I've Been Financially Supporting My Boyfriend For Years (He Refuses to Get A Job)

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode Title: I've Been Financially Supporting My Boyfriend For Years (He Refuses to Get A Job)
Date: March 2, 2026
Host(s): George Kamel & Dr. John Delony
Guest/Caller: Madison (Caller)
Duration: ~8 minutes

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Episode Overview

This episode tackles the emotionally fraught situation of a listener, Madison, who has financially supported her boyfriend for over two years while he refuses to get a job. Hosts George Kamel and Dr. John Delony offer candid advice on money boundaries, manipulation, and the importance of setting clear expectations in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Madison’s Situation (00:06 – 01:21)

• Madison explains her boyfriend has been unemployed for two and a half years.
• She supports the family financially, including their children.
• The boyfriend claims getting a job "would not benefit him," accusing Madison of potentially misusing any money he earns.
• Madison’s main question: "Am I being financially abused?" She adds that he worked on remodeling an Airbnb for about a year, but the rental only just covers expenses and isn’t profitable yet.

Notable Quote:

"He said he didn't want to get a job because it wouldn't benefit him, that I would just misuse the money somehow."
— Madison (00:43)

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Hosts’ Immediate Reaction & Assessment (01:21 – 02:56)

• Dr. Delony questions the semantics of "abuse" but asserts clear manipulation is taking place.
• Both express concern about the boyfriend’s reasoning, calling it manipulative and a major red flag.
• Delony asserts that the boyfriend is deeply broken and that Madison cannot fix him—he needs professional help and firm boundaries.

Notable Quotes:

"That statement … is about as manipulative as I've ever seen."
— Dr. John Delony (02:33)

"This guy is an absolutely broken human being. And that's not an insult. That's an actual diagnosis."
— Dr. John Delony (02:35)

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Suggested Action Steps & Setting Boundaries (02:56 – 04:06)

• Dr. Delony and George advise: Do not continue to enable this situation.
• Clear ultimatum: Financial support will end unless the boyfriend actively supports Madison and their children.
• If boyfriend reacts with blame or guilt, that’s confirmation of ongoing manipulation; change must require ownership and action from him.

Notable Quote:

"We are not going to continue our relationship the way it is now. If you aren’t going to support me and the children ... you’re out."
— Dr. John Delony (03:01)

"His response will be your decision. If he takes ownership in action, there's possible hope ... If he plays the blame game, tries to guilt you ... then you’ve just confirmed all of your suspicions."
— George Kamel (03:48)

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The “Friend Test” & Outside Perspective (04:06 – 05:27)

• Dr. Delony asks Madison to imagine what advice she’d give a friend in her shoes.
• Madison acknowledges she’d want her friend to be treated better and suggests counseling.
• Both agree: if a partner refuses counseling, you do not have to stay in the unhealthy situation.
• Madison emphasizes her belief that men should provide and protect; if he can’t or won’t, it’s no longer a healthy relationship.

Notable Quote:

"If it was your friend ... you'd want them to be treated better."
— Madison (04:24)

"She doesn’t have to live that way. I 100% believe that biblically, men should provide and protect."
— Madison (04:52)

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Is This Abuse? & Setting Technical Boundaries (05:27 – 07:30)

• Hosts clarify they aren’t mental health professionals but agree Madison is being manipulated to the edge of abuse.
• George Kamel adds technical/legal perspective: they aren’t married, so he has no right to her money.
• Emphasize the need to separate finances immediately and require counseling as a next step.
• Warning not to allow the boyfriend to characterize boundary-setting as a threat.

Notable Quote:

"Your generosity has replaced his urgency ... if you're hungry ... you go find some food, don't you?"
— George Kamel (07:06)

"I would say put up or shut up ... he needs to go to counseling, and we're going to find out from a professional whether or not he's willing to do the work."
— Dr. John Delony (07:31)

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Final Advice & Empowerment (07:30 – End)

• Hosts commend Madison for her perspective and highlight how hard it is to take your own advice.
• Final charge: prioritize self-care so she’s able to care for her children.
• Emphasize that cohabitation without commitment leads to unclear expectations—and why marriage can bring clarity and shared responsibility.

