"I'm Not Going To Argue With You About This Anymore"

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "I'm Not Going To Argue With You About This Anymore"

Date: September 3, 2025
Host: Dave Ramsey
Guest: Randy Alcorn
Format: Listener Call-In

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights focuses on a listener’s concern about her 19-year-old son, who despite receiving regular dividend income and having a part-time job, lacks money management and motivation. Dave Ramsey and guest Randy Alcorn offer blunt, direct advice on teaching young adults work ethic, independence, and the dangers of parental coddling. The conversation addresses generational shifts in parenting, developmental challenges, and practical steps for helping young people become responsible adults.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Listener’s Question & Situation (00:06 – 00:56)

• A mother calls in worried about her 19-year-old son:
  • He dropped out of college and works part-time at Walmart for $14/hour.
  • He receives $10,000/year in dividends (disbursed in four payments).
  • Despite income, he is described as “very bad with money” and often needs to borrow for essentials like gas.
  • Parents tried to instill discipline, but he lacks financial responsibility.

2. Parental Enablement and Lack of Work Ethic (00:59 – 02:41)

• Dave Ramsey questions the missed opportunity to teach work ethic earlier.
  • “What happened eight years ago when you were going to teach him work ethic and you didn’t?” (00:59)
• Randy Alcorn identifies parental support as the core problem:
  • “He can’t learn something that… his behavior makes perfect sense in his world. He gets checks from the sky every quarter, has no rent, and mom and dad pay his expenses.” (01:51)
  • The son’s minimal effort at work stems from a lack of necessity because his needs are always met.

3. Need for Boundaries and Uncomfortable Consequences (02:42 – 04:14)

• Dave and Randy insist the only solution is for the parents to make the son face real-life challenges.
  • “The only way this changes is if y’all come to an agreement that you’re going to weather the storm… and say at the end of this month, you’re out.” (02:28)
• Parents fear their son will simply move in with his more permissive mother.
  • Dave’s blunt advice: “You got the coddling thing down… This kid has coddling from every direction. He’s just a coddler.” (02:58 – 03:11)
• Dave’s turning-point statement: “Honey, the kid’s got to move out. I’m not gonna argue with you about this anymore.” (03:14 and 03:48)

4. Coddling and the Impact on Maturity (04:15 – 05:12)

• Alcorn likens the situation to weightlifting:
  • “Every time he gets under the bar… the parents keep running in there and take all the weight off the bar. Now you’ve got a 19 year old that literally does not know how to lift anything heavy.” (04:02)
  • “It’s abuse. Y’all are robbing this young man.” (04:27)

5. Letting Go of Control & Letting Lessons Happen (04:45 – 05:12)

• Dave’s advice: focus only on your own side of the equation.
  • “You can control your part in the equation, quit trying to control his part. This is a kid who thinks going to class is hard work… or six hours a week is hard.” (04:44 – 05:01)
• Discuss the son’s low ambition: “Now I’ve got a job part time, smoking a lot of pot.” (05:01)

6. Shifting the Blame & The Real Generational Problem (05:12 – 06:15)

• Randy Alcorn rejects “kids these days” complaints:
  • “It’s not the kids haven’t changed, it’s the adults in their lives who have changed—who are not giving these young people… the gift of experiencing hard challenges.” (05:13)
  • Lack of coordinated parenting, especially among divorced families, prevents young adults from facing and overcoming challenges.

7. Principles for Raising Independent Adults (06:37 – 08:12)

• Dave Ramsey stresses teaching kids to do hard things and not delaying their independence:
  • “You’re not raising kids to be great kids, you’re raising kids to become great adults.” (06:44)
  • Compares parenting to an eagle’s nest; discomfort is necessary to encourage leaving home.
• Independent living builds dignity and confidence:
  • “It is good for your dignity to pay your own light bill and buy your own milk and clean your own clothes instead of your mommy doing it.” (07:38)

8. The Value of Early Work Experience (08:33 – 09:12)

• Alcorn highlights the importance of responsibility early on:
  • “Getting a neighbor that will let your 9 year old come over and sweep the porch for a dollar… those kind of things are amazing.” (08:33)
  • It’s not about hard labor, but about developing dignity and character through real tasks and feedback.

