I'm 22 and Scared To Tell My Parents I Messed Up

Summary

Podcast Summary: “I’m 22 and Scared To Tell My Parents I Messed Up”

Podcast Information:

• Title: The Ramsey Show Highlights
• Host/Author: Ramsey Network
• Description: The Ramsey Show Highlights offers a concise, daily dose of life and money advice in under ten minutes. Featuring experts like Dave Ramsey, Ken Coleman, Rachel Cruze, Dr. John Delony, George Kamel, and Jade Warshaw, it delivers insightful content seven days a week.
• Episode: I’m 22 and Scared To Tell My Parents I Messed Up
• Release Date: February 19, 2025

---

1. Listener’s Dilemma: Mikaela’s Financial Struggles and Concerns

Timestamp [00:06] Mikaela, a 22-year-old nearing her 23rd birthday, reaches out with a pressing financial and emotional concern. She shares her journey of eliminating $30,000 in debt from 2021 to 2024, having successfully paid off approximately $7,000 to $8,000 so far this year. Despite her progress, Mikaela has kept her financial struggles hidden from her parents, leading to anxiety about revealing her situation.

Key Points:

• Debt Elimination: Mikaela successfully reduced her debt from over $37,000 to around $30,000.
• Family Dynamics: She lives with her mother and grandmother, while her supportive father resides separately and is willing to offer financial assistance if needed.
• Emotional Toll: Balancing two jobs and caring for her grandmother with Alzheimer’s has left Mikaela feeling exhausted and concerned about her relationships with her parents.

Notable Quote:

“I’ve been taking care of it since September of last year to now, which originally was 37,000 plus, but since then I’ve taken care of about seven to eight grand of it so far.”
— Mikaela [00:21]

---

2. Root Causes of Financial Strain

Timestamp [01:55] Mikaela opens up about the origins of her debt, revealing that during a relationship, she and her ex-partner set up a joint account. Her ex disproportionately withdrew funds, leaving Mikaela to manage the bulk of the financial responsibilities while working over 60 hours a week. This lack of transparency and communication contributed significantly to her financial predicament.

Key Points:

• Joint Account Mismanagement: Her ex-partner’s irresponsible spending exacerbated Mikaela’s debt.
• Overwork: Managing extensive work hours without adequate support intensified her financial and personal stress.
• Personal Accountability: Mikaela acknowledges her role in the mismanagement, describing her actions as “stupid” and expressing regret over her decisions.

Notable Quote:

“I was really stupid, essentially.”
— Mikaela [02:46]

---

3. Striving for Honest Communication with Parents

Timestamp [03:07] Mikaela emphasizes her desire to transition from a child-parent relationship to a more mature, adult relationship with her mother. She seeks to be open and honest about her financial struggles to foster better understanding and support. Additionally, Mikaela is motivated by her mother’s visible concern over her exhaustion from physical labor jobs and the ongoing care she provides for her grandmother.

Key Points:

• Desire for Transparency: Mikaela wants to share her financial challenges to enhance her relationship with her parents.
• Parental Concerns: Her mother has observed Mikaela’s fatigue and worries about the family’s well-being, especially in the context of political uncertainties.
• Emotional Well-being: The strain of juggling multiple responsibilities has led Mikaela to seek emotional and practical support from her family.

Notable Quote:

“One of my biggest goals for this year is to be more open and honest with the people in my life, my loved ones, my parents.”
— Mikaela [03:07]

---

4. Expert Advice and Emotional Support

Timestamps [04:09] – [09:16] Rachel Cruze and Jade Warshaw offer compassionate and practical advice to Mikaela. They encourage her to communicate her financial situation without feeling ashamed, emphasizing that debt is a common issue and not a moral failing. Rachel highlights the importance of sharing the reasons behind her hard work to provide context without delving into every financial detail. Jade reinforces the message, suggesting that Mikaela doesn’t need to let her parents’ fears dictate her decisions and that embracing her independence is crucial.

Key Points:

• Open Communication: Encouraging Mikaela to discuss her debt openly to foster understanding and support.
• Emotional Relief: Addressing feelings of guilt and shame, reassuring Mikaela that her mistakes do not define her worth.
• Personal Empowerment: Emphasizing Mikaela’s autonomy in making financial decisions despite her parents’ concerns.
• Support Systems: Highlighting the importance of having someone to share financial burdens with, without necessarily sharing every detail.

Notable Quotes:

“Debt is not a sin. It’s not a salvation issue. You made some mistakes.”
— Rachel Cruze [06:00]

“Just because my mom goes one way, I don’t have to go that way either.”
— Rachel Cruze [06:45]

“You may have made mistakes with your money, but you are not a mistake. You are not a problem.”
— Jade Warshaw [08:27]

---

5. Overcoming Emotional Barriers and Moving Forward

Timestamp [08:27] – [09:16] The conversation delves deeper into the emotional impact of financial mistakes. Jade emphasizes that while guilt and shame are natural responses, they should not immobilize Mikaela. Instead, acknowledging and processing these emotions is essential for personal growth and financial recovery. Rachel wraps up by reinforcing the message that Mikaela’s past does not determine her future, encouraging her to find freedom and opportunity beyond her current struggles.

