My Boyfriend Refuses To Marry Me Without A Prenup

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Ramsey Show Highlights

Episode: My Boyfriend Refuses To Marry Me Without A Prenup
Date: May 14, 2026

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Overview

This episode of The Ramsey Show Highlights centers on a caller, Beth, who seeks advice after her boyfriend insists on a prenuptial agreement as a non-negotiable condition for marriage. Beth is uncomfortable with the idea, associating it with a lack of trust and emotional safety. The hosts, comprising a financial advisor and a co-host, offer guidance on navigating the emotional and practical aspects of this sensitive subject, focusing on communication, money values, and relationship red flags.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Beth’s Situation and Emotional Response

• Beth’s Background:
  • Dating her boyfriend for about a year, discussing marriage.
  • She has two children from previous relationships.
  • She is a single mom; this would be her second marriage, while it would be her boyfriend's first.
  • Her boyfriend’s financial standing: roughly $2 million in assets (03:02).
• Beth's Concerns with Prenup:
  • Views prenup as planning for divorce:

    "If a man says that he won't get married without a prenup, it makes me feel like it's an unsafe marriage for me to enter into because he's planning for divorce, basically..." (00:26).

  • Felt his response was lacking empathy; he implied she should be “grateful” for him “taking on her and her two children” (00:54).

Hosts' Initial Reactions & Analysis

• Red Flag in Boyfriend’s Attitude:
  • Financial Advisor: "So this is an act of charity for him, and you should ask for no more. He's already doing the most by letting you into his life." (01:08)
  • Co-host: Challenged the boyfriend's attitude as potentially "a little bit of a jerk" and not caring (04:39).
• Value Differences
  • Beth emphasizes she values stability over money:

    "I value more than money, and there's no amount of money that would be worth a divorce to me or like dragging my children through a failed marriage..." (01:31).

Prenup as a Tool vs. a Weapon

• Hosts' Perspective on Prenups:
  • Traditionally, the Ramsey team discouraged prenups but acknowledges nuance in cases with large net worth differences (04:52).
  • Emphasis that a prenup itself is not “evil”—it’s a tool, but the way it’s communicated matters:

    "The prenup is a tool. It's not evil. It's just a tool. And he's using it as a weapon..." (05:32, Financial Advisor).

Healthy Communication and Compromise

• Encouraged Approach:
  • Better communication suggested:

    "I think you guys are just missing each other, communication wise... neither of you are getting to the root of it and understanding each other well." (03:39, Financial Advisor)

  • Suggests Beth approach with curiosity instead of defensiveness:

    "Hey, I'm open to hearing more about what you're thinking when it comes to this prenup." (05:53, Financial Advisor)

Marriage, Money, and Future Dynamics

• Concerns about Financial Unity:
  • Co-mingling finances is important for marriage:

    "We see it from an emotional standpoint as this is our household finances together... We say we are one in every aspect" (06:13, Co-host).

  • Warning against marriages where the prenup mentality continues:

    "Sometimes, not always, people with that prenup mentality sometimes continue it on in the marriage to continue to isolate the other spouse, to say, well, this is my money. This is your money... That's not a marriage." (07:12, Co-host)

  • Toxicity alert: If she has to “ask for an allowance,” that’s a red flag (07:34, Financial Advisor).

Next Steps and Red Flags

• What Beth Should Do:
  • Have a clear, detailed conversation about the prenup details and financial arrangements post-marriage.
  • Ask specific questions: beneficiary status, entitlement to assets earned during marriage, etc. (07:51, Financial Advisor).
  • Don’t sign anything until comfortable—never feel pressured (08:25, Co-host; 08:35, Financial Advisor).
• Dealbreakers:
  • If her boyfriend would break up over a prenup, it shows his priorities:

    "If he would break up with me over a prenup, then that is him choosing his money." (08:40, Beth) "You dodged a bullet there. If that happens." (08:47, Financial Advisor) "You should write him a thank you note if that happens." (08:49, Financial Advisor)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Setting the Tone:

  "If a man says that he won't get married without a prenup, it makes me feel like it's an unsafe marriage for me to enter into because he's planning for divorce, basically, or preparing for it, if that makes sense."
  – Beth (00:26)

• On Compassion in Communication:

  "I wish he came with some empathy on the table and say, I completely understand how this does kind of feel off, because I could only imagine being a single parent... and then I'm putting this paperwork in front of you."
  – Co-host (05:13)

• On Prenup Mentality in Marriage:

  "If you have to ask for an allowance, that's where it gets toxic."
  – Financial Advisor (07:34)

• On Red Flags:

  "If he would break up with me over a prenup, then that is him choosing his money."
  – Beth (08:40)