9. Memorable Anecdote (09:13 – 09:45)

• Dave Ramsey shares a formative story:
  • “I was cutting grass… my neighbor, Slugger Carnahan, came out with a fork. ‘Quit cutting the weeds. Use this and dig the weeds out…’ He made me go over his whole yard and dig them out. Wore me out. 12 years old, man. 3 bucks.” (09:13 – 09:45)
• Highlights how challenges and tough feedback teach real-world skills and pride in hard work.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey: “Honey, the kid’s got to move out. I’m not gonna argue with you about this anymore.” (03:14, 03:48)
• Randy Alcorn: “Every parent keeps running in there saying, I don’t want to be the bad one… now you got a 19 year old that literally does not know how to lift anything heavy.” (04:02)
• Randy Alcorn: “It’s not the kids haven’t changed, it’s the adults in their lives who have changed.” (05:12)
• Dave Ramsey: “You’re not raising kids to be great kids, you’re raising kids to become great adults.” (06:44)
• Dave Ramsey: “An eagle that doesn’t leave the nest is eventually known as a turkey.” (07:15)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:06 – 00:56: Listener presents her son’s situation
• 00:59 – 02:41: Analysis of parental enablement; work ethic discussion
• 02:42 – 04:14: The necessity of boundaries and consequences
• 04:15 – 05:12: The impact of lifelong coddling
• 05:12 – 06:15: Generational shifts; real root of the problem
• 06:37 – 08:12: Teaching independence and adult skills
• 08:33 – 09:12: Importance of early work experience
• 09:13 – 09:45: Dave’s memorable story of learning hard work

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Summary Takeaways

• The episode strongly emphasizes the need for tough love, boundaries, and the value of allowing young people to face and solve real problems.
• Both hosts argue that over-coddling robs young adults of the chance to grow up.
• Independence, discomfort, and work experience are framed as vital developmental milestones, and parents are challenged to unify, set limits, and let natural consequences drive growth.
• The advice is blunt and direct, embodying the show’s trademark tough but practical style.

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This episode is an essential listen for parents of teenagers and young adults, or anyone interested in the real challenges of raising financially and emotionally independent adults.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Listener/Caller]

I have a question about my 19 year old son. He decided that college is not for him so he's not going to go back in the fall. We told him that he had to get a job. We wanted him to get one within a month. It's almost been three months but he's finally working at Walmart part time, $14 an hour. And he also receives about $10,000 a year in dividends that he gets in four payments. So he's very bad with money. Like his dividend rolls around and there's zero in his bank account. He has to borrow gas money. My main question is what would be the best course to take to like kind of open his eyes to I am not spending my money wisely. I should be doing this and this.

[Dave Ramsey]

What happened eight years ago when you were going to teach him work ethic and you didn't?

[Listener/Caller]

We tried. I feel like we tried. We're pretty good with money. We tried to teach them that we don't go out to eat very often. Like all through their grown up we don't go out to eat. And I don't know if that's like the main thing. Like he eats out all the time when he was in college.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, he doesn't work extra. That's what the main thing is. He doesn't work. Walmart at 14 an hour is what 16 year olds do. Not grown men.

[Randy Alcorn]

Where's he, where's he living?

[Listener/Caller]

We're in Texas.

[Randy Alcorn]

No, where does he live?

[Dave Ramsey]

In her house.

[Listener/Caller]

He's with us. Yes. And, and, and we pay.

[Randy Alcorn]

I'm telling you this everything because I love you. But that's the problem. He, he can't learn something that, let me put it this way, what he's doing, his behavior makes perfect sense in his world. He gets checks that fall from the sky every quarter. He has no rent. He, and he has a mom and dad that said you have to get a job. And he goes, okay, I'll work six hours a week and y' all pay his cell phone, you pay his insurance, you pay for everything.

[Listener/Caller]

So well, we, that's one of the, that's one of the things is he's supposed to pay his car insurance.

[Randy Alcorn]

I know he's supposed to do a.

[Dave Ramsey]

Lot of crap he doesn't do, but you don't make him do nothing.

[Randy Alcorn]

Right. You don't take it away. And the only way this changes, literally the only way this changes. I've worked with this age group, my Entire career. The only way this changes is if y' all sit down and, and you and your husband come to an agreement that you're going to weather the storm because hell's coming. And you're going to sit down and say at the end of this month.

[Dave Ramsey]

You'Re out or two months or whatever.

[Randy Alcorn]

Right.

[Listener/Caller]

Part of the problem with that is, is he would move in with his mom.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, well, that's good.

[Listener/Caller]

And she, she kind of coddles him.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's fine.

[Randy Alcorn]

Kind of.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, wait a minute, honey, you got the coddling thing down, okay?

[Randy Alcorn]

Everybody's coddling.

[Dave Ramsey]

You can't hand that off to her. You got that down to a science.

[Randy Alcorn]

Everyone is.

[Dave Ramsey]

This kid has coddling from every direction. He's just a coddler.

[Listener/Caller]

I mean, he was in college for a year. So this.

[Dave Ramsey]

Honey, the kid's got to move out. I mean, I'm not gonna argue with you about this anymore.

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[Randy Alcorn]

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[Listener/Caller]

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[Randy Alcorn]

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[Dave Ramsey]

Honey, the kids got to move out. Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna argue with you about this anymore. You know, you, you all, you can talk about some stuff he doesn't do. He has no problems. Your job is to help him have some problems.

[Randy Alcorn]

That's it. That's exactly right.

[Dave Ramsey]

He doesn't have. There's no reason for him to change.

