Move In With My Mom So She Can Leave Her Boyfriend?

Summary

The Ramsey Show Highlights: "Move In With My Mom So She Can Leave Her Boyfriend?" Date: March 21, 2026
Host: Dave Ramsey & Rachel Cruze
Caller: Alyssa

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruze respond to a caller, Alyssa, who is facing a difficult family and financial decision: Should she move out of her apartment (owned by her mother and her mother's partner), let her mother move in, or relocate herself and leave her mom to figure things out as her mother plans to leave her boyfriend? The conversation centers on financial boundaries, personal responsibility, and the emotional complexities of family ties, particularly when property and finances are intertwined.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Alyssa’s Situation and Dilemma

• Alyssa pays $2,600/month to live in an apartment owned by her mom and her mom's partner.
• Her mom and partner recently bought a home ($4,300/month mortgage) and left Alyssa in the apartment.
• Now, Alyssa's mom wants to leave her partner and rearrange living situations:
  • Mother move back into Alyssa's apartment,
  • Alyssa move into the house,
  • Mother’s partner into the apartment,
  • Or some similar, complicated musical-chairs setup.

Notable Moment

• Rachel Cruze and Dave Ramsey ask for clarity around who owns what and challenge Alyssa to identify what she wants, not just what’s being requested by her mother.
  • Dave Ramsey (01:03): “What was your knee-jerk reaction? What is your feeling right now? What decision do you think is right for you?”
  • Alyssa (01:22): “My immediate reaction would be, have my mom move in, though it would be a big change... I run a business out of my house.”

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2. Boundaries and Manipulation

• Hosts' firm stance: The problem with rearranging living situations to accommodate the mother is that Alyssa is being asked to clean up an issue she didn't cause.

Notable Quotes

• Dave Ramsey (02:31): “Not your problem.”
• Rachel Cruze (02:32): “It’s not your problem, though.”
• Dave Ramsey (02:43): “Mom is trying to manipulate you. My viewpoint is to move in to help her with a mortgage that… can’t handle that.”
• Rachel Cruze (02:57): “There’s no boundaries. She’s leaning on you. Almost like a second.”

Key Insight (03:53): Rachel suggests the radical step of moving out entirely, becoming “a complete bystander in this,” to avoid unhealthy family entanglement that could derail Alyssa’s financial progress.

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3. Financial and Legal Implications

• Alyssa isn’t listed as an owner on any properties, limiting her long-term security.
• Her goal is to pay off $30,000 in debt, and moving could threaten her progress.
  • Alyssa (05:25): “I pay about $2,600 a month in total with everything. My goal this year is... to pay off my $30,000 in debt... I just don’t know... I guess, why, that’s... Why is it going to be what’s going to make it more difficult if you move?”

Host Encouragement

• Ramsey and Cruze pressure Alyssa to challenge her assumptions about cost, suggesting alternatives like roommates, a studio, or a smaller space to keep her business afloat.

  • Dave Ramsey (06:15): “All you need… two-bedroom, that’s fine. But you could get a roommate… you could get a small studio…”

• Rachel points out:

  • Rachel Cruze (06:32): “And the reason to do all this is not really a financial move. It’s more of a... boundary play.”

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4. Emotional Dynamics and Personal Growth

• Alyssa is worried about conflict and feeling guilty about leaving her mother alone.

• Rachel and Dave validate these feelings but stress self-care and emotional boundaries.

  • Dave Ramsey (07:11): “That’s going to create a problem, and Mom’s going to try to manipulate you. I have a good feeling that if you tell Mom... Mom’s going to throw the darts at you. Am I right or wrong?”
  • Alyssa (07:26): “That’s right.”

• Dave and Rachel reassure Alyssa that doing what’s best for her isn’t a betrayal:

  • Dave Ramsey (08:18): “You’re a good daughter… you are making really good decisions for you and your future, and you can’t [fix Mom’s stuff].”
  • Rachel Cruze (08:51): “When you put the boundary up, if the other person throws a fit... that was their call. You’re not wanting to break a relationship... you’re just trying to set up your own life.”

• Alyssa’s age revealed: She is only 23, making these challenges especially significant.

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5. Hosts’ Final Advice and Book Recommendations

• Dave recommends Alyssa read Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud, followed by Necessary Endings (09:20).
• Closing note of encouragement for Alyssa to maintain her boundaries and focus on her own financial and emotional health.

Notable Quote

• Dave Ramsey (09:23): “I would rather you experience the sadness of this necessary ending than deal with madness… some insanity of this revolving relationship between your mom and this guy... set up financial and emotional boundaries, I think you’re going to be great.”

