My Boyfriend Is Irresponsible (He Doesn't Even Have a Driver's License)

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights Episode: "My Boyfriend Is Irresponsible (He Doesn't Even Have a Driver's License)"
Release Date: July 7, 2025
Host/Author: Ramsey Network

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Introduction

In this episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights, listeners are presented with a heartfelt and relatable dilemma from Lindsay, a 25-year-old graduate student and speech-language pathologist. Her call centers on the challenges she faces in her long-term, long-distance relationship with her boyfriend, who exhibits signs of irresponsibility, such as unemployment and the absence of a driver's license.

Caller's Relationship Concerns

Lindsay reaches out seeking advice on whether her relationship is sustainable given her boyfriend's current life circumstances. She outlines her situation as follows:

• Duration and Distance: Lindsay and her boyfriend have been together for six years but are now maintaining a long-distance relationship, with him residing seven hours away in another state.

• Career and Education: While Lindsay is advancing academically and professionally—a graduate student and full-time speech-language pathologist—her boyfriend has been unemployed for the past six months. Both are graduates, but he lacks direction and ambition.

• Living Arrangements: Initially living with siblings, her boyfriend has recently moved in with his grandparents, indicating a lack of personal independence.

• Lack of Driver's License: A significant point of contention is that he does not possess a driver's license or a vehicle, which Lindsay interprets as a lack of initiative.

• Emotional Dynamics: Despite loving him and valuing him as her best friend, Lindsay feels pessimistic about the future of their relationship due to his lack of ambition and responsibility.

• Financial Perspectives: Lindsay highlights her financial stability compared to his indebtedness, expressing concerns about financial compatibility affecting their relationship.

Notable Quote:

Lindsay (03:00): "I know how, you know, money, financial, things like this can break relationships. I have, my parents have been divorced and I just don't want to follow the same footsteps."

Expert Advice and Perspectives

The hosts, Host A and Host B (George), engage with Lindsay to dissect her predicament, offering both empathetic and pragmatic advice.

1. Identifying the Core Issue:

   • Host A (00:10): Expresses enthusiasm for providing relationship advice, setting a supportive tone.
   • Host A (03:25): Attempts to clarify Lindsay's underlying question, suggesting she might be contemplating ending the relationship but feels uncertain.

2. Evaluating the Relationship's Viability:

   • Host A (04:08): Adopts a paternal role, advising Lindsay to trust her instincts and consider that love alone may not suffice if essential responsibilities are unmet.
   • Host B (05:38): Strongly supports the notion that staying in a relationship with differing values and lack of responsibility can lead to increased resentment and harm for both parties.

3. Encouraging Self-Worth and Independence:

   • Host A (07:27): Reinforces Lindsay's value, emphasizing that she deserves a partner who meets her needs.
   • Host B (06:04): Affirms that Lindsay is seeking permission to leave, highlighting that her feelings are valid and justified.

4. Addressing Underlying Issues:

   • Host A (06:30): Questions why her boyfriend hasn't taken steps to align his life with theirs, suggesting a lack of commitment or capability to make necessary changes.
   • Host A (07:35): Offers a supportive statement recognizing Lindsay's ongoing journey and resilience.

Notable Quotes:

Host A (04:08): "If you were my daughter, I would say trust your instincts. It's okay for you to love him. You have loved him. You can still love him and not be with him."

Host B (05:38): "If you feel like a babysitter in this relationship, you're stuck in this dynamic. You have very different values and goals."

Key Insights and Conclusions

The episode underscores several critical aspects of relationship sustainability, particularly when financial and personal growth disparities exist. The hosts collectively advise that:

• Self-Respect and Personal Growth: It's essential to prioritize one's own growth and stability, recognizing when a relationship may impede personal and professional development.

• Importance of Responsibility: A partner's lack of responsibility, as evidenced by unemployment and inability to obtain a driver's license, can be indicative of deeper issues that may not align with long-term relationship goals.

• Emotional Well-being: Maintaining a relationship that causes persistent pessimism and stress can be detrimental to both individuals involved.

• Empowerment to Make Tough Decisions: Individuals should feel empowered to make difficult decisions about their relationships based on their values, goals, and well-being, even when it involves leaving someone they care about.

Final Thoughts: The hosts conclude by affirming Lindsay's worth and resilience, encouraging her to make decisions that align with her future aspirations and emotional health. They validate her feelings and provide a balanced perspective that combines empathy with practical advice.

Notable Closing Quote:

Host A (07:34): "You are worth a man who can be what you need him to be."

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This episode serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities involved in balancing love with practical life considerations. It offers listeners valuable insights into evaluating their relationships and making informed decisions that prioritize their long-term happiness and stability.

Transcript

[A]

Brought to you by why refi refinance.

[B]

Your defaulted private student loans [e-mail] Ramsey.

[C]

Well, mine's kind of different. I'm calling more because of relationship advice.

[A]

It's my favorite thing, my favorite part. I'm not kidding you. I love this. What's going on?

[C]

Well, I've been going back and forth and I just figured I'd come ask the experts. I've been with my long term boyfriend for six years but we've been long distance. We were together in college and now he's in another state and about seven hours away. And I am a graduate student. I'm also working full time as a speech language pathologist and he also graduated a year after me. But he is unemployed for the last six months. He's 24, will be 25 soon and I'm 25 currently. And he does not have a driver's license, he doesn't have a car. He has been unemployed. He just does not know what he wants to do with his.