  "You dodged a bullet there if that happens... You should write him a thank you note."
  – Financial Advisor (08:47)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Prenup and Emotional Safety: 00:26–01:31
• Boyfriend’s Response and Red Flags: 00:54–01:20
• Beth’s Background and Assets: 02:01–03:02
• Hosts’ Teachings on Prenups: 03:39–05:13
• How to Have a Better Conversation: 05:42–05:59
• Marriage Money Dynamics: 06:05–07:12
• Toxicity and Allowances: 07:34
• Specific Next Steps for Beth: 07:51–08:25
• Dealbreakers and Dodged Bullets: 08:40–08:52

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Takeaway

Beth is encouraged to pursue clarity and communication, prioritizing mutual respect and understanding in her relationship. The hosts make clear that while prenups are not inherently wrong, using them to separate and control rather than protect can signal deeper compatibility issues. Above all, Beth should not move forward without comfort and should see an ultimatum over a prenup as a blessing in disguise.

Transcript

[Financial Advisor]

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[Beth]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year, so we're speaking about marriage. And he had mentioned that he would never get married without a prenup. I've always been against the idea of a prenup. I do understand the logic behind them, but. And he's worth a lot more than I am financially. He has a lot more in assets and all of that. So I just feel like if a man says that he won't get married without a prenup, it makes me feel like it's an unsafe marriage for me to enter into because he's planning for divorce, basically, or preparing for it, if that makes sense.

[Financial Advisor]

Have you shared that with him? Those exact words?

[Beth]

Yes.

[Financial Advisor]

How did he respond?

[Beth]

Well, he said that he feels like I'm being ungrateful because he would be willing to, you know, take on me and my two children, and I shouldn't question.

[Financial Advisor]

So this is an act of charity for him, and you should ask for no more. He's already doing the most by letting you into his life.

[Beth]

That's. I mean, that's kind of.

[Financial Advisor]

That's how it makes you feel.

[Co-host]

Does that feel on brand for him? Like, was that a shocking answer? You like, wow, that's not what I was expecting you to say. Or was it like. Yeah, it's kind of like his, like, mo.

[Beth]

Well, I was. I was pretty surprised when he said that, and it was a little upsetting. And I. I don't. I mean, I understand that money is important, obviously, but there are things that I value more than money, and there's no amount of money that would be worth a divorce to me or, like, dragging my children through a failed marriage and all of that.

[Financial Advisor]

So is this second marriage for both of you or one of you?

[Beth]

It's a second marriage for me. I was married young, but we were married for about six years. And when I was getting ready to have our first. Our child, he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. So I've been a single mom for the last 11 years, and this is his first marriage. He's never been married. He has no children, so he's. He's only. He's been alone his whole life.

[Co-host]

Okay, and. And you have one child, you said?

[Beth]

I actually have two, so I had a second child. She. She just turned three.

[Co-host]

Okay.

[Beth]

Okay.

[Co-host]

Not with him, though.

[Beth]

Correct, Right.

[Co-host]

With his boyfriend. Okay. So. So how much more is he worth than you? Would you say? Ten plus million? A million? Half A million? Less than half a million.

[Beth]

I don't know exactly. The number that he gave me was 2 million. Like, between retirement and assets, savings, all of that.

[Financial Advisor]

Okay, and what is he wanting to protect going into this marriage? Exactly.

[Beth]

Anything that he has right now. So all of his assets and retirement and all that. He says it wouldn't be fair if we were to get divorced. It wouldn't be fair for me to get half of everything he's worked for. And I understand the logic. And I'm not saying I want half of everything. I'm sure I don't want to go into this marriage, like, talking about divorce because I'm 36 years old, and if I'm gonna be getting divorced in five years, I'd rather not get married.

[Co-host]

Right, right. No, no, I hear you.

[Financial Advisor]

I think you guys are just missing each other, communication wise. And he has his reasons and you have your reasons, and neither of you are getting to the root of it and understanding each other well.

[Co-host]

