: "Do you want to know what I think? [...] it sounds like you're still recovering from this."

A [02:06]: "He's dealing with guilt."

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3. Clarifying Financial Responsibilities

Timestamp: [02:23] - [03:36]

C probes into the nature of B's financial entanglements with his ex-girlfriend, questioning the extent to which their finances were interwoven during their relationship. This scrutiny reveals that certain expenses, like car insurance, were managed through shared credit cards, adding complexity to B's current financial obligations.

Notable Quote:

C [02:05]: "You might feel some guilt. [...] I would not feel any obligation to pay 50k [...]"

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4. Introduction to the Baby Steps Strategy

Timestamp: [04:07] - [05:21]

Understanding B's predicament, C introduces Dave Ramsey's "Baby Steps," emphasizing the sequential approach to financial recovery. The focus is on building a foundational emergency fund before aggressively tackling debts.

Notable Quote:

C [04:07]: "The first step is you get $1,000 saved. [...] then the next, whatever money you had left over is going to go to baby step two, which is you paying off all of your debt except your mortgage."

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5. Building Financial Foundations

Timestamp: [05:21] - [07:08]

The hosts elaborate on the initial baby steps:

• Baby Step 1: Save a $1,000 emergency fund.
• Baby Step 2: Utilize the debt snowball method to eliminate all consumer debt.
• Baby Step 3: Expand the emergency fund to cover three to six months of expenses.

They stress the importance of adhering to the order of steps to ensure financial stability and effective debt management.

Notable Quote:

C [05:21]: "You do them consecutively and in order. That's the first thing."

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6. Addressing the High-Interest Car Loan

Timestamp: [07:08] - [08:33]

A critical part of B's financial strain stems from his 30% interest car loan. The hosts express concern over the unsustainable interest rate and advise immediate action to mitigate this burden.

Notable Quotes:

C [08:01]: "That's painful. Yeah, you got to get out today."

A [08:10]: "He’s paying 30% on this car."

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7. Strategic Recommendations for Debt Elimination

Timestamp: [08:33] - [09:12]

C proposes a pragmatic plan for B:

1. Eliminate the Car Loan: Use available income to pay off the high-interest car loan swiftly.
2. Secure a More Affordable Vehicle: Purchase a less expensive car with cash to prevent future debt accumulation.
3. Rebuild Financial Stability: Once debts are cleared, focus on saving and possibly reacquiring the desired vehicle without financing.

Notable Quote:

C [08:54]: "Apply that 9200 to get out of debt. [...] buy something cheap in cash. It's only temporary."

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8. Emphasizing Personal Financial Health Over Altruism in Debt

Timestamp: [09:12] - End

The episode concludes by reinforcing the principle that financial stability should take precedence over extending financial aid to others, especially when one's own debts are substantial. The hosts encourage listeners to prioritize their financial well-being before considering assistance to ex-partners or others.

Notable Quote:

A [09:12]: "Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life."

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Key Takeaways

• Prioritize Personal Debt: Address and eliminate high-interest debts before assisting others.
• Follow a Structured Plan: Utilize Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps to systematically achieve financial peace.
• Emotional Well-being Matters: Recognize and manage the emotional factors influencing financial decisions.
• Make Informed Financial Choices: Ensure that decisions like car purchases align with long-term financial goals and stability.

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This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between financial responsibility and the desire to support loved ones. By adhering to disciplined financial strategies, individuals can navigate personal debts while making informed choices about helping others.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[B]

Hey, guys. So I wanted to know if you would honestly recommend that I start with a $1,000 a month emergency fund and why, after kind of reading you off some stats here. I have a 30% interest rate on a $33,000 car loan. I have 9k in back taxes, owed, 5k in credit card debt. Nothing. My ex girlfriend has 50k in credit card debt that I kind of want to help her out with.

[C]

Your ex girlfriend?

[B]

Unfortunately, yeah.

[C]

And you want to help her with the debt?

[A]

Yeah. Wow.

[C]

Sorry. I just. That really nice guy.

[A]

I'd like to know more.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are we doing this?

[B]

Well, you know, she's. It was a six year relationship. I lost her last Q4. I was pushing myself too hard. Finally burnt out after. After about 10 years of extremely hard work. And I just feel responsible for a lot that. I'm sure some of it's mine. I'm sure a good bit of it might be mine.

[C]

You used her card? You used her card sometimes?

[B]

Well, we were together, you know, like it was a. Like she would help out with, like. I. I don't know. I think someone. I think my car insurance, for example, is on the credit card. Things like this. Right?

[A]

Think so. You don't even know. Listen, how does that change your opinion? Does it change your opinion?

[C]

I'm gonna say something really controversial right now.

[A]

Oh, I'm very excited.

[C]

She probably rode in your car lots of times. Does she need to help you pay off your car? You know what I'm saying? Like, you probably. She may, you know, your credit card debt, you may have paid for some things for her. I think. I think what it sounded like. I don't know, but it sounded. You said she got away. It sounds like you're still recovering from this.

[A]

He's dealing with guilt.

[C]

You still care for her. You might feel some guilt. Obviously you still care for her. But I would. I would not feel any obligation to pay 50k to an example. Is she asking for money?

[B]

Not. Well, not really, no.

[C]

Do you want to know what I think? Do you want to know what I might think as your older sister who cares for you? This is like when you go on a date with somebody. I think this was from Seinfeld. And he would leave something in her apartment on purpose so he would have a reason to come back and knock on the door.

[A]

Brilliant move.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I feel like this is a reason for you to come back and knock on the door.

[B]

Yeah, well, I love her. I mean, oh, and you're not.

[A]

You're not. You're not ready to let go.

[C]

If you could dedicate a song to her right now, what would you dedicate?

