"I'm Trying To Make Some Of You Mad Right Now"

Summary

Episode Overview

Title: "I'm Trying To Make Some Of You Mad Right Now"
Podcast: The Ramsey Show Highlights
Date: October 8, 2025
Host(s): Dave Ramsey and co-host (names not clearly distinguished in transcript, but both use a direct, no-nonsense tone)

This episode tackles a listener’s heartfelt and troubling question regarding marriage, long-term commitment without legal protection, and the emotional and financial consequences of cohabitation versus marriage. The hosts use Andrea's situation as a cautionary tale, aiming to challenge listeners (especially younger adults) to think long-term about their decisions around relationships, marriage, and financial security.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Andrea's Situation: The Root Question (00:06–01:03)

• Andrea’s background: Together for 25+ years with her partner, four children, gave up her career, partner became a multimillionaire business owner.
• Current conflict: He will only marry her if she signs a prenup, despite their long history and her sacrifices.
• Underlying issue: Andrea feels exposed and wonders if she should give up on marriage altogether.

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2. Analysis of the Bargain (01:03–01:55)

• Andrea "made a really terrible bargain," giving up her career, financial security, and legal protections in exchange for relationship and family, while her partner risked nothing.
• The hosts express heartbreak and frustration over Andrea’s exposure and lack of protection.
  • Quote (Dave Ramsey, 01:06): "You gave up everything and he gave up nothing."
• It’s noted that after 25 years, the opportunity for a fair arrangement has long passed.

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3. Calling Out the Partner’s Behavior (01:55–02:46)

• The hosts are unequivocal in their judgment: Andrea’s partner is described as "a jerk," "a man who lacks integrity," and "a terrible human being."
  • Quote (Co-host, 02:15): "He's such a man who lacks any sort of integrity...thinking of his net worth protecting."
• They urge Andrea to seek both legal and mental health counsel, revealing concern that deeper issues (possibly abuse or infidelity) exist beneath the surface.

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4. A Cautionary Lesson for Others (03:14–04:50)

• The hosts turn Andrea’s case into a public warning against cohabitation without marriage or legal protection, especially when children or financial interdependence are involved.
• They cite statistics and their experience to argue that long-term cohabitation leaves people (especially women) at significant risk:
  • Married individuals have about 10x higher net worth at 35.
  • Married men live 7–9 years longer than unmarried cohabitators.
• Quote (Dave Ramsey, 03:47):
  • "I hope some of you get pissed off about me saying this. I hope you say I'll never listen to Dave Ramsey again because...some of the smartest things I ever did in my life is when somebody made me mad. And I'm trying to make some of you mad right now."
• These warnings are targeted to both young adults and their parents.

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5. On Character and Long-Term Outcomes (05:14–06:00)

• Success and money amplify personality traits—if a person is a "jerk" before success, becoming wealthy "makes you more of who you are."
• "Love involves serving each other," and the hosts emphatically state that there is no love evident in Andrea’s relationship.
  • Quote (Co-host, 05:52): "Love involves serving each other. Yeah. There's no love in this whole equation right here. This just burns my belly."
• Andrea is encouraged to seriously consider leaving, as staying means continued emotional and legal vulnerability.

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6. On Decision-Making: Child vs. Adult Mindsets (06:28–07:45)

• The hosts attribute Andrea's predicament to short-term, pleasure-focused decision-making—a "child" approach—versus adults who "devise and plan and have a plan."
• They urge listeners to extrapolate the consequences of current decisions (like moving in together young) decades into the future.
• Quote (Dave Ramsey, 06:31):
  • "Adults devise and plan and have a plan. Children do what feels good. Children move in together at 24 and it starts then. If you extrapolate that decision making paradigm...you end up with Andrea."

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7. Assessing Abuse and Emotional Well-Being (07:45–08:47)

• The hosts believe Andrea is likely in an abusive (at least financial, possibly emotional and/or physical) relationship.
• They empathize with the psychological trap that long-term abuse creates and urge Andrea (and listeners in similar situations) to seek help.
  • Quote (Co-host, 08:16): "Being an abusive relationship, man, you can get trapped...quarter century being told you're useless, you're worthless, you're nothing...maybe this is her first reaching out, saying, am I nuts?"

