I've Been Engaged For 13 Years, Is It Time To Leave?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: "I've Been Engaged For 13 Years, Is It Time To Leave?"

Date: October 26, 2025
Host(s): Dave Ramsey, Christy Wright
Caller: Sarah

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Overview

This episode revolves around a heartfelt call from Sarah, who has been engaged to her fiancé for 13 years. Together, they've navigated various challenges, including moving states, experiencing a house fire, and undergoing a spiritual transformation. Sarah seeks Dave and Christy's advice on whether to continue waiting for an ideal wedding (which they can't currently afford) or to formalize their relationship now, especially considering past infidelity and ongoing family changes. The discussion touches on practical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of long-term relationships, the importance of formal commitment, and the value of counseling.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Caller’s Background and Dilemma

• Sarah’s Story (00:06):
  • 13-year engagement, two daughters (ages 5 and 10).
  • Relocated to fiancé's hometown in Alabama.
  • Experienced a traumatic house fire, currently renting.
  • Underwent spiritual changes: fiancé was baptized, family "saved" again, increased devotion and church participation.
  • Planned to marry in March but discouraged by financial limitations and past relational trauma (including infidelity).

2. The Impact of the House Fire and Spiritual Transformation

• Spiritual Awakening (01:12):
  • House fire served as a turning point for faith and family orientation.
  • Whole family is now dedicated to religious growth.
  • Sarah expresses that the family is "devout and Bible study and church and all that good stuff."

3. Counseling and Local Resources

• Lack of Counseling Access (01:39):
  • No professional counseling done yet, despite recognizing its need.
  • Limited local mental health resources highlighted.
  • Dave and Christy suggest online options like BetterHelp as alternatives (02:00).

4. Money, Marriage, and Moving Forward

• Big Weddings and Money (02:49, 04:17):
  • Dave emphasizes the unnecessity of a large, expensive wedding due to their long-shared history:
    • "The ship has sailed on little 18-year-old Sarah walking down the aisle in an expensive wedding in a white dress. That was like a decade ago. It's gone. So go get married like today, tomorrow." – Dave Ramsey [03:05]
  • Christy suggests a courthouse wedding with the option of a future celebration:
    • "There could be a day in the future where you renew your vows and you do the white dress and you walk down the aisle and you do that big party that you wanted… but just because that's not going to be today or next week… doesn't mean it can't happen ever." – Christy Wright [04:03]
  • Sarah clarifies she doesn't want a big wedding, just wants clarity on moving forward (04:24).

5. Commitment, Counseling & Formalizing the Relationship

• Questions of Readiness (03:32):
  • Dave: "If it's not where it should be, you should have been gone like five years ago." [03:44]
  • Emphasis on formalizing the marriage for spiritual and practical reasons.
  • Both hosts underscore the importance of premarital (and marital) counseling—even after 13 years together:
    • "They do need to do premarital counseling. Even though they've been together 13 years." – Christy Wright [06:19]
    • "I just go do marital counsel before you get married. Okay. We kind of ought to dig through this toy box a little bit and see what's going on here." – Dave Ramsey [06:32]

6. Commitment and Longevity in Marriage

• Wisdom from Experience (06:48):
  • Dave and Christy share humorous and heartfelt anecdotes from their own long marriages:
    • "They said, what's the secret? And Sharon said, David says, if I leave, he’s going with me." – Dave Ramsey [07:01]
  • Stresses permanence and commitment: "For better, for worse, baby." – Dave Ramsey [06:17]

7. Encouragement and Final Advice

• Looking Forward with Hope (07:32):
  • Dave and Christy encourage Sarah by focusing on the positive path ahead:
    • "The best is in front of you. The worst is behind you. You start walking with Jesus, and both of you do that, you'll learn things that you never learned before." – Dave Ramsey [07:44]
  • Christy closes with her "three most important decisions":
    • 1. Following Jesus.
    • 2. Marrying her husband.
    • 3. Getting on a financial plan and building wealth.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Moving Forward:

  "The ship has sailed on little 18-year-old Sarah walking down the aisle in an expensive wedding in a white dress. That was like a decade ago. It's gone. So go get married like today, tomorrow."
  — Dave Ramsey [03:05]

• On Being Stuck:

  "If it's not where it should be, you should have been gone like five years ago."
  — Dave Ramsey [03:44]

