John (1:48)

Okay. The way you said that, I could have heard it wrong, but the way you said it, it sounded like, I'm going to buy a home. There was no we.

Aaron (1:58)

Yes, I have quite a bit more money than he does and he has $180,000 in medical debt.

John (2:08)

Okay.

Aaron (2:10)

Now, the thing is, it was a botched surgery. We had proof the surgery was botched. I'm trying really hard to get him to sue the hospital for malpractice because my thought is, in all likelihood they will just drop the debt and we can each go on our merry way.

John (2:35)

Well, let me ask you this. Did you combine finances with your first husband?

Aaron (2:40)

Yes. We shared everything.

John (2:42)

So I'm going to guess here, the only thing that's giving you pause, which would create this urgency to call us today and say, hey, should I. Is this $180,000 in medical debt?

Aaron (2:55)

Yes, because otherwise he's very responsible financially. Except for the medical debt and his mortgage, he lives debt free. He does not use credit cards. He pays cash for everything.

John (3:07)

Are you guys planning to live in this house that you buy?

Aaron (3:10)

Yes.

John (3:11)

Okay, John, I, I, this is, I feel like, this is in your lane here. This is not a money thing.

Dawn (3:17)

Okay, Aaron, how much it is kind of. Aaron, how honest can I be with you? Can I be direct since we're best friends now?

Aaron (3:27)

Oh, yes.

John (3:28)

He says that to everybody.

Dawn (3:29)

I do. I do. I don't have any best friends, so I try to pick them up from show callers. Here's the deal I want. I guess I wouldn't have a job if old flames who re reconnected on social media told each other 100% of the truth. And so what I hear a lot of is, oh, yeah, no, I know he is fill in the blank. Or I know she is fill in the blank. And then people move across the country, they sell out, they cash out, they send money, they help with X, y, and z. And then there's this other shoe that drops. So I guess what I want to say for you and for everybody listening, and you may have already done this, is there's got to be some due diligence. What does that mean? Before you sell your house and buy a new one next to him, I would love for you all to pull. Pull credit reports together and walk through it.

John (4:26)

Have you guys done that?

Aaron (4:29)

Probably not yet, but I do plan on sitting down and doing that. And as far as selling my house and moving there, this is my hometown. My parents are still alive. All my family is there. I have nobody here.

Dawn (4:42)

Okay, so you're going there anyway.

Aaron (4:43)

Let's just say do that anyway.

Dawn (4:45)

Perfect. Perfect. Okay. The second thing is, is you making peace with the following. If you marry him, that 180 grand is yalls debt. And often the money becomes the proxy war for, I want to marry this guy, but I also want to marry a man with a little bit of initiative. And he won't even. He won't even call a lawyer for 5,000 bucks and have him write a letter to clear 180 grand.

Aaron (5:09)

Right. And. And I am going to work on him on that when I see him next month.

Dawn (5:14)

You can't work on him. You can say, I would. I would challenge you to use this language in this next marriage. That's going to be my last one I'm ever a part of. Here's what I'm looking for in a partner. And it's a big deal to me that for me to feel safe is that I'm married to a guy with some initiative that when some. When grave injustice is done to somebody, including him, that he's on the phone making it right. And then he gets to. If you come in and say, you need to and you need to, and you need to, man, he's going to clam up like. Like all of us would. Right. Because he's going to feel the shame and the frustration and the, hey, can we just move past this? And. And hey, by the way, you've got a whole bunch of money. You can just pay it off when we get. And it's you saying, here's what I want in this new marriage.

John (6:00)

Isn't it okay for her to ask for closure on this issue because it gives her massive heartburn.

Dawn (6:05)

Yes.

John (6:06)

To realize that she might be inheriting 180,000. It doesn't make it about love or relationship, but just her fear of this issue. And that's what I was getting at, that it seems like they're on board with money. Theoretically, you guys are on board. But yeah, the idea of living separate, finances and all that, just because he's got this, by the way you described it as, it's not his fault.

Dawn (6:31)

Yeah.

John (6:31)

I mean, any one of us could go in for a surgery and it get botched and we're stuck. You know, it's like, no one did anything irresponsible here.

Dawn (6:38)

But that also sounds it. Also, I'm telling you, Aaron, I hope I'm wrong. It sounds like a story, too. Like, oh, yeah, we'll just get it taken care of. They screwed this up and we'll get it squared. Because if it was that easy, if they botched it, I've heard of head of hospitals coming in and saying, hey, we're going to clear this debt and we're also going to pay you $50,000 as some sort of entry settlement to just end this thing.

John (7:00)

I had the same feeling, John.

Dawn (7:01)

So there's, there's something.

John (7:02)

Aaron. I don't want her to bank on that. It feels like, Aaron, the way you set that up, you're banking on, well, you know, we get a lawyer involved, they're probably going to wipe it away. And when you said it, I went.

Dawn (7:12)

They probably would have if it was truly that cut and dry.

John (7:15)

Yeah.

Dawn (7:16)

All that I want you to hear me say is I want you to do your due diligence. And it's not unloving, it's not unromantic, it's not un. Christian. Whatever you want, whatever adjective you want to put there. It's none of those things for you to say, hey, we're both going to bring our credit reports to the table. I want to see where we both are. And if he says, oh, we don't need to do that. I told you, I'm debt free. Say, yeah, I know, I want to see this, what I'm walking into. And then he gets to decide, do I want to be married to an amazing woman or am I going to let my ego run wild and I may not have been telling the full truth. Here's the second piece. When you say there's wealth in equity, you've got way more money than he does. Tell me, how much way more do you have?

Aaron (7:57)

Okay, he has about a half a million dollars in his retirement account and he has a home that has maybe a quarter million in equity. Okay, I have about a half million dollars in equity in my home and I have a million and a half dollars in retirement accounts and other investments and savings. And the other thing I mentioned is my parents are still alive, but I am going to inherit between 4 and 5 million dollars when they pass.

Dawn (8:33)

This is one of the rare moments when I'm going to strongly recommend you walk in with a. And here's why. Let's say he's totally on the up and up. When there is four or five or six million dollar difference, then he's gonna have a cousin somewhere that thinks he just won the lottery or he's gonna have a parent or a kid. And, and I'm just telling you from years of doing the show, my fear is you're gonna walk out there, he's gonna sell his place, he's gonna move into your house, your parents are gonna pass away, and then if he disappears, he gets gonna take half of it. And so that would be my recommendation because there's such a gap there that you all sit down and discuss, hey, when my parents die, here's how this is going to go. And it's not to say you're not going to combine five.

John (9:15)

I got to jump in real quick and ask you a question. Would you at least Recommend Premarital counseling? 1 million before we think prenup.

Dawn (9:25)

I think you do premarital counseling before you do everything. Yes. Yeah.

Aaron (9:27)

CHM isn't health insurance. It's a health cost sharing ministry. Check it out for yourself@chministries.org budget.