I’m Paying For My 19-Year-Old’s Financial Mistakes

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "I’m Paying For My 19-Year-Old’s Financial Mistakes"

The Ramsey Show Highlights – January 31, 2026
Host(s): Ken Coleman, Jade Warshaw (inferred from context)
Caller: K (Mother of 19-year-old son)

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Episode Overview

This episode addresses a common parenting dilemma: how to stop bailing out adult children and allow them to learn from their financial mistakes. The hosts take a call from a concerned mother who finds herself repeatedly rescuing her 19-year-old son from the consequences of his poor money decisions, particularly with a car purchase. The discussion unpacks the root of the problem and provides direct, empathetic, and practical guidance.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Caller’s Situation

• Financial Rescue Mission
  • K’s 19-year-old son went from owning a paid-off car to trading it in for a 2018 BMW, taking on new financial and maintenance burdens ([00:05]).
  • K has been covering his insurance, repairs, and registration fees with the hope he’d reimburse her, which hasn’t reliably happened.
  • She worries her intervention is enabling irresponsibility, and she’s considering sending him to his father’s house for a reset.

2. The Heart of the Problem: Parental Boundaries

• Hosts' Immediate Diagnosis
  • Ken Coleman quickly reframes the issue: it’s not the son’s fault, but K’s lack of boundaries that perpetuates the dynamic ([01:33]).
  • Quote:

    "The problem is you." – Ken ([01:58])

• Action Step: Real Boundary Setting
  • The hosts note K’s “foot” is constantly hovering, never truly coming down to set firm boundaries ([02:01]).
  • They urge her to confront the fear that prevents her from establishing limits.

3. The Value of Mistakes in Learning

• Mistakes Are Necessary
  • Jade Warshaw emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience mistakes:

    "Mistakes are necessary. That's how we learn... If you seek to keep your son from making mistakes, you are robbing him from the opportunity to learn, period." – Jade ([04:00])

• Parent’s Experience
  • K admits her desire to protect her son comes from having made similar mistakes in her youth, but the hosts highlight that her own growth came precisely through learning from those tough experiences ([03:36], [04:00]).

4. “Sending Him to Dad’s” – A Cop Out

• Not a Real Solution
  • The idea of sending the son to live with his father is critiqued as avoidance, not true boundary-setting or parenting.
  • Quote:

    "That's you coping out. That's why I said you're not even close [to too far]." – Jade ([04:54])

  • Ken compares it to washing one’s hands of responsibility:

    "If you send him to his dad's house... that's you ducking out and going, I don't want to deal with this." – Ken ([05:24]), and references biblical imagery for emphasis ([07:35]).

5. The Path Forward: Honest Conversation and Change

• Radical Honesty and Confession
  • Ken prescribes a candid conversation with her son: confessing her pattern of over-helping, explaining her fears, and clearly stating the new boundaries ([05:35], [07:35]).
  • Quote:

    "I think the best thing you could do for him is to confess to him today. 'I have been so soft. Here's why. I'm afraid of this and this and this. And because of my fear, I did what every parent... does, we try to control.'" – Ken ([06:52])

• Concrete Actions
  • Stop covering car expenses.
  • Park the car and withhold the keys until agreed conditions are met ([07:35]).

6. Self-Awareness and Parental Growth

• Ownership and Encouragement
  • Jade reframes the problem as a self-awareness moment for the parent, not just the child:

    "This actually doesn't have much to do with him. Has way more to do with you. This really is... a you problem and a you self awareness moment." – Jade ([08:20])

  • Ken encourages K not to be overly self-critical, underscoring the difficulty of parenting and the importance of making a positive shift now ([09:15]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|-------| | [01:58] | Ken | "The problem is you." | | [04:00] | Jade | "Mistakes are necessary. That's how we learn... If you seek to keep your son from making mistakes, you are robbing him from the opportunity to learn, period." | | [04:54] | Jade | "That's you coping out. That's why I said you're not even close [to too far]." | | [06:52] | Ken | "I think the best thing you could do for him is to confess to him today. 'I have been so soft. Here's why. I'm afraid of this and this and this. And because of my fear, I did what every parent... does, we try to control.'" | | [08:20] | Jade | "This actually doesn't have much to do with him. Has way more to do with you. This really is... a you problem and a you self awareness moment." | | [09:15] | Ken | "You're not a bad moment. So don't beat yourself up over this... You can do this. Create your free Everydollar budget today." |

