My 67-Year-Old Mom Lives With Me and I’m Getting Married (Kick Her Out?)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My 67-Year-Old Mom Lives With Me and I’m Getting Married (Kick Her Out?)
Air Date: January 18, 2026
Hosts: Dave Ramsey, Chris Hogan
Guest/Caller: Chuck

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Episode Overview

This episode tackles a heartfelt and complex question: Should a man allow his 67-year-old mother—who currently lives with him—to continue staying in his home after he marries? Chuck, a 40-year-old caller, seeks advice from Dave Ramsey and Chris Hogan about balancing care for his retired mother while starting a new chapter with his soon-to-be wife. The discussion explores financial pragmatism, healthy boundaries, and relational dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Stage: Chuck’s Situation

• Chuck is 40, engaged, owns a home (worth $550k, owes $140k), and lives with his mother.
• He has substantial savings ($130k) and a strong income ($150k–$180k), with his fiancée earning ~$72k annually.
• His mother, 67, is healthy, receives a monthly union pension and Social Security (~$2,200), and doesn’t have significant additional assets.
• Context: Chuck’s church elder recommends the newlyweds live alone for at least the first year.

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2. The Importance of Boundaries in Marriage

• Dave Ramsey and Chris Hogan both support the elder’s advice, emphasizing healthy separation.
  • [00:50] Chris Hogan: “Me too.” (on liking the elder’s counsel)
• Dave: “You do not need to be having a brand new marriage with your mom in the house. She's 67 years old. She's not 88. She just needs to have a life. Be good for her, be good for you, and it'll certainly be good for your relationship.” [02:08]
• The hosts stress that the first year is not just tradition, but a relational necessity.
  • Key Insight: Too much family proximity can complicate a marriage’s foundation.

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3. Financial Options for Mom

• Chuck’s initial plan: Use cash to buy another home for himself and his bride, allowing his mom to stay in the current house (which she could afford to maintain with her pension).

• Dave and Chris advise against this:

  • “I don't think that you have the funds to float two homes.” – Chris Hogan [03:58]
  • Rather than buying, renting an apartment for mom is more sustainable and dignified.
  • “Some autonomy for her would give her more dignity and you as well. It's going to be super healthy for your relationship with your fiancée, your wife.” – Dave Ramsey [04:09]

• Alternative Strategy: Mom can downsize to a rental, and the couple can stay in the existing house, supporting her rent if needed.

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4. Emotional and Logistical Realities

• Boundaries beyond finances:
  • “You need physical separation and emotional separation... There’s nothing evil about this. Your elder’s giving you very good relational counsel.” – Dave Ramsey [06:51]
  • Chris Hogan: “Chuck, you gotta separate from your mom is what I'm saying, buddy. That’s all. Otherwise, that's going to cause problems with the wifey, the new wife.” [06:41]
• The conversation acknowledges future flexibility (mom might one day need care), but the hosts urge a clear initial separation.
  • Dave: “If your fiancée was calling me, I'd tell her not to marry you 100% unless you had a plan for mom to stay gone.” [07:25]
    • Chris: “If she called in and said, my fiancé wants... to have my mom move back in... I would say, nah, that's a pass. Hard pass.” [07:41]

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5. Humor & Relatable Moments

• The segment ends with humor about parental boundaries:
  • Dave: “Let me just tell you the chances of Rachel Cruze letting me move in with them... The only chance I move in with them is in an urn. In an urn. On the mantel. That’s the only way I'm moving in with Rachel.” [08:05]
  • Chris: “And even still, you're in the laundry room.” [08:19]
  • “We love each other at a distance.” – Dave Ramsey [08:39]

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• [02:08] Dave Ramsey: “You do not need to be having a brand new marriage with your mom in the house. She's 67 years old... It’ll certainly be good for your relationship.”
• [04:09] Dave Ramsey: “Some autonomy for her would give her more dignity and you as well...”
• [06:41] Chris Hogan: “Chuck, you gotta separate from your mom is what I'm saying, buddy. That’s all. Otherwise, that's going to cause problems with the wifey, the new wife.”
• [07:25] Dave Ramsey: “If your fiancée was calling me, I'd tell her not to marry you 100% unless you had a plan for mom to stay gone.”
• [08:05] Dave Ramsey: “The only chance I move in with [my kids] is in an urn... on the mantel.”
• [08:39] Dave Ramsey: “We love each other at a distance.”

