Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: Is It Unfair To Charge Our 19-Year-Old Rent?
Date: October 23, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network (speakers: Dave Ramsey and co-host Ken Coleman)
Duration: ~9 minutes

Episode Overview

This episode addresses a listener question from Tim in Pennsylvania: Is it too harsh for parents to charge their 19-year-old daughter, who recently failed college and is struggling to find work, $150 per month in rent? The hosts explore themes of tough love, personal responsibility, parenting strategy, and the “failure to launch” phenomenon among young adults. Their advice is candid, no-nonsense, and focused on equipping children to succeed as adults.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: The Listener’s Dilemma ([00:10])

• Tim explains his daughter failed her first year of college, isn’t successful in job searches (in part due to attitude), and is spending through her savings on non-essentials.
• Parents recently told her she must pay $150/month in rent, which she says is "unfair" since she is unemployed.
• The rent money is intended for a future college fund if she decides to return to school.

2. The Principle of Tough Love ([00:56]–[02:38])

• Ken Coleman: Supports charging rent as a tool for motivating responsibility, but adds that being firmer sooner would’ve been better:

  “I think you've probably been a little bit too lax on this situation. But the more you can not bail her out, the more that you can just let her fail. Failure is life's best teacher and it's going to be hard to stand by as parents and watch it. But I think that's what's necessary here.” ([01:23])

• Advocates letting kids experience the consequences of their choices so they mature and adapt.

3. Unified Parental Approach & Long-term Perspective ([01:52])

• Dave Ramsey: Stresses both parents must be united and have a long-term vision:

  “First and foremost, you and your wife have to be in lockstep. No way can you be separated by this child who is misbehaving. The two of us have to be unified in our approach.” ([01:52])

• Real love is preparing a child to be a competent adult, not shielding them from discomfort now.

  “Real love says not what feels good today, but real love says what helps this child be a successful 30 year old.” ([02:09])

4. Digging Deeper: Upping the Ante ([02:30]–[04:52])

• Dave criticizes the notion of $150 being "tough" and suggests parents pull all financial support:

  “I think $1,500 is tough. $150? Wimpy.” ([02:29])

• Strongly recommends stopping non-essential support (phone, car gas, laundry, etc.) to force the daughter to learn adult responsibilities.

  “You’re paying for her cellphone? Not anymore. ... If she wants car gas, she’s going to go get a job. You’re paying for everything and you’re washing her freaking clothes and you gotta stop it.” ([03:10])

• Rejects the idea that this is a “generational” issue, seeing it as an individual and parenting challenge.

5. The “Eagle’s Nest” Analogy: Forcing Growth ([05:17])

• Dave uses a memorable story:

  "See, the eagle... builds a nest out of thorns... then fills it with down... As the baby eagle grows ... the mama eagle removes the down, so those thorns get more pronounced ... until it’s almost impossible to sit in the nest. ... The little baby eagle has to get up on the edge... starts flapping its wings, and it will fall... But it never would have left the nest if it was comfortable. And an eagle that doesn't leave the nest eventually is known as a turkey.” ([05:29]–[07:19])

• Moral: Make the “nest” uncomfortable so the child is motivated to move forward and grow.

6. Quick Witted Banter: Eagles vs. Turkeys ([07:32])

• Brief, lighthearted exchange about eagles, turkeys, and Thanksgiving.

  “We admire eagles. We eat turkeys. There’s a bumper sticker.” ([08:07])

7. Crucial Lesson: The Consequences of Attitude ([08:27])

• Ken and Dave agree this isn’t new—an attitude problem follows someone through life if not addressed.
• Dave:

  “A bad attitude will cause you to have a bad life, period. And that didn’t start at college, and that didn’t start when she was living in the basement rent free. And $150 doesn’t fix that either.” ([08:48])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “[Failure] is life’s best teacher and it’s going to be hard to stand by as parents and watch it. But I think that’s what’s necessary here.” – Ken Coleman ([01:23])
• “Every move that you make is an act of love that is going to help her become the 30 year old that she needs to become.” – Dave Ramsey ([02:14])
• “You’re quickly becoming useless. And we love you too much to allow you to be useless.” – Dave Ramsey, modeling what he’d say to the daughter ([04:55])
• “An eagle that doesn’t leave the nest eventually is known as a turkey. And so little turkey needs to leave the nest. It’s going to be good for little turkey. Gobble gobble.” – Dave Ramsey ([07:19])

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:10] – Listener’s scenario introduced
• [00:56]–[02:38] – Ken Coleman: Letting kids fail, tough love parenting
• [01:52]–[05:17] – Dave Ramsey: Unity in parenting, raise the stakes
• [05:17]–[07:19] – Eagle’s nest analogy and gentle tough love
• [07:32]–[08:27] – Eagle-vs-turkey banter
• [08:27]–[09:04] – Root causes, importance of addressing attitude early

Conclusion

The hosts make clear: Charging a nominal rent—or more—does not make parents “unfair.” On the contrary, real love involves setting boundaries, letting kids struggle through discomfort, and not shielding them from the consequences of their choices. A united parenting front, the removal of unnecessary comforts, and insistence on self-reliance are seen as the best way to help young adults grow up strong, capable, and independent.

For parents facing similar dilemmas: Don’t be afraid to let your child struggle. The real goal is not to keep them comfortable at 19, but to empower them to thrive at 30.