• On the Legal Side of Marriage:

  "You go, everybody gets married and gets the license before they walk down the aisle in the dress. Everybody. ... For you, you're just going to be delaying the part where you walk down the aisle, but everybody gets the certificate first."
  — Christy Wright [04:53]

• On Commitment:

  "If you leave, I'm going with you... go ahead and pack both suitcases because I'll be following you right along."
  — Dave Ramsey [07:01]

• On Encouragement:

  "The best is in front of you. The worst is behind you. ... You're setting those kids up for a much better life. You're setting yourselves up for a much better life, and I'm proud for where you're going."
  — Dave Ramsey [07:44]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:06] Sarah shares her relationship history and recent challenges.
• [01:12] Discussion of spiritual changes and the catalyst of the house fire.
• [01:39] Addressing lack of counseling and resources.
• [02:49] Dave on the reality of long engagements and practical marriage advice.
• [03:32] Exploring commitment readiness after 13 years.
• [04:03] Courthouse marriage and the option for future celebration.
• [06:17] Commitment and the emotional weight of formalizing a relationship.
• [06:32] Importance of marital counseling.
• [07:01] Anecdote on the permanence of long marriages.
• [07:44] Encouragement about faith, future, and family.

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Tone and Language

The conversation balances pragmatic advice with warm, encouraging tones. Dave’s direct, no-nonsense style is softened by Christy’s empathetic and faith-centered approach. Both hosts stress practicality, spiritual growth, and the importance of commitment, aiming to empower Sarah to make decisive, healthy choices for her family.

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Summary Takeaway:
Sarah is urged to let go of the dream of a big wedding, focus on solidifying her family’s commitment now, seek counseling (even if online), and trust that taking action grounded in faith and togetherness will set everyone up for a stronger future.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Caller (Sarah)]

So my fiance and I have been together for 13 years off and on. We have two daughters, five and 10. And a year ago, or two years ago, we uprooted and moved to his hometown in the middle of nowhere Alabama. We bought a home. We have since had a house fire a year later and right now we're renting. We decided that we were going to get married at the beginning of next year in March, and we decided that at the beginning of this year. Right, Slow down, pump the brakes. But, well, he, he got re baptized. He got baptized for the first time. He has always been a, A complete non believer was against it. And after the fire, he got baptized. I got saved again. My daughter's been saved again. And it was definitely something that as a family we were moving towards in the holy, trying to live life right in God's eyes.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

And so the fire was kind of the catalyst for all of you, is that what you're saying?

[Caller (Sarah)]

Oh, absolutely. And we're all still on that page. We're devout and Bible study and church and all that good stuff. But we just realized that we're not going to be able to afford the wedding. And there have been other things, infidelity, stuff like that that has happened throughout our past. Trauma that's just kind of carried over.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

And have you done any counseling?

[Caller (Sarah)]

We have not. We've talked about it plenty of times. And honestly, where we're at right now, there's not very many resources.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

What do you mean by that?

[Caller (Sarah)]

In our church, there are not very mental health reasons, not very many mental health resources.

[Dave Ramsey]

I come from in the middle of nowhere, Alabama.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Okay. So. Okay, well, there are, I mean there are really great online.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Like better help, like better help those guys. So. Okay, let's play pretend for a second. Meet every dollar budgeters, Christy and Steve. Their life is chaotic, but their money is simple because they budget with every dollar. Budgeting with the spreadsheet took a ton.

[Caller (Sarah)]

Of time, but now with every dollar, I can do a budget in five minutes.

[Dave Ramsey]

And tracking purchases is just as simple.

[Caller (Sarah)]

It's so freeing to know exactly where your money is going.

[Dave Ramsey]

It just takes that stress out of the day to day life. You got this Hannigan family. Every dollar. Create your free account today. Let's play pretend for a second. Are you, you've been doing this a long time.

[Caller (Sarah)]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

You have two kids that if we keep this up much more they're going to be in college. I mean this is just going On a long time. Your spiritual awakening is wonderful that you met God and I want to start living by the book. So the ship has sailed on little 18 year old Sarah walking down the aisle in an expensive wedding in a white dress. That was like a decade ago. It's gone. So go get married like today, tomorrow.

[Caller (Sarah)]

What if everything isn't where it should be?

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

You've been going this long.