And my problem, Beth, is, you know, I don't think he's necessarily in the wrong. Cause I will be honest. Our teaching around prenups, it kind of varies a little bit. Like, we don't really have a hardcore teaching. I think we were more hardcore. No prenup for a long time. And as the years have gone on and different sit. Different, you know, divorce law in certain states, like, you know, there's an understanding if there is a significant difference in net worth, that if you choose to protect it with a prenup, like, you know, it's not necessarily wrong. Right. For in his sake. So I'm not gonna say that he is wrong, but where I do think he's wrong and what. What I get the ick about is the way he's responding to you in it. And it makes you feel like he's valuing his money over you. And that's how it feels. And so that's the problem that I have. Right. His response to you at the beginning of this call, what you said, I was like, oh, my gosh, that's why I asked. Like, is this, like his. Is this how he is? Because he kind of sounds like a little bit of a jerk, right? Versus someone that's gonna take care of you, where you're like, I don't like the way this is making me feel, you know? And, Bethany, you could. You could own it all and say, this may be more my issue than yours. And I wish he came with some empathy on the table and say, I completely understand how that. How this is how this does kind of feel off, because I could only imagine being a single parent raising two kids, and then I'm putting this paperwork in front of you. That feels so, like, litigious. And it's just. Oh, it's not a good feeling. But here's where I'm at, right? Like, if he, like, met you in the conversation with it and valued you in it, I think you may be feeling better. But it's like he keeps doubling down. And the. The ickiness of what prenups do to people, the grossness. He doubled down on that. Do you know what I mean? Like, he didn't help the prenup. Like, the prenup, you know, fight. And that. Does that make sense?

[Financial Advisor]

He didn't set it up well. And what happened here is the prenup is a tool. It's not evil. It's just a tool. And he's using it as a weapon to say, well, you should be on. You're should be great.

[Co-host]

Yeah, that.

[Financial Advisor]

That part gave me the ick for sure. But I think there is a compromise here where you can, instead of you getting defensive, just say, hey, I'm open to hearing more about what you're thinking when it comes to this prenup.

[Beth]

Can you.

[Financial Advisor]

Can you share some details about how this would be set up? I would love for this to be fair to both of us.

[Co-host]

And. Yeah, sorry, George, go ahead.

[Financial Advisor]

That's. I mean, yeah, that's it. That alone. He's like, oh, I can be disarmed now and not have to bow up.

[Co-host]

Sure. Yes. And if you knew going forward how you guys are going to work together in your marriage with money, like, that may be helpful too. And that's where sometimes prenups can get a little bit convoluted. If. If you start coming commingling finances, which is what we talk about, that. That you need to be working together and you are one. While his retirement, all that will still be in his name. But we. We see it from an emotional standpoint as this is our household finances together. Once we get married, we say we are one in every aspect. And I would want to hear that from him to know that. Like what. Like when we say I do and we do this life together, I want to know not only is it gonna. Is our expectation is it is forever. Right. That's what we're going in saying. But also that we're gonna be one in the subject of money. And he's already started the conversation off as already it's split. Right. Like, we're Gonna be two is how it feels. So I just wanna make sure in the marriage you guys are working together and that you are being taken care of and that he's being taken care of. Like, you know, you both have that give and take in the marriage when it comes to money. And I don't want it to be one sided. And sometimes, not always people with that prenup mentality sometimes continue it on in the marriage to continue to isolate the other spouse, to say, well, this is my money. This is your money. I'm working hard. Right. If you look down two years and if you want to be a stay at home mom and he makes, you know, enough for you to do that, but yet he keeps saying it's my money over here. That is. That's not a marriage.

[Financial Advisor]

You have to ask for an allowance. I mean, that's where it gets toxic. So I would get a full picture of what money is going to look like in this marriage and if the prenup makes sense as a part of that, great. But if you guys are unaligned in every other area with money, that is a huge red flag that we should not move forward.

[Beth]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Financial Advisor]

So get clear with them tonight. Sit down and say, hey, I want to know more about this. Would I be a beneficiary as long as we're married, on your retirement accounts and on the real estate and any future wealth, any appreciation of the house and of your retirement accounts, any wealth that we create together from here on out, would I be entitled to half of that? Those are things where you start to understand and get in the minutiae of it, you might go, oh, okay, that makes sense. It just sounded harsh on the front end.

[Beth]

Right?

[Co-host]

Yeah. And he didn't help his case though. The way he treated that sounds too. So.

[Beth]

Yeah.

[Co-host]

Yeah. So I think. I think you go in with some caution, but a lot of clarity, Beth. And I would not sign anything until you feel comfortable, though. So I don't want you to feel intimidated.

[Financial Advisor]

Never feel pressured into like, well, it's better happen now. Ultimatum.

[Co-host]

Yeah.

[Financial Advisor]

That's another red flag.

[Beth]

Yeah, yeah. And I feel like if he would break up with me over a prenup, then that is him choosing his money.

[Financial Advisor]

You dodged a bullet there. If that happens.

[Co-host]

I agree with that too.

[Financial Advisor]

You should be thankful. You should write him a thank you note if that happens.

[Co-host]

Yep.

[Financial Advisor]

To spare you. Oh, my goodness. Well, we're rooting for you, Beth. I hope you guys can come to a consensus that is fair and equitable for all without the ick. That's the goal here. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.