"I've Kind Of Hidden Our Financial Problems From My Husband"

Summary

Summary of "I've Kind Of Hidden Our Financial Problems From My Husband"

The Ramsey Show Highlights episode titled "I've Kind Of Hidden Our Financial Problems From My Husband," released on April 24, 2025, delves into the financial struggles of Rita and her husband. Over the course of the episode, host Dave Ramsey and expert Chris Hogan provide actionable advice to address significant debt issues, fostering open communication, and rebuilding financial stability within a marriage.

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1. Introduction to Rita’s Financial Dilemma

Rita, a 63-year-old teacher, reaches out to the show to discuss her and her 60-year-old husband’s mounting financial problems. Married for 36 years, their relationship has been overshadowed by persistent debt, leaving them anxious about their financial future and retirement prospects.

• Rita’s Financial Snapshot (00:06):
  • Credit Card Debt: $44,000
  • Truck Payment: $800/month with an outstanding balance of $34,000 (02:53)
  • Student Loans: $200,000 combined
  • Income: $5,635 monthly take-home pay (01:10)
  • Retirement Savings: Essentially nonexistent, relying solely on their home

2. Exploring the Root Causes

Rita attributes their debt to both partners pursuing higher education later in life. Her husband earned two master's degrees in teaching, which, despite increasing their salaries slightly, did not sufficiently offset their accumulating debt. Rita expresses regret over their late start in financial planning, noting they likely began in their mid-50s (00:45).

• Educational Impact:
  • Rita’s husband’s advanced degrees contributed to higher earnings but were insufficient against the backdrop of significant debt (01:25).

3. Income and Debt Analysis

During the discussion, Chris Hogan and Dave Ramsey scrutinize Rita’s financials, revealing a disparity between income and debt obligations. Despite their educational qualifications, their combined take-home pay is modest compared to their debt load.

• Income Breakdown (01:17):
  • Rita and her husband each earn approximately $30,000 annually, totaling $60,000 before debt obligations (01:10-01:25).

4. Hidden Financial Struggles

Rita admits to concealing the extent of their financial problems from her husband, attributing this to her desire to protect him and manage the stress alone (03:01). This secrecy has exacerbated their financial turmoil, as joint decision-making is hindered.

• Confession of Concealment (03:06):
  • Rita: "I've kind of hidden it from him. So that's my fault."

5. Expert Advice: Confronting the Problem Together

Dave Ramsey and Chris Hogan emphasize the importance of transparency and joint action in overcoming financial crises. They outline several steps Rita and her husband must take to regain control.

a. Create a Detailed Budget

Chris Hogan stresses the necessity of drafting a comprehensive budget using the EveryDollar app, which they promote for managing finances effectively (06:01).

• Action Item: Download and utilize the EveryDollar budgeting tool to track and allocate every dollar of income.

b. Open Communication

The experts urge Rita to have an honest conversation with her husband about their financial situation, laying out all debts and income to confront the reality together.

• Dave Ramsey’s Guidance (03:27):
  • Dave Ramsey: "You get to be a man when you're 60. No way around it. You got to deal with it."

c. Asset Liquidation

Ramsey advises selling the $34,000 truck to eliminate a significant debt burden immediately. He highlights that retaining depreciating assets like the truck only hinders debt repayment.

• Truck Sale Recommendation (02:58):
  • Chris Hogan: "Oh, yeah, sell that today."

d. Prioritize Debt Repayment

Both experts recommend adopting a strict debt repayment plan, potentially living frugally ("beans and rice") to accelerate debt elimination and start saving for retirement.

• Debt Elimination Strategy (06:27):
  • Dave Ramsey: "We can either sell your truck and buckle down and get on beans and rice and both take extra jobs."

6. Emotional Barriers and Sentimental Assets

Rita reveals that her husband’s attachment to a $500,000 cabin inherited from his father complicates the decision to sell the truck. The emotional value tied to the cabin creates resistance to liquidating it for financial relief (04:44).

• Emotional Attachment Explanation (04:44):
  • Rita: "He inherited a cabin in Colorado that's free and clear. It's worth about $500,000. And so he doesn't want to sell the cabin because it's emotional."

7. Rebalancing Assets and Liabilities

Dave Ramsey explains the importance of balancing assets and liabilities to achieve financial health. He points out that holding onto high debt while possessing valuable assets like the cabin without liquidating necessary assets like the truck perpetuates their financial instability.

• Asset-Liability Balance (06:46):
  • Dave Ramsey: "You traded the two. You got a $500,000 asset, over here, you got $200,000 debt. And the sooner you fix that, the sooner you can get in gear and start saving and actually retire."