Key Points:

• Emotional Processing: Encouraging Mikaela to navigate her emotions without letting them hinder her progress.
• Self-Worth: Reminding Mikaela that her financial mistakes do not diminish her value as a person.
• Future Focus: Urging Mikaela to look beyond her past and embrace the opportunities ahead.

Notable Quote:

“Your past mistakes don’t define who you are. So know that there’s freedom in it and opportunity ahead.”
— Rachel Cruze [09:16]

---

Conclusion: Empowerment and Encouragement

In this heartfelt episode, Mikaela’s story serves as a relatable narrative for young adults grappling with financial mistakes and the fear of disclosing them to family. Rachel Cruze and Jade Warshaw provide a balanced mix of practical financial advice and emotional support, underscoring the importance of honesty, self-worth, and resilience. The episode ultimately empowers listeners to face their financial challenges with courage and seek supportive relationships that foster growth and understanding.

Final Takeaway: Facing financial difficulties is daunting, especially when it involves family dynamics. However, openness and seeking support are crucial steps toward financial and emotional healing. Mikaela’s journey illustrates that everyone makes mistakes, but with the right mindset and support system, overcoming them is entirely possible.

---

Additional Resource Mentioned:

• EveryDollar App: As introduced by Rachel Cruze at [00:02], the EveryDollar app is recommended for budgeting and financial management.

---

This summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and emotional undertones of the episode, providing a comprehensive overview for those who haven’t listened.

Transcript

[Rachel]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Mikaela]

So I have a kind of indirect financial question, if you will. Not necessarily about my finances, but a conversation I would like to have about finances and my family.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Mikaela]

So just a little bit about my situation. I am 22 years old. I'll be turning 23 on Sunday this upcoming week.

[Rachel]

Oh, happy early birthday.

[Mikaela]

Thank you. From 2021 to 2024 is when I cured all of my debt to around $30,000.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Mikaela]

And so my question is, I would like to. I've been taking care of it since September of last year to now, which originally was 37,000 plus, but since then I've taken care of about seven to eight grand of it so far.

[Rachel]

Good for you that.

[Mikaela]

Thank you. My concern though, is that while I cured this debt, neither of my parents know anything about it or about my financial situation.

[Rachel]

Do they support you financially in any way?

[Mikaela]

So, yes and no. My father, he doesn't live with us, but he is supportive of me. If I were to need some financial situation or some financial help, he would. And I live with my mother and my grandmother, but considering how much I make, I make enough where I think I'm okay enough without asking for help.

[Rachel]

Yes.

[Jade]

What caused you to go into the debt? If you were in this or were you not in this living situation before? Either way, what caused you to go into the debt?

[Mikaela]

I. Before. If you were to ask me that question, I would have made up a lot of excuses. But I'm. I've worked on it enough and made enough accountability to say myself. Come 2021, I had kind of moved out from my mother's house and lived with my ex. And so it was through some immature purchases on my end. In his end, I had set up a joint account for the both of us. And so he was taking out most of the money between how much we were both earning and I was the more so the breadwinner compared to what he was making. And I was. I was okay with it. I would have just liked a heads up because I was working about maybe 60 plus hours a week.

[Rachel]

So he was using. He was using your.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

He was using your money plus going into debt under your name?

[Mikaela]

Yeah. Wow. I was. I was really stupid, essentially.

[Rachel]

Mikaela, you're.

[Jade]

Listen, we all make mistakes. Yeah. Mistakes are research.

[Rachel]

Yeah, it was just. I was just trying to. More of a clarifying question, making sure I understood the situation. Okay. So my next question is, why do your parents need to know?

[Mikaela]

Well, the reason why is because My mom and I have been talking a lot more, and one of my biggest goals for this year is to be more open and honest with the people in my life, my loved ones, my parents. And I want more instead of like a child mother relationship, since I am getting older, I want more of an adult relationship with my mom. The other two really big concerns are since I worked these two jobs, my mom has been open about, like, what she sees in me and how they're both physical labor jobs. And so she says how exhausted I look and how tired I look. And the other part is our grandmother lives with us, but she has Alzheimer's. And so on top of working two jobs, I try to help my mom as much as I can with my grandmother.

[Jade]

So are you saying that they're wondering, Are you saying that you kind of want to give them some context as to why you're working so hard at the jobs you're doing? Is that what you're saying?

[Mikaela]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Okay, so why don't you tell them?