Notable Quote:

"Take care of you so that you can take care of them. That’s the advice today."
— Dr. John Delony (08:06)

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Important Timestamps

• 00:06 – 01:21: Madison details her boyfriend's unemployment and financial stance.
• 01:21 – 02:56: Hosts discuss manipulation vs. abuse and boyfriend's brokenness.
• 02:56 – 04:06: Immediate suggested boundaries and expected boyfriend reactions.
• 04:06 – 05:27: “Friend Test” – Madison gives advice to an imaginary friend.
• 05:27 – 07:30: Abuse discussion, legal/financial boundaries, ultimatum strategies.
• 07:30 – End: Empowerment, self-care, and the importance of relationship clarity.

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Key Takeaways

• Madison’s boyfriend’s refusal to work, manipulation, and financial dependency are severely damaging to the relationship and family.
• Clear boundaries—ending financial support and separating finances—paired with a strong stance on counseling and accountability are crucial.
• Manipulation is not the same as abuse, but can quickly escalate and should be addressed with both compassion and firmness.
• Madison is encouraged to follow the advice she’d give a friend: prioritize health, safety, and stability for herself and her children.

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Hosts’ Final Thoughts:

"You know what to do, so go do it. We're cheering you on."
— Dr. John Delony (07:53)

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I've been dealing with some long, ongoing unemployment in my relationship. My partner has been unemployed for two and a half years, and most recently, when taking him through the finances, he kind of shut down. Got upset that I was doing things wrong, but that he didn't want to get a job because it would not benefit him. I'd misuse it somehow.

[C]

I'm. Okay. So. Okay, hold of the question. Did I hear you say he's not been working for two and a half years? And he said he doesn't want to get a job because it's not beneficial for what? I didn't catch that last part of that sentence.

[B]

Of course, he said he didn't want to get a job because it wouldn't benefit him, that I would just misuse the money somehow.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Can I ask another question? Why are you still in this relationship?

[B]

We have children together.

[C]

Okay, but you're not married.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

You can have children together and still not have this cohabitation resentment bubbling up here.

[C]

This is a fact. Okay, but we stopped you. You were about to get to your main question before George and I, because we have lots of thoughts. I can already tell you what is your question.

[B]

So my main question is, am I being financially abused? But I want to add a layer to that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

So we in an Airbnb, like, remodel and rental together. So he spent a lot of his time over one of those years in reworking that house and getting it running. So he says that he's working and he's adding value to the relationship through that.

[C]

Is. Is the Airbnb actually making money?

[B]

We are in our fifth month, and it's paying the bills, but it's not turning a profit.

[C]

Well, okay, do you have any evidence? Let's say we were in a court of law and I said, give me evidence that your boyfriend is abusing you financially. What evidence would you give me?

[B]

The. Just the lack of support and provision.

[C]

Yeah. I don't think you're being abused, but I don't think semantics matter here. I do think you're being manipulated. That statement you gave George and I, to start off the call, where he looked at you with a straight face, presumably, and said with some sort of conviction that a job would not benefit him because you would misuse the money is about as.

[A]

Yeah, he turned it right around to

[C]

you as a case of manipulation I've ever seen. This guy is an absolutely broken human being. And that's not an Insult. That's an actual diagnosis. I could insult him. I'm not going to because I don't think it helps you. But he's broken. He's deeply broken. He's got to go get some help, and you can't give it to him. And I think he needs some boundaries. I really do.

[B]

What would you suggest?

[A]

I can't continue to support you financially.

[C]

Yeah. We are not going to continue our relationship the way it is now. If you aren't going to support me and the children, if we aren't going to support these kids we've made, you're out. This show is sponsored by Better Help. No matter if you just met someone or if you have been married forever, no one has all of the relationships relationship answers. But therapy can help you figure things out. And to do that, I recommend BetterHelp. BetterHelp is an online therapy platform with over 30,000 licensed therapists, and they're trusted by millions of people around the world. When it comes to love and relationships, everyone is still finding their way. Find yours with my friends at BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com Ramsey to get 10% off your first month, you're out.