[A]

Is he living with his parents?

[C]

He was living with siblings and now he's living with his grandparents.

[A]

Lovely. And why does he not have a driver's license?

[C]

Well, I think it's because, well, from what I have been told it's been access to a car in order to I guess do the test and get what he needs and he doesn't have the best.

[B]

It sounds like you don't believe that.

[C]

It's just because I feel like if you really want something, you'll make it happen. I just, I'm not.

[B]

But do you think he's lying to you?

[C]

I don't think he's lying. I know his family dynamic and this children had to kind of like raise themselves and there has not been any like role models like you know, adult wise. So kind of having to maneuver life without a role model. He's the first generation and you know, I'm not trying to make excuses but this is just the face of the matter and it's just we're not in the same face of life so I'm just kind of like looking forward. I graduate next year and I've got a $20,000 raise that's going to come soon and he's got debt and I don't have any.

[B]

Lindsay, I'm going to cut to the chase. You don't respect this guy. Why are you with him?

[C]

Because I mean I love who he is. I mean who is. He is like he's my best friend and he, he actually became in his relationship with God in the last year or two. And so he's just showed me a lot of improvement as a person, but an aspect of just like the driving ambition. I'm just not seeing what I would like to see and it just makes me pessimistic.

[A]

So what's your question for us? You said you called the experts. What's your question.

[C]

As far as what you've seen from people who are much older than me? I know how, you know, money, financial, things like this can break relationships. I have, my parents have been divorced and I just don't want to follow the same footsteps. I want to look back and be like, you know, I made the right decision and like, you know, love can't pay the bills. Love isn't, isn't necessarily the only foundation to have.

[A]

All right, no, I get it. You're. Listen, I totally get you what I. Here's what I'm trying to do. I want you to identify what it is that you're asking us. And I think I know what is your question for us? I think you're. Here's what I think. Let me try to help you. I think you think that you should break up with this guy, but you're not sure and you wanted to get our opinion, right.

[C]

Like, I just didn't know if it's too soon considering, like too soon to do what age to break up. Because I feel like I'm being impatient.

[A]

No, I actually am old enough to be your dad. So can I be your, can I be your show dad, please?

[C]

Because I don't have one.

[A]

Oh, bless your heart.

[C]

That's okay.

[A]

I'm going to be your dad on this. If you were my daughter, I would say trust your instincts. It's okay for you to love him. You have loved him. You can still love him and not be with him. And I don't think he is in a place in his life where he can be the level of boyfriend that you deserve at this stage in your life. You're not a 16 year old girl anymore.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think you have to love him enough to let him go for now. And in letting him go, we're going to find out if he has the grit to continue to grow from his faith, conversion and what's going on inside of him spiritually. Yay for that. But he still gotta step out into the real world and overcome the junk that he dealt with growing up. Seems like his siblings have on some level. And so you need to be his friend right now, not his girlfriend. That's my dad advice and move forward as though he is somebody that you have loved, you love on some level. But you are not ready to choose to love him as a fiance or a husband because he's not in a place to be that for you.

[C]

Correct? I agree.

[A]

George. Agree or disagree?

[B]

100%. And I think you're only going to get increasingly resentful if you hang on to this relationship knowing within your gut that it's not going to work. Yeah, it's not going to work. If you feel like a babysitter in this relationship, you're stuck in this dynamic. You have very different values and goals. He won't take responsibility. You're not seeing any real effort or improvement, then staying means you're not being true to your own values, goals, and well being. You're causing yourself harm and him harm.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

So I think you. We're not here to tell you what you need to do. You need to decide that for yourself. But by the way you're talking, it tells me that you're just looking for permission because you're fed up. And that's an okay thing to be fed up with someone's behavior.

[A]

By the way, while I'm thinking about it, Lindsay and George, and again, playing the dad role here, I'd go, if he loves you so much, why isn't he living in the same area as you, finding a job and being around you?

[C]

Right.

[A]

Homeboy is. You don't have to answer it. I'm just telling you. I'm not criticizing him, but I'm saying that tells me. And I'm actually. This may sound odd to you, Lindsay, but I'm actually giving him some grace. I don't think he's capable of doing that because if he was, he would have.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And so he's not where you are, trying to woo you and be the best boyfriend he can be. He's off trying to lick his wounds and. And that's what I think he needs to do. He needs to heal and he needs to come back out of the cave. And I just think for right now, it's time to let him go. Which I already explained in detail. So.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm so sorry.

[B]

To be honest, it doesn't make it easier.

[C]

I really, I. I appreciate it. I really, truly do. Thank you, guys.

[A]

Listen, Lindsay, you're worth a man who can be what you need him to be.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that's what needs to be your bumper sticker today. You hear me?

[C]

That's a good one. Yeah.

[A]

Because, sweetheart, I know that that's hard maybe sometimes for you to believe because your own father's not in the picture. And that breaks my heart as well.

[B]

You don't have a good picture of what this is supposed to look like.

[A]

Yeah, but you're crushing it, kiddo. You're crushing.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

You are on the path. Yeah, you bet. We're rooting for you, Lindsay. Favorite caller of the day right there. Lindsay's my fave. I don't mind saying. I don't care who knows why.

[B]

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