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• “Not your problem.” — Dave Ramsey, (02:31)
• “There’s no boundaries. She’s leaning on you. Almost like a second.” — Rachel Cruze, (02:58)
• “I almost would just move out, get out of the middle of this triangle and just go rent an apartment. Be a complete bystander in this…” — Rachel Cruze, (03:54)
• “All you need… two-bedroom, that’s fine. But you could get a roommate… you could get a small studio…” — Dave Ramsey, (06:15)
• “You’re a good daughter… you’re making really good decisions for you and your future, and you can’t [fix Mom’s stuff].” — Dave Ramsey, (08:18)
• “When you put the boundary up, if the other person throws a fit... that was their call ... you're just trying to set up your own life.” — Rachel Cruze, (08:51)
• “I would rather you experience the sadness of this necessary ending than deal with madness.” — Dave Ramsey, (09:23)

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Establish & maintain strong boundaries with family, especially around finances and living arrangements.
• You are not obligated to solve problems created by others, even parents.
• Prioritizing your financial journey is not selfish—it's responsible.
• Guilt and sadness are natural, but should not dictate your choices.
• Sometimes, the healthiest move is to step away, even at the risk of conflict or disappointing a parent.

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Timestamps for Main Segments

• Alyssa’s Story & Options: 00:06 – 02:19
• Discussion of Boundaries & Manipulation: 02:19 – 03:54
• Financial Considerations: 05:20 – 06:32
• Boundary Setting & Emotional Support: 06:32 – 09:23

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Recommended Resources:

• Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
• Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud

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Summary:
This episode provides a compelling real-world scenario of the complexities when family ties and financial decisions intersect. Dave and Rachel champion the importance of personal autonomy, healthy boundaries, and resisting guilt-driven decisions, offering Alyssa clear, compassionate, and actionable advice supported by practical steps and empowering reassurance.

Transcript

[Dave Ramsey]

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[Alyssa (Caller)]

Should I move out of my house, which is owned by my mom and her partner? They are not married. They have two mortgages, which is the apartment I live in, which I pay in full for every month, is $2,600. They have a home that they live in. Their mortgage is $4,300. They moved out of my apartment eight months ago to move into their home. And now she want leave him. We're trying to figure out what the best move is.

[Rachel Cruze]

She wants to leave him? Is that what you said?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

She wants to leave him. And she wants to either move into my apartment or really she wants me to move into her house, the one that they're paying for together. Have him move into the apartment so no one gets, you know, quote unquote burned. But you know, that's going to be a big change in my life. And I'm.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. So let's pause right there. Let's just pause.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Okay?

[Dave Ramsey]

And I appreciate, we're honored that you called for our opinion. And believe me, we have opinions and we'll give them to you. But before we get there, let's just, let's just go where you are. Where are you at? What was your knee jerk reaction? What is your feeling right now? What decision do you think is right for you? Tell us.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

So my ideal situation would be to. I told them when they moved, I'm like, if I'm going to be paying everything, I'm paying the property tax, basically my own landlord. Why not just give me the gift of the home, of the apartment, which they didn't do. My immediate reaction would be have my mom move in, though. It would be, you know, a big change because I run a business out of my house, so it's going to be a little bit tighter. But my mom is very like pushing me to move into the house because she feels like we won't be able to get.

[Dave Ramsey]

Pause, pause.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Into another house.

[Dave Ramsey]

Pause real quick. I'm sorry. And this is because I'm not really clear and I don't want to confuse you or the audience. So you're saying apartment and house. You're currently living in a place and you said your first reaction was for mom to move in with you where you are now, correct?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Yes. Because they just took. They just moved out of the apartment which they own that I'm living in to move into their house. So they took on a 400,000.

[Dave Ramsey]

Not your problem.

[Rachel Cruze]

It's not your problem, though.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's. I Don't even care about that. And the musical houses is confusing. So you. You think the best movies for your mom to move in with you, but it comes with some headaches. That's what I heard.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Correct.

[Dave Ramsey]

All right. So if you think that's best, we start there. And I can tell you Rachel and I just said her house is not your problem and mom is trying to manipulate you. My viewpoint to move in to help her with a mortgage that.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. It sounds like there's no.

[Dave Ramsey]

Can't handle that.

[Rachel Cruze]

There's no boundaries. She's leaning on you. Almost like a second.

[Dave Ramsey]

She wants to break up.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Him move into your place. This is wacky.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. It lists any. Is your name on any of these properties from like a legal perspective of

[Alyssa (Caller)]

owning is not on any property.

[Rachel Cruze]

Okay. And then they're going to break up. So. Alyssa, I mean, this sounds extreme. I almost. Which would probably piss your mom off.

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[Rachel Cruze]

I almost. Which would probably piss your mom off, but I almost would just move out, get out of the middle of this triangle and just go rent an apartment. Be a complete bystander in this and then be able to help and coach your mom of. Hey, Mom. Yeah. These properties. Because I bet both of their names are on right on. On the apartment and the home, which is going to be a mess for your mom because they're going to have to possibly refinance to get one name off the loan. I mean, it's just going to be. It's a. It's going to be a disaster. And so if I were you, I see disaster playing out with unhealthy mom with no boundaries. And this would be a. This would be a harsh move, but it would to say, like, hey, I. I have to. I have to step away. And. And then from your point of strength, be able then to come in and help where you can and where it's appropriate, but not out of this desperation of your mom because she can't get her act together. Are you long that Sounds mean, but no.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

May I add one more thing?