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Key Takeaways

• For New Marriages: Living with parents complicates the marital foundation—true separation is essential.
• For Chuck: Support your mother’s independence, perhaps help with rent, but set clear, ongoing boundaries.
• Boundaries are not neglect: Ensuring autonomy benefits everyone: dignity for the parent, stability for the couple, and healthy family dynamics.
• Long-term thinking: Prepare for possible future changes, but start with solid boundaries.

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Important Segment Timestamps

• [00:17]-[01:36]: Chuck shares background and finances
• [02:08]: Dave supports church elder’s advice—marry and live separately
• [03:58]-[04:09]: Chris and Dave caution against “floating” two homes; argue for rental plan
• [06:41]-[06:51]: Chris and Dave emphasize emotional and physical separation
• [07:25]-[07:50]: Strong advice: “No plan for mom to stay gone = hard pass on the marriage”
• [08:05]-[08:39]: Lighthearted boundary anecdotes and show wrap-up

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In sum:
The Ramsey team offers both tough love and practical advice. They advocate for clear, lasting boundaries for the sake of both the marriage and the mother’s dignity, using wisdom, candor, and a touch of humor to drive their point home.

Transcript

[Narrator]

Brought to you by CHM. A budget friendly faith based alternative to health insurance. Chministries.org budget I'm 40 years old, engaged.

[Chuck]

To be married in a couple of months.

[Dave Ramsey]

Good.

[Chuck]

And it's my mom and I in my house. I owe another 140 left on the house. I. I have a sizable cash savings. What I want to do my. My or so I'm. We're going through marriage counseling. The elder in our church is really pushing us to live alone for at least the first year.

[Dave Ramsey]

I like your elder.

[Chris Hogan]

Me too.

[Chuck]

And mom doesn't have anywhere to go. She's retired. So this was my plan and you could tell me how stupid I am, but to use the cash, I have to buy another home. And my mom has enough. She gets enough retirement to maintain the current home.

[Chris Hogan]

Is she. Is she ill?

[Chuck]

No.

[Dave Ramsey]

How old is she?

[Chuck]

She is 67.

[Dave Ramsey]

She not have any money.

[Chuck]

She. She just has her. Her union, pension and then Social Security.

[Chris Hogan]

What's the total?

[Chuck]

That's about 2200amonth.

[Chris Hogan]

And the house, did you guys buy it together or is it totally your name? You pay for everything.

[Chuck]

It's all mine.

[Chris Hogan]

Okay.

[Dave Ramsey]

What do you make of your.

[Chuck]

It's a range, but my. My base pay is 150, but it could. It swings wildly up to about 180.

[Dave Ramsey]

And your fiance. Your fiance makes what.

[Chuck]

About 72,000 a year?

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay. Okay. Number one, your elder is correct. You do not need to be having a brand new marriage with your mom in the house. She's 67 years old. She's not a. She's not 88 years old. She's not an Alzheimer's patient. She's not. She just needs to have a life. Okay. Be good for her, be good for you, and it'll certainly be good for your relationship. Good, Good counsel. I like your counsel. Okay, that's number one. So then how do. And that's your. You're in agreement. You're not arguing that. So your question is how do we get there? Most logically. All right, so there's two things. There's. One is how do we solve the short term? And then two is what is a plan that is sustainable? Because likely if she's in good health in 67, I mean we probably have a 20 year or a 30 year time horizon here for her.

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[Dave Ramsey]

We probably have a 20 year or 30 year time Horiz here for her.

[Chuck]

Right, I understand.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yes. And so what is it we're going to put in place that she can sustain her life during that period of time and then you get to have a life and you love her, you want to take care of her. But. But she doesn't have to come under your roof ever, necessarily.

[Chris Hogan]

And I don't think that you have the funds to float to two homes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. You have the income to float her, help her float an apartment for herself. And the two of you either live in this house or you sell it and buy a home that the two of you want. The two of you being your fiance, not your mother. And I think some autonomy for her would give her more dignity and you as well. It's going to be super healthy for your relationship with your fiance, your wife. And yeah, you have to do that. And so. But no, I would not buy today. I would just rent her something. And if you need to help her with the rent, fine. Now if you did that and she moved to a nice, you know, a nice one bedroom condo that you rented for her that's just out of pocket for the rent. That's not much money. Okay. Comparatively, versus buying a home. Okay. For cash. Now, would you all then live in this house, Chuck, or would you all sell this house?