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Caller presents dilemma: [00:05] – [01:33]
• Hosts shift focus to boundary-setting: [01:33] – [02:40]
• Learning from mistakes discussion: [02:43] – [04:28]
• Critique of “sending to dad’s” idea: [04:34] – [05:27]
• Prescription for honest confession and practical steps: [05:35] – [07:35]
• Focus on self-awareness and encouragement: [08:15] – [09:15]

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Tone and Style

Supportive but direct, the hosts employ tough love, empathy, and a balance of personal anecdotes with actionable advice. The conversation is candid, at times gently confrontational, pushing the caller toward honest self-reflection and firmer parenting.

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Conclusion

This episode underscores that true parental love isn’t shielding children from every hardship, but helping them grow through their own mistakes. The pathway is a hard but necessary recalibration of boundaries and a commitment to honest, empathetic communication — both with one’s child and oneself.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Today I have a 19 year old at home. He's working and his hours have been reduced recently. But I feel like his finances have become my problem. So a few months ago he had a payoff car. Everything was great, no debt. And next thing you know he goes and trades that vehicle in for a 2018 BMW. Insurance of course is now being deducted from my account because I was trying to help him. So he, the plan was for him to give me that money every month. That didn't happen all the way through this last week. He only gave me a portion of it. One of the parts on his car went out. So of course I came in trying to help him and paid for the part which was not cheap and kind of a few things of that sort with the vehicle. He wasn't able to pay the registration the first couple of months so it just kind of been piling up. And I'm just trying to figure out how do I put my foot down, where do I draw the line? And I'm at the point where I've come to the point to ask him to move out to his dad house because I feel like there's always something with that where I'm coming in to save him and hold on a second, that's your choice.

[A]

I'm going to jump in. I'm going to jump in. I have heard you say of course twice when you described that you swooped in and tried to help and now you're saying I'm at the point where I want to send him to his father's and I gotta tell you something, this isn't this kid's fault and sending him to live with his father isn't going to solve the problem. And I'm on your team, K, but the problem is you.

[C]

Yeah. You're acting like this is happening to you.

[A]

You asked us how do I put my foot down? And here's my answer. Put it down, stomp it. You've actually never put your foot down. It's like hovering all the time and he knows it. By the way I parked the car. It were me and I, I just think you have to stop. Like you're so worried about something so there's fear underneath why you won't put your foot down. So the technical answer to how do you put your foot down is, is determine what is this thing you're so afraid of happening and keeps you from putting your foot down. That's the simple answer.

[C]

So what is it?

[B]

Well, if I. I'm trying to not have him make the same mistakes I did when I was younger and, you know, screw up his credit score and. And there's just so many things of. Like getting into so much debt.

[A]

Did you learn anything from those big mistakes?

[B]

I did.

[C]

There you go. Really?

[A]

Wait a second. Wait. Tell me. How is it that you learn from those big mistakes?

[D]

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[A]

How is it that you learn from those big mistakes?

[B]

Well, I was. I was on the side of him not getting this loan. I was advising him to save his money.

[A]

No, you didn't answer my question.

[C]

What Ken is asking you is the mistakes that you made, what did you learn from them? When you were his age, what did you learn?

[D]

Wow.

[B]

I. Well, I don't know how to answer that.

[C]

Yes, you do. Yes, you do. He. Here's what we're getting at. What we're getting at is mistakes are necessary. That's how we learn. You learn by touching a hot stove. Oh, don't touch that. You learn by trying to, you know, do the things that you're not supposed to do. And then you learn what you should do. That's the process. That is the process of maturing. You cannot keep your son. If you seek to keep your son from making mistakes, you are robbing him from the opportunity to learn, period.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I agree. And that's why I'm. I want to. I want to put my foot down. I just don't know how far. Is too far. Is.

[C]

You're not even close to too far. You're not even close.