[A]

Oh, great question, Sam. Take this seriously. What is it?

[B]

Take this. Well, so listen, there's too many to count. I'm writing. I'm writing letters about every day.

[C]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

To her situation. Look, I know that's the biggest debt, but this 30. This 30% interest rate on this $33,000 car loan is really bugging me. I didn't know what that meant when I signed the contract. I thought it meant 30% of the car's value in total. I didn't know that that was like appreciating. Yeah, I didn't know that that was. Every year it goes 30%.

[C]

I thought you said 3% when you first said it. It's 30%.

[B]

It's 30%, and it's. It's an Italian car.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Right down.

[A]

I'm sick to my stomach. For you, Sam.

[B]

You.

[A]

You have to take. Oh, my goodness. What's the snowball? Where are we at on the snowball? Did we get there?

[C]

No, because your initial question. I'm sorry, I got hung up on your. Your love situation. The initial question was, do I really want him to go down to $1,000 of an emergency fund? Yeah.

[B]

How do I start? Or where do I start here, guys?

[C]

Yeah. That is where to start. So let me just go through the baby steps with you right quick, Sam, just so you see how this all fits. And how long have you been listening to the show? Are you a new listener?

[B]

I'm a new. I'm a new listener. Yeah. You guys are on. On my YouTube shorts.

[C]

Okay, so you only get bits and pieces on that. Thanks for watching. But you only get bits and pieces. So the first step. This is seven baby steps for you to achieve financial peace is what we're talking about. So you do them. All of that. I'm saying you do them consecutively in order. That's the first thing. You got to do them in order. If you jump around, it won't work, and you'll be wasting your time. The first step is you get $1,000 saved. So if you don't have any money saved, you got to go out, work, sell stuff, and get it done. If you do have money saved, you drop it down to thousand dollars. And then the next, whatever money you had left over is going to go to baby step two, which is you paying off all of your debt except your mortgage. This is all the consumer debt. Okay. And you do this using the debt snowball method. Debt snowball is we list all the debts, smallest to largest. You pay minimum payments on everything, and then any extra money goes to the smallest debt. Does that make sense?

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Okay. After that, now we stack up that emergency fund. Three to six months of expenses is what we're looking for. You get to decide is it three, four, five, or six after that.

[B]

So number three is three or $4,000 a month in expenses.

[C]

Three to six months of basic living expenses.

[A]

So just for round numbers, let's say. Let's say you're a number. Let's say you had $5,000 worth of expenses every month. What we're saying is, is that's three months is 15,000, six months is 30,000. You tracking?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

All right. So that's what we mean by an emergency fund. We give you the kind of the. We say three months is a minimum. So that'd be 15,000 on this example. That's what she's talking about.

[C]

That's right. And it's it for baby step three. It's really about your basic budget. It's not three to six months of paychecks necessarily. It's what it takes to make your house go on a basic level. Okay. Baby step three B. It's B. Because it's not the case for everybody, is if you're looking to buy a house now is when we start saving up a down payment for the house. Okay. After that, you go to baby step 4. You could do 3B and 4 at the same time if you want to. You're putting 15% of your gross income into retirement funds. So that's your 401k Roth IRA, that sort of thing. Then after that, if you have kids, you're planning for kids, you can put an amount of your discretion towards kids college. We say a 529 or an ESA is where you would do that. And then finally baby step six, if you have extra money in your budget, again, at your discretion, you're throwing extra money towards paying off your house early. Most people who do that pay off their house in like 10, 12 years. So that's. And then finally baby step seven, you just live like no one else. You give, you're a happy person and you got no cares. Right? So that's kind of the big cars with cash.

[A]

Hey, okay, but like, can we talk about. I'm dying right now. You did such a good job. Can we talk about this man's car?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell us what's the car worth?

[C]

Paint us a picture.

[B]

Oh, man, the car is like 21k. I bought it for a very. I think Dave will appreciate this. I so, like, I'm 29. I. I have a online business and I bought an Alpha Romeo because it was the coolest car you could get under 30k.

[A]

Love. How much did you pay for it?

[B]

Yeah, so all in taxes. I had no down payment. About 33,000. So that's the loan I'm paying off.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Like, yeah, extra.

[A]

So it's worth 21.

[B]

I think I can get a little more for it. I think I might be able to get like 24 or 26 if I'm luck.

[A]

I mean, you gotta. You. I think you got to sell this car right now at 30% interest rate. Jade, I know that's extreme, but he said it's 3%.

[C]

3%?

[A]

I thought he said 30.

[C]

Is it?

[B]

No, it's 30. It's 30.

[A]

You asked that twice and he said 30. Oh, I t. I r t one.

[C]

Listen, I just turned 41 in my old age. I can't hear.

[A]

He's paying 30% on this car.

[C]

That's painful. Yeah, you got to get out today.

[A]

Like, you got to sell it.

[C]

Do you have any money saved?

[B]

No. I can get some money this month, though. I mean, the income's good.

[C]

Yeah, you gotta find. You gotta find at least $10,000 so you can get out of this and get yourself a little beater car to drive around until you can save up for a better one. So.

[B]

Yeah, but is that. Is that. You know, here's the reason I bought this car. It was the coolest car under 30k. And what do you make?

[A]

Matter how cool it is, what do you make?

[B]

Well, I'm $99,200 a month consistently for two years. Last Q4, I was paying myself about 14k a month. Really going overboard with the whiskey and the oyster.

[C]

Here's what I want you to do. Listen, what a life. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to apply that 9200 to get out of debt. I want you to quickly save up what you can to get out of this car. Buy something cheap in cash. It's only temporary. You're going to be out of debt in a year and then you're going to save up and you're going to buy the same car in cash.

[A]

Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.