[Mikaela]

I'm sorry. The other big thing was with everything going on politically, my mom has made it quite known to me how concerned she is about me and my family's well being. And she has said consistently on numerous occasions, if things were to go from push to shove, she would like for us to leave the country.

[Jade]

Okay, cool.

[Mikaela]

With us. With her bringing that up continuously. Having some experiences already.

[Jade]

Are you guys from. Do you have a non US background? Is that what you're saying? Are you concerned about immigration? Is that what you're saying?

[Mikaela]

No. When you say forcefully, the country, American.

[Jade]

Okay. Oh, I. I hear you. Okay, enough said. Here's what I'm thinking. Here's what I'm thinking. I get what you were saying earlier. You're talking about a lot of different things. So let's talk about first, the financial side of things. A. If you want to give somebody context without giving them a ton of details, that's fine. You can say, listen, I've got some debt I'm trying to pay off. That's why I'm working so hard. If you don't want to tell them the whole 30,000. Hold on.

[Rachel]

You want me here? Do you want some more?

[Jade]

I've got water.

[Rachel]

Sorry, guys, I'll take over for a second.

[Jade]

Thank you.

[Rachel]

Go ahead, give me a. Give me a wave, Jade. Because she's got some good stuff to say. Yeah, so. So echoing on what she's saying is that you can have a deep relationship with someone and, and, and be able to, to kind of share what you're going through of, like, the struggle of, like, oh, yeah, you know, I do have some debt I'm trying to pay off. That's why I'm putting in these hours. Um, and this is the why behind it. And I do agree you don't need to walk alone when it comes to your money. So having somebody in your life that has context and knows what's going on, I think is important. It doesn't have to be your parents, and I wouldn't say your parents have to know every detail of your life in order to have a. A close and great relationship. But if you want that peer to peer mentality too, Michaela, you are your own person as well. And so if your mom, you know, has, you know, and maybe you share in her fears or not, I don't know. But she can have her own, you know, set mindset of, you know, what's going to happen for her future or what she thinks may have to happen. But also, Michaela, you know, you're 22 years old, and so you get to make some decisions and decide for yourself, hey, here's, you know, here's the reality of my life, too. And just because my mom goes one way, I don't have to go that way either. Unless you do think that. Right. And you may have context in that, which is totally fine. But I do think you are your own standing person at 22. Your parents don't need to know these things. But I understand opening up and wanting them into what's going on with your life, I think is great. And if you want to tell them the number, tell them the number. Like you didn't, you know, we always say, like, debt is not a sin. It's not a salvation issue. You know, it wasn't some, like, big moral failure. Yeah, yeah, you made some mistakes. You look back, and I was stupid with my ex. Why did I do that? But listen, we all make mistakes. Like, like things happen in life, Michaela. So you're 22. Do not beat yourself up about it.

[Jade]

I couldn't have said it better myself. Rachel said it while I was in a coughing fit, and she covered it last week.

[Rachel]

You could probably have a lot better. More to. Some more to add.

[Jade]

That was it. She covered it. That's exactly it. I won't repeat it, but I think, Michaela, you know what you have to do. And just listen. Above all, don't be influenced by somebody else's fears. Like, if they have fears and concerns, they're. They're. They're able to have those Everybody gets to have the emotional train that they want to have. And if you feel the same way, fine. But don't let it. If you don't, don't let that fear kind of lock you into something you should or shouldn't be doing with your money.

[Mikaela]

Okay. I. Thank you. Thank you, truly. I. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm really trying not to cry.

[Jade]

That's all right.

[Rachel]

What. What is it? What's what? What is making you want to cry?

[Mikaela]

I don't think I would cry.

[Jade]

That's okay.

[Mikaela]

My dad are really big people in my life, and I really, really look up to them. We're not. We're not super rich, but I get. I get my really hard work ethic from them. And so they taught me what I know about finances. And I feel really, really dumb getting where I am now.

[Jade]

I see you feel guilty, disappointed in.

[Mikaela]

Me with where I am. Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

[Jade]

No. That. What you're talking about is so real. Like the guilt that we feel over previous mistakes that we've made with our money, the guilt that we feel having not met expectations that we feel were put on us or maybe that we've put on ourselves. What you're talking about, Michaela, is such a real thing. And a lot of times when we think about getting our money under control, we kind of think it's just this light switch that we flip. All right, I'm getting on a plan. That's it. And I just do it. And I feel nothing until it's over. And that is simply not tr. You go through a wide range of emotions, and guilt and shame is one of them. But I want to tell you, Mikayla, you may have made mistakes with your money, but you are not a mistake. Okay? You are not a problem. A problem. You are not a burden. It was just something you went and you went through it and let those emotions go through you. Okay? It's when you get stuck in them that they become a problem.

[Rachel]

Yes. Yeah. It does not define who you are. Your past mistakes don't define who you are, Michaela. So know that there's freedom in it and opportunity ahead. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.