[Dave Ramsey]

You've been going this long. You know where everything. What, what is not in the right place. My God. I mean, if it's, if it's not where it should be, you should have been gone like five years ago.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Yeah. And Sarah, with the life changes that you guys are making, I'd like to think that the worst is behind you guys and that you're going to start going in another direction. And to Dave's point. Yeah. Today or next week, when you get married and you go down to the courthouse and you just fill out the papers and legalize it for all of your benefit, there could be a day in the future where you renew your vows and you do the white dress and you walk down the aisle and you do that big party that you wanted. But just because that's not going to be today or next week when you get married doesn't mean it can't happen ever.

[Dave Ramsey]

I just want to break this idea that you need to save up for a big wedding. That's like, that was a decade ago. Just go get married.

[Caller (Sarah)]

But I don't even want a big wedding.

[Dave Ramsey]

Then why do you need money for a wedding then? You don't need money for a wedding. I mean, just go down the call your preacher and say, can you marry us? And he'll say yes. We met God. We met God. And we know that now we need to be married in order to sleep together. And so we're going to get married. Will you marry us? We want to be right. We want to do this right. And preacher's going to say yes. And then you go get your license and you go get married.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

And if it makes you feel any better, this is a small technicality, but it could make you feel better. You know, you go, everybody gets married and gets the license before they walk down the aisle in the dress. Everybody. Because you have to have that first. And you that the legal part's done first anyway. So for you, you're just going to be delaying the part where you walk down the aisle, but everybody gets the certificate first.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Have you a celebration. But I mean, you guys have been doing this for 13 freaking years. I Mean, this is not. It's not like. Yeah, it's. That's in the rearview mirror. But the only question I've got is, you do want to make sure that you're saying, okay, now that we're in this head space of. We're walking with God now, and both of us are there, and we've been through the trauma of a house fire, which is very traumatic. Now that we've done all that, I'm looking in the eyes of my two kids that the two of you made together, and you're going, okay, is there anything that's so broken here that we can't work through it? Because to me, it's almost as if you've been married 13 years and you're calling me, asking me if you need to get a divorce. And I didn't hear anything in this discussion that called for that.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

That's a good way to look at it, Dave.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so, you know, the only question is, now we're formalizing this because we have a better spiritual understanding of how life works. And we're going to plug into that, and you're just going to formalize it. And here's what. Then what you're saying is for better, for worse, baby.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Yep.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

It does hit different, though, when you put that. When you put the ring on it, because then there's no escape valve. You know what I mean? But they do need to do premarital counseling. Even though they've been together 13 years.

[Dave Ramsey]

I just go do marital counsel.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Yeah, marital counsel.

[Dave Ramsey]

Before you get married. Okay. We kind of ought to dig through this toy box a little bit and see what's going on here. There's stuff going on here in here. And make sure we've got that kind of stuff cleared out. Because, I mean, it's like we were with some friends this weekend. Had been married 50 years. We've been married 43 years.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Wow.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's how old we are. We had to shoot dinosaurs out of the yard to get married. And so you know what? They were laughing. I said, sharon, they said, what's the secret? And Sharon said, david says, if I leave, he's going with me.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

There you go.

[Dave Ramsey]

And that's the secret.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

You're not getting away.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's about how it sounded, too. She dropped into that southern hillbilly mountain twang and went all down in it. I'm just saying. But, yeah. Wow, that's great. That's the truth. I told her it's an old Zig Ziglar line. I've been telling her for years. I said, if you leave, I'm going with you. Just, you know, go ahead and pack both suitcases because I'll be following you right along. Otherwise, I'll go hungry. Not good. So, hey, kiddo. I'm proud for where you guys are, and I'm proud for where you're going. The best is in front of you. The worst is behind you. You start walking with Jesus, and both of you do that, you'll learn things that you never learned before. You'll see things you've never seen before then. And it won't be without its problems. It won't be without bumps in the road, but you will get there. And you're setting those kids up for a much better life. You're setting yourselves up for a much better life, and I'm proud for where you're going.

[Co-host (Christy Wright)]

Three most important decisions I ever made. Number one, following Jesus. Number two, who I married Sam Warshaw. Number three, choosing to get on a plan for money and get out of debt and build wealth. Three most important.

[Dave Ramsey]

There we go. Boom. Big list. Big list. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.