[Randy Alcorn]

His behavior or think, Think about this way. His life is a weight room. And every time he gets under the bar to start lifting weights, to get stronger, to deal with life, one of the parents, you or his mother and her, whoever she's with, run in there and take all the weight off the bar. And so now you've got a kid who's 19 who has never lifted the bar in his life because each parent keeps running there saying, I don't want to be the bad one, you don't want to be the bad one. And now you got a 19 year old that literally does not know how to, to lift anything heavy. And so it's abuse. Y' all are robbing this young man. And I get the pickle. You're in the moment you say, hey, you got to get out he's going to go, okay, I'll just go over here then.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's fine. You can't control that. But you can control your part in the equation. Quit trying to control his part.

[Randy Alcorn]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

You can't control his part of the equation. Okay. This is a kid who thinks going to class is hard work. That's funny.

[Randy Alcorn]

Or six hours a week is hard.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Now I've got a job part time smoking a lot of pot.

[Listener/Caller]

A lot.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. There's no ambition anywhere in this.

[Randy Alcorn]

Well, and man, here's the thing, Dave. Like I heard somebody say this about a year ago and man, it has been a like a knife right in my chest because he's right. And he said, I don't want to hear another person say quote unquote, these kids these days. Because it's not the kids haven't changed, it's the adults in their lives who have changed, who are not expecting, not giving these young people, especially 17, 18, 19 and 20 year olds the gift of experiencing hard challenges and overcoming those challenges so they can feel a sense of confidence to go do the next thing. He should have had a part time job when he was 15 or 14 so that he could learn how to do that, so he could have the privilege of having a full time job when he's 19 or 20. Drop out of college, fine, but you gotta go be a part of the workforce. Workforce is hard.

[Dave Ramsey]

Right.

[Randy Alcorn]

But he's been robbed every step of the way by adults in his life that can't get along, can't be unified. And here you go. This is what we get.

[Dave Ramsey]

For his own good, Gol, he breaks my heart. Everything we're unified on is coddling. That's it.

[Randy Alcorn]

Or using him to out parent the other parent now that we're divorced or whatever the mess is. But adults need to come together on behalf of these young people and say we're robbing them of the experiences that life's going to throw and hit them right in the mouth with.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you know the thing that there's a couple of things I always go back to in remembering all this is teach your kids to do hard things.

[Randy Alcorn]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

And Andrew Andrews talks about, you're not raising kids to be great kids, you're raising kids to become great adults. And if you're doing that, then that involves teaching them adult skills. Age appropriately, with increasing intensity so that when they are age appropriate they are able to leave the nest. And the mother eagle, the nest is filled with down, but it is a nest built with thorns and Then as the baby eagles grow, she begins to pull the down out of the nest and the thorns begin to stick them. And it becomes increasingly uncomfortable to stay in the nest if you are a baby eagle, until you finally stand up on the edge of the nest and fall out and spread your wings and fly sword. Yeah, because an eagle that doesn't leave the nest is eventually known as a turkey. And so this is how this works. So, yeah, you make it increasingly uncomfortable to live there because it is good for your child development. People will tell you it is good for your dignity to pay your own light bill and buy your own milk and clean your own clothes instead of your mommy doing it. It's just good for your development. And I've watched it with my three as they grew up and left the nest and didn't have to. We weren't mad at them. There wasn't any anger, there wasn't anything. But just when they quit living under our roof and they had to do their own stuff, they walk different.

[Randy Alcorn]

Yeah, they're right.

[Dave Ramsey]

They talk different. They carry themselves differently. And it's, you know, doing them no favor delaying their development. And this kid, he needs some hard work. Yeah, I want some problems for him. I want him to have some problems to solve. He's had no problems in a long time. And so, yeah, desperately needs trouble.

[Randy Alcorn]

And by the way, getting a neighbor, if you got young kids, getting a neighbor that will let your 9 year old come over and sweep the front porch for a dollar, those kind of things are amazing at. And we're not talking about sweatshops. I'm not talking about like you got to pull like you do eight hour days. That's not what I'm talking about at all. But letting your kid mow the yard, letting your kid go out and do some things, let him. Letting them take feedback from a neighbor that you trust or from somebody at your church that you trust, hey, you did a good job here, but you missed this corner right here. It builds dignity and character. And I'm telling you, man, you got kids that just walk differently when they know how to work.

[Dave Ramsey]

The one that always kills me on that was I was cutting grass. I was 12 years old. My neighbor and I have no idea he was the nicest man, but his nickname was Slugger, Slugger Carnahan. I cut his grass for $3 and he came out there with one of these little fork things and he goes, quit cutting the weeds. Use this and dig the weeds out. When you cut the weeds, you spread the weeds. And I get more weeds. And he walked around and made me go over his whole yard and dig them out. Wore me out. 12 years old, man.

[Randy Alcorn]

3 bucks.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, $3, man. And his name's Slugger. So you don't. You gotta do it. I mean, it's like. It's not an option. Create your free everydollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.