[A]

Well, I. Yeah, you know what, though? I actually think that you threatening or going through with sending him to his father's is too far, because I'm going to tell you, and again, I'm not picking on you.

[C]

But that's.

[A]

Hold on, hold on.

[C]

That's not even too. That's not even too far. I got to say this, though.

[A]

Too far hurt. You're punishing him for something he didn't do.

[C]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Her sin. You sending him to the father's house. That's not you putting your foot down. That. That's you coping out. So that's why I said you're not even close. Because this is. This is something you must deal with. And if you send him to the father's house. To the father's house. Sound like a sermon here. If you send him over to his father's house, that's you ducking out and going, I don't want to deal with this. I'm just going to take myself out of the picture. And we are suggesting that you stay fully in the picture and deal with your portion of this issue.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sorry, I'm. What I'm trying to explain is I'm sending him over because I'm helping him as best as I can. But I give him advice and he doesn't.

[A]

No, you're not. You're not helping him. You're actually hurting him. And you're hurting him by bubble wrapping him. This kid's bouncing around because he knows there's no jagged edges. There's no chance he gets financially bruised because mom is always there. And I will tell you, you will hurt this kid's spirit if you send him to his fathers for something he didn't do. I think the best thing you could do for him is to confess to him today. I have been so soft. Here's why. I'm afraid of this and this and this. And because of my fear, I did what every parent and every person who's a fearful person does, we try to control. And Kay, I'm talking to you as a man who's guilty. If I lined up all three of my kids, I got a 17, 18, 20, and I've confessed this to them where I have done this. So I'm being real real with you right now. I was so controlling for a season in my life. I created more strife in my house because of my fear. And my fear made me controlling and my controlling created unnecessary tension.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And in your situation, and I want Jade, check me on this. What we're hearing is in your attempt to allay your fears. And I'll bet you there's more fears you haven't even identified. But I appreciate you sharing one with us. You are actually harming him. You called us today to say, how do I do it? This is a massive self awareness moment for you and then a massive confession to your son. And in the confession you say so I cannot in good conscience allow you to do this anymore. So as your mom, here's how this Changes this car. I'm taking your keys and it gets parked until this happens. This happens.

[C]

This.

[A]

I'm just telling you. That's what I would do. But first with a confession so that he realizes, oh, mom is actually trying to help me. He may not like it, by the way, but it's far better than you going, I'm washing my hands. I don't know if you know the story in the Bible where Pontius Pilate, the crowd wants to crucify Jesus and he goes, all right. And he literally washes his hands and says, you take over. I think that's what you're doing if you send him to his dad's house.

[B]

Okay, I, I see your point. I, you know, I'm just trying to navigate through this and see, it's gonna suck. Where do I stop helping him and.

[A]

You know, now stop? Yeah, stop bailing him out on any of the car expenses.

[C]

I think you swapping your mindset on this right now, you're viewing it as a him problem and a him thing that I need to stop and a him problem I need to solve and a him thing that I need to keep from happening. This is. This actually doesn't have much to do with him. Has way more to do with you. This really is, to Ken's point, a you problem and a you self awareness moment. I like that Ken said that. And I think by way of you figuring that out, it will solve the whatever him problem that, that exists. Because think about it. He's really just doing what a kid his age is going to do with, which is see what the boundaries are, see if what he can get away with. See if mom and dad, that's what he's wired to do. At the lobe.

[A]

Jade isn't even close to fully developed.

[C]

Yes, to your point. Yeah. You guys. So I, I mean, yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna beat a dead horse on this, but I agree with Ken 100%.

[A]

But listen, K, we want to encourage you. Okay, we shot you straight, but I want to encourage you. You're not a bad moment. So don't beat yourself up over this. But literally just say, hey, buddy, I blew it. It's gonna freak him out, possibly, probably gonna make him a little mad, but like, you gotta stop it now. And then you'll find that one of these days you'll really look back and go, I don't regret that I did this. So hang in there. Get your chin up. Mom, this parenting stuff is hard. You have a phenomenal heart. You're a great lady. Okay, so we're not beating you up, but little tough love here. Just from experience, from my side of things. And I've been there. You can do this. Create your free everydollar. Budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.