"If You Were Her Dad You'd Tell Her Not To Do This"

Summary

Podcast Summary: "If You Were Her Dad You'd Tell Her Not To Do This"

The Ramsey Show Highlights, hosted by the Ramsey Network, delves into practical advice on life and money in under ten minutes. In the episode titled "If You Were Her Dad You'd Tell Her Not To Do This," released on March 10, 2025, host Dave Ramsey addresses a caller's dilemma about moving in with his girlfriend and the financial implications of such a decision. The conversation also includes insights from co-host Joe, providing a comprehensive discussion on relationships, financial responsibility, and the importance of commitment.

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1. Caller’s Dilemma: Moving In Together

The episode begins with a caller reaching out to seek advice on whether he should cover the bills if he decides to move in with his girlfriend. The caller provides context about his relationship:

• Caller’s Situation:
  • Both individuals are 19 years old.
  • The caller works out of state in Cleveland, Ohio.
  • His girlfriend works in cosmetology, a clientele-based job, and would have minimal business in Cleveland.
  • The caller earns enough to support both financially.

Notable Quote:

Caller (00:24): "I'm moving out of state to Cleveland, Ohio. She's going to be moving with me and her work is very clientele based, so she won't be having practically zero business out there."

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2. Dave Ramsey’s Initial Response: Economic Vulnerability

Dave Ramsey immediately questions the age and future commitment of the couple, emphasizing the potential economic vulnerability the girlfriend would face by moving in without a stable income in a new city.

Notable Quote:

Dave Ramsey (01:05): "She's going to give up her life and follow you and you're not even going to marry her?"

Ramsey highlights the risks associated with cohabitation without legal commitment, pointing out that the girlfriend would become economically dependent on the caller, which could lead to anxiety and strain the relationship.

Notable Quote:

Dave Ramsey (01:26): "She's vulnerable and it's not wise for her. And that vulnerability, that anxiety that goes with that is going to affect your relationship."

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3. The Importance of Marriage in Securing Relationships

Ramsey advocates for marriage as a means to solidify the relationship and provide legal and emotional security for both parties. He explains how marriage legally binds individuals to support each other, reducing vulnerabilities and fostering a healthier long-term relationship.

Notable Quote:

Dave Ramsey (02:50): "If you're gonna do that, you know, that's when you get married. Not moving in together is. She's. You would have to pay the bills because she has no money is the answer to your original question, isn't it?"

Ramsey further elaborates on the "marriage advantage," citing data that married couples typically exceed unmarried cohabiting couples in financial goals and wealth building.

Notable Quote:

Dave Ramsey (04:08): "Now, the data is undeniable. Married couples far exceed in wealth building to unmarried couples living together far exceed."

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4. Joe’s Perspective: Emphasizing Maturity and Long-Distance Relationships

Joe steps in to provide an alternative viewpoint, reinforcing the idea that moving in together at such a young age without solid commitment is unwise. He suggests that the couple should consider a long-distance relationship to determine if they are truly ready for lifelong commitment.

Notable Quote:

Joe (04:50): "I think this is crazy. I'd want you to prove to me as this girl's father that you're willing to be mature and put you two in in front of your desire."

Joe also recommends that the girlfriend might take up employment in Cleveland to supplement the caller's income, thereby reducing economic dependency.

Notable Quote:

Joe (05:01): "This is not this all in scenario, Dave. I don't like it. I think it's foolish."

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5. Statistical Evidence and Final Advice

Dave Ramsey concludes by reinforcing the statistical evidence supporting the benefits of marriage over cohabitation. He emphasizes that marriage not only fosters financial stability but also provides legal protections that cohabitation cannot guarantee.

Notable Quote:

Dave Ramsey (05:23): "But the data is undeniable. Married couples far exceed in wealth building to unmarried couples living together far exceed."

Ramsey encourages listeners to consider marriage as a foundational step in securing both their financial and emotional futures.

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Conclusion

In this episode, Dave Ramsey and Joe provide critical insights into the complexities of young relationships, particularly focusing on the financial and emotional implications of moving in together without marriage. Their advice underscores the importance of commitment, legal protection, and financial responsibility in building a stable and prosperous relationship. By advocating for marriage over cohabitation, they aim to guide listeners towards making informed decisions that safeguard their future.

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For more practical advice on budgeting and financial management, visit the EveryDollar app as mentioned by Dave Ramsey.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller]

Hey, so I'm calling. I'm curious. So me and my girlfriend are going to be moving in together and I'm curious whether I should be covering the bills or not.

[Joe]

No.

[Caller]

All right. Are you ready for some context?

[Joe]

I was waiting on Dave on that one. That's why I got out front.

[Dave Ramsey]

What's the context? Yeah.

[Caller]

So I'm from Salt Lake City. She's from Salt Lake City. I work out of state, so I'm moving out of state to Cleveland, Ohio. She's going to be moving with me and her work is very clientele based, so she won't be having. She will have practically zero business out there. And I make more than enough to provide for both of us. And so.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old is she?

[Caller]

Not necessarily that I need to. Sorry, say it again.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old is she?

[Caller]

We are both 19 years old.

[Dave Ramsey]

What does she do for a living?