8. Final Recommendations and Homework

The experts conclude with concrete steps for Rita and her husband:

1. Implement a Budget: Use the EveryDollar app to manage income and expenses meticulously.
2. Communicate Openly: Schedule a discussion to lay out all financial details and agree on a repayment plan.
3. Sell the Truck: Liquidate the high-debt asset to reduce financial strain.
4. Live Frugally: Adopt a cost-cutting lifestyle to accelerate debt repayment and build savings.
5. Reassess Asset Holdings: Consider selling sentimental assets if they impede financial recovery.

• Chris Hogan’s Homework Assignment (08:26):
  • Chris Hogan: "You're downloading every dollar tonight... you sit with your husband and say, we have a crisis."

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Notable Quotes

• Rita on Debt:

  • "We've been married 36 years, and most of our marriage has been full of debt." (00:06)

• Dave Ramsey on Husband’s Responsibility:

  • "He gets to be a man and own his choices and go, my family is in jeopardy." (04:10)

• Chris Hogan on Budgeting:

  • "First homework is, you got to have a budget. If you don't know where your money is going, you don't have a plan." (06:27)

• Dave Ramsey on Financial Decisions:

  • "You've got to stop it. You've got to chop some stuff." (06:01)

Conclusion

In this episode, The Ramsey Show Highlights tackles the complex issue of hidden financial struggles within a marriage. Through Rita’s honest account and the insightful guidance of Dave Ramsey and Chris Hogan, listeners gain a clear understanding of the steps necessary to overcome significant debt. The episode underscores the importance of transparency, disciplined budgeting, and joint commitment to financial recovery, providing a roadmap for couples facing similar challenges.

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For more personalized financial advice, visit EveryDollar and explore tools to manage your budget effectively.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today.

[Rita]

I'm 63. My husband is 60. We've been married 36 years, and most of our marriage has been full of debt. Right now we have about 44,000 in credit card debt. We have an $800 truck payment, 200,000 between the two of us in student loans. And I just feel we have no retirement whatsoever except our home, you know?

[Dave Ramsey]

And so help me with how you have 200,000 in student loans at 64 years old.

[Rita]

Oh, we're late bloomers.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Who's the doctor?

[Rita]

I know my husband felt the need to go and get two master's degrees. He's a teacher, and I'm a teacher. And. And so we. We got a late start, probably in our mid-50s. And I taught. You know, I'm teaching. Wonderful.

[Dave Ramsey]

So one of them was not in math.

[Rita]

No, I know. No.

[Dave Ramsey]

Wow.

[Chris Hogan]

So what are your incomes between the two of you with these degrees and these careers?

[Rita]

So between the both of us, I added it up. Take home only is $5,635 a month.

[Chris Hogan]

Okay, wait a minute.

[Dave Ramsey]

You make 60,000. You make $30,000 a piece. And he has two master's degrees?

[Rita]

Well, yes, in teaching, it helped him make more money, but our. Our debt just seems to.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait a minute. You don't make anything. Teachers that have two master's degrees should each be making 60. What are you doing? Are y'all working in a preschool?

[George]

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[Dave Ramsey]

Are y'all working in a preschool?

[Rita]

No, he's teaching high school, and I'm teaching middle school.

[Chris Hogan]

So that was your take home. What's come. What is it before that? Are you taking a bunch out of your check?

[Rita]

Oh, well, for the credit card debt, not. I don't even know how much it's taking out of that.

[Chris Hogan]

It's doing it automatically.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, you're paying the truck payment and the credit card debt and you're putting money in retirement and you got all this.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And you're getting a tax refund too, probably.

[Rita]

Right.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, so you might be making 120. So what do you owe on the truck?

[Rita]

Oh, goodness, about 34,000, which is about what it's worth.

[Chris Hogan]

Oh, yeah, sell that today.

[Dave Ramsey]

Sell it.

[Rita]

That's the problem. I don't think my husband's willing to sell it.

[Dave Ramsey]

Then I don't think I can help you.

[Chris Hogan]

Does he know that you have. Does he. Does he feel that you guys have a financial problem?

[Rita]

I've. I've kind of hidden it from him. So that's my fault. That's my fault.

[Chris Hogan]

So if you, if you told him today, hey, we have 44,000 in credit card debt and 200,000 in student loans, that would be a light bulb moment for him. He doesn't know that it would.

[Rita]

And if I may recommend.

[Dave Ramsey]

He picked up the truck. He drives it. He didn't think that Santa Claus brought it. And he picked up the two master's degrees. He didn't think Santa Claus brought those.

[Rita]

Very true. But.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, he may not know the exact numbers, but he knows.

[Chris Hogan]

He's.

[Dave Ramsey]

He. He has made a mess, and he knows it.

[Rita]

And I feel like I've allowed him to because when his dad died, he gave him a hundred thousand dollars.

[Chris Hogan]

But listen, you're both, you're both complicit because you're married, right? You're both in on this. It's just the level. Whatever the level of denial is or the level of. You know what I'm saying? So you're both in on it. You know, we can go back and forth on who. Who did what and who knows what, but you're both in on it. So I.