[Chuck]

No, my mom would live out her days in the current home.

[Chris Hogan]

We're suggesting you get her.

[Dave Ramsey]

Suggested moving her out.

[Chuck]

Oh, well, so, so the elder was saying that try to do a year where it's just you, you and the wife. And then if, if circumstances changed and mom has to move back in, that might be okay. It's not optimal, but we, we just, we need that one year alone.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah, you do. That's. That's bare minimum is what he's saying. And what we're suggesting is don't buy.

[Dave Ramsey]

A house for one year.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah. And. And if you can, and if you can live as a couple indefinitely, you should live as a couple indefinitely is what I'm. Is what I'm saying.

[Chuck]

Like I said, the house is worth 550. I owe 140 on it. I currently have saved up 130.

[Dave Ramsey]

If your mom was in a one bedroom, nice apartment that you were helping her rent instead of in this house, would you and your fiance stay in this house?

[Chuck]

Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Okay, let's talk about Doing that. That's what I would do. If I were in your shoes. That's what I would.

[Chris Hogan]

She's not sick. There's nothing that you need to be there to take care of her. So if you can. Seven. She's got a whole life.

[Dave Ramsey]

She got 65. Okay, come on.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah, no, listen. Yes. And you've gotta. Okay, here's what I'm thinking, Dave.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm thinking I'd get a job and you gotta get 67.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah. And. And. But. But Chuck, you gotta separate from your mom is what I'm saying, buddy. That's all. Otherwise, that's going to cause problems with the wifey, the new wife.

[Dave Ramsey]

You need physical separation and emotional separation. Y' all have been. You're 40 years old. You're just getting married. There's nothing evil about this. But this is. Your elder's giving you very good relational counsel to get married.

[Chris Hogan]

Except the part of a year minimum.

[Dave Ramsey]

I would just say separate period.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And then. But your fiance knows at some point, maybe you'll have to take care of your mom. Maybe you have to take care of her mom.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah. Maybe.

[Dave Ramsey]

We don't know.

[Chris Hogan]

Never know. Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

We don't know what's coming up. But that's for better, for worse, for richer, for poor. That's for in laws in the basement for and all that.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

And so.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

So. But I'm not going to plan to be right back here in 18 months. No. That's scared. If that. Listen, if that was. If she. If your fiance was calling me, I'd tell her not to marry you 100% unless you had a plan for mom to stay gone.

[Chris Hogan]

What? Yes. If she called in and said, my.

[Dave Ramsey]

Fiance, once I have my mom move back in in 18 months, I would say, nah, that's a pass. Hard pass.

[Chris Hogan]

We would.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. I think your elders being very sweet to you, but also giving you good advice.

[Chris Hogan]

Yeah.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah, Very nice. So anyway, we're gonna be a little tougher. We're gonna be a little tougher on your buddy.

[Chris Hogan]

And it doesn't mean you don't love your mom. It just means that this is. The design is for you to go off and start your.

[Dave Ramsey]

Let me just tell you the chances of Rachel Cruz letting me move in with them at any point. In me breathe. Me breathing. The only chance I move in with them is in an urn. In an urn. On the. On the. On the mantel. That's the only way I'm moving in with Rachel. I'm just saying.

[Chris Hogan]

And even still, you're in the laundry room. You're in the.

[Dave Ramsey]

You're in the.

[Chris Hogan]

You're in the pool house.

[Dave Ramsey]

I'm in the pool house. Rocking the pool house. I want to be in the sauna. Oh, boy.

[Chris Hogan]

Oh, boy.

[Dave Ramsey]

No, it's not happening. The. The Ramses have pretty firm boundaries on this stuff. I'm just saying.

[Chris Hogan]

Very good.

[Dave Ramsey]

And we love each other at a distance.

[Chris Hogan]

Yes. Wow. Yes.

[Dave Ramsey]

Chuck, I think you got good people in your life, son. And you got a sweetheart. And you're a good man. And you've done a good job taking care of your mom. And the. By the way, she's only 67. It'd be awesome if she went and had a thing called life. That'd be really cool.

[Chris Hogan]

New 47.

[Dave Ramsey]

Yeah. I promise you I'm looking at it in the mirror.

[Narrator]

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