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8. Final Advice: Find Your Worth and Take Legal Steps (08:45–09:00)

• The hosts encourage Andrea to value herself, leave the relationship, and take legal action to protect herself and her children.
  • Quote (Co-host, 08:45): "You're worth more than this."
• They explicitly state that Andrea would be better off leaving, taking legal steps for her share of assets, and not marrying a man who treats her so poorly.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Dave Ramsey (01:06): "You made a terrible bargain 25 years ago."
• Co-host (02:13): "You're so codependent, it's unbelievable."
• Co-host (02:46): "This is just...the tip of the iceberg. There's a big mess underneath this."
• Dave Ramsey (03:47): "I'm trying to make some of you mad right now because this is...just straight up stupid."
• Co-host (05:42): "They become worth millions on your back and they stay. They get an extra humongous jerk."
• Dave Ramsey (06:31): "Adults devise and plan...children do what feels good."
• Co-host (08:45): "You're worth more than this."
• Dave Ramsey (08:58): "I don't want to be married to a man who treats...a woman and kids like this."

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Key Timestamps

• 00:06–01:03: Andrea’s backstory and the core question about the prenup.
• 01:03–01:55: Hosts analyze the history and "terrible bargain" made.
• 01:55–02:46: Judgment of the partner’s character—name-calling, exposing the lack of integrity.
• 03:14–04:50: General warning to listeners—why cohabitation without marriage can be a dangerous choice.
• 05:14–06:00: On how wealth and success amplify character flaws.
• 06:28–07:45: Child vs. adult decision-making, long-term extrapolation.
• 07:45–08:47: Abuse dynamics and emotional manipulation.
• 08:45–09:00: Hosts’ final advice: walk away, seek legal help, know your worth.

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Tone & Language

Direct, blunt, and sometimes confrontational. Hosts are passionate, even to the point of "trying to make listeners mad," because they believe the stakes—especially for young women—are so high.

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Summary

In this emotionally charged episode, Dave Ramsey and his co-host use a listener’s plea for relationship advice as a springboard to address the dangers of long-term cohabitation without marriage or legal security. They dissect the power dynamics, offer harsh truths about the consequences of poor decision-making, and urge listeners to consider the future impact of their choices. Their passionate and sometimes provocative language is designed to shake listeners out of complacency and steer them toward healthier, more protective life decisions—financially, emotionally, and relationally.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Today's question comes from Andrea in Ohio. Andrea writes, my partner and I have been together for over 25 years and we have four children together. I've been asking him to marry me since we had our first child. Oh, geez. He recently stated that we can get married if I sign a prenup. He had nothing at the start of our relationship and his business has grown significantly. He has over 300 employees and his net worth is in the millions. I gave up my career 20 years ago to raise our children. We are financially well off and he has taken very good care of the children and me. Dave, this is so sick. I don't want to finish this. Is he wrong to ask for a prenup? I love him, but wonder if I should just let go the idea of marriage. I don't really. I don't really know how I can help you. I think you let go of the idea of marriage 25 years ago and you started having kids.

[A]

And Andrea, you made a really terrible bargain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You gave up everything and he gave up nothing. He raised his kids and help him build a business and he owns it. You made a terrible bargain 25 years ago.

[B]

Yes. Breaks my heart, man.

[A]

And, you know, the, the, the ship has sailed. I mean, there's. I, you know, by the way, he. Here's another. I mean, I'd call his bluff, but I don't think you will because I think this guy's a jerk. Yeah.

[B]

And I think the reality that you feel very, very exposed, you felt exposed.

[A]

For 25 years is because you've been exposed.

[B]

You've been exposed. I also think if this was to go to court, I think you would have some claim to a lot of this stuff. But it's going to be a mess.

[A]

And no idea what Ohio law is on this kind of stuff. You certainly got child support coming out your ears.

[B]

The thing beneath the thing here.

[A]

You're not going to do anything. I can tell.

[B]

No.

[A]

You're so codependent, it's unbelievable.

[B]

And he's such a jerk. He wouldn't. He's such a man who lacks any sort of integrity in any way, shape, form or fashion that the thought of even taking care of his common law wife of a quarter decade and the mother of his four kids, he's thinking of his net worth protecting.

[A]

His answer is, all this money I made while I was sleeping with you, it's all mine.

[B]

I mean, I wouldn't want to be in the same Room with that guy personally.

[A]

Yeah, he's slimy.

[B]

Yeah, he's a terrible human being. But here we are. My guess is you've got Dave. My guess is she's got bigger issues and she's either unsafe. He either has people on the side. She is recognizing how completely exposed she is. And I think she needs to go see a professional counselor, but she also probably needs to sit down with an attorney because I think this type of question tells me this is just. Just what's right above the waterline tip of the ice. There's a big mess underneath this.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. This is so. So you know what it is, though? It. For not. I can't help Andrea. But you know what we can do? We can read that. We can read the email. And here's. Here's the point. All right? You're 24 years old and your boyfriend wants to move in together. I hope you read this email and realize how stupid that is. I mean, that's just.