[Rachel Cruze]

Absolutely.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

I don't think. Give. They've been together for over a decade. So with that said, I don't think that one of them are going to go through the headache of taking each other's name off. Like they trust each other enough, although they shouldn't. They trust each other enough and they know that they're both stable enough to.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah. So they may not, but everybody.

[Dave Ramsey]

What is. How does that change. Okay, great. How does it change what we're telling you that you should do?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

No, that doesn't. That doesn't change. I just.

[Dave Ramsey]

Just what, Michael?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

This.

[Rachel Cruze]

I mentioned $30,000. Yeah.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

So I'm not paying that much. I pay about $2,600 a month in total with everything. And my goal this year is I'm like in the baby steps. And my goal this year is to pay off my $30,000 in debt, which is more than. So I just don't know. I mean, it's just going to be more difficult, but I guess. Why, that's.

[Dave Ramsey]

Why is it going to be what's going to make it more difficult if you move?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

If I move? Why, yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Give me some evidence. You may be wrong.

[Rachel Cruze]

I think you can find it.

[Dave Ramsey]

What?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

In my area, it's probably going to be more expensive. I am going to need a two bedroom at least in order to continue running my side business.

[Dave Ramsey]

What is your side?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

I am a waxer.

[Dave Ramsey]

A waxer. Oh, yes. Sorry, got that one a little late. Okay, great. But I mean, why.

[Rachel Cruze]

But appreciate the service.

[Dave Ramsey]

But that's great. But I mean, all you need. I mean, okay, two bedroom, that's fine. But you could get a roommate split a three bedroom. You know what I mean? You could. I would challenge you to find some, some small studio. I would just look into it.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Do you know what I mean? Like a.

[Rachel Cruze]

And the reason to do all this is not really a financial move. It's more of a. Of a boundary play. Because.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. You got to get out of this.

[Rachel Cruze]

There's just a relational entanglement now.

[Dave Ramsey]

How's mom going to handle this?

[Rachel Cruze]

Or you either have to just have a. Have a strong boundary with your mom at some point in your life. Right. I mean, it sounds like she's. You're just like the third wheel. And, and you're the safety net for her when things go south. And, and, and that's just not a. That's not a blossoming relationship. You know what I mean? From a. From a daughter to a mother. So I'm just Yes. Yeah.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

I would add, I have gotten used to living by myself, so I don't really want to live with her.

[Rachel Cruze]

Yes. And you don't have to, by the way.

[Dave Ramsey]

That's going to create a problem, and Mom's going to try to manipulate you. I have a good feeling that if you tell mom, or you do what we're suggesting, that Mom's going to throw the darts at you. Am I right or wrong?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

That's right.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. So are you prepared? You don't have to be on this call, but, I mean, how prepared do you think you are to be able to stand up to that?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

I think I'm prepared. Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

I hear the emotion.

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Judgment.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. What emotion? What do you. What are you feeling? Fear. Sadness. What's going on?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

Sadness to leave her on her own. But, I mean, my. I've told her a million times, you know, my goal is to pay off my debt this year, and I've been doing a great job at that. And this is just because I gotta. It's kind of something in the middle of that, I'm gonna take on a lot more expenses, a lot more stress. I'm gonna be farther from work, the job that actually pays me good, and that I'm on track to make a hundred thousand a year for. So it's just. It's a lot.

[Dave Ramsey]

I know. Well, first of all, you're a good daughter. And there might be some thoughts that enter your head that I'm not a good daughter. Maybe your mom. I'm not saying that she will, but she might throw some statements at you that make you feel that way. And I want you to, before you leave us, to know that you're a good daughter and you are making really good decisions for you and your future, and you can't. Rachel, how many times have we taken calls with children and adult parents where you really aren't going to be able to fix Mom's stuff?

[Rachel Cruze]

And this is what Deloney says all the time, is, you know, when you put the boundary up, if the other person on the other end throws a fit and decides to, you know, from an extreme standpoint in the relationship or stopped. That's. That was their call. You didn't ask for that. You're not wanting to break a level of relationship with your mom. You're just trying to set up your own life. Alyssa, how old are you?

[Alyssa (Caller)]

I'm 23. Oh, okay.

[Rachel Cruze]

You are young.

[Dave Ramsey]

Bless you.

[Rachel Cruze]

You are young.

[Dave Ramsey]

This is a great move. Oh, Alyssa, listen.

[Rachel Cruze]

This is going to be a pattern that you set for the for the rest of your life.

[Dave Ramsey]

You know, I know you're sad right now, but I would rather you experience the sadness of this necessary ending than deal with madness. This is setting up for that. And I don't mean just the angry feeling. I mean like some insanity of this revolving relationship between your mom and this guy. And it's so commingled that I think the further you get away from this and set up financial and emotional boundaries, I think you're going to be great. I'm going to recommend a book by our dear friend Dr. Henry Cloud. It's called Boundaries. Read it and then follow that up with necessary endings. That's your one, two punch. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.