[Caller]

Cosmetology. Does hair.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so she's going to give up her life and follow you and you're not even going to marry her?

[Caller]

I will. I will. Sort of.

[Dave Ramsey]

Well, go ahead.

[Caller]

Like a year.

[Dave Ramsey]

Go ahead. Then if you were her dad, you'd tell her not to do this.

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean, or maybe. No, I think I'm a good guy.

[Dave Ramsey]

I didn't think you're a bad guy. I just said marry the girl. Put a ring on it, buddy. That's all I said. Because I'm telling you, she's in danger. Not physically, not emotionally. You're not a bad guy. But she is very vulnerable economically because she's become dependent on a 19 year old that she's not married to in another city where she has no connections and no family and she has no income. She's vulnerable and it's not wise for her. And that vulnerability, that anxiety that goes with that is going to affect your relationship. And you guys don't see that. You just are young and in love and you think this is all going to work as long as the sex is good.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Joe]

I mean, why a year from now? Hold on, let's play out your thing. You told Dave. Well, we're going to a year from now. So what's going to change between now and then for you to marry her instead of now, a year from now? What changes?

[Caller]

So I work, like, I just work in the summer months and. And so I'm. Look, I'm like waiting to get back from working for the year and being able to like actually have open time where then I Could devote like majority of my energy, a majority of like what I need to emotionally to a relationship.

[Joe]

This is a disaster.

[Dave Ramsey]

Hey, listen, if you're gonna do that, you know, that's when you get married. Not and moving in together is. She's. You would have to pay the bills because she has no money is the answer to your original question, isn't it?

[Caller]

Yeah. I mean and she could get like a basic job, but yeah, but I.

[Dave Ramsey]

Mean she can't, she can't exist. She can't subsist if she follows this along without you. So she's trapped. That's what I'm telling you economically. And your brain knows the math and your body stores the stress from your brain and she can't keep that from happening. It's going to affect your relationship negatively. So if you're going to go do this, just call the preacher and say hey, where you want to get married before we move over there? It will change the environment because then she knows you're legally bound to care for her. She's legally bound to care for you because you're legally don't own anything separately anymore because you're now what we call married. And so that's going to be healthier for her emotionally, for your relationship long term. And it will change everything. And if you're not able to commit to that emotionally, you should not put her in this state of vulnerability because you're a good guy and you wouldn't do that.

[Joe]

I'm going to take another tack here real quick. I think that you need to tell her it's a really bad idea and you see seen the light. And you guys need to figure out if you really do want to spend the rest of your life together, not play house. I would actually go and she stays back home. You guys figure out if you can do a long distance relationship before you do this nonsense. If I was this girl's father, I'd be in your grill, man. That may not be popular, but I really don't care. I think this is crazy. I'd want you to prove to me as this girl's father that you're willing to be mature and put you two in in front of your desire. I think that's what I would do and see if she's willing to do it. See if you're willing to do the long distance relationship. And while I'm ranting when it's time, if you guys prove that you can do this, she can come visit for a little bit and get a job. I'm pretty sure. They have plenty of hairdressers that need somebody to cut hair in Cleveland.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Joe]

So this is not this all in scenario, Dave. I don't like it. I think it's foolish.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, Joe, that. I mean, you called nascar. We're being pretty brutal with you and messing up your plan. But. But that's. You know, what we're thinking, like here is, like, her old ugly uncle, because I pretty much qualify for all of that.

[Joe]

I think I'm handsome.

[Dave Ramsey]

But I said we. Me.

[Caller]

But.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, but the. But I'm saying, you know, what would you do? And you said, I wouldn't. When I asked you, would you want your daughter to do this, you said, no, wouldn't. So you need to think about how you answered that, because you answered that honestly. And I do think you're a good guy. I'm not questioning your integrity or your intent or anything, and I'm not saying you're a substandard person in any way, but there's implications to what you're doing that you don't know about or haven't thought through. And then I'll just stop a second and say that for the rest of you out there, because today in America, more couples live together, not married than married statistically. Now, for those of you that grew up with Leave it to Beaver, in an alternative universe that's shocking to you, more people live together not married than married. The downside is that the data is now in. We see the data and we track the data. It's our world. And the data says that married couples far exceed unmarried couples living together in their financial goals and wealth building far exceed. The researchers call it the marriage advantage. And it's probably deeper than just combining of the two incomes and that kind of a thing. Our theory is. And we've not been able to research this and prove it, but you can just listen with me and think about it, guys. But our theory is simply this, that when both of you are permanently promised to each other's future with a contract called marriage, it causes a differentiation in your behaviors versus I've got to always have an out. I've always have an exit. I got to always have a. What happens if he moves out? What happens if he leaves me with these two kids? What happens if. You know all those kinds of things that can happen in marriage. It's called divorce. But you get this thing called child support, alimony, and half the assets. You don't get that when you're cohabitating, even with a cohabitation contract. They don't stand up in most states to the level that marriage does. So we can discuss how it gets there, but the data is undeniable. Married couples far exceed in wealth building to unmarried couples living together far exceed. And you can just look at it through the wealth building lens or you can look at it through other lenses, but that's the one that I've got data on. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.