[A]

And here's what's easy. His response will be your decision. If he takes ownership in action, there's possible hope and repair for this relationship. And if he doesn't, if he plays the blame game, tries to guilt you, if he panics and gets defensive and makes it your problem, well, then you know you've just confirmed all of your suspicions.

[C]

Yeah. Let me flip it if I might, Madison, just for a moment. Okay. Let's say you had a girlfriend that was in this exact situation and she told you over lunch or coffee what was going on. What would your advice to her be?

[B]

Man, it's tough when you look at it from that perspective. It's definitely shocking. If it was your friend and they were asking you for help, you'd want them to be treated better.

[C]

100%, which is why I'm keeping you there.

[A]

But.

[C]

And what else would you tell her to do?

[B]

Counseling. That was the first thing I would go to.

[C]

Not a bad idea. And what. And what would you tell her to do if the boyfriend or the husband wouldn't go to counseling, what would you tell her to do?

[B]

She doesn't have to live that way. I 100% believe that biblically, men should provide and protect. And if he's not able to do that, then she's not in a healthy relationship anymore.

[C]

Yeah. And wouldn't you, after you left her Wouldn't you, in the car wonder what else is going on behind the scenes or what might develop long term? If he's doing this over money, what happens when the kids are older and there becomes major decisions? Wouldn't you think, man, there's a whole lot to this onion. Would you think something like that, yes or no?

[B]

Yeah, it definitely opens up a can of worms.

[C]

Yeah, this. Listen, I hope this works out for you, but, yeah, you are headed towards abuse. And I, a professional, might call it abuse. Neither one of us are mental health professionals, so I don't want to.

[A]

We can't diagnose it clinically.

[C]

Yeah, I don't want to label it that, but you are being manipulated and it's not okay. And so you need to take action right away. He needs very clear boundaries that this is not okay. You don't feel safe and you're not going to do this with the kids. And it's not a threat, by the way, because I can tell you, somebody like this is going to go, are you threatening me? And you go, no. Because, see, a threat is what a bully does on the playground. This is not a threat. This is what's going to happen. And don't play the game. Don't get sucked into this, because if he says something like that, he's trying to make you feel bad. No, it's not a threat. I'm telling you, we can't keep doing this. And so we. We go see somebody. Now, by the way, I'm the only one working, so I'll pay for it. But you could also point out to him in all this, and this is where I want to bring George in really quick because there's some technical stuff to this that I know you can put some emotional language around. They aren't married, so he has no right to her money. I want you to bring in the technical aspect as if. As if you were sitting with this couple going, hey, pal, this Sparky. Let me give you some realities.

[A]

Well, yeah, this is cohabitation. And I don't know what the laws are in Utah about what his rights are and what he's protected and entitled to. But the longer you enable the irresponsibility, the worse this is going to get. Because here's what's happened. Your generosity has replaced his urgency. Because if you're hungry and you need to eat and no one's going to provide it, you go find some food, don't you?

[C]

And he has no right to her money. None.

[A]

Correct. I mean, if this was in the court of law, they'd go, all right, there's going to be, you know, you guys are going to figure out how to cover the children together, but he's on his own to figure it out.

[C]

So one of the things you do right away is we're going to get counseling and we're separating finances. If there's anything you're sharing right now, I would stop that immediately so that he knows you're serious.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

And then I would say put up or shut up. Not that way. This is us telling you. But, you know, he needs to go to counseling. And then we're going to find out from a professional whether or not he's willing to do the work. This is the ultimate. I love the advice you gave your friend. I think you're a good friend, Matt. I said I think you got a good head on your shoulders. And the reason I put you in that little exercise is sometimes it's very hard. And I appreciate you called George and I today. It's hard for us to give ourself advice, but the advice you gave your friend is the advice for yourself. You know what to do, so go do it. We're cheering you on. But this is not just about you anymore. This is about those kiddos 100% take care of you so that you can take care of them. That's the advice today. So sorry you're going through this, George. This is a reason why, 7,000th reason why that you need to be married. So we've got full commitment. We know what we're getting into.

[A]

Some skin in the game here.

[C]

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