[B]

Just how unsafe it is, how unsafe.

[A]

It is and how exposed you are. It's just straight up stupid. And I hope some of you get pissed off about me saying this. I hope you say I'll never listen to Dave Ramsey again because some of the most smart things I ever did in my life is when somebody made me mad. And I'm trying to make some of you mad right now because this is. If you're 24 and. And you're. You have a 24 year old daughter and her boyfriend wants to move in with her, you need to grab both of them up and box her stupid but little ears. Because this is what it sets up. This is what it sets up. And we've got all the data, right? Not just the feelings and the research to go with it. Here's some data for you. If you're 35 and you're married, your net worth is somewhere around 10x. If you're shacked up and you're 35, married men live seven to nine years longer than shacked up men. Hello, cancer survivors. A much higher percentage of people survive cancer than are married than those who are shacked up in a toxic soup bowl like this woman's in.

[B]

And we talk about this all the time, Dave.

[A]

What if this woman gets cancer?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

$300 million business he resumed me.

[B]

He may or may not want to help you out. And here's the thing. We talk about this a lot, Dave. Success and money makes you more of who you are. And if you're dating somebody who's a Jerk to you. And maybe you accidentally wind up pregnant and you say, okay, well, maybe down the road, if this is, this is how this plays out, somebody becomes very successful. They were a jerk before they had anything. They were a jerk when you gave up your entire career and your safety.

[A]

Why?

[B]

And then they become worth millions on your back and they stay. They get an extra humongous jerk.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

This is a mess.

[A]

Love involves serving each other. Yeah. There's no love in this whole equation right here. This just burns my belly.

[B]

Yeah. It breaks my heart for, for Andrew. I'm sorry, man.

[A]

And you're just, you have, you have made some really bad choices 25 years ago, and now you are sitting in the poop. It's unbelievable. And yeah, I mean, you, you don't have any options. Your option are stay in the poop or demand that we get married with no prenup, or I'm leaving and taking the kids, which is actually about the only healthy thing to do in this situation. Load up and leave.

[B]

You are with somebody who is not.

[A]

Concerned about them than they are. You are the kids. And it hasn't been for days. For decades. For years. Yeah, for decades. If he was, he would have committed to you and you'd be taking care of you right now. And you, you would have been taking care of him. You gave up. Wow. Okay. But the point is this. Sometimes some of you in your decision making frameworks, you think about Friday. Thank God it's Friday. How does it feel in the moment? Well, that's what a child does. Adults devise and plan and have a plan. Children do what feels good. Children move in together at 24 and it starts then. If you extrapolate that decision making paradigm, if you use your decision framework and say, okay, how's this gonna work out 25 years from now? Well, Andrea just told you. And then that tells you if it's a good decision or not. It might be an okay decision by Friday. You might get away with stupidity between now and Friday. But when you extrapolate your decision making out with a long term decision, Horizon, Vision. Horizon, Then you end up with Andrea and you could tell the decision's a bad idea.

[B]

But this, I mean, this isn't just about the money and the kids. I guarantee, I guarantee this is an abusive relationship.

[A]

Oh, I promise you it is. It is abusive. Just with what we know.

[B]

Financial what we know.

[A]

It's already abusive. But there's got to be more to it, right? Like you said, tip of the iceberg.

[B]

So, yeah, this guy Andrew hear From us, man. You're not crazy.

[A]

You're not crazy. I will bet you dollars to donuts he's got a couple on the side.

[B]

That's what I mean. At some point, you got to go sit down with an attorney and. And walk through and figure out this mess.

[A]

Yeah, but she's not going to. No, I love him.

[B]

Well, but also, I mean, also, I want to. I mean, I don't. Being an abusive relationship, man, you can get trapped, and it's. It's a scary proposition. Quarter century being told you're useless, you're worthless, you're nothing. Seeps into your. Into your nervous system over time. And maybe this is her first reaching out, saying, am I nuts?

[A]

The answer is no, you're not nuts. You've done some stuff that's really damaging to yourself by allowing this to go on way too long. And our encouragement would be to stop it now.

[B]

Stop it now. Yeah, you're worth more than this.

[A]

I was gonna say, you know, tell him the only way you're sticking around is if you marry him. I don't think you marry him. I think you just let him go. Yeah, and take. And take half his money.

[B]

I don't want to be married to a man who treats.

[A]

Who does this.

[B]

A wife, I mean, a woman and kids like this.

[A]

I don't either, period. And I don't want you. We like you, and we don't want you to do that. We love you. We want you to win. So, yeah, I think. I think you're done. But you're not gonna do it. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.