[Dave Ramsey]

Both of you are required to fix it.

[Chris Hogan]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

And if he does not want to buckle down and clean up the mess that, by and large, he is responsible for, it was his choice to buy a truck. It was his choice to go to school and get degrees that have not monetized. These were his choices. And so now at 60 years old, he gets to be a man and own his choices and go, my family is in jeopardy. I've got to sell my truck. Your family is in jeopardy. He has to sell his truck. By the way, this is not an option.

[Rita]

This is why he won't sell his truck. Because when his father died, he Inherited a cabin in Colorado that's free and clear. It's worth about $500,000. And so he doesn't want to sell the cabin because it's emotional. His dad memory is tied to it.

[Chris Hogan]

What's that got to do with the truck?

[Rita]

Yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Chris Hogan]

I mean, you linked it. I'm. I'm asking that as a real question. Is there a link or.

[Rita]

Oh, he feels that once we sell the cabin someday that he'll be able to pay the truck off and.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, you get a. You got a choice. Friday, one of them goes up for sale. You decide.

[Rita]

Okay.

[Chris Hogan]

It sounded like the cabin had way more sentimental value. When I look at this, I go, okay, the truck, you're not even upside down. You get rid of that today. Do you have any money saved anywhere liquid?

[Rita]

We have. We have $30,000 in our checking account, but I don't. I don't want to pay anything off with that because that's my security nest over the summer when he doesn't get paid.

[Chris Hogan]

Okay. Oh, you're. But you guys make enough throughout the year.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. Work in the summer, and I don't.

[Rita]

Get paid where it goes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Oh, work in the summer when you don't get paid. That's what other teachers do.

[Chris Hogan]

Two homeworks. First homework is, you got to have a budget. If you don't know where your money. When you said that, I said, okay, they don't have a budget. There's no plan for the money. So you're downloading every dollar tonight. Second homework is, when you go to open up every dollar tonight because you've already downloaded it, you sit with your husband and say, we have a crisis. And I don't know if you know it, but here's what it is. And you start laying out those numbers and say, I have a solution. And you've gotta open up the lines of communication.

[Dave Ramsey]

Tonight, there's a couple of things we can do. We can either sell your truck and buckle down and get on beans and rice and both take extra jobs, or we can talk about selling the cabin. Now, we cannot stay on the trajectory making the stupid butt decisions we've been making for the last decade and have anything but Alpo for retirement. You've gotta say this out loud.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah, you do.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. I'm scared for you, honey. I want you to go win, but I'm scared for you, because every time we bring up something, there's a reason to not do it. You've got about five things you've been doing wrong. You Got to reverse all of those in dramatic fashion and then slam on the accelerator in the other direction. Okay, Number one, you're not disclosing and working together on every detail of your budget and your future. You're treating him like he's a little boy and his feelings are hurt when his daddy died, and so he can't make a grown man decision. Sorry. You get to be a man when you're 60. No way around it. You got to deal with it. Okay, Number one, so you got to be on the budget. You got to be on the same page. Number two, you guys are going to have to chop something with a freaking machete because you have a mess because you've been spending money like you're in Congress around there and you've got to stop it. You've got to chop some stuff. And this car is one of them. But the car really points to the cabin. If I woke up in your shoes and I was him and I had to come. Jesus meeting and I decided I was going to be a grown man, the decision I made to go get two master's degrees that I couldn't afford to do was the day I made the decision to sell the daddy's cabin. You didn't mean to sue it, but that's the day. That's exactly what happened. You lost the cabin when you went and got two master's degrees that didn't monetize. That's what you did. You traded the two. Because it's a balance sheet thing. You got over here, you got a $500,000 asset, over here, you got $200,000 debt. And the sooner you fix that, the sooner you can get in gear and start saving and actually retire. Not eat Alpo.

[Chris Hogan]

That's right. And, Rita, you need to run actual numbers. Because what's going to make this compelling, not just to you, but to your husband, is to say, hey, here's what we have. You know, teachers, they set aside, you know, you have to pay into the pension. Here's what we have. If we continue to go at this rate, here's what our retirement will look like dollar wise. Here's what we'll be bringing in. And that's going to shed some light when we compare that with what we owe on our mortgage and what we have to, like, real numbers are going to make this a very compelling argument for you guys to do what Dave said and go in the opposite direction.

[Dave Ramsey]

So 36 years you've been taking care of him, and now it's time for him to step up and say, I'm going to be a man and we're gonna make grown up decisions together because we have made a mess. By and large, he has made a mess. That's what it is. You're trying to take care of him. You're trying for him not to have any hurt feelings. Tuffies, you signed up for this trip. He did. And he gets to take it. I'm sorry. This is the Ramsey Show. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.